Memories Don't Mean That Much to Me
by izzy288
Summary: Sequel to The Forgotten One.
1. Chapter 1

The worst part about breaking up with a celebrity is that no matter where you look, there's evidence of their existence. Pittsburgh seems like a shrine to Sidney Crosby - from news stories and radio interviews, to his picture on the front page of the paper every other day, to the massive billboards with his gorgeous face staring back at me - he's everywhere. Game days are the worst. It's like every business forces their staff to wear Sid's jersey. Frankly, it's nauseating.

I haven't spoken to anyone about the breakup, but I'm sure Carter has guessed. It hasn't even been a week, and I already miss him terribly. The internet is the enemy, a constant temptation to cyber-stalk Sid. Twitter seems to track his every move, and I can't stop compulsively checking the message board for any rumor of Sid with another woman. To my surprise they haven't picked up on our breakup yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Pictures of my dinner with Josh have made the rounds though, and now I'm the biggest slut who ever lived for "cheating" on Sid. I roll my eyes at the thought.

The work week was a complete blur. Monday I tried to put on a brave face, but spent the majority of the day with a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my office door. Tuesday I slunk in hours late and heard Carter explaining that I was up all night writing, which was only half-true. No writing was getting done. Wednesday was the mild intervention when Carter insisted I eat something and brought me a change of clothes. Apparently wearing the same outfit three days in a row gets noticed. Somehow I didn't notice though. Thursday was game day, and I was glued to my computer, devouring any tidbit I could find about Sid. Hearing he was out with stomach flu nearly sent me straight to his house, armed with chicken soup, but Carter talked me down from that. Friday consisted of intermittent crying fits and prowling message boards. All in all, I'm well into the thick of our breakup. _Our breakup_. Something we share. Somehow, it makes me feel close to him.

It's Saturday, and I've decided to join the world of the living and drag myself to pilates. A little physical exertion will do me good. The sleepy town is just waking up as I walk down the main strip toward the studio. Part of me knows there's a small chance I'll run into Sid, and if I'm being honest, that might have been the motivating factor for getting up so early. I look around anxiously, but there's no Range Rover in sight. I still have three minutes before class starts, so I linger outside a little longer, taking my time, hoping he'll magically appear.

"Kate!" I turn quickly to see Andrea running toward me. "Good, you're late too. We can sneak in together!" She pulls my arm in hers and drags me across the street toward the studio. _Late? _There's still two minutes before class starts! There's still time to wait and see if he comes looking for me! "Are you losing weight girl?" she asks teasingly.

"I've not been feeling well," I mutter.

"You're skin and bones!" she shrieks.

"Probably just dehydration," I say defensively.

"Let's grab a bite after class, what do you say?" Andrea flashes me a smile and in that moment I just want to hug her and cry my eyes out.

"Okay," I reply quickly, before I have a chance to change my mind.

Stretching and moving feels good. Focusing on breathing actually helps clear my thoughts a little bit and halfway through class I'm feeling really glad that I came. Marie, the new-age hippie pilates instructor seems to be part clairvoyant too, and throughout class she is constantly giving me supportive smiles and gentle encouragements. Maybe I'm not disguising my heartbreak as well as I thought.

After class, Marie insists on giving me a hug goodbye, and the gesture nearly sends me over the edge. "Hang in there," she whispers. As soon as she releases me, I look to Andrea who rolls her eyes in an exaggerated fashion and motions for me to follow her outside.

"Crazy Marie," she giggles and I join her, but immediately feel disloyal to the lovely woman who was only trying to lift my spirits. "Where should we go for lunch?"

"Someplace fancy," I tease, pointing at our outfits.

"Good point," Andrea agrees. "Lets just grab something at Sharp Edge." _Great_. Returning to the scene of the crime, now I'll have had lunch dates with both Andrea and her ex-husband here!

"Sure," I agree easily. I don't have the energy to disagree with anyone today. Once inside, Andrea and I are seated quickly and she rushes off to the bathroom after placing our drink orders. I use the opportunity to check my phone and my heart almost leaps out of my chest when I see a text from Sid.

_"How are you?"_ Straight forward and to the point, but he's thinking about me. _Worrying even?_

_"Terrible."_ I answer honestly.

_"Me too."_ His reply follows quickly. _Oh Sid!_ I don't want him to feel badly!

_"Are you over the flu?"_ I've been worried about him since I heard, although he has the best of the best looking after him no doubt.

_"I wasn't sick Kate."_ Huh? Oh! My heart sinks, now he's missing games over this. _"Can we talk?"_

_"Of course."_ I answer him rapidly, watching Andrea make her way back to the table. _"Come over anytime this afternoon."_

_"See you later."_ I'm going to see him! My heart races and my mood lifts. Suddenly the world isn't a sea of grey, it's full of vibrant colors, and I'm awake to life again.

"Hey, you seem happy," Andrea sits down across from me. "Pilates agrees with you."

"I guess so," I smile at her.

Our early lunch is more than pleasant. My mood has improved dramatically, and my appetite has returned. Andrea tells me about a benefit she is helping to plan for a boy in Reese's playgroup. He has a rare blood disease and his family is struggling to cover the medical bills.

"So I'm going all over town begging businesses to donate something to our silent auction, and you'd think with all the millionaires in the area it would be easier, but it's not," she frowns.

"I can donate something," I offer brightly.

"You own a business?" she asks confused.

"No, but what about a walk on part in an episode of the show I'm working on? They've done it in the past on shows and it usually goes over really well," I explain.

"Oh Kate, that's amazing!" she gushes. "Thank you!" The waitress arrives and we place our orders and make small talk until I can gather the nerve to broach the subject of her ex.

"So, this is awkward, but how are things with Ray?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ugh," she sighs, and I feel badly for bringing it up. "I'm taking a break from men at the moment. You?"

"Same," I tell her, but it's not entirely true. "Well, sort of. I don't know."

"Still figuring things out?" she asks with a knowing grin.

"I guess so," I answer. Although I'm not sure what there is to figure out. Sid and I are moving in opposite directions at the moment. I have a short time frame to work with, and he's not ready. Unless one of those things changes I can't see us getting back together. To use his words, what would be the point?

Lunch with Andrea is exactly what I needed to remind myself the world is bigger than my relationship drama. Anticipation blooms in my stomach, and I'm eager to get home, but I'm also really enjoying myself. Lucky for me, Andrea is a mom and is well-trained in speed eating. She quickly finishes her salad and I only manage half my sandwich before I feel full. I guess that's what not eating for a week will do to you.

I quickly snag the bill, ignoring her protests. "You can get the next one," I tell her. Back outside, Andrea and I walk together as far as the studio, and then say a quick goodbye. "Thanks for inviting me to lunch, it was exactly what I needed."

"Well thank you for paying!" she beams at me. Andrea then heads in the opposite direction toward her parked car, and I jog across the street heading back home. I'm just a few blocks away when a horn startles me, making me jump a little bit. I look up and see Sid driving beside me in his truck, a smirk on his face, obviously laughing at me a little bit.

"Want a ride?" he offers, and I quickly climb into the front seat.

"You shouldn't go around scaring people," I scold while putting on my seat belt.

"Pilates?" he tugs on my yoga pants, and the feeling of his fingers on my leg has every nerve ending tingling with delight.

"Yes," I reply sweetly.

"I'm not going to have to come over tomorrow morning and rescue you again, am I?" he teases, but even though it's a joke, it's a lovely thought, and a beautiful memory.

"No, I didn't overdo it this time," I chuckle.

"Too bad," he mutters under his breath and my eyes quickly dart to his. "You've lost weight," he says sternly.

"So have you," I notice.

"Yeah, turns out heartbreak is worse than the stomach flu," he smiles anxiously.

"Oh Sid," I sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Let's not do this right now, I just want to enjoy you for a little bit," he says softly, Sid squeezes my knee as we pull into my driveway. I climb out of the truck, hopeful that he'll follow me, and when I feel his hand rest on the small of my back I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. I fumble with my keys, keenly aware that he's smiling down at the precious gift he gave me only days earlier. Seconds later we're inside, and I shudder at the sight of my neglected house. _He's here!_ And I look like a dog's breakfast!

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" I ask Sid.

"Not one bit," he says and for a second I think he's going to suggest joining me, but his expression changes and he glances around the room. "I'll just hang out in the living room."

Upstairs I take inventory of my clean laundry. Sexy underwear, just in case, short denim skirt, black v-neck t-shirt so it appears casual. I shower quickly, and pull my wet hair into a ponytail. I put on a little makeup, not wanting to look too eager. _Kate!_ I scold myself. _You just broke up! Nothing has changed!_ Reality is like a slap in the face, but necessary.

Downstairs Sid is watching a basketball game with disinterest. He sits up when he sees me enter the room and I smile. "Can I get you a drink? Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm good," he tells me and pats the spot next to him on the couch. I obediently sit next to him and he quickly pulls me close to his chest. "I miss you."

"I miss you too Sid," I confess as his hands move through my hair and his hands curl around my back. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know, let's just go with it," he suggests, but I've been here before. This will only make things worse in the long run.

"Let's talk instead," I offer, pulling away and turning to face him.

"Okay," he concedes, slightly wounded, but willing. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How have you been?" I ask nervously, knowing the answer but eager to hear it from him. _Selfish Kate!_

"Awful," he says evenly. "I don't think I've ever been worse." I frown at his answer and his hand swiftly captures my face. His fingers caressing my cheeks, and I can't help but blush. "You?"

"I'm a mess," I tell him. "I can't stop googling you." Sid laughs a little bit and the tips of his ears redden.

"Same," he confesses. "By the way who's Josh Harper?"

"An actor," I reply evenly.

"There were pictures of you on a date with him," Sid says curtly. "And you were worried about me dating right away!"

"It was a business meeting in New York," I tell him, tracing his knuckles with my fingertips. "That's all."

"That kind of stung," he admits, wrapping his fingers around mine.

"It wasn't a date."

"Just seeing you with another guy though," he continues.

"Well, we're both going to have to get used to that," I say with a heavy sigh.

"I'm dying to kiss you," he whispers.

"Me too," I confess. The proximity is too much, and I stand up and move to the chair across from him.

"Kate," he shakes his head.

"Sid, nothing has changed. I still want what I want, and you're not ready. Let's not torture ourselves."

"This is torture!" he exclaims. "My parents think I've made a huge mistake and they're on me all the time about it, I missed a game Kate. A game, not a practice, a game! Do you have any idea how..." he trails off and holds his head in his hands. "I can't eat, when I sleep I'm dreaming about you, which makes it hard to want to wake up."

"I know Sid, me too."

"Then let's just stop killing ourselves and be together!" he cries.

"If you're ready, then I'm yours," I say evenly, but the look on his face tells me he's not ready. Not yet, anyway.

"I can try," he says nervously.

"You have to be ready Sid," I start. "It's an important decision, you have to be sure."

"I'm so afraid you're going to find another guy," his voice cracks.

"That's not a good enough reason to have a baby, Sid."

"Isn't it?" he asks.

"Sid, kids deserve parents who want them," I whisper.

"I want you," he presses.

"Oh babe," and I immediately regret my choice of words. His face twists in agony and in a second he's on his feet stalking toward me. He pulls me to my feet and captures my mouth in his. The feeling of his kiss is intoxicating, and I forget all my convictions and give into it. His hands run up the inside of my shirt and I run my fingers along his muscled waistline. His skin is like a magnet, drawing me close. Sidney presses his tongue inside my mouth and lets out a low moan. The sound of his desire snaps me back into reality and I forcefully push away from him. "Stop!"

"Katie?" he looks concerned, obviously shocked at the tone of my voice.

"Sid, we can't do this," I say quickly, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Okay," he agrees and I hear him steady his breath. "Do you want me to go?"

"No," the word leaves my mouth before good sense kicks in. Sid sits back down on the couch and I reclaim my seat across from him. Both of us are a little embarrassed by the outburst, but hopefully it's past. "I don't really know how to be around you anymore," I confess shyly.

"Yeah, it's weird not to be able to touch you," he sighs, and the words cut through me. _I want you to touch me! _Kate! Nothing has changed.

"Sid, we need to decide if we can be around each other or not," I say gently. "I really want you to be happy, almost more than anything."

"I want that for you too babe."

"I really want a family, I haven't had the easiest relationship with my mother and this is important to me. I've always wanted this, and I'm running out of time. If we're going to keep falling back into each other, then I'm never going to be able to let you go and give myself a fair chance at being a mom."

"You can't wait a year? Just a year?" he pleads.

"It doesn't work like that for me," I say with a sniffle. Here come the waterworks. I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself but it's no use. "I wish I could. You have no idea."

"So timing. We're going to let timing keep us apart?" he growls.

"Think about what you're asking me to give up," I beg him. Sid's expression softens and he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Me too," I blink up at him.

"Should we try the friendship-thing?" he asks hopefully.

"Yeah, after a while. It kind of hurts to be around you," I answer honestly.

"Oh, I know the feeling," he laughs and it thaws some of the tension. "I should get going, my parents are in town."

"That's nice for you," I say brightly.

"Wish it were under better circumstances," he frowns. "Can I have a hug?" I quickly stand and walk toward the front door with him. He opens his arms and I tuck into my favorite place in the whole world. He squeezes me tightly, and rests his forehead on mine. "I love you," he whispers. "Am I allowed to say that?"

"I don't know," I giggle. "I think so."

"Good," he smiles.

"I love you Sid, take care of yourself. No more missing games, okay?"

"You got it," he agrees easily.

He pulls me close for one last squeeze and then heads out the door. I slump back to the living room and watch his truck leave my driveway. Some of the anxiety has lifted, seeing him was good in a way, but the crux of our problem is still there. I don't know if we can be friends though, not really anyway. I can't imagine being happy for him when he finds someone to move on with. The thought of another woman in his bed makes me simultaneously furious and devastated. If we're going to be apart, I need to make it worthwhile. I can't waste any more time hoping he'll change his mind.

I fire up my laptop and for the first time in days, I don't google Sidney, but instead I start researching my options. It's amazing and a little scary how many profiles there are for sperm donors online. This isn't going to be as easy as I thought. It's hard to let go of the idea of having children _with_ someone. Instead I'll be paying for the "specimen" and the reality is I'll likely never meet the father of my child. The thought is overwhelming, so I head to the kitchen and pour myself a generous glass of wine before diving into the process.

Okay, don't think of it as letting go of Sid, think of it as starting a family. The thought of holding a little baby, a perfect little person who needs me more than anything, warms my heart, and makes things a little easier to handle. _God I hope I'm doing the right thing here!_


	2. Chapter 2

I wake Sunday morning feeling a little stiff, but surprisingly well-rested. It's the first Sunday I've been at home in weeks, and it looks like I'll spend the better part of the day doing chores. I strip my sheets off the bed and drag them downstairs to the washing machine, just as I'm about to toss them in, it occurs to me that my bed won't smell like Sid anymore. With a heavy heart, I stuff them in the machine, pour in the detergent and move on to my next task. The fridge isn't as terrifying as I expected. I quickly drain the half-empty bottles of Gatorade and put them in the recycling, more evidence of Sid that has to be purged. Obviously I need to carve out some time to get groceries, I have almost nothing edible in this house.

I start making a grocery list and jot down from memory common purchases, then I realize a lot of these things are items I keep in the house for Sid. Wow, no escaping him today it seems. I scratch off bagels, peanut butter, ice cream, and continue scribbling things to help me get through the week. There are a lot of suggested foods to improve fertility and although most don't appeal to me, I've decided to try a few every week and slowly work them into my routine.

Everywhere I look, in every room of my house it seems, there are reminders of Sid, and I'm hopeful the walk to the grocery store will give me a chance to clear my head. Sunday mornings are usually pretty quiet, and today is no different. It's a warm spring morning, the sun is shining, and I feel a little less miserable than I did yesterday. I'll take it.

The small grocery store is pretty much deserted with the exception of me and one other customer. I labor over every decision, stretching my excursion out as long as I possibly can. After inspecting every nectarine, I select three and that's the last item on my list. The clerk rings through my purchases, I pay and then I have no choice but to return home. Home to an empty house full of painful memories and tedious tasks waiting for me. I sigh deeply, gather my things and head out the door. If there's one thing I can be grateful for, it's that I don't have to walk past his house to get anywhere. That would be a lot to handle right now. It occurs to me that Sid probably drives past my house a few times a day. _Poor Sid!_

As if on cue, there's a flurry of activity at the coffee shop across the street. Parked out front is the familiar Range Rover and my heart beats a little faster. I quickly make my way down the block and turn the corner heading home. Hopefully Sid is on his way somewhere and not just grabbing coffee to go. _He doesn't drink coffee_. It could be for his parents, I suppose. _Maybe he's meeting someone_. My stomach turns at the thought. I roll my eyes at how ridiculous I'm being. He was just over yesterday afternoon hoping for a reconciliation, he's not on a date. _He will eventually move on though. _Tears prick my eyes and I'm in desperate need of a distraction.

I notice one of the finer manicured yards has a small sign poking out of the grass. It's an endorsement for the landscaping company that must have done the yard. There's a lot of work to be done around my place and it's a good time to get some of those nagging to-dos off my list. I set down my shopping bags and pull out my cell phone, intending to add the company number and to my surprise it's already in my phone. Johnny Landscape? _Sid._ Of course, he recommended this guy to me months ago. Well that's just what I needed today, another reminder of Sid.

I grab my things and march home, more irritated than anything, and with only four houses to go on my trip home, I jump at the sound of a loud horn and turn to see Sid, smiling at me. He slows and rolls down the passenger-side window. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he laughs, and I blush with embarrassment.

"You didn't," I lie.

"Okay," he says sarcastically. "Nice to see you plan on eating."

"Well, I'm going to try," I smile. "You're taking up coffee?"

"For my Mom," he says with a confused look. "If you saw me you should have come and said hello."

"I didn't know if you'd want me to," I say with a shrug.

"Do you want me to ignore you?" he asks seriously. I consider this for a moment. We're going to see each other, it's inevitable. We live just a few houses away from each other, and can easily track each others comings and goings. Do I want him to pretend not to see me when we do run into each other?

"No, I don't want that," I answer honestly.

"Me neither," he adds quickly. "Say hi next time."

"Okay," I agree.

"I gotta run," he tells me. "Go eat something!"

"I will," I laugh, and he gives me a small wave and heads down the block. That was pretty good. Friendly, really friendly, but no lines were crossed. Not like last time we saw each other. Seeing him makes me crave him though. I miss his touch, and I desperately want to kiss him. He's just the sweetest guy, even during a breakup. And he's out picking up coffee for his mom, the thought melts my heart a little bit. I wonder what they think about all of this. Sid said his parents thought he was making a big mistake, but he didn't really elaborate. Both Trina and Troy asked me to be patient with Sid, and what I did definitely wasn't patient. It was pretty much the definition of impatience. _What choice do I have though?_

Sid's reluctance to live on his own, his dedication to routine and pregame rituals, his superstitious nature, all of these things tell me he's not keen on change. A baby changes everything. I pull out the little golden globe, one of the few reminders of Sid that I'm unwilling to part with, and step inside. _Wow, this place is a disaster_. It's embarrassing to think Sid was here yesterday, although if I was too preoccupied to notice, maybe he was too.

I unpack my groceries and quickly collect dishes from various corners of the house. Once everything is loaded, I run the dishwasher and set to cleaning the kitchen. The work is distracting and moving around helps settle me down. I start thinking about all the ways my life will change once the baby is here. _There's no baby yet!_ Well, how my life will change if everything goes as planned. I would have to work from home more, which would be fine. I could easily step away from being the showrunner and just focus on writing for a season or two. I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford a nanny if I really feel it's necessary. It's tough being away from family though. If I were at home, I know I could count on Jill and even my parents to support me and help out as needed. Frankly, my mother would be over-the-moon to have another grandchild to spoil.

I tackle the bathrooms next, and again, I'm confronted with a series of Sid's belongings. I toss his razor, it's disposable so I don't feel guilty disposing of it, but he's left a small toiletries bag here, and I should really return it to him. I set it aside, and carry on cleaning. The hamper in my ensuite is mostly towels, and I haul them downstairs and swap loads of laundry. I pull out a pair of my jeans, and a Pens sweatshirt that Sid must have tossed in there. I set it in the pile of clothes to wash, fighting every urge to breathe in his scent.

There's something so satisfying about vacuuming. The sound of things getting pulled off the floor, the immediate results, it's the one chore I've never really minded. Slowly, the house is starting to look presentable again. I put off folding laundry, my least favorite task, and unload the dishwasher. It's nice to have a clean kitchen and a freshly stocked fridge. _Eat something!_ Sid's demand comes flooding back to me. I wish I could stop thinking about him! He's right though. It's midday and I haven't had a thing to eat or drink. I pull out a tomato and avocado and make myself a quick sandwich. I pour myself a glass of water and head outside to soak up some sunshine.

The minute I sit down on the front porch, I'm overcome with emotion. This is where we got together, this is where we fell apart. I quickly grab my lunch and walk around to the back of the house. I never really come back here. The lawn is overgrown, and I don't have a single piece of furniture to sit on. Sid saw so much potential in this space, but I'm having trouble imagining it as anything but a headache. I pull out my phone and dial Johnny Landscape.

"Johnny here," he answers on the third ring.

"Um, hi. My name is Kate and I'm looking for someone who can do some work in my backyard," geez, I sound like a child.

"What kind of work are you looking to have done?" he asks.

"I'm not sure," I reply honestly. "I'm not the handiest person, and I don't know much about landscaping."

"Why don't we schedule a time for me to come take a look?" he suggests pleasantly.

"Perfect," I sigh with relief.

The day passes quickly, and I'm impressed with how much I've been able to accomplish. The house is clean, I've managed to eat a full meal for the first time in days, the only thing left to do is fold laundry. I drag the clean clothes, towels and sheets upstairs and toss them onto my bed. Without even looking I pick up the first article of clothing, and I'm devastated to see Sid's shorts. I hadn't meant to wash those. _What were you going to do with them?_ Seriously. Take them to a lab and have them extract his DNA? Sleep in them forever? Well, the second one doesn't seem so crazy. I fold them quickly and set them on the chair near the window, which now houses a small pile of items to return. I've had enough of this for right now.

I walk to the bathroom and strip off my clothes. I climb into the shower and let the warm water ease my tense muscles. It's a welcome escape and I try my best to think of nothing. Not Sid, not work, not a baby, nothing. After I don't know how long, my skin starts to prune and I decide to step out of the shower. I dress quickly, and dry my hair. It's late in the afternoon, and I've probably just shaved twenty minutes off my morning routine tomorrow. A generous dollop of moisturizer, and I'm good to go. Not that there's anywhere to go.

My bed has been transformed into a mountain of laundry and just as I'm about to flip on a Lifetime movie and settle in for an afternoon of folding and sorting, the doorbell rings. I skip downstairs, considering the possibilities, but I don't think in a million years I would have guessed correctly. I pull the door open and I'm sure my jaw hits the floor. Standing in front of me, a warm smile on her face, is Trina Crosby.


	3. Chapter 3

I stand there, gaping like an idiot, not sure of what to say. She's smiling, so I doubt she's here to yell at me. My mouth starts moving, a split second ahead of my brain, and it's like I'm hearing the words for the first time along with Trina.

"Trina," I stutter. "This is unexpected. Do you want to come in?"

"Thank you," she replies politely and I move out of the doorway giving her room to pass. "I've never been inside your home before, it's beautiful."

"Oh, thanks. I fell in love with it right away,"_ poor choice of words Kate!_ "Come in and sit down. Can I offer you a drink?"

"No thanks, I won't stay long," she says. She takes a seat in one of the chairs facing the sofa, and I sit across from her, fidgeting nervously with my hands. "So, you can probably guess why I'm here," she says evenly.

"Sid told you we broke up," I reply shyly.

"Well, he didn't use those words. He said you were taking a break."

"Oh," I try to disguise my surprise and fail miserably.

"I'm guessing by your reaction that's not entirely accurate," she sighs.

"Not entirely," I whisper. Trina pauses, carefully considering what to say next, and the silence drives my emotions to the edge. _He thinks it's just a break_. Oh Sid! Simultaneously I feel both relief that he still chooses me, and guilt that he's still hanging on to something that no longer exists.

"Troy and I don't know what happened, and that's between you and Sidney, but Kate, Sid means the world to me, and if there's some way that I can help him through this, I want to do that."

"It's complicated," I feel tears well up, threatening to spill.

"I don't need to know the details, but if there's anything he can do to make things right, please tell him," she begs. "We've never seen him like this before." _He looked fine this morning_. I guess that was a show for my benefit.

"Nothing happened," I tell her sincerely. "It's just a timing issue," I explain vaguely. I hear her sigh heavily, and she purses her lips and shakes her head. It instantly reminds me of Sidney.

"Kate," she says sternly. "If you're waiting for things to be perfect, you'll be waiting forever. Take it from someone who's been there."

"That's good advice for your son," I whisper, chancing a glance in her direction. Trina looks so disappointed, crushed even. "You asked me to be patient with him, but that's just not something I can do right now. I really wish things were different," I tell her, and my voice betrays me. Trina frowns and a pained look spreads across her face.

"You're not doing much better, are you?" she asks softly.

"Not really," I confess.

"Oh Kate," she says with great concern. Suddenly she's standing in front of me, her arms open and I gratefully accept her hug. "You two will find a way, I'm sure of it."

"I hope so," I say doubtfully.

"These things take time," she says, wiping a tear from her eye. "We've practically had to restrain him from coming over here at all hours of the night," she adds with a laugh.

"Don't hold him back on my account," I say quickly, meaning every word but not sure if I should be saying it out loud.

"Keep talking, together you'll figure it out," she hesitates to continue and I'm on edge wondering what she's about to say next. "He's playing tomorrow night, I know it would mean a lot to him if you came to the game." This feels like a trap. I won't be able to talk to Sid, I won't be able to even get near him, but she knows that I'll be surrounded by him in every sense and he'll be in his element. It's impossible not to fall in love with him when he's on the ice.

"I don't know Trina, we both thought we could use a little space," I say evenly, making her frown slightly.

"If you change your mind, there's a ticket waiting for you," she says with a weak smile. "I don't know how much space you guys can give each other, you live right down the block from one another," she shakes her head.

"Yeah, it's not easy," I agree.

"Well, I've said my piece. I hope to see you tomorrow night, and if not then, sometime soon," she gives me a quick hug goodbye and walks out the door.

I should have given Trina the bag of Sid's things to return to him, but holding on to them ensures I'll get to see him myself, and that's just too big of a temptation. Temptation. It's like the whole world is tempting me with Sidney Crosby. Of course I want to go to the game tomorrow night. The question is, will I feel better or worse for it? And tomorrow the entire city will be dressed in black and gold, most wearing jerseys with his name emblazoned on the back. I'll decide tomorrow if I can handle watching him at the game. At the same time, I've loved running into him this weekend. Loved seeing him. Loved talking to him. Loved the kiss we shared..._stop it!_ Okay, Lifetime move, laundry, supper, then early to bed. No more Sidney!

Monday in the office is crazy. I haven't had a moment to myself all day, but after basically being in zombie-mode last week, it feels good to plug back into work. It's good to have something to think about other than him. _I wonder what he's doing right now?_ I shake the thought away and refocus on the work in front of me. I have a conference call at four, and a lot to get done before then. There's a few things I need from the production manager, and he is on set at the moment. I've been avoiding the studios all day, not really in the mood to put on a happy face for the crew. Carter is nowhere to be found, so I'm forced to do it myself.

"Hey Kate," one of the camera assistants calls out to me. "Going to the game tonight?" After his parents came for a visit, it was no secret that Sid and I were more than just friends. A lot of the crew are from Pittsburgh and have been Penguins fans their whole lives - of course there was going to be interest.

"I'm not sure, depends when I get out of here," I reply brightly. I still haven't made up my mind, and I've been desperately trying to avoid thinking about it.

"A bunch of us got tickets, come buy us a round if you go," he teases and I laugh easily. "We're in section 212."

"I'll keep that in mind," I roll my eyes and smile. Carter spots me and is by my side in an instant.

"You okay?" he asks in a hushed voice.

"Yep," I smile at him.

"If you want I can say something about you wanting to keep your private life private, that might curb some of the talk about you-know-who," he offers sympathetically.

"It's fine, he was just being friendly," I sigh. "And you can say his name, Carter!"

"I wasn't sure," he says and sounds a little wounded. Usually I share everything with him, but I haven't even told him Sid and I split up, he's just put it together himself.

"I'll fill you in over coffee," I tell him quietly.

"Only if you want to talk about it," he says hopefully.

"No, I definitely need your opinion," I reply. This seems to perk him up a bit, and I know he's eager to help me. He usually gives pretty solid advice, and I know he won't just tell me what I want to hear. "Half an hour? My office?" Carter nods quickly, and I leave him to finish up a few tasks before then.

Right on time, Carter strolls into my office carrying two large iced coffees and swiftly closes the door behind him. "Okay, start at the beginning," he encourages with no preamble whatsoever.

"Well, when I was at home, I got a letter from my doctor," I start. I launch into the full story, telling him about my potential infertility, the narrow timeline I have to work with, asking Sidney if he'd consider having a baby with me, him rejecting my offer, our tearful break up, our brief reunion, Trina coming to see me, and my indecision about the game tonight. Carter is stunned.

"All of that has been happening and you never once thought to call me?" he asks incredulously.

"I just wasn't ready to talk about any of it," I tell him honestly.

"Kate," he gives me a severe look of concern, "are you okay?"

"I'm getting there," I say with a shrug.

"How's Sidney?" he asks softly.

"He's okay, his parents are really worried about him, but I've seen him a few times since we split and he's managing."

"And he wants to get back together?" he asks.

"Yeah, but he's not ready to have a baby, so nothing has changed," I sigh.

"You don't think you could wait a while, even a few months to see if he gets there?"

"My doctor said I should have been trying to conceive, like yesterday," I tell him.

"Think about it though," he starts matter-of-factly. "By the time you find the right donor and have the procedure, Sid could come around, and then where would you be?"

"I'm not planning on waiting very long Carter, I don't have a lot of time here."

"And even if you can't have babies, Sid doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would be against adopting, you're both rich, you would be fast tracked for sure," he continues.

"Carter," I start, but he doesn't let me get a word in edgewise.

"Have you even considered surrogacy? That's super common these days. Look at Nicole Kidman."

"Nicole Kidman used a surrogate?" I ask.

"I think so," he says quickly. "Focus Kate," he reprimands. "Getting pregnant now, as a single mom isn't your only option. What if it doesn't work? Then you don't have a baby or Sid!"

"I know Carter," I say defensively. "It's not something I can decide to try again down the road. It's now or never, and I don't want to regret this. Everything you've said, I've considered. Those are my plan b options, if this doesn't work."

"Yeah, but Sid might not wait around to be part of plan b," he tells me, anger rising in his voice.

"It's not like I haven't lost someone before," I snap.

"Exactly," he snaps back. "You should know better than to let him slip away."

We both take a deep breath, our conversation quickly escalating to a place that isn't easy to come back from. "So you think I'm making a mistake?" I ask quietly.

"Huge mistake," he tells me solemnly.

"In my heart, I just know I have to try," I whisper.

"And losing Sid is worth the risk?" he asks.

"I've only known him for a handful of months Carter, I don't know if we were going to work out anyway. So I put off something I know I want for a guy who will probably dump me in six months anyway?" I challenge.

"Listen to yourself," he says sharply. "You deserve him Kate. I know you think it was some temporary fling and that a guy like Sid would never really love you, but you don't see yourself the way you really are. I'm sorry, but it's true."

"He could have anyone," I whisper.

"And he picked you," he reminds me. "Go to the game," he encourages. "If you still think you can do this alone, then fine, but if you're going to be this miserable without him, what kind of mother would you really be anyway?"

His words cut deep and my mouth drops open. Carter has never been so harsh before, and I feel my emotions bubbling to the surface. "Okay," I find myself agreeing with him. I don't know if it's because I want this conversation to end, or because I really want to challenge my course of action. "I'll go to the game."

A smile spreads across Carter's lips and he looks satisfied. He stands up and leaves me alone with my thoughts, and I'm overcome with a familiar feeling - nervous anticipation - _I'm going to see Sid_.


	4. Chapter 4

Any illusions of anonymity quickly vanish as I make my way through the Consol. It's not like I'm being mobbed or anything, and I certainly don't need security, but every few minutes I catch someone taking my picture, not even trying to be discreet about it. It's uncomfortable and I'm already rattled with nerves. As promised there was a ticket waiting for me, and I'm not surprised one bit to find myself headed back to the section where Sid sat me the second time I came to watch him play. _And the first time I met Troy_, I remember with a smile.

As expected, Trina and Troy are sitting in the seats next to mine, and it occurs to me that Sid will know exactly where I am. The thought gives me butterflies. I squeak by the other fans in our row, and Troy spots me first. "Kate!" he says cheerfully, obviously surprised to see me. _I guess they thought I'd flake out_. Troy pulls me into a quick hug, and I use the moment to collect myself.

"Hello," I return with a nervous smile. "Nice to see you."

"I knew you'd come," Trina whispers in my ear, giving my hand a squeeze. "He'll be over the moon." _No pressure!_

"How's work these days?" Troy asks casually. I turn to face him, and I notice a fan a few rows ahead, iPhone in hand, obviously taking our photo. _Geez, that's annoying_. It's momentarily distracting, but I manage to block it out.

"Really busy," I sigh. "But that's a good thing, so they tell me."

"Better to be too busy than too slow," he says with a grin.

"Very true," I chuckle. "How long are you in town?"

"Not sure, we haven't booked a flight home yet," Trina answers. _Of course, they didn't know how long he would need them_. The thought makes me frown.

"Oh," I mutter, and they both nod slightly. They understand that I know why they're here.

"He kind of perked up a little bit yesterday morning, but then he went into town and, well..." Troy trails off. _That's when he saw me_. Oh Sid! "Hopefully he's back to himself in a day or two."

The team takes the ice and my eyes are glued to Sid. _Is it my imagination or is he looking for us?_ It's impossible to tell. "Breathe," Trina whispers and I release the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I laugh nervously and she joins me, soon I feel any anxiety and tension melt away and I decide to just enjoy myself. I don't need to decide my future tonight, but I can have a nice evening out.

They flash Sid's smiling face on the jumbotron and his grin is infectious. He looks like he's enjoying himself, but he's fooled me more than once over the past few days. The game starts minutes later and the pace is fast and the play aggressive. "They're not holding back," I think aloud.

"They're battling for first place," Troy tells me. "Playoffs start in a few weeks." I nod, hoping my ignorance doesn't come off as indifference. Sid's line changes and I stop following the play on the ice and instead watch him on the bench. He wipes he face, takes a drink, and is completely focused on the game. There's a whistle, over what I'm not sure, but it snaps me out of my Sidney-hypnosis. I glance over, and both Trina and Troy look nervous. Troy is completely absorbed with what is happening on the ice, and Trina keeps shooting me encouraging looks and supportive smiles.

Sid takes the face-off and wins easily. His line is skating down the ice, breaking easily through the defense and two passes later, Sid scores. The crowd erupts, and music blares loudly in the arena. Trina grabs my hand and squeezes tightly as she cheers frantically, probably louder than anyone else. Just as the excitement begins to die down, our section goes bananas again and I'm mortified at the reason. A shot of Sidney's parents is being displayed on the jumbotron, and of course, I'm standing right beside them, grinning like an idiot. My eyes shoot down to the ice, and Sid is leaning against the bench, his head tilted toward the screen._ No question about it - he knows you're here_.

Selfishly, I'd like to believe Sid's stellar game was fueled by my presence, and Trina seems to believe this theory too, but he's no stranger to four-point games. Troy and Trina are both elated, obviously bursting with pride. The crowd disperses slowly, and we're stuck in our seats for a few minutes. I feel my phone vibrate from inside my purse, and I'm stunned to see a text from Sid. _He must have rushed straight to his phone!_

_"Let me drive you home?"_

_"Sure."_

_"Follow my parents out, they know where to go."_

Trina barely hides her excitement when I tell her Sid is going to give me a ride. They gracious wait around with me for him to emerge, and it seems to take forever. Every so often, Troy introduces me to someone, but I can't keep their names straight and I'm really only half-listening, half-watching the door like a hawk for Sid. After an eternity, he turns the corner, dressed in a navy blue suit, hair wet, cheeks pink from exertion - looking as handsome as I've ever seen him. He finds me quickly, and a shy smile spreads across his face as he makes his way down the hall toward us. I feel my cheeks heat, and the butterflies in my stomach return.

"Hey," he greets me first. For a moment I think he's going to hug me, but he thinks better of it and runs his hands through his hair instead.

"Hey," I return shyly.

"Let me just say hi to my parents and then we can go," he smiles at me, and I practically melt on the spot. _This was definitely a mistake_. How can I resist him after the game he had, how handsome he looks, how sweet he's being? Seconds later, Sid pulls my hand in his and leads me out to the parking garage. _Friends hold hands, right?_ I can't concentrate with the feeling of his skin on mine, reminding me of how beautifully our bodies have met in the past.

There are only a few vehicles left in the private parking lot, and I spot Sid's truck easily. He runs his fingers over my knuckles, and it's incredibly distracting. He walks me around to the passenger side, and just as he's about to open my door, he presses me against it instead, one hand on my hip, the other dragging through my hair. He doesn't kiss me though, he just watches my expression, and I his. He looks so determined, and frustrated all at once. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and I know he's thinking of kissing me, but again, he doesn't. _Sidney!_

"Kiss me," I blurt out.

And he does. He presses his lips against mine and pushes his tongue into my mouth. I wrap my hands around his waist and pull him flush against me. He doesn't resists, instead he actually grinds against me, a low moan escaping his lips. His hands are on either side of my ribcage and he holds me tight in place. "Don't say no," he begs.

"Okay," I agree immediately, _but to what?_

"Let's go," he whispers, resting his forehead against mine and giving a soft kiss on the lips.

"Okay," I say again, my vocabulary reduced to a single word. I've been thinking way too much lately, and I just want to give into this, whatever it is. Whatever he has in mind. He opens the passenger door and guides me inside, leaning in to kiss my cheek before closing the door and rushing around to the drivers' side. He climbs in and quickly fastens his seat belt, looking over in my direction. "I'm still here," I smile.

In an instant his lips are on mine again. He holds my face in his hands, and slowly pulls away. "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you, babe. So much," I tell him and I am overwhelmed with emotion, near tears again. Sid smile widely, a gleeful giggle escaping his lips, and he closes his eyes as if memorizing the moment. I run my fingers along his jaw, and he opens his eyes and sighs loudly.

"Let's get out of here," he says brightly. He holds my hand tightly in his, driving through the quiet streets, most of the downtown traffic well on their way home. We don't take the usual exit toward home, and I give him a curious look. "Trust me," he says softly. I do trust him, completely. We pull into an underground parking garage belonging to a highrise only a few blocks from the Consol. Sid parks and quickly jumps out to open my door.

"Where are we?" I ask him.

"My apartment," he tells me.

"I didn't know you had an apartment," I say softly.

"I'm hardly ever here," he replies quickly. He pulls me into the elevator and presses his key fob against the sensor. Immediately the elevator starts moving to upward and Sid turns to me. "Thanks for not saying no," he grins.

"I don't really know what I've said yes to," I giggle.

"Yeah, you do," he laughs, pulling my hips against his and wrapping his arms around me. I guess he's right. I don't even want to consider what this means, I just want him again. Even if it's just for one night.

Sid's apartment is sparsely decorated, but it looks well-lived in. "You're hardly ever here?" I look at him dubiously, nodding toward the stack of dishes on the kitchen island and pile of clothes hanging off the sofa.

"My buddy lives here too, but he's out of town," Sid says with a chuckle. "Come on, my room is this way."

"You're not going to give me a tour, or offer me a drink?" I tease him.

"No," he shakes his head and pulls my jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. He takes my hand and guides me toward his room, which is really nothing more than a king-sized bed and two nightstands. No personal touches in sight. Sid leads me toward the edge and lowers me onto the bed. He crawls over top of me, and wraps his arms around my face. "I've missed you," he pouts.

"I've missed you," I tell him sincerely.

"You still love me?" he asks.

"I do," I smile at him.

"Be with me," he pleads, and in this moment I want nothing more than to be with him, even if it's temporary. I need him tonight.

"I'm all yours," I give him the permission he's been waiting for, and Sid doesn't miss a beat. He starts kissing my neck, while his fingers deftly unbutton my jeans, dragging them off my hips and pulling my panties with them. I pull off his suit jacket and start to work on his tie. He undoes his belt and I sit up and lift my shirt over my head.

"Let me," he says, pulling my bra straps down my arms, trailing little kisses as he goes. His fingers struggle with the clasp, and I giggle as he fights it. "Not a word," he scolds playfully.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I say softly. Seconds later he has me completely naked. I stretch across the bed and soak in the sight of him undressing. He's impatient though, so the floor show doesn't last long. I look up at him, a huge smile on my face, and he dives on the bed beside me and pulls me onto him.

"This is so right," he beams. "I loved seeing you at the game."

"I loved being at the game," I tell him. He rolls us over, so he is on top of me, and I feel his desire press painfully against my hip. His fingers move across my sex, pressing into me, moving in small circles.

"You're ready for me," he assures me.

"I want this," I moan. Sid positions his hips between my legs and I flash him a worried look.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"You're not..." I start, but he interrupts me.

"Is that okay?" he asks concerned.

"I thought you weren't ready for that," I whisper.

"I just thought if you..." and words fail him.

"We'd better use something babe," I decide for both of us. He's too in the moment to make a decision like that.

Moments later, Sid gently eases into me, and the feeling is delicious. We quickly find our rhythm, our bodies working together to bring the other pleasure. And in that moment I'm not worrying about a baby, or timing, or if Sid is the right man for me. All I'm feeling is his love for me, and I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Just one more night of Sidney.


	5. Chapter 5

Every nerve ending in my body is awake, alert and anticipating his touch. He rests on his knees, firmly grasping my hips and pulling me to meet him, while his hands run the length of my body. "So gorgeous," he pants in appreciation. He thrusts gently while gripping me tightly and the result is absolutely mind-boggling. Our eyes lock and a sweet smile spreads across his face, he's not in any rush, he's not showing any exhaustion from the game, he's completely focused on me.

"That feels so good Sid," I moan softly.

"Could you come like this?" he asks_. _

"Definitely," I grin.

I expect him to speed up, to race toward the target, but he doesn't. He keeps a steady pace, moving his left hand from my hip to my breast and his fingers capture my nipple, twisting and pulling, pushing me closer and closer to the edge. I try to focus on one thing, one sensation, in a desperate attempt to stave off orgasm. His hips meeting my skin. I block out everything but the feeling of his hips against me. Each thrust a perfect replica of the previous one, no variation, he knows exactly what he's doing. My hips are off the bed, my backside resting on his thighs as he pulls me to join him then gently pushes me off, over and over and over again. His hand releases my breast and moves slowly down the center of my body, between my breasts, down to my navel, past my stomach, directly to my sex.

His thumb presses on my clitoris and the sensation is almost more than I can bear. His rhythm doesn't change, he never misses a stroke, but his thumb now flicks me back and forth expertly, and I'm on the verge of a total collapse.

"Let go sweetheart," he encourages.

"Oh Sid," I try to stall, but my body is unconvinced.

"It's okay," he chuckles. "I'm not going to stop." Two more thrusts and my body involuntarily submits to the rush of pleasurable waves crashing over me. True to his word, Sidney continues, but I barely notice. My body quivers, and shakes, and has a mind all it's own. I open my eyes and Sid is definitely enjoying the show. "Good?"

"Amazing," I pant. He pulls me off of him and gently lowers me onto the bed. Before I have a chance to protest, he's draped across me and entering me once more.

"This okay for you?" he asks, brushing my hair away from my face and lowering his lips to mine.

"Perfect," I whisper. "I love your body," I tell him, running my hands across his beautifully sculpted back.

"Just my body," he chuckles, leaning up to look at me. I immediately miss the weight of him on me, and try to pull him back down but he resists. _He's waiting for an answer!_

"Not just your body," I say seriously. "I love this," I rest my hand on his heart and feel it beating beneath his skin. "I love you." Sid kisses my neck and moves quickly up to my mouth, his body covering mine once more and his desire pushing into me. He starts slowly, but builds to a frantic pace, every stroke loud and insistent, his hips bucking hard against me, his face pained and desperate.

"I. Love. You," Sid says, matching his thrusts to each word and panting in between. He comes loudly and savagely, finally holding himself deep inside me for a long stretch while he catches his breath. He slowly eases out of me, kisses me on the lips, then pads to the washroom. I lean back and stretch my legs, enjoying the blissful feeling sweeping over me. After a private moment in the bathroom, Sid joins me in bed and pulls me close to his chest. He rests his lips against my shoulder in a never-ending kiss and in less than two minutes, he's fast asleep. He's all tuckered out, and so am I. As much as my brain is dying to dissect the evening's events, figure out what all this means, if anything has changed, I'm too exhausted. I give into sleep, feeling safe in Sid's arms.

I wake only a few hours later, uncomfortably cold. Sidney is warm, but he's also a blanket hog and has got an iron grip on the covers. He must have sweats, or at least a t-shirt around here. With great effort to be as quiet as possible, I slink out of bed and creep over to his dresser. Top drawer will likely be underwear, so I slowly drag the second drawer open and unfortunately it's all jeans. I push the drawer back in and take a chance on drawer number three. T-shirts, dozens of meticulously folded white t-shirts. Success! I pull one from the pile and quickly shrug it on.

"Sneaking out?" he hisses from the bed, and I let out a startled gasp. "What the fuck Kate?" Sid flips on a sidelight and looks completely shattered.

"Not even close," I smile, bounding back into bed with him.

"What are you doing out of bed?" he presses.

"You stole all the blankets, and I was cold," I say softly, curling around him and kissing his naked back.

"Wake me up then, don't get dressed," he says disapprovingly. "Come on, I want to feel your skin on mine." Sid tugs at the hem of the shirt and I reluctantly lift my arms above my head, giving him room to pull the offending garment off me. "That's better," he says, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me to his chest. I push my ass into his groin and he presses back immediately.

"Tired?" I ask suggestively.

"I'm not too tired for that," he growls and in an instant I'm flipped onto my back with Sid sprawled across me.

"Sid?" I start seriously, "what was that all about before?"

"What do you mean?" he asks innocently.

"Not wanting to use protection," I say nervously.

"I thought that's what you wanted," he answers slowly.

"But we didn't decide anything," I object. He rolls off of me, clearly we're not having round two, instead we're having _the talk_.

"I love you Kate, I want to give you everything you need," he says evenly. It's not an emotional plea, it's not said to appease me, it's stated as fact and it warms me to him.

"What do you want?" I ask softly.

"I don't want to lose you again," he says quickly. "I don't ever want to feel that way again." _Are we back together?_ "And I don't want some stranger having a baby with my future wife," he spits angrily. His words still us both, and his confession hangs between us. I don't know how to respond to that. We've never talked about marriage, not even in jest. "Say something," he begs.

"I never thought about it like that," I say after a moment. "I kind of thought you wouldn't want to be with me if I went through with it."

"Kate, I want to do these things _with_ you," he says. "I don't want you having some random guy's baby. Fuck, I can't even think about that!" he sounds pained and angry all at once. "I don't want you to resent me later though, so if it has to be now, then fine. Let's do it now."

"Right now?"

"If you want," he laughs.

"Your future wife?" I ask hesitantly, my cheeks heating and I'm grateful for the darkness. His hands move to my face and he presses his lips to mine.

"My future wife," he says softly.

"So, we're back together?" I whisper. He freezes on the spot.

"You're joking," he says gruffly. _What?_

"Sid," my voice is a plea.

"You said yes, when I asked you to come here tonight, you said yes," he's as confused as I am. I don't want to fight him, and does it really matter when we got on the same page if we're both there now?

"Of course I said yes," I run my fingers along his cheeks and feel him smile. "I just wanted to make sure you felt the same."

"Seeing you there tonight, everything just clicked," he tells me. "If I'm waiting for things to be perfect I'll be waiting forever." _Trina._ She got to him too!

"That's really good advice," I smile.

"I have my moments," he sighs proudly and I can't help but burst out laughing. I sit up and playfully smack Sid with my pillow.

"She said the exact same thing to me too, Sid!" I laugh loudly and he knows he's busted.

"Well, I followed through on it! That's got to count for something," he says in mock defense. We're both laughing now, and after a brief struggle, he's pulled the pillow from my hands and throws it off the bed. Sid runs his hands down my arms and takes my hands in his. "My girl," he says softly.

"Yours," I tell him sincerely.

"Skip work tomorrow," he pleads.

"I can't," I laugh at the idea.

"Come on Kate, let's spend the day together," he begs, and there's nothing I'd rather do more than that.

"I'll call Carter in the morning and see if there's anything pressing on my calendar," I relent.

"And even if there is, you're the boss," he reminds me with a naughty grin.

"Yep."

"And there's perks to being the boss," he says excitedly.

"Yep."

"So you'll do it?"

"Yep," I reply automatically. "Probably."

"Good." Sid sits up on his knees and wraps the blanket around my shoulders, pulling me into him. "Now we sleep."

My phone alarm goes off early, and I quickly realize that I haven't cancelled the car service for this morning. I scramble out of bed, and search for the offending sound. In a mess of last night's clothes, I find my phone and as fast as I can, dial the driver. He answers right away, and doesn't seem too put out by my short notice. I dial Carter next, and when I glance up, I realize that I'm alone.

"Hello?" he answers brightly. _Morning people_.

"Hey, it's me. Do I have any 911s today?" I ask hopefully.

"Nothing that can't be rearranged," he says curiously. "What's going on?"

"I need a personal day," I tell him bluntly.

"I take it the game didn't go well," he says sympathetically.

"Actually, the opposite," I say quietly.

"Kate!" he gasps. "Okay, yeah, take the day. I'll handle everything."

"You're the best," I beam. "I owe you big time."

I turn off my phone, and think about crawling back into bed, our late night having drained me of energy, but I'm curious where Sid has gone to. I pull on one of his hoodies and tiptoe out into the hallway. Relief washes over me when I hear his voice, he must be on the phone. I slip into the living room unnoticed, and I consider the different ways I can sneak up on him, but when he speaks again, I know he's not in a playful mood.

"She's here right now," he whispers in an angry tone. _Who is he talking to?_ "Listen, just go to a hotel, stay with a friend, whatever, but just don't come here." My heart sinks. Who is he hiding me from? Or worse, who is he hiding from me?

"Sid?" I step into his line of sight, hoping I've got this wrong. He looks up at me, and smiles nervously, but it doesn't put me at ease.

"I gotta go," he says quickly, ending the call.

"Who was that?" I ask, not sure if I want to know the answer.


	6. Chapter 6

Sidney doesn't answer me immediately, instead he tucks his phone away and stands to embrace me. "Sid," I snap. "Who were you talking to?"

"My roommate," he says casually. "I don't want us to be interrupted," he explains. _Oh_.

"I thought maybe it was a wo..."

"Kate," he scolds. "Just you babe." He kisses the tip of my nose, and tucks my hair behind my ears. "Did you take the day?"

"I did," I reply with a shy smile.

"Fuck yeah!" Sid celebrates as if he's just scored a goal, an exaggerated display for my benefit that has me in stitches.

"You haven't scored yet," I tease him.

"Pretty sure I did," he growls, pinching my bottom and kissing my cheek.

"Sid!" I jump, my hands covering my naked behind, and he just laughs, pulling me tight for a kiss. After a second, he releases me and looks completely invigorated.

"Breakfast?"

"Please," I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek.

"Get dressed, there's somewhere I think you'll like," he says excitedly and smacks me hard on my ass.

"Ow!" I yelp, but it doesn't hurt as much as it surprises me. Sid pads down the hallway and turns back to flash me a brilliant smile. _I love when he's playful like this_. I narrow my eyes and put on my best you're-gonna-get-it face, and Sid turns and races into the bedroom. I sprint after him and as soon as I've entered his room, he captures me in his arms and squeezes me tightly.

"Aw, that was cute," he says mockingly.

"What?" I struggle to free myself, well...I appear to struggle.

"You thought you could catch me, and even if you did, what would you do with me? I'm too strong for you," he teases. _He's never cocky like this! It's so sexy!_

"You're not too strong for me," I give him an exaggerated pout.

"Yeah, I am," he says easily. "You're just going to have to let me take care of you," he says pulling me off my feet and cradling me in his arms.

"Sounds good to me," I giggle.

"First order of business, let's get you fed," he smiles down at me.

Sid and I walk hand in hand through the busy downtown streets. It's just before nine, so we couldn't have picked a worse time to venture out, but I don't really mind. Sid knows where we're going, as usual I am completely in the dark. "I think this is the first time we've been out and no one has stopped you for a picture," I tease him.

"You must be distracting them," he says kissing my hand. I roll-my-eyes, but he's probably right. Not in the way he thinks though. It might be intimidating to approach Sid when he's with his girlfriend. _Girlfriend_. The word doesn't seem big enough. _Future wife!_ My stomach does a little flip.

We stroll up to an adorable restaurant, the Bluebird Kitchen, and Sid holds the door open for me. This doesn't seem like the kind of place he typically goes for breakfast, but then I remember he said that I would like it. _Sweet Sid_. "Have you been here before?" I ask.

"No," he shakes his head. "My mom and sister like to come here when they're in town though," he answers.

"It looks adorable," I tell him, scoping out the surroundings, glancing over the menu, and appreciatively noting there aren't many customers. I guess we just missed the pre-work coffee rush. We wait patiently in line, scanning the menu while the woman in front of us places her order, then changes her order, then places her order again.

"What will you have?" Sid whispers, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to have the steel cut oats and a smoothie," I tell answer. "You?"

"Fried eggs, corned beef hash, biscuits and gravy, and maybe a smoothie, maybe just orange juice," I gape at the amount of food he's listed. "What? I had a big night last night," he winks at me and I know he doesn't just mean the game.

Sid places our order, the waitress flustered, obviously recognizing him, but not able to bring herself to say anything. She's friendly though, and doesn't ignore me, which I appreciate. We find a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant and I play with his hands, tracing my fingers along the pads of his own. Neither of us can stop smiling, and touching, and giggling, and blushing. We're giddy. We're giddy in love.

"What should we do today?" I ask brightly.

"I have an idea," he says casually.

"Yeah?" I smile coyly. "Is your idea clothing optional?"

"We'll do that later, but you'll definitely want to be dressed for this one," he laughs.

"So what's your big idea?" I press him.

"I thought we could ride the incline together," he says with a hopeful smile.

"You want me to ride your incline with clothes on?" I giggle, flashing him a naughty grin.

"One-track-mind," he scolds. "It's an incline, not _my _incline, and I don't know how I feel about you calling it that," he laughs. "I sent you a picture of it once, remember?" _That's right!_

"Yeah, the little train cars climbing the hill," I say nervously.

"You don't sound very excited," he says disappointed.

"Heights aren't my strongest suit," I explain. "But, I'll try it."

"I don't think it's exactly a thrill-ride," he promises. "I'll hold your hand."

"You'd better," I grin.

"I think it's more of a crawl up the hill than anyth..."

"Sid?" two young men interrupt our conversation, and stand there gaping at Sidney. They're probably just a few years younger than Sid, but they're so nervous. "Can we get a picture?"

"Sorry guys, I'm having breakfast with my girl," he says evenly.

"It's okay," I whisper.

"Yeah?" one of the guys answers quickly, pulling out his phone. Sid frowns at me, but I motion for him to stand and make these guys' day. "Will you take it for us?" he thrusts the phone at me.

"Happily," I say sweetly, winking at Sid who finally cracks a genuine smile. "Ready?" I ask to no one in particular. I snap a few pictures, and then hand the phone back. "I think there's a good one in there."

"Thanks man!" one says to Sidney.

"Nice game last night," adds the other one hesitantly.

"Thanks guys," Sid says, sitting down again and motioning for me to join him. We're alone again, but only for a brief second when our food arrives. The plates rattle as the waitress carefully sets Sidney's massive order in front of him, and my modest bowl of oatmeal in front of me. _Poor thing, she's so nervous!_

"Thanks," I tell her quickly. "This looks great." She leaves, obviously relieved she didn't spill anything, and Sid tucks in right away.

"You know, we're going to have to figure out how we want to handle that," he says absentmindedly.

"Handle what?" I'm not following him.

"People coming up to us," he says quietly. "I don't mind if it's just me, but I don't want that for you."

"Sid, that wasn't a big deal, I can handle that," I assure him.

"Kate," he laughs. "That was two fans. It gets worse than that, and we need to decide how we're going to handle it."

"What do you suggest?"

"I don't want to be signing and posing for photos when we're together," he says simply.

"Can you avoid it?" I ask.

"I can say no," he says. "I mean, I don't have to be a jerk about it, but I can also set a boundary."

"Whatever you think Sid," I tell him. "It doesn't bother me that much, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then I don't want that either."

"We'll make it work," he assures me. "How's your oatmeal?"

"Yummy, how's your breakfast?"

"Pretty good," he sounds surprised. "We should come here again."

"It's kind of far from home," I tell him.

"I was thinking it might be nice for us to stay in the apartment together sometime. Maybe when I'm home for a stretch. It's closer to your work, and we could see more of each other during the week."

"What about your roommate?" I ask with a laugh.

"He'll find a place to crash," he says as if it's a non-issue.

"You can always come stay with me," I suggest.

"Maybe," he pouts.

"Sid! You can't kick the guy out because you want easy access to my..."

"Kate!" he stops me, glancing around nervously to make sure we're not overheard. He breaks out into laughter and shakes his head. "You can't say stuff like that when we're in public," he whispers.

"Sorry," I blush.

"And, if we're going to make a baby we're going to need some privacy," he says with a grin.

"My place isn't private enough for you?"

"Yeah, it's just we would have an extra hour together every morning if you didn't have the long commute, and I'm way closer to the arena too," he shrugs.

"So you're sure about this?"

"Definitely," he grabs my hand, holding it tightly in his.

"This is kind of embarrassing, but there's some things you can do to improve our chances," I start.

"Yeah?" he asks interestedly between mouthfuls of food.

"Yeah, but it's probably too private for here. We can talk about it later," I tell him, taking his earlier warning to heart.

The short walk back to Sid's apartment is brisk and completely uninterrupted. It's moments like this that make it easy to forget how famous he really is. We head straight to the parking garage, Sid eager to show me the city. "So, we're alone," he says, pulling out into traffic.

"Are you ready for this? It gets pretty personal," I laugh.

"Whatever it takes babe," he says confidently.

"So, my doctor said the best positions for conception are the ones that feel good for me, which isn't really an issue."

"I like that rule, I like when you enjoy it," Sid grins at me, making me blush.

"She also said that during my fertile period," _least sexy sentence ever_, "we should aim for sex every other day to keep your sperm count optimal."

"My sperm count," he says uncomfortably.

"Yeah," I blush even harder. "So that means no side business for you," I can't believe I'm telling him when he can or can't pleasure himself.

"Kate, I don't have any side business," he snaps. "I told you, I'm not like that."

"I didn't mean women, it means..." _don't make me say it_. "It means you can't masturbate between sessions."

"Oh," he sounds surprised. "Okay." The stunned tone hasn't quite left his voice. "Did you tell her I was a pro-athlete? Maybe I have a higher sperm count," he suggests, and it makes me laugh.

"It doesn't work like that babe," I giggle.

"So we can only have sex every other day, and nothing else?" he sound so disappointed.

"Just during the fertile period, outside of that it's business as usual." This seems to perk him up a bit.

"How long is the..." he hesitates. "Fertile period?"

"Five days, usually."

"Hey, that's not so bad." His mood improves dramatically. "What if I'm on the road?"

"Oh, I hadn't thought about that," I say with a frown. "I guess we just miss our chance that cycle." I can't hide the disappointment in my voice.

"Kate," he says softly. "We'll figure it out."

"I can't get pregnant using Facetime," I pout, and Sid bursts out laughing. I'm slightly annoyed at first, but his laughter is infectious and soon we're giggling together.

"I love you," he says sweetly. We pull into a parking lot and before I can get my seat belt undone, Sid's lips are attacking mine. His hands hold my face gently, and he pushes his tongue against mine. Just as quickly as he started the kiss, he ends it. "In case we can't do that for a while," he winks at me.

"I won't be able to stop myself," I tell him.

"Trust me," he warns. "There will be an audience and you probably won't enjoy it."

"Then I'll just have to hold it in and take it out on you when we get home," I tease.

"I can't wait," he winks. _Me neither!_


	7. Chapter 7

The Mon Incline is steep, very, very steep. Apparently it's the oldest incline plane in the country, as evidenced by the fact that they only accept cash and do not give change. This proves to be an expensive trip up the hill, as neither of us have anything smaller than a $50 and the price for both of us is $5. Sid takes it in stride though, telling the cashier to enjoy their tip, and he gives me an encouraging smile before taking my hand and pulling me toward the passenger-car. "How are you doing?" he asks with concern.

"I'm good so far," I tell him honestly.

"If you want to back out..."

"And waste your five dollars?" I tease and he laughs loudly. "So how long have you lived here?"

"Nine years," he says sheepishly.

"And you couldn't have gotten this out of your system before now?"

"Sorry babe," he grins, pulling my hand to his lips and kissing me softly.

There are seven other people in the passenger-car, a middle-aged couple, a couple about our age, and a mother with her two sons, both of whom are wearing Penguins caps. All eyes are on us, and we're both very much aware of this. Sid squeezes my hand tightly, and I take a series of deep breaths. "Sid?" a middle-aged woman walks up to us, tugging her reluctant husband behind, "I knew it was you!" she squeals.

"Hi," Sid says neutrally.

"I told you it was him!" she beams to her husband, who is obviously very embarrassed. "Don, take my picture," she thrusts her small point-and-shoot camera toward her husband and moves to stand beside Sidney.

"Sorry, I'm out with my girlfriend," Sid tells her kindly, motioning for her husband to put the camera down. She is stunned, and does nothing to hide her disappointment.

"We're big fans," she says sweetly, trying to get him onside. "We've had season tickets for years."

"Sorry," he sticks to his guns. "Not when I'm with my girlfriend."

"Fair enough," Don says, pulling his wife away from us.

"Enjoy your morning," Sid says politely. The disappointed fan can't stop staring as her husband guides her back to their spot.

"I can't believe that," she gasps. "Everyone says he's so nice."

"Sorry," I whisper.

"I'm not," he smiles, gripping my hand tighter.

"I don't want people to think you're _not nice_," I frown.

"She'll get over it," he says warmly. "It's not unreasonable to want some privacy when we're out together." The car starts moving, and I instantly freeze. "You're okay," he whispers, kissing my forehead and wrapping his arm around my waist. We look out the window together, and Sid was right. It's like a slow crawl up the hill, and fear quickly leaves my body. I lean into Sid, and just take a minute to enjoy the feeling of his body cradling mine.

"This is nice," I gaze up at him.

"You're so beautiful," he stares adoringly at me. "I don't tell you that enough."

"Yes you do," I roll my eyes. "You're so handsome. I don't tell _you_ that enough."

"No, you don't," he teases. I playfully jab him in the ribs and he laughs and pulls me tight to his side. It's a perfect moment cut short by the flash of a camera reflecting off the glass in front of us. "Ignore her," Sid hisses. In the reflection, I watch the disgruntled fan, her camera in front of her face, taking pictures from only a handful of feet behind us.

"That's a little annoying," I mutter. Sid takes a deep breath and turns to face her, I'm dying inside, it's so uncomfortable.

"Listen," he asks her forcefully. "I'm spending time with my girlfriend. Please respect that." The woman turns beet red, and I'm pretty sure I do too. She slinks away, and Sid quickly pulls me back to his side and kisses my cheek.

"You okay?" I ask him.

"Never better," he chuckles. We reach the top and wait patiently for the other passengers to step off first. "See, that wasn't so bad. Just a little ride up the hill."

"You were right," I conceded.

"Think you can handle the free fall back down?" he asks, and my eyes are as large as dinner plates. _Free fall?!_ "I'm joking," he chuckles.

We walk through the city, arm in arm, Sid pointing out different attractions, telling me about a few places he'd like to check out, but hasn't yet. "How can you have lived here this long and never explored the city?"

"I'm busy," he says defensively, his ears reddening slightly. "Maybe I was waiting for someone to share it with," he adds with an overly-sweet smile.

"So cheesy Crosby!" I laugh, and he joins me.

"I don't know, it's not easy going out in public," he says simply.

"I get it," I assure him. "You're kind of a big deal."

"That's me," he rolls his eyes.

"You are," I tell him sincerely. "You're a very big deal to me." We stop at a the ice cream shop near the top of the incline. Sid getting ice cream, and I get lemonade. The shop is pretty busy, so we don't hang around long. I'm so nervous someone else is going to approach us, but luckily we escape without incident. We walk through Mount Washington, taking in the sights, daydreaming what our life would be like if we lived in this neighborhood, doing a little window shopping, and really just enjoying each others company.

We find a park bench and sit together for a while, me cuddled under his arm, his fingers tracing round my elbow, a delicious tickle on my skin. I can't believe I thought I could ever walk away from this man. I shake my head in disgust and he notices. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about how stupid I've been," I tell him.

"What do you mean?" he chuckles.

"How did I ever think I could live without you?" I say sincerely.

"That was the longest walk home of my life," he sighs. I tighten my grip around his waist and kiss his neck briefly. "I was a wreck."

"Me too, love. Carter held a mini-intervention that week," I confess.

"My mom phoned me out of the blue the next morning, and I could barely put a sentence together," he laughs.

"That's when they decided to fly in?" I ask.

"My dad came earlier, when I was considering..." he trails off.

"Right," I remember Troy was at the game. "What did you tell him?"

"Just that we were at a crossroads and I wasn't sure what to do," he kisses the top of my head. "When you asked me, the first time, I really didn't think I could do it. I've never really been on my own, and my dad was such a great dad, both my parents were great. It's a lot to live up to."

"So they don't know about our plans to have a baby?" I ask quietly.

"No, I thought you'd want that kept private," he smiles. He's right. There's no point announcing anything until there's something to announce.

"What made you change your mind?" I ask, selfishly knowing this is when he's going to gush about me. _I can't help it! I love hearing it!_

"I don't know," he starts. _Not the answer I was hoping for_. "I guess I thought I could just go back to my life before you, but it wasn't possible. I was sick, physically sick, thinking about you out there in the world without me. I want to be married and have a family, and I'd always thought that it would come later, but it wasn't until my mom asked me what I was waiting for that it all made sense. I've been waiting for you - and here you are," he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it softly. "No more waiting," he finishes.

"Your mom is a pretty smart lady," I tell him and he nods in agreement.

"So how do you want to do this?" he asks seriously, holding my hand and staring straight ahead. "Do we start today? Do we wait a day because of last night?"

"I'm not sure, I guess I should pick up a fertility kit," I say shyly.

"Okay, let's do that," he says easily.

"I think that's something I should pick up when I'm alone," I laugh.

"Why?" he looks wounded.

"Sid!" I laugh. "If you were seen buying something like that with your girlfriend it would be all over Twitter in a heartbeat."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he agrees after a second. "So then, once you have that, we figure out when you're...good to go?"

"Yep," I squeeze his hand.

"And have you thought about which positions you like best?" he asks cheekily. I blush immediately and look nervously behind me. "What? There's no one around."

"I like when you're on top of me," I tell him quietly.

"Me too," he kisses my cheek. "Have you talked to your doctor about what you should be eating when you get pregnant?" he asks seriously.

"Not yet. I'm eating for fertility at the moment."

"Kate, you should get on that. You're diet is already so restricted, we want the baby to be healthy," he says. I love that he's thinking this way. It makes me warm inside and I feel so loved and taken care of.

"I'll talk to her," I promise.

"Good girl," Sid stands and pulls me to my feet. We continue our walk through the city, Sid refusing fan pictures twice more, but both are more understanding than the pushy lady from earlier. Sid doesn't seem to notice people taking his picture as we pass by, but I'm acutely aware and it's a little unsettling. "You'll get used to it," he assures me.

"I can't imagine," I confess.

The morning has quickly become the afternoon, and the crowds swell a little bit. "Hungry?" Sid asks.

"Starving," I sigh.

"Let's grab lunch," he decides. Neither of us are too keen on dining in, so we look for somewhere we can grab and go. Sid spots a hotdog and beer shop and pulls me inside. It's a guy's-guy kind of place, with a selection of beer that rivals any pub. The food is themed around dog breeds, which I find kind of off-putting, but Sid doesn't seem to mind.

"I'll have the Blood Hound on the all beef," he tells the server who nervously scribbles down Sid's order, "and she'll have the Golden Retriever on a veggie dog. To go," he adds quickly.

The restaurant appeals to the same kind of person who probably follows all major sports. Sidney's presence hasn't gone unnoticed, but he takes it in stride. "I'm going to run to the washroom," I tell him. Maybe if I leave him alone, he can sign a few things, take a few pictures, and his reputation as Mr. Nice Guy will remain intact.

The washroom is small, but thankfully clean. As soon as I lock the stall door, two women enter the restroom, giggling and squealing. "Give me two seconds to push up my boobs and slap on some lip gloss and then let's go talk to him," one of them shrieks.

"He has a girlfriend," the lesser excited of the two tells her friend.

"So? Hockey players get around, it's what they do," she spits back.

"No, he's here _with _his girlfriend. Didn't you see her?"

"Fine, you jump the girlfriend and I'll grab Sid," she laughs, and it makes my stomach turn.

"Jessica!" her friend scolds.

"I don't care if he's here with some whore, I want to get a picture. Let's go," she says matter-of-factly, apparently primped enough to approach my boyfriend. I'm alone in the restroom again, and I feel my anxiety rising. _Whore?_ Hardly! Unless sleeping with two men years apart makes you a whore.

I quickly wash my hands and head back to Sidney, just in time to see Jessica and her friend descending on him. Sid is looking in their direction, which no doubt goes a long way in fueling her bold approach, but what she doesn't realize is he's actually looking _past_ her, directly at me. I smile warmly, and he quickly smiles back.

"Hey Sid, can we get a pic?" Jessica practically throws herself on his lap. Sid quickly stands and tucks his hands into his pockets.

"Sorry, I'm with my girlfriend," he tells her.

"Come on Sid, she won't mind," and she actually has the nerve to put her hands around his neck. Sid gapes at me in horror, but I just laugh.

"Yeah Sid, I don't mind." I say sweetly. Sid looks confused and Jessica looks completely content. "I just overheard Jessica here in the bathroom telling her friend what a big fan she is." Her friend blushes, clearly very embarrassed, and I take the opportunity to grab Jessica's phone from her hand and snap the picture. She looks stunned, and Sid is looking at the floor, shaking his head in amusement. Not exactly the best fan-encounter photo, but I'm sure she'll love telling the story.

Sid holds up a paper bag, signalling that our order arrived during my absence and I take his arm in mine and leave the restaurant. "What was that all about?"

"She was trashing me in the bathroom, so I thought I'd let her know I heard every word," I tell him.

"Oh Kate, try not to let that stuff get to you," he sighs.

"I'll do my best," I tell him.

"Try hard," he wraps his arm around my shoulder. We find a quiet spot and enjoy our lunch, Sid reluctantly trying a bite of my veggie dog and declaring it not-the-worst. Our morning and early afternoon have been almost perfect. We've ventured out in public, faced the fans, dealt with them as best we could, and now frankly, I'm ready for some private time with him.

"I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind continuing our date somewhere a little more secluded," I look up at him. He smiles widely and nods eagerly. Within minutes we're headed back down the incline and head straight for his truck. The short ride back to Sid's place seems to take an eternity. I run my fingers along the inside of his thigh, and he groans in appreciation.

"Soon baby," he promises, pulling into the parking garage.

I step from the truck, and walk hand in hand with Sid toward the private elevator up to his apartment. Suddenly, Sid pulls me into a kiss and I feel his hands run the length of my body. "I want you so badly," he whispers.

"Me too, Sid," I pant.

He guides me toward the elevator, kissing the back of my head and resting his hand against the small of my back. We step inside, but Sid stops short of pressing the button. "Hang on Kate," he says and I turn to see him drop to one knee.

_Oh my God!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Oh my God! Oh my God!_ I stare in disbelief and Sidney crouches down on one knee, and I'm thankful he's not watching my expression of complete shock. _Compose yourself Kate_. I take a deep breath and before I can scream out an answer, I realize that Sid isn't proposing at all.

He's tying his shoe.

I blush furiously, embarrassed by my over-eager interpretation of the situation, and it takes every ounce of restraint not to burst out laughing at my own stupidity. "There," Sid smiles up at me and stands quickly, guiding me into the elevator. "You're giddy, I can tell," he chuckles. _If you only knew why!_

"Maybe a little bit," I attempt to disguise my enthusiasm.

"I'm excited too," he leans in and we share a deep kiss. "I mean, this is it right? We're going for it?" I nod quickly, and smile up at him. Sid moves his leg between mine, pinning me against the back wall of the elevator. His hands run up the inside of my shirt, and the feeling of his skin on mine only makes me more desperate to be alone with him. I drag my hands around his waist, and pull him flush against me. "I love you," he whispers.

"I'm so in love with you," my words kiss his ear and pull my arms up to his shoulders. Sid rests his forehead against mine, his cheeks full from the smile on his lips.

"I'm never going to get tired of hearing that," he whispers. "Ever."

"I'm never going to get tired of saying that," I promise. "Ever."

The sound of the doors opening pulls us both back into reality, and Sid takes my hand and together we walk into his apartment. "Meet me in the bedroom," Sid whispers, sending shivers down my spine. I head into his room, listening for Sidney, but he's busying himself in the kitchen. I take this opportunity to make the bed, and hang up his suit from last night. The room is pristine again, void of personal touches, making it seem almost like a hotel. I strip down to my bra and panties, and lay across the bed in anticipation of Sid. Moments later, he arrives two bottles of water in hand, and a plate of sliced fruit in the other.

"Kate," he frowns. "I wanted to undress you."

"You snooze you lose, Sid." He sets the water and fruit down on the nightstand and leans across me, kissing my lips quickly and pinching my leg simultaneous. "Ow!" I squeal with laughter. He grins and pulls off his t-shirt. "Let me," I ask. Sid stands in front of me and I kneel up to run my hands across his bare chest. He's so muscular, his skin beautifully pale and flawless. I move my hands down to his belt and rapidly remove his jeans and shorts. Sid steps out of his clothes, more naked now than myself, and I pull his hips close to my mouth. I take him in hand, stroking him firmly, and trail kisses from one hipbone across to the other.

"So good babe," he pants.

When he's ready, I step off the bed and turn him around, forcing him to sit on the edge of the bed. I lower myself to my knees and position myself between him. His breathing hitches as I take him in my mouth and start moving up and down, sucking gently. Of course, this won't help us reach our goal, so our little oral play doesn't last long. He moves up the bed and I crawl between his legs, kissing his stomach, chest and finally his mouth. Sid's hand moves through my legs, pushing my panties to the side, and he slowly slips a finger inside me. "You're ready," he announces.

"I know I am," I giggle.

"This will be fun," he beams. "Skin on skin."

"Have you ever done it like this before?" I ask, unsure if I want to know the answer.

"Never," he says. I sigh in relief and he laughs at me. "Just you my love," he kisses the tops of my breasts as he unhooks my bra. Sid tucks his fingers inside my panties and pulls down. He kisses my stomach, while positioning himself between my legs. Sid then leans up, and slowly eases himself into me. "Oh that's good," he groans.

"Mmmm," I agree.

"Is this how you want it?" he asks with concern.

"Yes," I pant, desperate for him to start moving.

"This position feels good for you?"

"Yes Sidney," I say impatiently.

"Because we're supposed to do what feels good for you, baby," he continues.

"For the love of God Sidney, start moving!" I plead, making him laugh.

"Okay, okay," he says with a giggle. Sid starts moving his hips, gently grinding against me, and it feels fantastic. "Oh God that's good," Sid moans, his eyes closed tightly. We quickly find a rhythm that feels incredible. His skin brushes mine with each stroke, and I savor the feeling of his warm skin meeting mine. I rest my hands just above his hips, appreciating the beautiful flex of his muscles as he makes love to me. "I don't know how long I can last like this," he confesses.

"It's that much different?" I ask with a chuckle.

"Yeah," he answers with a groan. "It's just so much, babe. I'm never going back to condoms again," he declares. Sid leans up slightly, gripping my hips and moving my legs further apart. "Good?"

"So good," I pant. Sid runs his hands across my breasts, squeezing and caressing them before moving his hands back down to my hips. I trace my fingers along his chest, outlining every defined muscle, watching his expression closely. "You really are so beautiful," I whisper.

"Oh Kate, I'm supposed to say those things during sex," he frowns playfully. "I'm just so focused on lasting longer," he admits with a shy grin.

"You don't have to last forever, Sid. That doesn't matter," I tell him.

"Oh thank God," he groans, and spectacularly orgasms. He bucks his hips against mine, pulling me tight against him, his fingers digging painfully into my skin, and a garbled cry escaping his lips. It's a beautiful sight to witness. He stills, his hips flush to mine, and holds himself there while he spills inside me. His breathing is frantic, but he begins to recover as he gently pulls himself out of me. "Sorry babe," he blushes.

"Sorry for what?" I giggle.

"You didn't..." he starts.

"Oh Sid, I am so not worried about that," I tell him honestly. "That felt really fucking good though."

"Really fucking good?" he grins.

"Yep!" I take my pillow and quickly tuck it under my hips, as per doctor's orders, and settle in for the next twenty minutes. Sid eyes me suspiciously. "It's supposed to help," I explain. "I have to stay like this for a little while."

"Good, let's hang out in bed," Sid suggests. "Thirsty?"

"Not especially," I tell him.

"Hungry?" he hold out a plate of cut strawberries and peaches.

"Mmmm," I grin appreciatively, taking a strawberry from the plate. Instead of eating it, I put it up to his lips and he quickly pulls it out of my fingers with his teeth. "So it was really that much better for you?"

"Oh yeah," he smiles. "I can't describe it, it was just...so much more sensitive."

"I kind of gathered that when you said you'd never wear a condom again," I tease him.

"I meant it," he says seriously.

"Sid," I scold playfully.

"No really, why would I?" he asks. I consider his question, and I guess he has a point. He called me his future wife, _ahhh!_, but we haven't discussed marriage in a serious way.

"If this takes," I rub my stomach, "how do you think your family will react?"

"I don't know," he stops to consider this. "I think my sister will be excited, and my parents will maybe be a bit surprised, but I know they're rooting for us. What about your family?"

"I think my mom will be thrilled," I tell him honestly. "She loves being a grandma. My dad trusts my judgement, it's my sister you're going to have to worry about."

"Your sister?" he says incredulously.

"She's very protective of me," I explain. "She'll be tough on you, but I know she'll like you. Will your parents expect us to get married?" _Too obvious Kate! _

"No, I don't think so," he says simply. _Okay, that conversation ended before it began_. "Let me touch you," he says softly, running his hands down my legs to my feet. He takes my left foot in both of his hands and starts rubbing firmly, flexing my toes, massaging the tender muscles, it's heavenly.

"Oh Sid," I moan. "That feels so good." His hands stretch up my leg, caressing and kneading the tension out of my body. I close my eyes and submit to the pleasure, letting sensation sweep over me.

"Are you tired honey?" he asks quietly.

"Not really," I answer honestly. "Tell me a story," I ask.

"What kind of story?"

"A story about you, before I knew you."

"Be more specific?" he pleads.

"Tell me about being drafted," I ask. "What's that like?"

"It was a little different for me," he starts. "I already knew I would go first," he says.

"What do you mean, go first?"

"I knew I'd be picked first," he explains. "The year before I was drafted there was a lockout, so there was a lottery for the first draft pick. The media was calling it..." he stops and when I look up I know he's embarrassed.

"Go on," I encourage.

"They were calling it the Sidney Crosby Sweepstakes," he admits.

"That must have been a lot of pressure!" I gasp. "How old were you?"

"Seventeen," he says quickly.

"Oh babe, you were just a kid!"

"Yeah," he laughs.

"Were you nervous?"

"A little bit, but not really. I knew where I was headed. Most guys have to sit through it and hope their name is called. I was lucky that way."

"Did you want to go to Pittsburgh?" I ask.

"Yes and no," he says slowly. "I was really excited to play in the NHL obviously, and playing with the Penguins meant playing with Mario Lemieux. But, at that time, I wanted to stay in Canada. It all worked out for the best though, I wouldn't change a thing."

"Yeah, if you wouldn't have gone to Pittsburgh you never could have followed me home," I tease him.

"Exactly," he says kissing the tip of my nose. Sid stretches out beside me, leaning on his side and running a finger down my chest. "Speaking of home," he starts, "have you thought about where you want to live?" I consider his words carefully. If we're going to have a baby we should be living together, I suppose.

"I haven't thought too much about that," I confess. "Have you?"

"I kind of thought we'd move into the new house," he says. "But if you'd rather I move into your place..." My place was originally going to be a family home for Benny and me, it makes sense to have a fresh start with Sid in a new place.

"No, I like the idea. Somewhere brand new to both of us," I smile.

"I do love your house though," he says wistfully. "Lots of good memories in that place."

"What's your favorite?" I ask enthusiastically.

"Probably the day you were stuck in bed after pilates," he chuckles. "You were so adorable, hiding under the covers."

"Ugh," I groan. "That was so embarrassing!"

"No, I think about that often. You were just perfect," he leans across and kisses me sweetly. "What's yours?"

"Our first time together," I blush remembering. "We were trying to wait until your shoulder was healed, but..."

"We couldn't," he finishes, a huge grin on his face.

"Are you going to miss living with the boss?" I tease him, and he frowns.

"A little bit," he says sincerely. "I've been putting this off for a long time, but I'm excited to move now. We need our own space," he finishes. "The house should be ready by the end of the season."

"Sid, the house is ready now."

"I guess you're right," he chuckles.

"Babe, I'm in no rush, we don't have to figure this out today." I stroke his face lightly and he closes his eyes. "Plus, my family is coming in two weeks, so I should probably introduce you to them before I move in with you."

"What days are they coming?" he asks, rolling off the bed and grabbing his pants

"Don't you dare get dressed," I warn him.

"Wasn't even thinking about it," he grins. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, holding it up to show me his intentions were good.

"From the 6th to the 11th," I tell him with a sigh.

"Okay, let's see," he starts flipping through his calendar. "I'm away the 5th to the 7th, skate on the 8th, home game on the 9th, skate on the 10th, travel day the 11th. So, I'm around for most of it," he says neutrally.

"Lucky you," I groan, covering my eyes with my arm.

"Kate!" he moans. "It'll be fine," he promises. "Do you want tickets to the game?"

"Yes please," I pout and he leans in to kiss me, pulling my arm to my side and shaking his head.

"Don't pout," he says. "I'll meet them, we'll show them a good time, I'll win them over, obviously," he grins at the last part, "you'll see."

"I hope so," I sigh. _Or you'll meet my mother and run screaming out the door_.


	9. Chapter 9

My alarm goes off and I roll over only to discover that Sid isn't in my bed. It's Wednesday_ - road trip today_. I frown at the thought. I step out of bed and stretch, noticing Sidney's bags packed and sitting by the bedroom door. Maybe he forgot something and had to run down the street? "Sid?" I call out, but no answer comes. I pad into the bathroom and turn on the shower, letting the water warm while I grab some clothes from my closet. I've been spoiled by sleeping with Sidney three nights in a row, and now I won't get to see him until Saturday night. I climb into the shower and start my morning rituals, planning out my day, putting together a mental checklist of everything I have to accomplish.

As I dry off, I hear Sid come through the front door. "Hey, where'd you go?" I holler to him, but he doesn't answer. Instead, he climbs the steps two at a time and is standing in front of me in just a few seconds.

"I went to grab your coffee," he says simply.

"Oh Sid, I should have told you, the driver usually does that."

"Yeah, but I have to be in the city this morning, so I thought I'd drive you," he explains, closing the space between us and pushing my towel to the floor.

"Sid," I sigh, trying to stay focused, which is nearly impossible when his fingers are exploring my naked body. "I have to cancel the car service."

"Already taken care of," he grins. "You're all mine now," he says, lowering his mouth to my skin. He places soft kisses on my shoulder all the way up to my neck, then capturing my earlobe in his mouth. He takes my hand and places it against his sex, encouraging me to play with him. "This is our last chance until Saturday night, and we didn't do it yesterday, so let's get one in now, yeah?"

"Yeah," I grin eagerly. Sid drags his hands down my body and lowers himself to his knees, his mouth is on me in a flash and his tongue starts moving in tight circles around me. "Oh my god," I gasp, eliciting a deep moan from Sidney. His arms wrap around my legs, holding me firmly in place while he tortures me with his tongue. I rest my hands on his shoulders, trying desperately to balance myself, as Sid makes my legs feel weak in the knees. He sits back, his fingers taking over the job, and looks up at me.

"Should we move to the bed?" he asks, and I shake my head no. "You want to do this here?" he chuckles.

"Mmhmm," I sound, unsure if I can form words let alone a complete sentence while his hands are on me.

"Let's get you close first," he grins. I run my hands through his unruly hair, watching as Sid keeps on hand completely focused on my pleasure as the other unzips his jeans and starts stroking himself slowly. It's beyond erotic.

"Oh love," I sigh. "That's a good view," I pant. Sidney continues his erotic assault on my body, and with each passing second I want him inside me more and more. I pull his hand away from me and move to straddle him.

"Just like this?" he chuckles.

"Yep," I give him a wicked grin. "Just shut up and fuck me," I smile.

"Anything you say," he smiles. I lower myself on to Sid and in one swift movement he turns us so he's on top of me. He starts moving, grinding hard against me, holding nothing back. "Too much?"

"Never," I groan, feeling deliciously stretched by him. He tucks his face into my neck and peppers my skin with kisses. He keeps a steady pace, moving in and out of me rapidly, holding himself deep inside for a second between thrusts. I'm already so aroused, there's no way I'm going to outlast him this morning. His hand starts massaging my breast, kneading my nipple, pulling, teasing, torturing. It's exquisite.

"I'm close babe," I pant.

"Already?" he grins.

"Yeah," I moan, and he quickens his pace, his lips moving to replace his hand and his tongue starts flicking my nipple firmly. He thrusts hard into me and the feeling of his hips meeting my sex pushes me over the edge. I tighten around him, dragging my hands up his back, desperate for us to be closer somehow, even though it's not possible.

"That's it baby," he encourages as I moan softly, my body shaking, quivering, bucking wildly. The feeling of me clenching around his erection makes it impossible for him to last any longer. Seconds later, Sid is furiously pounding into me, his face twisted with resistance, but finally he lets go too. "Yeah," he growls. He collapses on top of me, and I start attacking his face with my lips.

"Oh I love you," I tell him. "That was so good!" I squeeze him tight and then move to climb out from underneath him.

"Where are you going?" he asks groggily.

"Work, babe!" I laugh, squeezing out from his weight, and standing carefully. My legs are a little shaky from our sexual rendezvous, but other than that, I feel pretty damn refreshed. Sid groans, and reluctantly pulls his shorts on.

"Fine," he sighs. "Don't make plans for Saturday night," he warns with a wink.

"You got it," I giggle, returning to my morning routine, racing to make up for lost time. Or time well spent depending how you look at it.

I climb into Sid's truck, feeling exhilarated from our morning activities, but a little bit of sadness has set in too. I hate goodbyes, and I don't think I'll ever get used to Sid leaving so often for so long. "You okay, babe?" he asks, loading his luggage into the backseat.

"I was just thinking about how hard it is to say goodbye to you all the time," I sigh. Sid frowns and climbs into the drivers' seat.

"You know, when I'm not playing I'll be around so much you'll be sick of me," he says brightly.

"Somehow I doubt that," I lean over to kiss his cheek.

"It's true," he promises. "I can hear you now, pushing me out the door, telling me to go work out or go fishing or do something out of the house," he laughs.

"Fishing?" I give him a puzzled look.

"Well yeah, I fish almost everyday during the summer," he says casually.

"Where?" I laugh at the idea.

"On the lake," he says looking at me like I'm crazy. I narrow my eyes, still not quite understanding what he's saying. "The lake behind my summer house," he explains.

"Oh," I say surprised. "You don't stay in Pittsburgh?"

"No, not usually." I don't reply right away, trying to figure out exactly what that means for me. "You'll come with me, of course."

"I usually spend the summer writing," I tell him. "And sometimes that means researching in other places, pitching in Los Angeles, going to markets."

"So, you don't take summers off is what you're saying," he says disappointed.

"Not usually," I admit. "I guess I was planning on scaling back a bit anyway," I say, hoping he'll meet me halfway.

"I do a few weeks training in Santa Monica," he adds, which I guess kind of helps. "I can travel with you sometimes, too."

"So during the season, we'll live in your new house, and in the off-season we'll live in your lake house?" Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me.

"Yeah, I thought we would," he says slowly. "You don't like that idea?"

"I just feel like I'm kind of freeloading off you if that's the arrangement," I say shyly.

"Kate, it's not an arrangement. We're going to have a family. What's mine is yours, you know that, don't you?" he looks at me with an intensity I've only seen a handful of times.

"I'd feel better about it if you let me contribute to our future," I start slowly.

"Honey," he says sharply. "I don't need your money."

"Well, I don't need your money either," I snap back. "It would just help me feel like this is _our_ life instead of me enjoying the perks of _your_ life."

"What's the point of me working like a dog, being away from you and our family, eventually, if I can't provide for you?" he asks incredulously.

"The point is that you love hockey and it's a big part of who you are. I work hard too, and I can provide for our family. I don't just need you for a paycheck Sid," I say exasperatedly.

"Kate," he sighs. "Let's take it one step at a time. I'm home Saturday, why don't we start moving some stuff into the new place Sunday and see how you feel about it then? We'll take it slow."

"I thought we'd wait until after you met my parents?" I ask shyly.

"Okay, but we can still get the house ready. Order furniture, move your office over, get your place ready to sell.." he trails off.

_Overwhelming_. I have an overwhelming feeling of panic. Our relationship is moving at breakneck speeds, and I'm not sure I'm ready. I close my eyes and count to ten. A few deep breaths and my mind clears. _It's not that scary_. He loves me, he wants to take care of me, what's scary about that? We're just not moving in the traditional order of things, that doesn't mean we can't still have the life we want. With all this talk about future, he hasn't even mentioned marriage. I frown at the thought.

"Hey, you okay over there?" he squeezes my knee and gives me an encouraging smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I smile up at him. He pulls into the studio parking lot, and stops just shy of the door.

"Here you go babe," he grins. "Am I as good as car service?"

"Better," I giggle, leaning in to kiss him. He holds my head in his hands and our kiss deepens. We're going to be apart for a few days, and this is our goodbye until Saturday. "Be safe, I need you," I whisper.

"I will," he strokes my face. "Stay out of trouble," he winks at me. "Don't agonize over this babe, okay?"

"I'll do my best, but agonizing is kind of my specialty."

"I know it is," he laughs. "I love you," he kisses me again.

"Good luck, call me lots," I kiss his forehead. "I love you Sid." One more hug, and then I have to get inside. Yep, goodbyes never seem to get any easier.

The morning flies by with a million small tasks taking up every ounce of my brain capacity. My afternoon, however, isn't as busy as usual, giving me a lot of time to zone out and think of my earlier conversation with Sidney. What is holding me back from moving in together? I'm just getting used to living on my own for the first time as an adult, and truthfully, I'm enjoying the independence and confidence it provides me. I've either lived with my parents, or my ex-husband, or my parents _again_, then Carter for a short while, and now it's just me. I guess it was easy to point out that Sid wasn't eager to move out, considering he's been putting it off for nearly a decade, and maybe, in the back of my mind, I thought I could hide behind that for a while, and buy us some time. Or buy_ me _some time? I'm not sure.

Sid travels so much for work, and he has no interest in hanging around Pittsburgh in the off season, and I guess I'm just confused about where I fit into all that, where _our child_ will fit into his schedule. Children need stability, and routine, and consistency. Can we really provide that? We're both so busy, and I'm prepared to give up a large part of my career to do this, but Sid isn't able to do that. Is having me move into his house in Pittsburgh, his house in Nova Scotia his way of providing for his future family? Why is he so uncomfortable with me contributing financially to our future? How are we going to manage money as a couple? Are we both on our own in that area?

Maybe I should write some of these questions down, and we should have a more formal conversation about things. A conversation where we make some concrete decisions. Create some kind of plan, so we don't have unrealistic expectations of each other. I open a new document on my laptop and start making a list when I hear my phone buzz.

_"Hey, are we okay?"_ Poor Sidney, it's not easy being away from each other when things feel uncertain. That's another thing to add to the list, don't leave on bad terms. Not that it was bad terms necessarily, I frown remembering. More like, strained terms. Okay, so maybe no heavy conversations right before one of us leaves. That makes more sense. I quickly add it to my list.

_"We're fine love, we just have some fine tuning to do."_ I type my response with a grin and press send.

_"Fine tuning, I like that."_ His response makes me giggle.

_"Are you at the airport?"_

_"We just landed. Safe and sound." _I hope he wasn't worried about us all morning. Confidence in any relationship takes time to build, and we've kind of fast-tracked things.

_"Call me tonight?"_ I know the answer, but I just like hearing it. Erm...reading it?

_"Try and stop me!"_

"Kate," Carter startles me from the doorway. "You have a visitor." He steps aside to make room for the unannounced guest. _What?!_

"What are you doing here?" I say when I finally recover from shock.

"I told you, I'm not letting you go without a fight," Benny grins.

_Sid isn't going to like this. _That's all I can think about. Sid is away, and Benny is here.


	10. Chapter 10

My heart has stopped, I'm sure of it. Benny waits for me to say something, and I know he's answered me, but what my question was and how he answered - I have no idea.

"What are you doing here?" I ask again, only this time I've recovered enough to pay attention to his response.

"I told you," he laughs. "I'm here to fight for my wife. You didn't think I'd let you walk out of my life that easily, did you?"

"Benny, I'm with someone," I implore him to understand, but he just shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter," he says simply.

"I'll just leave you two alone," Carter says uncomfortably and heads for the exit.

"No, Carter stay," I demand.

"Kate?" Benny gives me a puzzled look.

"I don't want there to be any confusion about what went on here," I tell them both, but I'm thinking of Sid. _He's really going to lose it over this one._ "Benny, I thought we agreed..."

"Agreed to what? The last words I spoke to you were letting you know I wasn't going to give up on us," he says emphatically. "How much clearer could I have been?"

"But I emailed you that letter..." I trail off, realizing my mistake. _He doesn't have access to that account anymore._ How could I have been so stupid!

"Email accounts, electronic passwords, even pin numbers," he makes a motion like a gust of air, "poof! Gone. I don't remember any of them."

"Of course," I scold myself for being so idiotic. I look up at Carter, and the disapproving look he's giving me lets me know he's thinking the exact same thing.

"I know you have a boyfriend," Benny starts, his voice cool and detached. "The thing is, I don't care. You're my wife and I want you back."

"Ex-wife," Carter quickly corrects him.

"Sorry, who are you exactly?" Benny stares down Carter, but my bold assistant doesn't shrink.

"Carter, Kate's assistant."

"Nice to meet you Carter, but do you mind..."

"We've met," Carter interrupts. "Many times. Like I said, I'm Kate's assistant and right now I'm just following my boss' orders."

"Benny," I hiss, anger sweeping over me. "I'm at work, I don't have time to deal with this at the moment. Please, go home."

"Whatever you say Kate," he winks at me and turns to leave. "I'll see you later."

Carter quickly shuts the door behind him, and turns to gape at me. "What the fuck was that?" he shrieks, immediately covering his mouth and diving into the seat across mine.

"Oh god Carter, this is the last thing I need right now!"

"Oh my god Kate," Carter scolds. "An email?! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't!" I say defensively. "Sid was furious at me, I wasn't sleeping, it was the middle of the night and I needed to make him understand. Thanks for the heads up by the way! You just let him wander in here without even a warning?"

"But Kate, of course he wouldn't get an email, he doesn't even remember his ex-wife, but you thought he'd remember his email passwords?" Carter cries in disbelief, completely ignoring my questions.

"I know, I know, stupid, stupid, stupid!" I cry. "Sid is going to be fucking pissed about this," I moan. "And what the hell does 'I'll see you later' mean?"

"You don't think...?"

"He cannot be staying in town," I say gravely. "People are already snapping my picture whenever I'm out, if Sid ever saw me out with Benny, he'd flip."

"You have to tell Sid," Carter says urgently.

"I can't, not when he's on a road trip and can't do anything about it. Last time he was completely distracted and played horribly. I don't want to put him through that again. I'm just going to be firm with Benny, and tell him everything I said in the letter."

"Okay," Carter replies instantly. "I think you should call your lawyer and let him know what's going on, and find out what kind of pressure he's getting from their end. If his parents still want you to stay away from him, then you have more to worry about than Sid being miffed."

Carter is right, of course. Just when things are starting to fall into place, my old life starts creeping back up. How can I move forward if everything I put behind me refuses to stay in the past? I dial the lawyers office and wait impatiently for someone, anyone to pick up and in my distracted state I don't notice Carter pull my notepad off my laptop and scan the list I've been working on. By the time I realize what he's engrossed in, it's too late - his eyes are bugging out and he's pursing his lips. He shakes his head and holds his head in his hands, sighing in exasperation.

I leave a brief message urgently asking my lawyer to call me, then reluctantly hang up the phone, preparing myself to face the wrath of Carter.

"You know what this is, don't you?" he holds up the offending list dramatically.

"It's a list of practical concerns," I say meekly.

"This is called cold feet," he rips the list in half down the middle. "Let's make a different list," he suggests brightly.

"Carter, that was just some notes for me..."

"Stop," he interrupts. "You over think, agree?" I nod. "You worst-case-scenario everything, yes?" I nod again. "You don't give yourself enough credit, right?" I not a third time. "Okay, so let's make a list of things _you_ bring to this relationship. Focus on what you can do instead of what you're scared with get in the way," he finishes, pulling out a blank sheet of paper and tacking it to the wall. "First," he presses pen to paper, "you're independent, which will be useful with all his traveling."

_I hate when he's right. _

"You're financially secure," he writes. "So Sid knows you're with him for the right reasons."

"He won't let me help pay for anything though," I sulk.

"Who cares? What difference does that make?" Carter says simply.

"Well, I guess it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of him," I shrug.

"Oh geez Kate, he wants to take care of you, let him."

_Is it that easy?_ When I was married, I was the main breadwinner, and since I've been on my own it's kind of made me proud of how well I've done for myself. That's not going to be the case anymore. Sid makes more money than me, a lot more. That doesn't make me his dependent though. I'm not like those women you hear about who seek out superstars looking for a free ride. Sid knows that, what do I care what anyone else thinks?

"Yeah, what do I care what anyone else thinks?" I repeat out loud, confusing Carter but freeing myself from that piece of insecurity. Carter and I continue this exercise for the next few minutes, and all my previous worries start to melt away. I have control issues, a strong need to predict outcomes, an unwillingness to move forward if I'm not overly-confident about the direction I'm heading. _Lose control_. This was consistent advice from my therapist. _Lose control_. I would say this is a situation where losing control is not just advised, but probably required.

If I can predict my life with Sid, then I'm playing it too safe. I love almost everything I know about Sid, so what's wrong with trusting the things I _don't_ know? Carter pulls the list down, folds it, and shreds it. "That's not the kind of thing you should keep laying around," he chuckles. I couldn't agree more. He settles into his desk and starts working, but I'm too anxious waiting for the lawyer to call to start being productive again.

_"I love you babe. I'm excited to start our new life together."_ I send Sid a heartfelt text that he will hopefully read well out of sight from his teammates.

_"I'm excited too sweetheart. Loving you long distance!"_ Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. His words set me at ease, and I busy myself flipping through emails, a little less anxious about the impending phone call. When the phone does ring, I answer on the first ring, maybe a touch over-eager. The lawyer has no news, which he thinks might be a good sign. It means Benny's parents aren't aggressively seeking to finalize the payment structure, meaning they probably realize their demands grossly exceeded a reasonable amount. When I tell him that Benny has arrived in Pittsburgh he is quick to warn me to keep my distance. Any suggestion of a reconciliation could harm the settlement. I'm happy to oblige.

The afternoon soon becomes the early evening and the office starts clearing out for the night. I pack up a few things, preparing for a lonely night in, which will give me ample time to get some work done. The drive home is usually when I zone out and decompress from the day, but tonight for some reason, I feel my anxiety climbing. I can't help myself from wondering where Benny is at this exact moment. He must be in the city somewhere, probably at a hotel, and it's the unknown that is driving me crazy.

The driver pulls up to my house and it's one of the rare occasions he speaks to me, "Looks like you have some company."

"What?" I crane my neck to look out the front windshield and see lights on and a figure moving through the house.

"Were you expecting anyone?" he asks with concern.

"No, I wasn't," I reply. "I have a pretty good idea who it is though."

"I'll walk you to the door," he says immediately and steps out of the car. I scramble to gather my things and join him, grateful for his presence, even if it is a little awkward. I pull out my keys and try the lock only to find the door already open.

"Hello?" I call out, my nervous voice foreign to my own ears.

"Hey, you're home!" Benny appears from the kitchen, wearing and apron and holding a wooden spoon.

"You know him?" the driver whispers.

"I do," I turn to him and smile graciously. "Thank you for coming in with me." He turns and leaves, a small wave his only goodbye. "How did you get in here?" I say forcefully.

"I found your hide-a-key," he says simply.

"Benny, that's so inappropriate," I hiss. "I want you to leave."

"I'm just making us some supper, Kate. I thought you'd appreciate that after a long day at work," he smiles.

"Benny, this is my house..." I start.

"Technically, it's our house," he corrects me.

"No, it's _my_ house. I live here, not you. I want you to leave, now."

"And where am I supposed to go Kate? Come on it's late, let's share a meal, talk a little bit, I'll sleep on the couch. I promise." His confidence is so irritating, and the man I was once finding it hard to be mad at is now making it very, very easy.

"Are you kidding? You can't stay here. I'm with someone else. I have a boyfriend. I don't want to spend time with my ex-husband. Seriously, get out. Get out or I'm going to call..."

"Call the cops? Come on Kate, you and I both know that's not you. Listen, I just want to talk. I'm working so hard at getting my life back, and you're a big part of that life. I need you. I need you to help me figure this all out," he pleads.

"Okay," I concede.

"Yeah?" he brightens immediately.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you, but not like this. My boyfriend is away until Saturday, you can meet him Sunday and we'll talk then," I say evenly.

"Now you're kidding," he chuckles.

"No, I'm not. Benny, this is such a fucked up situation. I don't want to be alone with you, not when he's out of town anyway. The night we went for drinks almost broke up my relationship, and he's too important to me to risk that again."

"He's more important than me?" Benny asks quietly.

"He's the most important person in my life right now," I answer. "Sunday. We'll talk then." I open the door dramatically, expecting him to walk through it and out of my life, but he doesn't move.

"Where do you want me to go?" he asks.

"A hotel?" I suggest.

"Where? In the city? Kate, it's late. Come on, I'll just stay on the couch."

"No way," I say firmly.

"You know, this house is technically half mine, you can't really make me leave if I don't want to go," he says with a grin. He's trying to be playful, but it's just fueling my anger more than anything.

"Fine, you stay here." I turn and walk out the door, slamming it hard behind me.

Home isn't a safe place anymore, my refuge from the world, my retreat after work, gone. For the time being anyway. Short of calling the police, which I _really_ don't want to do, I don't think I'm getting Benny out of my house tonight. I could drive to a hotel, but I'm a nervous driver at the best of times, and I feel pretty shaken up and angry, so that's out of the question. I could call a cab, but I'm way out in the 'burbs and it will take forever. Carter would pick me up though. I could even stay with him, although that's asking a lot. I grab my bag and step off the porch, content to just wander around until the solution presents itself.

And there it is, I've been carrying the answer around with me all this time. I press my lips to the small golden keychain, grateful that Sidney had the foresight to know I would need this one day. Today more than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

The new house isn't far from my place, but unfortunately, I still need to collect my car to get there. Luckily I don't have to go inside the house to do that, so I won't need to face Benny again. _What is he thinking? _If this is his plan to win me over it's not very well thought out. Then again, if I were single, him showing up out of the blue and cooking me supper would have been sweet. Romantic even. Meeting Sid will make it very real for him. His physical presence alone might intimidate Benny enough to convince him to leave.

I slowly back out of the driveway, getting a feel for the car I've avoided driving for so long. The lights are still on in the house, so Benny probably is holding his ground, convinced I'll come back once I've cooled down. That's not going to happen. I drive cautiously to the drugstore, which closes in less than ten minutes. I'll need the bare necessities for tomorrow, and nothing else is open. The cashier is less than thrilled to see me, obviously itching to get her night over with and head home. _Me too!_ "I'll be quick," I promise, grabbing a shopping basket and racing over to start filling my basket. Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, moisturizer...the basket fills quickly. I don't even know if there's toilet paper at the new house.

Five frantic minutes later, I take the overstuffed basket to the till and again am greeted with a most displeased expression. While she starts ringing the items through, I covertly try to add a few bottles of water and some snacks to my pile of stuff. She notices. _Whatever_. An armful of bags later, I'm back on the road headed to Sid's place. _Our place?_ He'll be expecting me to call soon, and I really want to talk to him. I've decided not to tell him about Benny until he gets home. He doesn't need the distraction, and I am one hundred percent committed to keeping my distance.

The house is a little scary at night, so big, so empty, so dark and unfamiliar. I unlock the front door and the beep of the house alarm starts instantly. I quickly punch in the security code in the keypad, hoping I've remembered it correctly, and I'm relieved when the small light stops flashing red and turns green. _I'm in!_ The first thing I do is flip on a few lights, hoping it will help calm my nerves. The massive house doesn't have a single piece of furniture, so it looks like I'll be sleeping on the floor. It's still better than the alternative.

I unpack in the master suit, although without even a mattress, it's not much of a bedroom. My drugstore toiletries are carefully placed in the pristine bathroom, and I frown when I notice there's not even a hand towel. _I guess I'm not showering in the morning. _It's just for one night, and then tomorrow I can pick up a few more things to get me through the week. I hear my cell phone ringing and hustle back to dig through my purse.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I thought I would have heard from you by now," Sid says softly.

"I was just about to call you, how's the road trip?" I say cheerfully. If I can keep him talking, maybe he won't ask me questions.

"Good. The guys just got back from supper, and I'm watching a game in my hotel room."

"You didn't go for supper?" I ask.

"No babe, not in Washington," he laughs.

"Why not?"

"Self-preservation," he quips with a giggle. _Oh, I get it_. "We should Facetime," he suggests.

"I don't have my iPad with me," I say regretfully.

"But I want to see your pretty face," he whines.

"So game tomorrow night, then travel to..." I rack my brain trying to remember.

"Philly," he chips in.

"Right, travel to Philly right after the game?" I ask.

"Yep," he says easily.

"Then practice and rest Friday, and then the game Saturday afternoon." I finish.

"You got it," he laughs.

"Maybe I could come to Philly for the game," I suggest.

"You should!" he says brightly. "Just don't wear my jersey," he teases.

"Okay Sid, I don't know a lot about hockey, but I know that much!" I say defensively.

"Just looking out for you babe," he says sweetly. "This is good, then I won't worry about you killing yourself at pilates."

"Oh, I forgot about that," I say surprised.

"You can miss a class," he coaxes. _Yeah, I've missed more than I've been to!_

"I'm not worried about it. A friend of mine in the class is organizing this fundraiser and I was going to get her some stuff for Saturday, but I'll just drop it off another time." I make a mental note to call her tomorrow.

"What kind of fundraiser?"

"She has a young son, and one of his playmates has this rare blood disease, I think?" I trail off trying to remember if I've got my facts straight. "Anyway, they're trying to raise money to help pay for his medical expenses, and Andrea is in charge of getting some stuff for the silent auction."

"So what are you giving her?" he says with interest.

"I'm giving her a walk on part in the show to auction off," I tell him.

"I can get you some stuff from the club if you want," he offers kindly.

"She would love that," I gush. "No pressure though."

"It's fine babe, we spend hours signing stuff for things like this. Remind me when I'm home and I'll get you some good stuff."

"I will! Hey, can I ask you something about the new house?" I start with a trace of anxiety.

"You can ask me anything," he laughs. "Shoot."

"How involved do you want to be in picking out the furnishings?" I ask nervously.

"Honestly, I don't really care," he admits.

"So if I ordered our bed, and a few things before you got back you wouldn't mind?"

"No, but we're not in a rush either Kate. If you want to, go ahead, but don't feel like you have to." _Well, I kind of have to._

"I want to," I say brightly.

"Then by all means," he says softly. "It's your house too. What does the rest of your night look like?"

"I'm thinking I might order in, or is it too late for that?" I wonder absentmindedly.

"You have time," he laughs.

"And then catch up on some work, nothing too interesting. You?"

"Third period is starting soon, then bed. So..." he starts, sounding a little bit like he has a secret.

"So...?" I press him to continue.

"If I wanted to...I can, right? Just not when we're trying..." he trails off.

"What are you talking about?" I laugh.

"Kate..." he says exasperatedly.

"I don't get it," I admit.

"Come on love," he sighs, "I'm making sure that if I want to, you know, it's not going to mess things up for us Saturday?" he says shyly.

"Oh my god! Okay, sorry! Sorry! I get it now. Yes, by all means. Have fun!" I ramble a little too enthusiastically. "Just don't do anything Friday," I add and feel my cheeks heat.

"Gotcha," he giggles.

"So...are you thinking about doing that right away? Or do you want to keep talking?" _I am the most awkward human being to walk the planet_. I cringe thinking about what I've just asked him.

"We can keep talking," he laughs. "You seem so nervous tonight, everything okay over there?"

"What do you mean over here?" I stammer.

"In Pittsburgh," he says confusedly. "Babe? What's going on?"

"It's nothing," I aim for confident. "The house just feels...empty." _It is empty_. He doesn't need to know where I'm staying tonight, he can reach me anytime, and knowing Benny is in town will only upset him. _Benny...ugh_. "Hey babe, can you keep some time free for me Sunday?"

"Yeah, off day, so I'm all yours," his tone changes, and he sounds a little more hopeful that I'd like. "What do you have in mind?"

"Definitely that, and there's one other thing that I want to do, but I'll tell you all about Saturday night," I reply, hoping that will satisfy him.

"Okay, I'll just be over here dying of suspense," he says with a mock pout.

"I just want to talk about it in person, that's all. All good things," _I hope!_ I take a deep breath, and decide it's time to change subjects. "Hey Sid, do you have any family traditions you want us to keep up?" I've been wondering a lot about this, but we haven't talked about it yet.

"Well, hockey's the main one I guess," he answers. "I'd like our kids to play." _Kids! More than one! _"What about you?"

"In my family you weren't allowed to have cake or presents until the exact minute you were born, which worked fine for me, but Jill was born at 2:58 am. Still, we'd all crawl out of bed and eat cake and open presents in the middle of the night. Then go back to sleep. I kind of like that one," I tell him.

"My parents would cover the floor of our rooms with balloons," he giggles. "Yours sounds a little more elaborate."

"We can do both?" I suggest.

"I like it," he agrees. "Do you want a big family?"

"Kind of," I say nervously. "I like busy houses."

"Me too," he agrees and I can hear the smile on his lips. "Did you have pets growing up?"

"Yeah, always. We had a dog when I was very little, and then when he died we got a cat, and then another dog a few years later. What about you?"

"Not really, I guess we were always so busy with hockey it didn't make sense," he sounds a little regretful.

"We can get a pet," I tell him. "If you want."

"Let's think about it," he says brightly. "Babe, if you're going to order in, you'd better get on it. It's getting late."

"You're right," I agree with a frown. "Call me tomorrow?"

"You know I will. Let me know about Saturday, and I'll get you tickets if you're coming."

"Okay, I love you. Be safe," I say softly.

"You too honey, I love you."

I waited a bit longer than I should have, and my options are limited. Looks like Chinese food it is. Thankfully, I remembered to ask for cutlery and napkins, and when the food arrives I park myself in front of my laptop, and start munching while doing a bit of writing. The emptiness of the house is distracting though, and I can't help myself. Soon, I'm sprawled out on the floor, surfing the web for furniture. I don't need much, but I definitely need a bed.

I pull out my phone and start by making a shopping list. I'll need bedding, bath towels, a few dishes, cleaning supplies, a bathmat, toothbrush holder, and the list goes on and on and on. My eyes fight to stay open, but it's futile. I'm exhausted. I brush my teeth while considering my options for a bed. My bag will be playing the part of pillow tonight, and my jacket will cover for blanket. _It's only one night_.

Sleep doesn't come easily though. I can't seem to settle my thoughts. I need to figure out how to tell Sid about Benny, plus convince him to meet him. That's not going to be easy. Then I need to get Benny out of my house. _Or do I?_ I mean, I don't want him to stay in town, but it's not like I don't have anywhere to go. I have the new house. This house. Sid's house. _Our house_. The thought calms me enough to let my eyes shut and a dreamless sleep overtakes me.


	12. Chapter 12

Stiff. My neck, my back, my legs - all stiff. That was probably the most uncomfortable sleep I've ever had. I definitely need a bed, and unfortunately I don't even have towels, so I can't take a hot shower to loosen up. No change of clothes, no hair brush - _great_. I pull myself together as best I can, and the results are passable - barely. I dial the car service and let him know about the temporary address change, and I can hear the question in his voice, but he wisely doesn't ask why. He probably can guess that it has something to do with the unwelcome guest in my house last night.

The drive to work goes quickly, as I'm frantically trying to get as much done as possible, hoping to free up some time in the afternoon to run my personal errands. If I can't get a bed frame, that's not a big deal, but I definitely need at least a boxspring and mattress. Bedding. Towels. _Clothes!_ Geez, this isn't the first time I've gone to work in the same clothes as the day before. Ugh. It's early though, and I'll likely be one of the first in the office, there's a good chance I have some drycleaning hanging up in there.

I bid a friendly farewell to the driver and scurry into my office, avoiding all the early-birds along the way. Just as I'd hoped, there's a clean and pressed navy button down hanging behind my door, and I swiftly pull off the plastic and shrug on the dress shirt. I fire up my computer and open up my webcam, pulling out the emergency makeup bag from my desk. It's not glamorous, but it gets the job done. Just as I'm finishing up, I hear Carter walking through the office, firing off tasks to people as he passes by.

"Hey, you're in early," he says surprised.

"Yeah, well I didn't sleep well and luckily the car service was able to pick me up a little ahead of schedule," I explain.

"So..." he says expectantly.

"So...?" I ask.

"Benny! What happened last night?" Carter presses.

"Oh man, Carter, it was kind of a gong show," I sigh. "He was at the house when I got home."

"No!" he gasps.

"Yes," I continue solemnly. "And he wouldn't leave, he even said the house was half his, which I think was his way of trying to be funny, but I wasn't in the mood."

"Understandably," he supports.

"So I left him there and spent the night at Sid's new place, which was fine except he doesn't have a bed, so I had to sleep on the floor," I ramble, my rant quickly turning into whining.

"Wait a minute. Benny is staying at your house?" Carter asks incredulously. I nod with annoyance. "That's fucked up."

"Isn't it?" I agree. "My lawyer advised to keep my distance. I don't want to give Sid any reason to worry about this, so I'm staying far, far away from Benny, and it just seemed easier than fighting."

"So we need to get you a bed," Carter says, instantly resolved to be proactive.

"Agreed," I smile. "And I need to get some basics for the house. And some clothes. And I need to book a flight to Philly for Saturday morning."

"Philly?"

"Yeah, Sid's playing Saturday and instead of sticking around here, I thought I'd go see him. You're welcome to join me if you like," I offer.

"Sounds good, I don't have any plans," he says with a frown.

"Because you work too hard," I scold. "We need to get you a life."

"Well, I kind of started seeing someone, but it's new and I don't want to be too available," he says a little shyly.

"What?! You've been holding out on me. Dish! Dish!" I squeal. Carter is horrified and quickly stands to shut the door to my office. He shakes his head and puts his fingers to his lips, silently begging me to be quiet. That can only mean one thing. "It's one of the crew members!" I whisper in a conspiratorial voice.

"Kate!" he pleads.

"Okay, I'll be good. Just tell me everything, from the beginning, and tell it like a story, not just the facts."

"Fine, fine!" he snaps. Ooh, embarrassed Carter gets huffy! He reluctantly tells me about Jeff, one of the camera assists. What started as drinks after work has escalated to breakfast before, and it's all very secret and hush hush, neither of them eager for their colleagues to know. I am sworn to secrecy, and dying for more details, but I restrain myself. I know Carter, and he'll open up more, little by little, but if I press him too much he'll clam up. "Enough about that," he says resolutely. "You have two scripts to deliver this morning and we should order you some furniture."

"I've already delivered the scripts," I tell him and he looks surprised. "I finished them last night and emailed everyone this morning."

"Then you're free until notes start pouring in," he says with a hint of glee.

"Really?" That's surprising.

"Yep, let's go shopping!" Carter beams, and I'm glad to have someone to share this with. The city is buzzing with morning traffic, but Carter navigates confidently, taking me to buy a bed first. "You can probably get them to deliver the mattress set this afternoon, but they might not have the frame you want in stock."

"I'm not too worried about a bedframe," I tell him.

"Kate, you don't have to live like a frat boy. If you can't get the frame today, fine, but at least order one."

"But then I have to order the whole bedroom set, and Sid might actually want a say..." I start, knowing that's not entirely true. I'm just not great with decorating decisions.

"Sidney won't care," Carter says easily. "We'll find something nice." As usual Carter is right. Forty minutes later, I've spent a small fortune, but all the bedroom furniture is ordered and the mattress set will be delivered today. This is good. If Sid doesn't feel comfortable with me paying for the house, I can at least furnish it. Next we hit a large bed and bath store and I stock up on essentials. A few sets of sheets, dozens of towels, face cloths, a couple of bath mats, and then comes the agonizing decision about bedding. The bedroom is a fairly neutral color, but without a paint chip it's hard to choose anything beyond basic white.

"You can add pops of color later. You can't go wrong with white," Carter muses while tossing the king size set into our cart. I'm so grateful he's helping me this morning. He's thinking of all kinds of things I wouldn't have considered. An iron and ironing board, kitchen basics, even pillows. "Do you have window coverings?"

"Nope," I admit.

"Okay, I'll call in the same guys who did the blinds at your place," he says, quickly flipping through his phone for the number. I wander ahead and pick up a mat for the front entrance and a some cleaning supplies. Carter joins me a few minutes later looking very satisfied. "They'll be at the house in two hours."

"Wow, that was fast," I say surprised.

"Let's pay for this stuff and get it over to the house," Carter starts. "You can start unpacking and I'll go over to your place and pack up your clothes."

"Oh Carter, you don't have to do that," I say shyly. "Benny will probably be there and.."

"I'm not the one avoiding Benny," he reminds me.

"True enough," I sigh.

"Hey," Carter stops me. "Forget about him for the time being. Sid will be home soon and you'll sort it out then."

"Sid is going to flip," I say nervously.

"You should tell him," Carter encourages.

"I don't know..."

"He'd want to know," he shakes his head.

"He'll just worry and be distracted," I lament.

"Still..." Carter starts, but doesn't elaborate. Maybe he's right. I'm so nervous about my past complicating Sid's life, but maybe trying to shelter Sid is making things worse.

Carter helps me carry the dozen or so bags into the house, and then quickly leaves to grab necessities from my house. The house doesn't feel so lonely during the day, there's sunlight streaming in through the uncovered windows, and it makes it warmer, friendlier somehow. I start by unpacking some of the kitchen supplies, but the enormous space dwarfs the purchases I've made. A few kitchen towels and cleaning supplies don't exactly make it a functional space. My house is fully stocked, and it seems wasteful to double up on purchases for two houses only a few blocks apart. There's no rush, it's not like I'm hosting a dinner party this week. I'll be home tonight and tomorrow night and then it's off to Philly. Paper plates and plastic forks it is!

I take the new towels into the laundry room and wash them alongside the new sheets. After I finish unpacking, I have nothing to do but think. Sid and Benny together in the same room - the thought makes my stomach turn. It's going to be uncomfortable, guaranteed. I wonder what they'll think of each other? Will Benny know who Sidney is? Guys know about sports, and I know Benny was kind of a hockey fan before the accident, so there's a good chance he'll recognize him. What will they say to each other? How am I going to tell Sid? Should I take Carter's advice and tell him now?

Yes. He's usually right about these things. I grab my phone and dial Sid.

"Hey you," he answers almost immediately. "How's work going?"

"Hey babe," I smile automatically when hearing his voice. "My day is going okay, what about you?"

"Good, nothing too exciting. Game tonight, so I'm just taking it easy. You're going to watch, right?" he asks hopefully.

"I always do," I giggle. "So, if I had something kind of, potentially awkward to tell you, would you want to know now or when you get home?"

"Now," he says automatically.

"Benny's in town," I reply softly. "I didn't know he was coming, and he just showed up out of the blue..."

"Whoa," he interrupts. "Hang on a sec." Sidney goes quiet for a minute. "So, he's in town?"

"Yes," I answer neutrally.

"Where in town?" Sid asks eagerly.

"He's at my place," I start. "I didn't invite him, but he just showed up and I couldn't convince him to leave, so..."

"Oh my god Kate, you're staying with him?" Sid shouts.

"No babe, I'm staying at the new house," I tell him. "He wouldn't leave, and I didn't know where else to go."

"He's staying in your house?" Sid asks incredulously.

"Yes," I answer evenly. "Sid. I haven't spent any time with him, I promise you."

"Babe..." he whines.

"I'm sorry," I apologize for something out of my hands. "I know you hate this. I hate it too. I told Benny I wouldn't see him until you're back in town. Please don't let this bug you, I'm just telling you so you don't feel like there's secrets between us, and it feels weird to be living in the new house without you knowing about it, and I miss you and I love you..." I start rambling.

"Kate," Sid interrupts. "It's okay. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For telling me. I'm glad you thought to go to the new place, but hun, where are you sleeping? The house is empty."

I tell Sid about my morning's shopping trip, and tell him that Carter is picking up my clothes for me, and Sid seems very satisfied with this. "So, we're moving in a little ahead of schedule," he says easily.

"Are you okay with that?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yep."

"You're taking this better than I expected," I confess.

"Well, what do I have to worry about? You're moving into my house, you're keeping your distance from him, and hopefully you're still coming to see me the day after tomorrow."

"I am," I beam. "Carter too."

"I'll make sure there's tickets for you," he says and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"So how was the rest of your night last night?" I say cheekily, remembering his most embarrassing question.

"Fine," he says nonchalantly.

"Yeah? Just fine? Nothing memorable?" I press with a giggle.

"Oh!" he finally clues in. "Yeah, well it's a poor substitution for the real thing," he laughs.

"Glad to hear it."

"Kate?" he asks quietly, a hesitation in his voice.

"Yeah?"

"I don't have anything to worry about, right?" he asks. One minute he's listing all the reassurances I've given him and the next he's so anxious about us.

"Not a thing Sid," I answer confidently.

"You love me?" he asks shyly.

"Very much."

"How much?" he presses.

"All the way babe," I answer brightly, hoping to calm his nerves.

"Me too," he tells me. "This weekend we'll get some furniture ordered, I hate thinking of you alone in an empty house."

"It's fine, I've hardly been here," I reassure him. "Sid?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not going to be distracted tonight, are you? You feel okay with everything?"

"I think so," he says evenly.

"Good, I want you safe."

We chat for a few more minutes until the doorbell rings and I have to go to let the delivery men inside. A big empty house, mini-mansion really, but at least I have a bed. A king-sized bed that looks tiny compared to the rest of the space. It becomes even more ridiculous somehow when I put sheets and the bedding on it. In some ways it's too much, in some ways it's not enough - but it's starting to feel like home.


	13. Chapter 13

The week has gone by so slowly, I almost can't believe I made it to Saturday. I wake before my alarm, butterflies in my stomach, my body anticipating seeing Sidney. _I miss that guy!_ The bedroom still looks pitiful, the furniture due to arrive early next week. I was hoping I could at least pull that together before Sid came home, but it looks like we'll both be living like frat-boys for a few days. I can't help but laugh at the thought. Millionaire-hockey-superstar Sidney Crosby, sleeping on the floor of his brand new house.

Any judgement I had about Sid taking so long to get moved in has long passed. The only thing I've accomplished over the past few days is buying the very minimal basics, and getting the windows measured for blinds. He's hardly ever home and somehow he's supposed to pull it all together? It's starting to make a lot more sense now. I wander into the expansive kitchen, pull out my plastic spoon and bowl, and make myself a bowl of cereal. It's sunny this morning, but Sid doesn't have any patio furniture, and frankly, there's a lot more interest in his house than mine, so I'm not keen on sitting outside in my pajamas for the world to see. I wonder if I'll ever get used to that? It hasn't even been a week, but I've become very aware that fans drive by, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, taking pictures of the house, sometimes even posing in the driveway. I can't wait for the blinds to go up.

There's not even a stool in the kitchen, so I park myself in the middle of the kitchen floor, and flip through email. My phone buzzes, startling me, and I laugh at the little yelp echoing through the house.

_"Tickets waiting for you. BE SAFE!"_ Aww, he's worried about me! Obviously, I'm not going to wear his jersey or anything to the game. I'm sure Carter and I will be able to slip in and out anonymously. Penguins games are a little different, but these fans won't be following the drama of Sid's personal life closely..._will they?_

_"Thanks babe! I'm so excited I could barely sleep!"_

_"I'm excited to see you hun, but Kate BE SAFE! They hate me in Philly, so don't expect friendly fans."_

_"I know, I'll be careful. Good luck!"_

_"Love you."_

_"Love you too! xoxo"_

His texts put me on edge a little bit, but I'll be with Carter and if things get out of hand we can always leave. Obviously I'm not going to be broadcasting that I'm dating Sid, and we're not going to be dressed in Pens gear, no one will even recognize us. We're not even staying overnight, we fly into Philly this morning, then back in the evening. There's not too much that can go wrong, right?

As expected, the flight to Philly is a non-event. Carter and I talk shop for most of it, and he artfully dodges any questions that might lead to an opening about his personal life. Crafty bastard! I tell Carter about Sid's warnings, which makes him laugh and puts me at ease a little bit. "I can't imagine anyone even knowing who we are," Carter assures me.

"That's what I was thinking," I reply instantly.

"He's a worrier," Carter laughs. "Like someone else I know." He nudges me playfully and I can't help but giggle. There's not much time between our arrival and the game, so as much as we'd both love to grab some lunch, we head straight for the arena. Traffic is heavy, obviously the game between the cross-state rivals is sold out, and the congestion only worsens the closer we get.

The arena is vibrating, the energy and tension in the crowd palpable. The traffic-cone-orange jerseys are offending all of my senses, but I smile when spotting a few Crosby sweaters peppered in the crowd. Our seats are pretty good, considering it's an away game, but we're in the thick of Flyers fans. Carter sneaks off to the concession, hoping to find something somewhat substantial but still edible. I use the time to take in my surroundings and my heart sinks. Sid wasn't kidding when he said they hate him here. A guy just three seats down from me is putting the finishing touches on his "No Diving" sign, the center of which features a picture of Sidney. The teams take the ice for the warm up skate, and the jeers start immediately. "Crybaby" is a common theme, one that I don't really get, but whatever.

"Hey," Carter returns carrying an overstuffed tray of junk food. French fries, popcorn, soda, a hot dog for him, nachos and salsa for me. We're pretty much ready to move in for the afternoon. "Ignore him," he encourages when the man behind us starts heckling Sid.

"That's the plan," I smile. "What do you like more? Watching the hunky players or the junk food?"

"If there wasn't junk food I wouldn't be here," Carter answers seriously. "There's good looking guys everywhere, but there's something about staring at them while eating garbage that makes it so much more appealing." I nod in agreement.

"Man, I don't think I can pig out like this in Pittsburgh," I sigh. "Too many people watching me."

"The beauty of a road game," Carter says.

The game starts minutes later, and the intensity is almost overwhelming. It's not easy sitting around thousands of people who want nothing more than to see the person you love be crushed, checked, slammed or punched. They're vocal in their disdain for Sid, and it's more than irritating - it's infuriating. Sid doesn't seem to be bothered by it though. He plays well, which only fuels the crowd further. The game goes quickly, the refs not calling much, and by the end of the first period the teams are even at two a piece. Sid hasn't scored a point yet, and I imagine he'll come out even more determined in the second.

I decide to hit the bathroom, hoping to wash my hands and the line isn't terribly long. Once I get inside, I notice a group of three young women writing on their stomachs with body paint. They're all wearing cropped Flyer's t-shirts, very appropriate for the chilly arena, and in thick black letters they've written "Crosby Is A" with an arrow pointing to their nether regions. _Classy_. I roll my eyes and quickly wash my hands, desperate to get back to my seat.

"Hey!" one of the girls grabs my arm as I'm about to leave. "Could you take a picture for us?" That was unexpected, and incredibly ironic.

"Sure," I smile politely. This is too strange, they obviously have no idea who I am, and that's relief enough for me to agree to this strange request. I take her phone and they press their bodies together, aiming for sexy, but they're so young and overly-tanned that it kind of makes me sad. I snap a few pictures and pass back her phone, and just as I'm about to leave she stops me again.

"Do you want one?" she holds up a mini-Flyers temporary tattoo. Her friends are applying them to each cheek, and I just wave her off.

"You girls don't know who that is," a woman in a Penguins jersey chimes in. All three turn to look at me, their eyes giving me a once over, trying to place my face, but there's no recollection. "That's Sidney Crosby's girlfriend," she beams proudly. _Great_.

"Yeah, I wish," I say lamely and try to cover my embarrassment with a smile. The Penguins fan gives me a puzzled look, and my eyes plead with her to stop. She's older, and her good sense kicks in.

"You kind of look like her," she says evenly, the attention of the room hanging on her every word. "But, I can see I was wrong," she finishes. I give her a grateful smile, and turn to leave practically sprinting back to my seat.

"I was about to send out the search party," Carter teases me.

"I just had the weirdest experience of my life," I gasp, and dive in to telling him about my encounter in the bathroom. Carter laughs hysterically and I manage to recover my sense of humor.

"Only you would agree to take a picture of that," he giggles. "You have to tell Sid."

"I'm sure he'd rather not know about what goes on in the ladies room," I reply while Carter flips through his phone.

"Ha! They tweeted it!" Carter laughs, turning his phone for me to see the picture I took plastered on his screen.

"Oh man," I shrink into my seat, just as the second period starts.

"And look!" Carter shrieks. "May or may not have been taken by Sidney Crosby's girlfriend."

"They wrote that?!" I say, horrified.

"They did," Carter giggles. "Oh Kate, it's fine."

"Not exactly keeping a low-profile," I sigh. I return my attention to the ice, Sid's line is on and they're really taking a beating from the other team. Sid is thrown hard into the end boards, and the crowd goes wild. A penalty is called and the cheers quickly turn to booing, as I wince watching the replay. With the Pens on a power play, Sid stays on the ice and is joined by their top players. They make short work of the advantage, Sid scoring only seconds later.

My mind somewhere else, I jump to my feet and cheer loudly, but thankfully my enthusiasm is masked by the shouting all around us. "Easy tiger," Carter pulls me back into my seat. The Pens are up by one now, and the energy in the arena changes dramatically. The booing is now taunting, and the poor goalie takes the brunt of it. Every time Sid touches the ice the crowd boos, and it only worsens when he has the puck. I can't help but smile though, beaming with pride as he takes control of the game. Before the period is over he's assisted on another goal and we're up by two.

I don't dare venture out of our section again, but Carter needs to use the facilities. He's only just left when two guys wearing Letang and Crosby jerseys spot me. "Hey!" the would-be Crosby proudly shows off his sweater, and I give him a shy thumbs up, and hold my breath until they pass by. Thank god they didn't stop. _Sid was right_. It's hard to believe that anyone would remember who Sid's dating, let alone recognize me, but they do.

The Penguins take a stranglehold on the game during the third, and the crowd thins slightly. I guess watching your team implode isn't that much fun. Sid has now scored twice, and the team is working to set him up for the hat trick, which doesn't go over well with the fans. The name calling gets dirtier, louder, more obnoxious. It doesn't bother me as much as when we first got here, but it's still tough to listen to. The young couple sitting directly in front of us have obviously had too much to drink, and he starts shouting "Faggot!" at the top of his lungs each time Sid has the puck. I can tolerate a lot, but not that.

"Excuse me," I tap the man's shoulder and he turns immediately. "Could you not yell homophobic slurs? It's offensive and there's families here watching the game."

"Fuck you," his girlfriend chimes in, and I realize that maybe I should have approached security before deciding to take on two drunk hockey fans.

"Yeah, fuck you and your faggot friend too," her boyfriend adds.

"What?" I'm stunned. I've never heard anyone mistreat Carter before, and it's shocking. Carter doesn't react though, he takes my arm and tries to pull me back to my seat. "Apologize to him," I demand, pulling myself free from Carter's grip.

"Sorry you're a queer loving faggot," the young woman cackles, finding her very unfunny joke absolutely hilarious.

"You're trash," I tell her and she doesn't even hesitate. She takes her plastic cup and tosses the contents directly at my chest.

"Well you're covered in beer," she laughs.

"Let's go," Carter pulls me out of the row and I can barely take my eyes off the two horrible fans. "Kate!" he snaps, pulling me back to reality.

The taxi ride to the airport is quiet. I'm still stunned by what transpired at the game and Carter is obviously hurt by the events. "I'm sorry," I tell him quietly.

"Not your fault," he answers.

"I think I made it worse though," I admit.

"You couldn't have known," he smiles weakly.

"You knew though," I say gently.

"I had a feeling they weren't going to back down," he replies with a shrug. Carter is always so confident and capable, seeing him like this is heartbreaking. He looks so defeated and broken. Suddenly keeping his relationship with Jeff private doesn't seem so silly.

We make our way through the terminal and wait for our flight to be called. "I can't wait to get home and change," I sigh, hoping to lighten the mood.

"You smell like a pub," Carter finally cracks a smile.

"Big plans tonight?" I ask sweetly.

"Nothing major," he grins shyly.

_"US Airways Flight 1898 to Pittsburgh now boarding." _We both stand and make our way toward the gate. The lineup isn't long, so it looks like the flight probably isn't full, which is always nice. The line moves quickly and Carter motions for me to go ahead of him. I hand the ticket agent my boarding pass and identification, which usually isn't a problem, but she frowns deeply and I know something is wrong.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to step aside please," she motions toward a row of seats beside the ticket counter.

"Is something wrong?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ma'am, it's airline policy not to allow intoxicated passengers onto our flights," she says matter-of-factly.

"I haven't been drinking," I say defensively.

"Ma'am, you have clearly been drinking," she says seriously.

"We were at a hockey game and someone poured a beer on me, honestly, I haven't been drinking," I say, while she shuffles me to the side.

"It's true," Carter jumps in.

"Sir, are you traveling companions?" she glares at him.

"Yes," he says tentatively.

"Then I'm going to have to ask you to step aside as well," she points toward the seat next to mine.

So there we're sat, watching all the happy travelers board the plane while I silently curse the horrible woman from the game. There's a dozen or so Penguins fans who obviously have been drinking who are ushered onto the flight, but I guess they all had the good sense not to reek like beer. I shake my head at my own stupidity and Carter pulls out his phone.

"This is the last flight back to Pittsburgh tonight," he frowns.

"She'll let us on, we just have to explain," I say with false confidence.

I was wrong, dead wrong. Not only does she not let us on, we're not exactly treated like the displaced travelers we feel like. Carter waits impatiently at the car rental kiosk, and I text Sid to let him know I won't be home until late.

_"Trouble with our flight, we're driving home. Don't wait up."_

At least the rental car is comfortable. Carter enjoys driving, so I've lucked out there. Five hours goes slowly when all you want to do is be at home. "Take a nap," Carter offers.

"I'm not tired," I lie.

"Kate, you're exhausted."

"So are you," I argue.

"Nope, I drink coffee, remember?" he holds up his Starbucks and I give him a grateful smile. It doesn't take long before I'm drifting to sleep, the sound of the road moving steadily beneath me lulling me deeper and deeper. I vaguely make out music, the songs blurring together, my phone vibrates a few times in my pocket, but I can't seem to wake up enough to look.

"Hey, we're home," Carter taps me gently and I slowly come back to earth. He's parked in the driveway of the new house, nearly every light turned on. _Sid's home_. It's almost two am. Wow, I really zonked out.

"Thanks a million Carter, what would I do without you?" I lean over to give him a hug, but he keeps me at arms length.

"Stale beer smell, remember?" he laughs and I join him.

Inside, I hear Sidney talking to someone on the phone. He sounds tense, and I quickly pull out my phone to see if I've missed any important messages. Just a few from him telling me he's home and of course he'll wait up.

"Hey," I whisper, peeking my head into the kitchen, startling him.

"She's here, I'll talk to her and call you back," he hangs up his phone and looks at me suspiciously.

"Sid?" I ask nervously.

"You were drunk and kicked off your flight?" he asks forcefully, thrusting the screen of his phone in my face. There's a picture of Carter and I sitting at the airport, my eyes closed and my head in my hands. _Captain's girlfriend gets bombed while Penguins blast Flyers_. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

_This looks bad, really bad. _


	14. Chapter 14

I take another look at the picture and it is pretty convincing, but it can also be easily explained away. I glance up at Sidney and he is impatiently waiting for me to say something, maybe even apologize? "Sid," I start, almost laughing at the ridiculous thought of me getting smashed in public.

"It's not funny Kate, this is all over the internet," he scolds. Okay, he's right. I sober my expression and step closer to him. "Jesus Kate, I can smell the beer on you from here," he says angrily. He has no right to be angry! He hasn't even given me a chance to explain!

"Listen," I snap. "Carter and I were at the game when two idiots started screaming gay slurs and when I asked them to stop she threw her drink on me. We didn't want to cause a scene, so we left right away, but at the airport they wouldn't let us board because they thought I was drunk. Obviously from the beer soaked clothes I was wearing. So we rented a car and drove home."

It takes a minute for all this information to sink in, but once it does Sid's expression softens and he gives me a sympathetic smile. "That makes a lot more sense," he concedes.

"Yeah," I huff, still angry at his accusation. "Who were you talking to?" I ask nervously.

"My dad," he sighs.

"Great," I groan. "Now your parents are going to think..."

"They don't," he stops me. "He said to give you the benefit of the doubt until I could speak with you."

"You weren't going to give me the benefit of the doubt? You really thought I would go to your game and get so drunk that I couldn't fly home?" I ask incredulously. Sid just watches me for a moment, and it's infuriating. "Geez Sid, I thought you had a little more confidence in me than that."

"Babe, there's pictures of you..."

"And you of all people should know that photos can be taken out of context," I interrupt. "I don't get you sometimes. One minute you have all the faith in the world in us, and the next you're pleading for me to tell you I love you. You trust me enough to have your child, but then you think I would turn around and get drunk? When I'm doing everything in my power to conceive?"

"Kate..." he starts, but trails off into silence.

"What?" I hiss. "What is it?"

"Give me a break, okay?" he shouts. "I'm new at this! I don't know what I'm doing and I hate that. I hate that you're better at this than I am! I get jealous, I'm insecure, I can't help it!" He runs his hands through his hair and turns his back to me. I always think of him as so capable, and he mostly is, but I guess relationships aren't his strong suit. He pulls off his jacket, and carefully folds it, setting it across the kitchen island, still not facing me.

"Hey," I whisper, and he freezes. "Look at me." He slowly turns around, his eyes closed, holding his breath, and he looks so pained. "Sid."

"I'm sorry," he sighs, finally making eye contact. I feel a smile spread across my lips, and my cheeks heat slightly. I unbutton my shirt and pull it off, tossing it beside his jacket.

"Beer soaked," I explain with a laugh, and he giggles reluctantly. I move toward him and his arms open immediately. He pulls me close and I wrap my arms around his chest, hugging him tight. "I love you, I'm sorry you were worried."

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you," he breathes into my hair.

"I'm not better at this than you," I tighten my grip. "We're just learning how to be together."

"You're pretty good at it," he sighs.

"I don't think so," I laugh. "I make a lot of mistakes."

"Not as many as me," he sighs.

"You're doing great," I kiss his lips softly. "I'm glad you're home, I missed you."

"Oh hun, I missed you," he kisses me again.

"I'm exhausted," I admit. "I think I'm going to have a shower and then..."

"Let's take a bath," he offers.

The bathroom is probably the one room that is kind of pulled together. Sid gets the water running and I pour in some bubble bath. I'm so eager to wash the day off my skin, literally, and I quickly disrobe and step into the tub. Sid joins me seconds later, and I lay back into his chest, enjoying the feeling of his skin on mine while the bath fills. "How did the game end?" I ask absentmindedly.

"We won," he says neutrally.

"I figured you would, but did you get the third goal you were looking for?" I grin back at him.

"Nope," he smiles back.

"Aww."

"I don't care," he giggles. "A win is a win. The house looks good," he says sweetly.

"Please," I roll my eyes. "I didn't get anything done."

"You did more in a few days than I've done all year," he laughs. _That's true_.

"But you're away all the time," I give him an excuse.

"Not all the time," he chuckles. "We can talk furniture tomorrow," he tells me kissing the top of my head.

"Tomorrow," I sigh aloud. _Well now or never_. "So, this is awkward, but I need to talk to Benny. Things are kind of spiraling out of control there, but I don't want to go alone, and I was hoping you'd come with me." I wait nervously for Sid's reaction. He's holding his breath, I can tell that much, but I can't see his face, so I really have no idea what he's thinking. "Babe?"

"Okay," he sighs. "We have to face this I guess."

"It'll be fine," I promise him, although that's really not something I can guarantee.

"I don't want to spend the whole day with the guy though," he mutters grumpily.

"We won't, an hour tops," I tell him, trying to soothe the sting by running my hands across his thighs. "And then we can do whatever you like!"

"That's a dangerous promise to make sweetie," he laughs.

"Do your worst," I challenge him, and he playfully pinches me under my ribs, making me jump and splash. "Sid!" I squeal at the top of my lungs, which encourages him to keep tickling and pinching me. I squirm, and wiggle, giggling and laughing, sending water sloshing over the sides of the tub and Sid is in hysterics. "Sid! Please!" I beg him to stop and he finally does, hugging me tight to his chest, both of our hearts racing, our lungs gasping for breath.

"You're so fun to tease," he says gently, his voice changing from playful to something more deliberate. "I was good all day yesterday and today," he says seriously. "Now I want you."

"Babe it's so late."

"I don't care, do you?" he asks seriously. I'm wide awake now, and the sight of him in the flesh is enough to put me in the mood.

"No," I shake my head with a grin. "I want you."

"Then have me you will," he says, suddenly standing and stepping from the bath. He wraps a towel around his waist then holds one open for me to step into. I stand, taking his hand, and revel in the feeling of his arms wrapping around me, drying my skin, covering me with the fluffy terrycloth. "Christening the new house," he grins, pulling me toward our bed. He pulls the towel away from me, and presses me down onto the freshly made bed. _I guess we're not going under the covers_. I shiver at the thought. Sid notices and quickly covers my body with his. "Better?"

"Mmmm. Your skin is so warm," I pant, kissing the space between his neck and shoulder. Sid places his hands on my hips and pushes me up the bed until his face is lined up with my sex. He kisses across my stomach, licking and biting lower and lower until he lifts my hips and presses his tongue against me. Sid starts teasing me slowly, moving his tongue from side to side, little flicks of pleasure spiking through me. "Don't stop," I beg him.

"No plans to stop," he grins against me, and I close my eyes and surrender to the feeling. His hand moves to my breast and starts massaging me, a gentle torture that I can barely tolerate. I grasp his hand and try to pull it away, but he doesn't stop, instead I feel him giggling at my desperation. His tongue presses harder, moves faster, and I can't help the moans escaping my mouth. I drag my hands through his hair, trying to maintain some connection to reality while my body floats further and further away. Suddenly he stop, kissing me then sitting up. "Ready for me?"

"Yes!" I gasp, opening my eyes to see him leaning over top of me. He rests his forehead against mine, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Sid slowly spreads my legs apart, and positions himself between them. I grab his hips and pull him toward me, but he resists.

"Easy baby," he smiles.

"Sid!" I whine.

"Just let me look at you," he grins.

"I don't want to look at you and I want you inside me!" I plead. Sid shakes his head, playfully reprimanding me, then slowly eases himself into me. I melt beneath him, my lips fusing to his skin. He moves slowly, sliding in and out, pressing hard when he is fully sheathed inside me. "That's new," I giggle.

"Do you like it?" he asks with a grin.

"Mmhmm," I grin, but then an errant thought crosses my mind. "Where did you pick up that move?" My brows furrow and my body tenses.

"One of my teammates swears by it," he laughs at my insecurity. "He said it's always worked for him and his wife." _Oh my god! He's the sweetest!_

"You're picking up sex tips to help us have a baby?" I ask, tears pricking my eyes.

"I only talked to one guy about it, and he would never breathe a word," he promises. "He has, like, half a dozen kids so I figured he might know a thing or two." I giggle at his explanation and Sid grins and kisses me deeply. "It feels good for you?"

"Oh yeah," I beam up at him.

"Good," he smiles, kissing me again and continuing the delicious motion. I run my hands across his back, feeling his muscles tense and release, the rhythm paralleling the motion of our hips. "You feel so good baby," he pants, his lips tickling my shoulder, his breath heating my skin.

"You feel amazing," I whisper, my emotions running away on me, and I feel like I could burst into tears. I'm so overwhelmed by my feelings for him in this moment. The physical connection is amplified by the love I feel for him, and without warning, I find myself desperately pleading with the universe to let tonight be the night.

"Hey? You okay?" Sid asks with concern, obviously noticing the emotions written on my face.

"I'm great," I tell him honestly. "I just love you so much."

"Do you feel how much I love you?" he whispers.

"Every inch," I giggle.

"Kate!" he feigns shock, but smiles sweetly. "I have a good feeling about this," he confesses.

"So do I," I tell him honestly.

We move together, joining our bodies, reaching for a common goal. _Please, please, please let tonight be the night_.


	15. Chapter 15

Sid carefully places a pillow beneath my hips and covers me with a blanket. "There," he says, tucking me in so snug that I can barely move. It's cute the way he dotes on me, and oddly comforting too.

"Are you going to sleep now?" I ask him softly. He's usually tired after sex and it's late, or really early depending on how you look at things. I want to stay awake long enough to brush my teeth, but I have to lie still for a while.

"I'll sleep when you do," he smiles.

"What do you think of our new bed?" I ask him seriously. Sid bounces on the bed a few times, exaggerating his inspection of my purchase. He rolls onto his side, facing me, then flips onto his other side. He sits back on his knees and grins.

"Love it," he announces. "We're going to have some good times here."

"We're off to a good start," I giggle.

"Mmm," he purrs. "That was a good start, wasn't it?"

"Thank your teammate for me," I tease, freeing my arm and running my hand through Sid's hair.

"Well, a lot of it is in the execution," he says seriously.

"Yeah?" I grin.

"Don't underestimate my contribution," he chuckles.

"Oh babe," I try to lean up to kiss him, but the blanket traps me, so Sid moves to meet me halfway. "You were amazing."

"Amazing?" he presses.

"Absolutely," and as the words leave my mouth I see him relax visibly. _What? Why was he worried?_ "Sid? Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything," he says, running his finger down the side of my cheek. His touch is distracting, but this is important, and I don't want this question mark hanging between us anymore.

"Am I doing something to make you feel insecure?" I ask gently, trying not to sound confrontational. He stills at my question, and I see his expression change. All the playfulness evaporates, and Sid becomes defensive.

"Why do you think that?" he asks, his voice laced with tension.

"Hey," I smile up at him, brushing his hair away from his forehead. "Please don't be angry, tonight has been so special," I plead.

"I'm not mad, I just don't know where you're getting that idea," he says quickly.

"Well, there's a few things," I start hesitantly.

"Like?"

"Like when you were helping me pack for my trip home, and I joked about not taking panties. You got really mad. Then there was that comment from your teammate about putting on a show for you guys," I try to say as neutrally as possible.

"Baby, that wasn't me..."

"I know, but it hit a nerve with you, and you seem to think I won't be faithful, but Sid, I'm in this. All the way."

"It's not you," he starts, but then clams up. I wait patiently for him to elaborate, but he doesn't continue.

"What is it then?" I ask.

"Oh Kate, it doesn't matter. It was a million years ago..." he sighs. _So something did happen_.

"Sid, if it's making you feel insecure, then it does matter."

"Ugh, I hate talking about it," he groans. "It's stupid and embarrassing," he huffs.

"Tell me," I plead with him. "Come on babe."

"I had a girlfriend a few years ago," he starts. "And it was nothing like us, so don't get jealous," he orders. I nod, encouraging him to continue. "I thought she and I were together, but she wasn't exactly devoted."

"Oh babe, that's rough," I tell him sincerely.

"The Skype comment..." he stops.

"What babe?"

"She did that," he admits with a heavy sigh. "I was in the shower, a couple of teammates were in the room. She dialed in and then...well, you can imagine the rest," he says. _She put on a show. _I frown at the thought of someone mistreating him so badly. "It was..."

"Horrible," I finish for him.

"Humiliating," he corrects. He shakes his head, and I can see the wheels are still turning.

"Babe?" I say sweetly, and his eyes dart up to meet mine. "That's in the past, you don't have to worry about that anymore."

"It's just that tonight, when I saw those pictures of you..." he trails off. _Of course that would trigger these feeling_. Suddenly the misconstrued photos don't seem so innocent. Of course, I would never do anything to purposely embarrass him.

"I'm sorry that happened," I tell him automatically.

"It's not your fault," he says seriously.

"It wasn't your fault either," I tell him.

"I should have known," he sighs. "She didn't have the best reputation, but everyone is usually pretty critical of anyone I date." _Yikes_.

"What did they say about me?" I ask nervously.

"Ha!" he laughs easily.

"What?!" I sit up automatically and give him a playful shove.

"No baby," he scolds, pressing me back down onto the bed. "Stay still, remember?"

"What did they say about me?" I huff grumpily.

"You really want to know?" he asks seriously. My eyes widen as I nod anxiously. "They said you were too career-minded to be a hockey wife." He laughs, but the words sting.

"Who is _they _anyway?" I hiss.

"My agent, some of the Pens staff," he pauses. "My parents."

"Your parents!" I gasp.

"Don't worry, you've proved them wrong, and they know it," he tells me, caressing my face and kissing me gently.

"What's the difference between a wife and a hockey wife?" I yawn.

"I guess a hockey wife kind of puts hockey ahead of her own career," he admits slowly. "But, no one would expect that of you."

"Wouldn't it be worse? You're like, a big deal, wouldn't I..." I can't keep the worry out of my voice.

"Babe, you're different," he assures me.

"But..." I stifle a yawn, my brain working overtime, but my body craving sleep. _Wouldn't Sidney Crosby's wife be expected to do even more?_

"Hun," Sid pulls the blanket off me and pulls me to my feet. "Let's get ready for bed. We can talk in the morning." I shuffle into the bathroom, Sid handing me my toothbrush. I brush my teeth, wash my face and then crawl back into bed.

Sid joins me moments later, leaning across to plant a minty-kiss on my lips. "Goodnight love," he purrs. His hand moves across my stomach and he leans down to kiss my tummy. "Goodnight you," he whispers, and it's barely audible, a secret affection not even I was meant to hear.

"You're the best guy I know," I beam, tears trickling down my cheeks. "I love you." I fall swiftly to sleep, safe in Sid's arms.

It's impossible for me to sleep in when the house doesn't have blinds. The morning sunlight wakes me up only a few short hours after we fell asleep. I look over and Sid is covering his eyes with his arms, desperate to block out the sun. I grab his t-shirt from the floor beside me and shrug it on. He doesn't stir at all, even when I roll off the bed and head into the hallway. I pull out a folded bed sheet and wonder what I can use to fasten it to the wall. I dash downstairs and dig through my laptop bag, finding a small plastic case of pushpins and paperclips.

I creep back into the bedroom and do my best to attach the makeshift curtain to the wall, the room darkening noticeably. I stretch, and consider crawling back into bed, but I'm awake now. Wide awake. Wide awake in an empty house. I pull out my laptop, intending to get some work done, but inevitably, curiosity gets the better of me and I find myself pouring over gossip pages and message boards desperate to see how much damage was done last night.

I brace myself for the worst and click on the first search result.

_Crosby's girlfriend vs. Flyers fans - updated with video! _Great, someone filmed the whole thing. Morbid curiosity takes over and I click on the link. It's a crisp video, obviously taken by someone sitting only a few seats down from us on their phone.

_"Could you not yell homophobic slurs? It's offensive and there's families here watching the game." _The camera tightens on me and I look angry, really pissed off. A comment box pops up on the screen with an arrow pointing to me, indicating that I'm Sidney Crosby's girlfriend. I used to be known as Kate, but lately being reduced to "girlfriend" has become a common occurrence.

_"Fuck you!"_ The camera shakily moves to capture the trashy Flyers fans.

_"Yeah, fuck you and your faggot friend too."_

_"What?"_ It's surreal watching this from a third party perspective. _"Apologize to him."_

_"Sorry you're a queer loving faggot."_ The words cut deep, even from YouTube. The next part of our exchange is inaudible, but clear as day she tosses her beer at me. For a second it looks like I'm going to slug her, but then Carter pulls me away and the video ends. I scroll through the comments, and most are very supportive, but some take shots at Sidney's sexuality, which isn't totally unexpected.

I click on the second search result and lucky for me, the video seems to have saved my reputation. Not only am I **not** the drunken party girl first reported, I'm now a gay rights activist. The Flyers organization has even released a statement. Geez.

_"We are extremely disappointed by the events that transpired at Saturday afternoon's game. We strive to create a safe environment for all hockey fans, regardless of gender, sexuality, race or religion."_

Wow, this has really exploded overnight. I consider waking up Sid, but he needs his sleep. I check my phone, but the battery has died overnight, so any messages will have to wait. Sid's phone is plugged in on the counter, so I steal his charger, knowing his phone will be back to full battery by now. As soon as I unplug it the home screen turns on and I see that he's been flooded with text messages. His agent wants to talk to him ASAP, Troy texted to get in touch with his agent ASAP, the Pens PR lady wants a statement, a few people I don't know texted asking for quotes, and then there's one from Taylor, his sister.

_"Your girlfriend is awesome! Miss you bud!"_

A huge smile breaks out across my face. I like her already. Okay, enough about last night. I look a lot tougher in the video than I felt, and honestly, it's not an event I want to relive. I fire off a quick email to Carter, thanking him for everything and asking if he's feeling okay with things. I'm sure any hurt I was feeling was ten times worse for him.

"Hey," Sidney startles me from the doorway. "Where'd you go?" he yawns, rubbing his eyes and leaning against the wall in all his naked glory.

"Babe!" I gasp. "No blinds, remember!" Sid takes a quick step back and laughs.

"Come on," he holds his hand out and I stand to join him.

"You have a million texts about last night," I tell him with a frown.

"I'll handle it, I promise," he assures me, but Sid doesn't realize the situation has changed dramatically.

"Someone filmed the whole thing, it's up on YouTube. The Flyers even released an apology," I tell him. This captures his attention and he strides toward his phone, obviously indifferent to the lack of window coverings. "Sid, at least put shorts on. We don't need anymore press right now." He grabs his phone and quickly dashes to the bedroom, returning moments later in shorts and a t-shirt.

"Bring up the video," he asks me while flipping through his messages. I comply, but my cheeks burn red with embarrassment. Sid leans over my shoulder, rubbing my tense muscles while we watch the whole scene together. When the video ends he kisses the top of my head and gives me a gentle squeeze. "I thought you were going to punch her for a second," he giggles.

"I considered it," I admit with a laugh.

"Let me make a few calls and then let's get some sleep, yeah?" he asks and I nod in agreement. Sid walks through the empty house, talking to various people, his voice echoing through the kitchen every once in a while. I close up my computer, a calm sweeping over me. Last night wasn't the disaster I thought it was after all. I grab a plastic cup and pour myself a glass of orange juice, and just before I head upstairs I catch a few words of Sid's conversation.

"Yeah, she's pretty great," he says proudly.

_Maybe I can get the hang of this hockey wife thing after all._


	16. Chapter 16

Sid's phone won't stop buzzing, and even though he doesn't seem to have trouble sleeping through it, it's driving me crazy. I reach across him and grab the offending device, and I'm shocked to see it's almost two in the afternoon. We've slept most of the day away. We probably should have just stayed up when we first woke, but it was a late night. I blush remembering the best parts of our evening, how sweet Sid was, how intensely connected to him I felt.

I pull his arm from under his head and wrap it around myself, waking him in the process. "Morning," he yawns.

"Afternoon," I correct him with a grin.

"What?!" Sid flies out of bed and grabs his watch from off the floor. "It's two o'clock!"

"Yep," I stretch leisurely, not quite sure where the fire is. I pat his side of the bed, encouraging him to crawl back in and cuddle me some more, but he's not having any of it.

"Babe, we were supposed to spend the day together, get up! Get up!" he rummages through his bag for clothes, tossing my jeans toward me. _Ugh, stale beer smell_. I quickly throw them into the corner, and walk through the ensuite into the closet. Most of my clothes are already here, but none of Sid's things have been moved over. "What time do you want to go see what's-his-face?" Sid calls from the bedroom.

"I'll call Benny and see what works for him," I say rolling my eyes at Sid's less than friendly tone. I grab undergarments, a black skirt and chambray shirt and camisole and head back into the bedroom to find Sid racing to get ready. "Hun, what's the rush?"

"This is my last real off-day for a while and I don't want to waste it sleeping in," he groans. _Oh, this is news to me_.

"How long is a while?" I ask.

"Hopefully until late June," he replies, sliding on a t-shirt.

"June?" I ask surprised.

"Playoffs babe," he looks at me like I'm crazy. _Of course_. A good hockey wife would already be well-aware that playoffs are just around the corner. I mentally scold myself for not paying more attention.

"You don't get a day off during playoffs?" I frown. It already feels like we barely get to see each other these days, and now he'll be busy everyday? Some of these will be home games of course, but his routine is pretty rigid on game days. _Not a great time to be working on baby making_.

"Not really," he admits. "Sometimes between series, but my life is about to get crazy busy, and I really want to just hang with you today." Sid jumps to his feet and stalks toward me, a man possessed. I'm just slipping on my bra and he traces the edge of the fabric across the top of my breasts, up my shoulder, slowly kissing my skin, making me break out in goosebumps.

"Babe," I pant. I drop my hands to his waist and just as I'm about to lower his shorts, his hands grab mine and he stops me.

"Don't get any ideas," he changes directions immediately. "Call who's-his-boots and let's get it over with." _Aww, he's nervous!_ I grab his face forcefully with both hands and plant a wet kiss on his mouth. Sid giggles, but it's not his usual carefree laugh.

"Love you," I whisper and he visibly relaxes. Today is going to be tough on him, and I have to keep him in mind at all times.

I dress quickly and then make my way downstairs to the kitchen where my phone was left to charge. My stomach tightens, I have no idea what I'm going to say to Benny, or what he wants to say to me, but my biggest worry is what he's going to say to Sid. Benny's remembered a lot since we divorced, and combined with Sid's insecurity it could be a recipe for disaster. I just really need to make him understand that I'm with Sid now, and there's nothing for him in Pittsburgh.

Two deep breaths, and I dial. "Hello?" his voice startles me. I don't know that I'll ever get used to it.

"Hey, it's Kate," my voice is shaky, unrecognizable even to myself.

"I'm so happy you're calling," he says brightly. "Are we still getting together today?"

"Yeah, I think we should talk. It's probably easiest if Sid and I come over there," I decide on the spot.

"Sid?" he says with a laugh.

"Yes," I hiss.

"You're bringing the boyfriend?" his voice dips into sarcasm on the last word, and I don't appreciate it.

"I am. What time works for you?"

"Whenever, I'm here all day," he chuckles.

"Benny..." I plead.

"Kitten?" he asks, and the ancient endearment puts me on edge immediately.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" he laughs.

"Just, don't. Okay?" I beg. "Let's just aim for friendly. Can we do that?"

"I think we can do better than that," he says easily. "But if you like, we can start there."

"Thank you," I sigh.

Upstairs, I find a very nervous Sidney fumbling to make the bed. I don't say anything, instead I walk around to the opposite side of the bed and help him with the fitted sheet. He glances up at me, and I give him a warm smile, hoping it will help calm his anxiety. "You need me to come with you?" he asks.

"Would you rather wait here?" I ask seriously.

"No!" he answers immediately, and with so much force that we both break out in giggles. "I can't remember the last time I felt this nervous," he admits.

"Before a game?" I suggest.

"Not like this," he says.

"What about at the Olympics?" I tease him, and he blushes slightly.

"Yeah, I was pretty nervous," he confesses.

"Can we watch that sometime?" I ask, taking him by surprise. "I can't believe I haven't seen it." _Worst girlfriend ever_.

"Sure," he laughs.

"Have you watched it?" I press him.

"More than once," he replies sheepishly and the tips of his ears redden. _Okay, he's had enough teasing for right now_. I pull the blanket tight across my side, and he does the same. We each place pillows at the head of the bed, and our very sparse bedroom looks as good as it's going to get. I crawl across the freshly made bed and Sid stands on the other side, opening his arms to receive me.

"Don't be nervous," I beg him.

"I can't help it," he pouts.

"Then let's get it over with," I suggest and he agrees, a small nod and a deep sigh the only indicators he's ready to go.

The drive to my house is incredibly tense and uncomfortable. "I used to love your house," he sighs. "Now it feels..."

"It's still my house babe," I tell him, running my hand along his thigh, hoping my touch will make him feel a bit more settled.

"Yeah, I guess," he frowns. His eyebrows furrow and his lips tighten into a thin line.

"Remember the first time you came over?" I giggle, hoping to lighten the mood. His lips twitch into a small smile, so I continue. "You scared me half to death!"

"I can't help that you're jumpy," he teases.

"I loved that afternoon," I tell him. "I think about it all the time."

"Really?" he looks at me with a hopeful grin.

"Yep," I say honestly. "And the day I was supposed to call you to hang out, remember?"

"And you couldn't wait and came jogging past my house!" he laughs.

"That was a coincidence!" I cry defensively.

"Sure," he agrees sarcastically. "A coincidence."

"It was!" I punch his arm and he doesn't even flinch. "I was so nervous that morning, I couldn't sit still. I was like a kid on Christmas morning."

"I didn't know that," he smiles at me. "Tell me more." _This is working. _Talking about us has taken his mind off Benny and he's actually enjoying himself.

"When I texted asking if you wanted to do something with me, and you texted back that you couldn't, my heart just dropped," I laugh.

"Oh baby," he whines sympathetically. "I didn't torture you too long I hope?"

"No, you told me you were waiting for a really important phone call."

"Yours," he remembers.

"Yeah," I grin, beaming at the memory. "Sometimes when I'm missing you, I read through our texts," I confess. I hope that doesn't come off as too much of a needy, clingy girlfriend.

"I do too," he replies brightly. This is good. Talking is good, and it's calmed my nerves. The past twenty four hours has been a whirlwind, and my nerves are frayed from the combination of last night's drama and the anticipation of what we're about to do. _Sid and Benny in the same room_. Ugh. Suddenly, it occurs to me that neither of us have had anything to eat today and it's pushing three o'clock.

"Hungry?"

"No. I'm too anxious to eat," he answers automatically.

"Oh love," I coax gently. "No need to be nervous. You're stuck with me." I tease him and he seems to relax a little bit. "Do you want to get dim sum after?"

"Maybe," he says with a smile that doesn't quite feel genuine. Sid turns onto our old street and we drive past the enormous house he once called home. _Still calls home?_ All of his stuff is still there. He has an overnight bag at the new place, but there's not even enough clothes for him to make it through the weekend.

"We should pick up some of your stuff later," I suggest. "If you want." I add quickly. Maybe he shouldn't be changing things up this close to playoffs. He's a creature of habit, and I know how superstitious he can be.

"Of course," he looks at me like I'm crazy.

"I just don't want your routine to be too disrupted, I know it's playoffs and everything..."

"Don't worry about that," he says gently. "We have enough to worry about." Sid turns into my driveway, and I hear him sigh loudly. "Here we go."

"Last chance to back out," I offer.

"No, it's time to put this behind us," he says resolutely. He's right of course, and it's actually kind of funny how nervous we both are. Benny is my ex-husband, and we're both shaking like we're about to come face-to-face with the boogeyman. Sid throws the truck into park and stares straight ahead, lost in thought.

"Just think of him as an old friend," I say, trying to be helpful, but failing miserably.

"An old friend who you married, who has seen you naked, who you almost had a baby with, who you would probably still be married to if..." he trails off, and I see his mind is spiraling.

"Sid!" I snap, waking him from his living nightmare. "I'm yours, all that is far, far behind me."

"Just don't forget that when we get inside," he begs.

"As if I could," I promise him. I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean across the truck, wrapping my arms around Sid's neck and he nuzzles into my shoulder, squeezing me hard and holding me tight to him.

"Just love me," he begs.

"I do love you," I say softly.

"Only me," he presses.

"I'm only in love with you babe," and he chances a look at me and a hint of a smile crosses his lips. "Only you."

"Okay, I'm ready," he sighs. "Bring on the ex-husband."


	17. Chapter 17

I step out of the truck and wait for Sid at the base of the porch. He's sure taking his time! I give him an encouraging smile and hold out my hand, which he quickly takes in his, and together we make our way to the front door.

"Should we knock?" I ask him with a puzzled look. Yes, it's my house, but it feels weird walking in unannounced when Benny's been staying here.

"I don't know," Sidney laughs, and the situation is so ridiculous I have no choice but to join him. He leans in and kisses my forehead, his eyes wild with anticipation and his hands sweaty with nerves.

"Okay, let's just go in," I decide. The door is unlocked and I push it open, both of us taking hesitant steps inside. I feel like a trespasser in my own home! "Hello?" I call out.

"Hey Katie!" Benny calls from upstairs. "Two minutes."

Sid leads me into the living room and we sit side by side on the sofa, his arm draped around my shoulders possessively, his other hand clasping mine tightly. I glance around, and it appears Benny is still a bit of a neat freak. Nothing is out of place, meaning he's taken good care of the house and maybe even picked up after me. This would be a lot easier if he'd trashed the place. I look over at Sid and his brow is furrowed and his lips pursed in a tight line.

"You know, most of this furniture is new," I tell him.

"What?" he asks, distracted.

"I'm just saying, if you like any of my stuff it's basically all new. We can just move it over."

"Yeah, whatever you think," he struggles to smile, and I lean into him, letting his arm tighten around my shoulder. _Okay, he's past the point of distraction. _The sound of Benny's footsteps overhead only puts Sid further on edge, and at this point, there's very little I can do to calm his nerves. After what seems like ages, Benny finally starts down the stairs and I feel Sid sit up a little straighter, his hand clench a little tighter, his teeth grind a little harder. I let out a deep sigh, not realizing that I'd been holding my breath, and I feel Sid's gaze upon me._ Say something casual, don't make this a big deal._

"Let's just get this over with and go for lunch," I whisper, and that seems to do the trick. Thinking past this uncomfortable moment gives Sid reason to smile, and he does just that.

"Kate," Benny appears around the corner, a huge grin on his face which falls as soon as his eyes land on Sid. "You must be Sid," Benny says in a surprisingly friendly tone.

"And you're Benny," Sid replies easily, standing to shake his hand. _Okay, no blood shed...yet._ They shake vigorously, neither willing to break first. Benny flashes a grin that can only be described as smug, which is unusual for him, and Sid looks more intimidating than I've ever seen him.

"Let's sit down," I suggest, and my voice seems to break them out of their testosterone-fueled trance. Sid quickly takes his place beside me once more, and Benny sits directly across from me. _Uncomfortable!_

"So Benny, how have you been enjoying Kate's house?" Sid asks, his voice laced with judgement.

"Well Sid," Benny starts. "It's actually our house, we picked it out together. Isn't that right Kate?" Benny looks expectantly at me, and I can see this bit of information has floored Sid. _Benny's memory has almost caught up with him_.

"We looked at it online when we found out I'd be moving to Pittsburgh," I'm quick to correct him. _What am I doing? _Sid knows I have a past with this man, I can't try to minimize every little detail, that's not going to get us anywhere. "Anyway, it doesn't really matter now, Sid and I are moving into his new place."

"Our place," Sid tells Benny, squeezing my knee and smiling toward me.

"Really? So soon?" Benny says surprised. "That doesn't sound like the Kate I know."

"She's not the same Kate you knew," Sid snaps.

"Keep telling yourself that Sid," Benny shakes his head. Sid tenses immediately and Benny frowns at me. "Katie, what's this guy doing here?"

"Ben," I sigh. "I asked him to come with me."

"So you want to talk about us in front of..." Benny starts.

"No, you want to talk about us," I interrupt.

"We _need_ to talk about us," Benny says forcefully.

"So talk Benny, you've got her here, what do you want to say?" Sid hisses.

"What I have to say is between _me _and _my wife!_" Benny bites back.

"Ex-wife Ben," I say softly. His eyes lock with mine, and for the first time since we've reconnected I see the hurt this is causing him. "Things are different now, I'm sorry."

"Things are different," he agrees. "That doesn't mean..." he trails off, his voice dripping with disappointment.

"She doesn't want you Benny," Sid tells him flatly, and I can't help but feel a pang of anger toward him. _He doesn't have to be cruel_. This is hard enough without deliberately hurting each others' feelings.

"I can wait," Benny stares down Sid.

"You go ahead and wait in Saskatoon, I'll be here, with Kate," Sid says evenly. "And hopefully our baby," he looks at me as he says the last part, and I flush with embarrassment. _That's private!_ I squeeze Sid's hand so tightly I think I might break my own, but the look he gives me lets me know he isn't going to back down.

"You're pregnant?" Benny asks quietly.

"No," I shake my head.

"Not yet," Sidney corrects me. "But we're trying," he adds brightly. "Often." _Geez! _If Sid is trying to piss off the whole room, he's succeeding. This isn't a declaration of his love for me, Sid is using me as a way to hurt Benny. He's never been careless with my feelings before, and I don't even recognize him right now. The possessiveness isn't surprising, but sharing our private business, just to make Benny suffer is actually really hurtful to me too.

"Some things are still fuzzy, but I remember us having a lot of fun trying," Benny chimes in, and I suddenly feel very sick to my stomach.

"Ben," I scold, narrowing my eyes and feeling my blood pressure rise.

"She is a lot of fun," Sidney retorts, pulling me close to his side and nuzzling my hair. _Oh my god._

"Okay," I'm up on my feet before the word has left my mouth. "Enough of this." I walk quickly into the kitchen, desperate to be alone for even a moment to collect my thoughts. It seems what both of these barbarians have forgotten is that _I_ get a say in all this! It doesn't matter who they think comes out on top, I choose who I want to be with. I rummage through one of the cupboards and find the little bottle of Tylenol I've been looking for. I pop two pills and grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Babe?" Sid says so quietly is barely a whisper. "You okay?" The death glare I flash tells him I'm anything but okay.

"What the hell was that?" I hiss.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "I don't know what got into me."

"Sid, that stuff is private!" I whisper.

"I know, I'm sorry," he says sheepishly, wrapping his arms around my waist, his eyes pleading me to forgive him.

"And you don't need to hurt Benny, we've both been hurt enough!" I snap. "I know this is hard for you, I hate that it's hard for you, but using our sex life as a weapon? That's between us babe, I don't want you broadcasting that to anyone!"

"I'm sorry, I'll try to calm down a bit," he promises. "Let's just get through this." We walk back into the living room and I chance a look at Benny. This has obviously been really hard to hear, and my heart sinks. _This isn't going to be a case where we all stay friends_. Sid and I sit down again, this time he only holds my hand instead of practically enveloping himself around me.

"So what are your plans Ben?" I ask neutrally.

"The engineering firm I was supposed to work for has extended their offer," he tells me. "So that would mean I would still be eligible for a work visa."

"You're staying?" Sid practically shouts.

"Thinking about it," Benny says evenly, sitting back in his chair. He knows he's pushed Sid's buttons now.

"Why would you want to stay here?" Sid asks frantically.

"How can I make you understand this?" Benny starts sarcastically. "_My wife_ lives here, so yeah, I'm thinking about staying."

"Ex-wife," I correct him, but again my words fall on deaf ears.

"You're an engineer?" Sidney asks and Benny nods proudly. "So you can do that almost anywhere."

"The benefits of an education," Benny snarls, obviously alluding to Sid's lack of post-secondary experience.

"Do it somewhere else," Sidney snaps.

"There's nothing here for you Benny," I say gently. "I've moved on. I wish you would too, really. I want you to be happy, I want you to have a wife, a family, if that's what you want, but that's not going to happen with me. I'm with Sidney." I watch Benny carefully, and his eyes never leave mine. He measures my words, and I hope he's considering them closely, but he gives nothing away.

"Kate," he starts slowly. "I'll give you room to see this through, if that's what you really want..."

"She does," Sid speaks for me, and I can tell it's infuriating for Benny.

"Just know this," Benny continues. "When he's on the road night after night, doing..." he pauses for effect, and admittedly, this is a sore spot for me, "whatever it is he's doing."

"Working," Sid hisses, not appreciating the unspoken accusation of unfaithfulness.

"If you say so," Benny rolls his eyes. "When you're home all alone, I'm here for you. Whatever you need Kate."

"You just said you'd leave us alone," Sidney scoffs.

"I said I'd give her space, I didn't say I was leaving." Benny barks back.

"Benny, no," I plead with him.

"It's not up to you," he shrugs.

"Stay the fuck away from us," Sidney threatens.

"I said I would," Benny replies easily.

"Then go home!" Sidney shouts.

"I'll be out of here in a few days," Benny ignores Sidney and looks at me. "I'll find an apartment in the city, but I'll make sure you have my address and number."

"Not necessary," Sidney huffs.

"Benny, you know where I stand. If we're going to talk again, it really should be through the lawyers until everything is sorted. I'd really appreciate if you found somewhere else to stay, maybe a hotel in the city, until your apartment is ready."

"Kate!" Sidney gasps at my apparent indifference.

"He's right babe, it's not up to us," I tell him softly. "Just a word of warning Benny, it's not easy to live in Pittsburgh when you're on the wrong side of Sidney, so prepare yourself. He kind of owns this town." I stand up and assess the situation. _Is it safe to leave them alone?_ "I need to grab a few things, don't kill each other." I run upstairs and quickly collect a few things I've been missing this week. The house is completely silent, so I can only imagine they're having some kind of staring contest downstairs. I grab some stuff from my office, and that's when I hear the hum of voices coming from downstairs. _This could be bad_. I sneak to the top of the stairs, but still can't make out what they're saying. As quietly as possible, I creep back just close enough to spy on them.

"You're rich, sure, but so is Kate and she deserves more than some part-time boyfriend," Benny says, standing an inch from Sid's face.

"It's working for us so far," Sid hisses.

"Yeah? How long is that? A few weeks?" Benny scoffs.

"Months Ben," Sid leans in closer. "We're together. Just accept it."

"You're just the boyfriend Sid," Benny laughs. "I'm the husband."

"Ex-husband," Sidney seethes.

"Formality," Benny sneers.

_Okay, time for us to go_. I step back into the room, and announce my presence by way of clearing my throat. Sid steps past Ben and closes the space between us. "Ready?" he asks.

"Yeah," I give him a weak smile. "Benny, we're going to head out. I'd appreciate if you were gone by Monday," I say dryly.

"No problem," he says evenly. "Hug?" he opens his arms, but I just shake my head. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"Yeah right," Sid mutters.

"Sidney, it was..." Benny searches for the words.

"Lock up when you leave," I interrupt, not wanting this to escalate any further. I take Sid's hand and pull him toward the door, and leave the house as swiftly as possible, keenly aware that Benny is watching us like a hawk. Sid opens the passenger side door for me and I climb into the truck, a weight lifted, but not feeling the satisfaction I thought I would by closing this door. We pull out of the driveway moments later, and I look over to Sid and realize that I'm still really angry with him.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me, rubbing my knee and looking very pleased with himself.

"Honestly? I'm pretty pissed at you," I admit. Sid turns to look at me and opens his mouth to say something, but decides to simply nod in agreement. _Smart choice_.

"Do you want me to take you back to the new place?" he offers moments later.

"No Sid, I want you to take me to lunch, and then spend the day with me," I sigh in exasperation.

"Really?" he asks nervously.

"Yes."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not," he says anxiously.

"I'm being serious. Yes, I'm mad at you, but I'll get over it," I tell him.

"Dim sum?" he offers shyly.

"Sounds great," I reply quickly.

We drive in near silence through the busy city. Sidney clearly trying to navigate the landmines of my sour mood and temper, and me trying to forgive his complete lack of discretion and respect. I know meeting Benny put him through hell, and I keep reminding myself of that whenever I feel a pang of disappointment creep up. Sidney would never normally talk about our relationship in such a crass way, would he? I watch him for a minute, and the negative feelings start to evaporate. He's so fragile sometimes, and it's easy to forget that, but we got through it. _Barely_.


	18. Chapter 18

We pull up to the restaurant, but Sid doesn't budge. He stares at the dashboard, his thoughts far away from here and now, his lips pressed together, his jaw tense, and his fingers tightly wrapped around he steering wheel. "Sid?" I try to pull him out of his funk, but he doesn't budge. "What's going on?"

"You know, you weren't exactly great back there either," he says through clenched teeth.

"What?" I snap.

"I handled that so badly," he whispers. "So, so badly. But what were you doing?" _Is he serious?_ I watch him carefully for a moment, trying to understand the meaning behind his comment, but he has me completely confused. He looks...devastated.

"What do you mean?"

"You were so..." he trails off, running his hand through his hair, his hurt quickly turning to anger. "Careful with him," he seethes. "You were being careful with him while I had to sit there and listen to him talk about you two getting back together."

"Sid, I..."

"You're so worried about hurting his feelings!" Sid explodes, shouting at me, startling me in the process, and I recoil into my seat. "Fuck Kate, he's a threat to us! Don't you get that? How can you not see that?" he pauses waiting for me to say something, but I have no words. "Answer me!" he slams his fist hard on the steering wheel. I stare at Sid in stunned silence. He's never yelled at me before, and for the first time since I've known him, I feel afraid of him. He makes a move toward me and I flinch. Sid's eyes widen with terror and he freezes on the spot. "I'm not going to hurt you," he tells me.

"I know," I answer automatically.

"Do you?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "I've never seen you so mad."

"Katie," he pulls me toward him and wraps his arms around me. "Never," he breathes into my hair. "No matter how mad I am."

"You're so mad at me," I sigh.

"Yeah, I am."

I pull back from him and settle back into my seat and in a moment, Sid's tension returns. "What did you want me to do?" I ask him hesitantly.

"Back me up!" he snaps. "He practically accused me of cheating, you said nothing. He called you his wife half a dozen times, you barely reacted. He tells you he's sticking around Pittsburgh, and you basically told me it's none of my business!"

"Sid..."

"Like I'm really going to feel good leaving the city with him waiting to swoop in," he says exasperatedly. "And I know it means nothing to you, but playoffs are starting right away and I don't want to be worrying about this."

"Sid, it doesn't mean nothing to me," I try to interject, but he just keeps going.

"And as if I'm cheating on you! How? When? We FaceTime every night I'm away, and if anything happened at a club or restaurant it would be online in a second! But you said nothing! You didn't even blink!"

"I'm sorry," I say sincerely, but he's not listening.

"You didn't think that would hurt my feelings? I've only been honest with you. When I wasn't ready for a relationship, I told you. I didn't go behind your back and fuck a bunch of women. I told you I was seeing other people. And later, when I told you I wanted us to be together, I meant it. Jesus, you surprised me in my hotel room, were there any other women? No. Of course not. I'm faithful Kate, you know that."

"I believe you," I mutter.

"Then why didn't you say anything?" he cries.

"I don't know," I say shyly.

"Because you didn't want to hurt his feelings!" Sid shouts. Suddenly, I become very aware that we're having this argument in public. There's no one around at the moment, but still, considering the events of last night, this isn't the ideal place to be working out our relationship troubles.

"Sid," I glance around and he knows what I'm thinking.

"Do you want to eat?" he sighs.

"Not really," I answer honestly.

"Me neither." He starts the truck and quickly pulls out of the parking lot. We drive in silence, Sid fuming privately while I try to recover some sense of equilibrium. I think back to our conversation with Benny, trying to see it from Sid's perspective. Was I really that careful with Benny? Straight out of the gate it felt like Sid was there to attack him, and maybe that made me a little bit defensive of Benny, but I don't think it was unreasonable. _Was it?_ I stare out the window, the afternoon sun warming my face, and I consider how I would feel if the roles were reversed. If Sidney had an ex-wife who was determined to get him back, how would I feel? If she called herself his wife, over and over again, and he did nothing, how would I feel? If she said she was staying in Pittsburgh, ready to be there for him at a moment's notice, would I ever be okay with that?

Tears flood my eyes before I can stop them. _I have been so careless with Sidney_. He travels...a lot. Of course Benny being in town would bother him. How could I have thought it was no big deal? Benny calling my house _our_ house, that infuriated me, but I didn't really correct him, did I? I pull out my phone and type an email to my lawyer.

**From**: Kate Davidson

**Subject**: Division of Assets

**Date**: April 23, 2014

**To**: Greenburg Law Group

Jim,

I need this to go away. Soon. As soon as possible. Whatever it costs, I don't care. I can't keep living with this hanging over me. Benny is in town, and he is intent on staying. I have asked him not to contact me directly, but he is pretty determined. If you can work out a one-time payment, I would prefer that to monthly support. Again, whatever it takes. I just need this over with.

Kate

I press 'send' and take a deep breath. Cut all ties. That's what has to happen here. I chance a glance at Sid and he's still tense, his eyes focused on the road, his lips set in a firm line. "Who were you texting?" he snaps.

"I was emailing my lawyer," I reply quietly.

"Why?"

"I asked him to speed things up," I tell him.

"Yeah? You sure you don't want to drag this out a little more? It'll give you a chance to hang out with Benny again," he says his voice thick with sarcasm and anger. _I've really made a mess of things_. It's hard to believe it was only last night that we were making love and I was praying to the heavens for it to work. That seems so far away now.

"Sid..."

"I'll be out of town next week, maybe he can come keep my side of the bed warm," he hisses. _Wow_. That's a low blow. I work to compose myself, but Sid just keeps coming at me. "Let me know what nights work for him, I can always stay in the city."

"Sid!"

"Maybe we should have a key made for him, make things easier for you to sneak him over when..." he trails off.

"Sid..."

"What?" he snaps, taking his eyes off the road and turning his burning stare on me. Red tail lights flash only a few feet a head of us.

"Stop!" I scream and Sid turns his attention back to the road, our tires squealing as Sid stops just short of hitting the car in front of us. "Are you okay?" I turn to Sid and he nods slightly. He holds his head in his hands for a second, then the light changes and he starts driving again. He immediately pulls into a convenience store parking lot and turns off the engine.

"I need you to drive," he tells me.

"Okay," I reply nervously.

"Can you do that?" he barks.

"Yes," I stammer. He throws his door open and is at my side in an instant. He opens my door and waits expectantly for me to move. "Can I hug you?" I ask softly.

"No," he shakes his head. _That hurts_. I crawl over to the drivers' side and adjust the seat and mirrors. My heart is racing and my hands tremble slightly. "Just breathe," he says quietly.

I take a deep breath and start the engine. "Sid..."

"I'm not ready to talk to you," he says evenly. So we don't talk. Instead we drive in silence again. I'm so focused on driving, that I can't even figure out what I'm going to say to him, how I'm going to apologize for my stupidity and insensitive behavior. I hate driving in the city, but I don't want to let him down. His truck is bigger than I'm used to, and the gas is a little more sensitive than I'd like, but I manage okay. It's not too long before we're on the quiet streets of the suburb again.

I pull into our driveway and relief floods over me when I'm able to step out of the truck. Sid walks around to my side, and I think he's going to hug me finally, but he just holds his hands out for the keys. "Do you have your keys with you?" he asks sharply.

"Yeah," I dig through my purse.

"Good," he steps into the truck.

"Sid."

"I'm just going home for a bit," he says with a sigh.

"I thought this was home," I say softly.

"Don't start," he shakes his head. I'm left standing alone in the driveway, and it hurts. _Badly_. What does 'going home for a bit' mean? An hour? A few days? I walk to the front door, but I change my mind about going inside. There's nothing there for me. It's a huge empty house. Instead, I get in my car and head into town.

The grocery store is busy, but I guess that can be expected on a Saturday afternoon. I push the cart mindlessly through the aisles, grabbing items as I go, but not really considering what I'm going to do with them. _I can't believe he just left like that_. A serious relationship is new for him, I get that, but how many problems work themselves out when one person bails? Not many. I frown at the thought, and continue working my way through the store.

I need to make this right, but I don't know how. Especially if Sid isn't speaking to me. _Not ready to speak to me?_ I'm not sure I understand the difference. There's something therapeutic about grocery shopping. The fuller the cart gets, the more relaxed I feel. I'll fix this. I'll make us a great meal tonight, we'll have a little picnic on the living room floor, we'll talk out our problems. I'll make him understand.

I choose Sidney. No doubt about it.

I load everything into my car, and head home, hopeful I'll see his truck parked in the driveway. No such luck. It takes a fair amount of time to unpack the groceries, and as I put everything away, I start to feel kind of foolish. First, I don't have a single pot or pan to cook with. Second, I'm not sure I'll even have anyone to cook for. _Where is he?_ He's been gone for over an hour. That's _a bit_, right? How long is _a bit_?

I grab my phone, and start writing a text, but decide that he needs his space. Obviously. He wouldn't run out if he didn't need some alone time. _Just keep moving_. I grab my keys and head out again, this time to pick up the most basic kitchen necessities. As I'm driving, curiosity gets the better of me, and I find myself headed toward his old place. _Or 'home' as he put it_. I shake the thought away, if I consider it too long, I'm likely to start crying.

Of course, his old place is like a brick fortress and it's difficult to see anything. No sign of his truck, but that doesn't mean it's not tucked away somewhere. I continue down the street, and for a second I consider just running into my house and grabbing what I need from the kitchen, but of course Benny is there. _I should have kicked him out_. I've really screwed up this time. It's becoming more and more clear why Sid is mad at me, and the sad thing is, he won't even give me a chance to apologize.

My house comes into view, and I practically have a heart attack when I see Sid's truck sitting in the driveway.

_What the hell is happening here?_


	19. Chapter 19

No doubt about it, that's Sid's truck parked in my driveway. _What the hell is going on inside?_ I park across the street and watch for...well, I'm not sure. I half expect Benny to come running out the front door or flying through the living room window. Everything seems to be in order though, so they must be talking. _That might be worse_. Should I go inside? It feels like whatever is happening in there is very much my business, but at the same time, Sid wanted some distance from me. _So he could come here?_ Is this the "home" he was talking about? My heart soars at the thought, but I think I'm fooling myself if I believe that to be true.

As I continue my should-I-shouldn't-I debate, the front door swings open. Sidney walks out, and it looks like he's going to leave, but he doesn't. Instead he rummages through the glove box of his Range Rover. _What is he doing?_ He stalks back into the house, slamming the door behind him so hard that it doesn't catch and flies open again. Maybe Benny left. Maybe Sid scared him away. Maybe I should go inside and pour my heart out, and make him forgive me. The day isn't over yet, we can save it.

I step out of the car, and make my way toward the house, and I don't even reach the driveway before I hear them shouting at each other. I can't make out what they're saying, but I don't really need the details. Their voices are raised, tense, and angry. The front door is open, but neither of them notice me step inside.

"...how much? What will it take for you to go away?" Sid barks at Benny.

"You can't pay me off," Benny smirks. "Is this how you solve all your problems? Is it always about money with you?"

"I'm not the one suing her for everything she has," Sid sneers. _He's got a point_. Even though Benny showed up to apparently work things out, his family hasn't exactly let me off the hook. "How much?"

"I don't want your money," Benny shakes him off.

"No, just Kate's right?" Sidney scoffs. Benny moves toward him and for a second I think it's going to come to blows, but they restrain themselves.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. The things that Kate and I have been through eclipse anything the two of you have. You've known her for what, a whole minute? She was my _wife_. If anything, you should respect that and give us room to work this out," Benny shouts. Sid's hands curl into tight fists and his breathing quickens.

"That's never going to happen," Sid huffs.

"But I'm the bad guy?" Benny scoffs.

"You're just the guy after her money," Sidney hisses.

"I'm not after Kate for her money," Benny seethes.

"Someone is," Sidney says firmly. "and if you really cared about her, you wouldn't be putting her through this. She's happy. Leave her alone."

"I know Kate, I know her better than anyone. Better than you ever will, and..." Benny starts.

"You _knew_ her, she's not the same person she was. Do you even listen to her when she talks to you? Fuck..." Sidney says exasperatedly.

"How would you know? You just fucking met her!" Benny snaps.

"I know you'd like to believe you're the only person alive who understands Kate," Sidney smirks, "but you're not. We're together. I know her."

"That's cute, really," Benny laughs, and it sends Sid over the edge. Sid closes the space between them and pushes Benny hard on the chest, forcing him up against the wall. "What are you going to do? Hit me?" Benny challenges.

"I'm thinking about it," Sid says through gritted teeth.

"Sid," I interrupt, startling them both. "Please don't do this."

"Kate," Sid says shocked. Obviously he wanted to handle this without me knowing, but it's too late for that. This is better anyway. We don't need to pay off Benny. We haven't done anything wrong. He doesn't need to hit Benny. That will only make things worse. Sid looks stunned, and the tips of his ears redden and I know he's embarrassed that I've walked in at this most inopportune moment.

"You don't have to do this babe," I tell Sid, moving toward him and holding his gaze with mine. He turns to face me and he looks so pained, and tense. I wrap my arms around him and in an instant I feel his arms pulling me tight into his chest. "I'm sorry," I whisper, not wanting to go into detail in front of Benny, but needing Sid to know that I understand.

"Me too," he says softly. I pull away just enough to press my lips to his, and I can feel that this kiss has taken him by surprise, but I don't care. I've missed him. Today has been really emotional for both of us, and right now I just need to feel his lips on mine.

"I love you," I tell him sincerely.

"I love you too," he replies with a smile. Benny clears his throat, snapping me back into the present.

"Ben, you have to go," I tell him firmly. Sid snakes his hand around my waist, and I'm grateful for the silent gesture of support. "Now."

"Kate, we..." he trails off.

"I think..." I start nervously, but I've already committed to telling him the truth, so there's no backing out now. "I think I've felt so guilty about the accident for so long, that I let you take advantage of me. I let you push me around. I let your family make me feel like I owe them something. But I can't live like that anymore. I don't love you, Benny. And honestly, after everything you've done since you came here, I don't even like you very much. It's time for you to go."

"I know I screwed up," he starts.

"It doesn't matter," I tell him. "It was nice catching up with you in Saskatoon, but maybe not for reasons you think. You seemed to be doing so much better, and that was like a weight off. I think seeing you doing so well made me feel like it was okay for me to be happy again. And I am happy. I'm really over-the-moon happy," I tell him sincerely. Sid squeezes me tight to his side, and I'm really glad he's here to hear this too.

"Kate," Benny pleads. "You're my wife, I'm your husband."

"That was another life Benny," I say evenly. "We're divorced now. This is going to sting, I'm sorry, but you need to know. I don't even think of you. When I'm with Sid, you don't even cross my mind. That's how different things are. I think you're remembering all the best parts of our relationship, but we weren't perfect. There's still a lot of room for you to move on and be happy."

"This guy? You think this guy is going to make you happy?" Benny says incredulously.

"He does," I say simply.

"He's away all the time," Benny scoffs.

"You don't need to worry about that," I tell him. "It's time for you to go."

"Some of this stuff is mine too," he says desperately. It's his last ditch effort to stay longer, and it kind of makes me sad to see him reduced to such petty and childish behavior.

"Take anything you like," I say easily. I turn to Sid and his face radiates relief. "I'm going to pack up some stuff from the kitchen to take over to the new place."

"I'll help you," Sid tells me, but his eyes are locked with Benny's. I pull him toward the kitchen, giving Benny space to collect his things.

"Sid," I start once we're safe in the privacy of the kitchen.

"It's okay," he stops me.

"No, it's not. I was so selfish and careless with you today," I tell him, and without warning I feel warm tears streaming down my face. "I love you. You've been so good to me, and I blew it."

"You didn't babe," he assures me. "And whatever mistakes happened, you've more than made up for them." He smiles sweetly, and I launch myself at him, desperate to feel his arms around me. He happily obliges, and we stand like this for few minutes.

"I hate when we fight," I pout.

"Me too," he laughs.

"Let's never do it again," I suggest with a giggle.

"Deal," he agrees easily, kissing my forehead and wiping stray tears from my face. "Do you think he'll leave?" Sid asks in a whispered hush.

"Yeah," I nod. "I do." We both listen for any movement in the house, and then the faint sound of Benny packing trails in from upstairs.

"Do you think he slept in your bed?" Sid asks with a frown.

"Probably," I sigh. "The only other bed is down here," I point to the guest room on the other side of the house, once known affectionately as Carter's room.

"I hate that," Sid shakes his head.

"Yeah, well we have a new bed anyway," I smile up at him.

"Oh, I remember," he grins and leans in to kiss me. Sid takes a deep breath and sighs loudly. "It's been a crazy twenty four hours," he chuckles. _I almost forgot!_

"Anything come of the incident last night?" I ask nervously.

"Not really. I think the video kind of took the pressure off and the Pens PR staff are just going to let it go for now. I don't really talk about my personal life, and this falls into that category. If it had happened in Pittsburgh that would be different," he tells me. A puzzled look flashes across his face and he suddenly gets very serious. "Why did you come here?"

"I driving around, thinking about you, and I wanted to drive past your old place, but I saw your truck here instead," I tell him.

"Why did you want to drive past my old place?" he asks confusedly.

"I don't know, to feel close to you for a minute," I answer shyly. "You left pretty quickly."

"I feel badly about that," he admits.

"It's okay. Can we just start the rest of the day fresh?" I ask hopefully.

"Absolutely," he smiles. "What are we taking?" Sid looks around the kitchen, taking a mental inventory of the room. I've already thought this through, having lived in the new house without a working kitchen.

"Dishes, pots and pans, kitchen utensils, glasses, mugs, and any appliances you think we might use," I rattle off quickly.

"Okay," he laughs. "So basically, everything?"

"I guess," I chuckle.

"Boxes?"

"I have a bunch in my office," I move to go upstairs, but Sidney pulls me back.

"I'll go," he says firmly. He steps out of the room and I set to work. I pull out my cloth grocery bags and empty the cutlery drawer into one. _There, now we have forks, knives and spoons_. Progress. I pull out the plates and wrap them in dishtowels, making double duty of the task. Sid returns, an armful of flattened boxes in his possession and a furious look on his face.

"He's in your office," he says with concern. "You know he's going to take some of your stuff, don't you?"

"It's okay Sid, it's just stuff."

"But it's your stuff," he fumes.

"Maybe my rich boyfriend will take me shopping," I say with a mock hopeful gaze, and it makes him laugh. "Come on, let's pack up so I can cook you supper." It turns out Sid is a pretty meticulous guy. We're not taking this stuff very far, so I'm pretty comfortable with just piling into boxes and hoping for the best. Sid, on the other hand, is wrapping the glasses in newspaper, and carefully arranging them just so. "We'll need to wash them now," I frown.

Sid slides across the room and pulls the dishwasher detergent from under the sink and puts it into an empty box. "Easy," he says brightly. We keep working together, both of us a little uneasy with the situation, but I'm glad we're being productive. Fifteen minutes later and we've stuffed the available boxes, and packed up most of what we'll be taking. "I'll move these to the truck," Sid tells me. "I still have to stop and grab some of my things."

"When do you want to do that?"

"Maybe while you're making me supper?" he suggests cheekily, and I giggle at his boldness.

"Sounds good," I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him gently. "I'll cook for you anytime."

"Mmmm, I like that. What can I do for you?"

"I could go for a repeat of last night..." I cock my eyebrow and he just smiles and shakes his head.

"Every second day, remember?" Sid laughs and I pout.

"I thought we were trying...often," I mock his earlier comment with a giggle, and his cheeks redden slightly. The sound of a suitcase thudding down the stairs pulls us out of our private moment and we both brace ourselves for the uncomfortable goodbye. Benny sulks into the front hallway and I follow him.

"Did you get everything of yours?" I ask innocently.

"Yeah, I think so," he says dejectedly. "So I guess this is it."

"Take care Ben," I fold my arms across my chest, not wanting to give him a glimmer of hope that we'll embrace, even in parting. "I mean it."

"I'd say we'll talk soon, but..." he makes an awkward joke and only he smiles.

"Let's use the lawyers," I say firmly.

"I can't believe it's come to this," he shakes his head. I don't really know what to say, so I say nothing. "Well, bye I guess."

"Bye Ben," I reply with a small smile. He gives me a little wave and turns away, walking out the door and hopefully out of our lives. Sid closes the door firmly behind him, and even locks it for good measure.

"I'm glad that's over with," Sid sighs.

"Me too," I grin, but even as the words leave my mouth I can't help but wonder if it really is over, if Benny really will stay away. For the sake of my relationship with Sid, I hope he will, but I know that's not much incentive for Benny.


	20. Chapter 20

It feels like ages since I've cooked for myself, and I don't know that I've ever cooked for Sid. I think back, and I know I've made him sandwiches and breakfast, but most of our dinners have been in restaurants or we've ordered in. _Time to break out the big guns_. I'll make my best dish - roasted margarita pizza. It's never failed to impress and I want tonight to be special. There's boxes everywhere, but thankfully the stand mixer was just carried in on its own, perched on the counter waiting to be used. I set about making dough while making a mental list of any missing ingredients I'll need to pick up. Sid is already out, I could ask him to grab them. _Is that too domestic-naggy-wife?_ Let's see how he reacts and find out!

_"Babe, could you pick up basil and pine nuts?"_ I fire off a text and hope for the best. The mixer does its thing and I use the time to load the glasses Sid wrapped in newspaper into the never-used dishwasher. There, one box down. The dough needs an hour to rise, giving me plenty of time to roast the tomatoes and onions, and unpack dishes.

_"You got it baby!"_ comes Sid's reply. It occurs to me that it might be a big production for him to drop in and pick up a few things from the grocery store. He could run into some fans and be stuck there forever. I frown and feel a pang of guilt for my seemingly innocent request. I work quickly, eager to surprise Sid with a nice meal and a clean-ish kitchen. We don't have a dining table yet, or even chairs, so I spread out a throw on the floor and set out some plates, napkins and cutlery. It's actually pretty charming, a dining room picnic for two.

I'm washing up a few dishes when I hear Sid walk through the front door. "Honey, I'm home!" he chimes with a giggle. _How adorable is this guy?_

"In here sweetie," I mimic his tone and a huge grin spreads across my face. Sid dutifully shows me the basil and the pine nuts, places them on the counter then literally sweeps me off my feet into his arms, cradling me like a baby. Soap suds fly off my fingertips, landing on his shoulders and the floor, my giggling and squealing just the reward he's looking for.

"I feel so..." he searches for the word.

"Giddy?" I suggest.

"More than that," he smiles. "Just unbelievably happy."

"Yeah?" I giggle.

"I was at my old place, and I just couldn't stop thinking about all the things you said today," he says excitedly. He slowly lowers me to standing position and drops his hands to my waist. "It just feels so...right. Like he needed to come to town so we could put it behind us, and yeah, it was hard, but I didn't realize how much that had been bothering me until it was over, you know?" he's so animated and speaking so quickly. "You know when that happens? When you don't know how much it's affecting you until it's not?"

"I know exactly what you mean," I tell him sincerely.

"And listen, things are about to get crazy in my life," he holds my gaze with his and all the playfulness evaporates from his voice and he becomes very-serious-Sid. "Really crazy, but Katie, I'm just...I'm just so excited to share it with you, if that makes sense."

"Perfect sense," I smile at him.

"My parents are going to be in town next week for first two games, and my sister might even fly in for the weekend if she can get some stuff figured out at school, and I know it might be weird, but it could also be kind of nice if we all stayed here," he says sincerely. _Next week?_ I quickly scramble to remember when my family arrives, and the timing will be close.

"My family comes on the 6th," I say anxiously.

"Mine is just coming from the 28th to the 3rd," he says. "Then Taylor goes back to school and my parents will probably go to Raleigh for the away games. What do you think? Too weird?" He sounds so hopeful, and it occurs to me that he probably doesn't get many opportunities to spend with his family all under the same roof. Awkwardness aside, I can do this for him.

"I think it sounds nice," I say brightly. "We'll have to get some furniture, but we can figure it out." I glance around at our bare home and I realize I've left dinner half-made. "Hey! You distracted me," I scold playfully. "If you want to be fed, I need to finish cooking."

"I'll leave you to it then," he kisses my forehead and heads back outside, presumably to grab his things. I start toasting the pine nuts and wash the basil, prepping a simple pesto. I don't even really know when Sid's games are. _Girlfriend of the year award_. Geez. I wonder if that bothers him? When we first got together, he liked that I wasn't knowledgeable about hockey, I think it was a nice escape for him. Things are different now though, and really, if I want to have this man's baby, I should know what the hell is going on at his job.

I assemble the pizza and put it in the oven, resuming cleaning up the mess I've made when I hear Sidney at the front door again. He's carrying an enormous black bag that can only be designed for hockey gear. "Don't worry, I keep most of my gear in the garage," he tells me.

"What's in the bag then?" I ask him with a laugh.

"This is special stuff," he shrugs.

"Special stuff," I test the words, but they still don't explain what's in the bags.

"Lucky sticks, hat trick pucks, some gear from big games," he rattles off and the tips of his ears redden.

"I get it," I assure him. "Your treasures." He laughs at the idea, but I still think it's appropriate. "Let me help you," I offer.

"It's heavy," he tells me.

"Well, then give me something light to carry," I smirk.

"I thought you were making me food!"

"It's in the oven, patience Crosby!" I tease him, but it's getting late and neither of us have had a real meal all day. "Twenty minutes, tops." Sid disappears downstairs, tucking his special stuff away somewhere and comes bounding back up the stairs. He takes my hand in his and leads me into the garage where his Range Rover is parked, absolutely crammed full of stuff. "Wow."

"There's still more to get, but this is all that would fit." I take a quick inventory and there must be two dozen suits laid across the bench seat. There's suitcases arranged carefully in the back, and a few cardboard boxes stacked neatly beside. Dress shoes and sneakers line the floor of the truck, and his electronics, toiletries, and a few books are strewn across the front seat. I grab a few hangers and carefully pull the first few suits off the pile, then grab some shoes with my free hand and make my way back inside. Sid handles the boxes, placing them in one of the spare rooms.

"What's in the box?" I ask curiously. I'm snoopy by nature, and if he doesn't tell me I'll probably end up looking anyway.

"Fan mail," he says with a hint of arrogance.

"Really?"

"No, babe." He laughs at me for falling for his little joke. "It's just random junk mostly. Blu-rays, iPod speakers, I think there's some sunglasses, old hats, you know...junk." Now I really want to go through it. I don't know why, but his possessions are unexpectedly fascinating to me and I want to know what he considers junk.

"Can I look?" I ask him nervously.

"Be my guest," he laughs. "What, you don't trust me?"

"It's not that, I just want to know everything about you, even your junk," I blush.

"Don't judge me based on my Blu-ray collection. We're not all film snobs," he teases, leaving me alone while he retrieves more of his stuff from the truck. I open the box and start looking through it item by item. Typical boy-movies. Indiana Jones series, Training Day, a few awful Vince Vaughn offerings. _Moving on_. There's a picture frame and inside is a picture of Sid with his arm around a pretty girl who looks so much like him she must be Taylor. _Well this isn't junk_. There's nowhere to put the picture yet, but it's adorable and it should be on display. Speakers, phone chargers, Canadian money, a few men's magazines, _well he is human after all_, and some old Penguins caps. They look well-worn and completely sweat stained. Sid returns moments later, and laughs at the sight of me surrounded by his things.

"Those aren't mine," he blushes, making a grab for his dirty magazines.

"Yeah right!" I laugh, snatching them before he can get to them.

"Oh Kate, don't..." he pleads, but it's too late. I'm going to tease him mercilessly about this, and he knows it.

"I bet you buy them for the articles, right hun?" I suggest with a grin, and he just shakes his head and smiles.

"Maybe," he says sheepishly.

"You probably just skip right past all the pictures," I giggle.

"It's possible," he blushes.

"Maybe you didn't even know there were naked women in here," I grin.

"I had an idea," he mutters embarrassed.

"Where do you want them?" I give him a break and kiss him gently on the cheek, handing over the magazines. "Nightstand?"

"No, not in our house. This is going to be our family home," he says seriously.

"Sid, it's not a big deal," I try to tell him, but he's made up his mind.

"Just wait until I find one of your dirty little secrets," he threatens with a grin. Just when I think he's about to chase me around the room, the oven timer goes off. "Saved by the bell," he sighs.

"Lucky me," I giggle.

"Are you kidding? Lucky _me._ I'm starving." We head downstairs into the kitchen and the smell of food wakes my appetite. "We need furniture," Sid says exasperatedly.

"Definitely," I agree, "but in the meantime I set us up in the dining room." I pull the pizza out of the oven, and breathe a sigh of relief. _Perfect_. Sid has wandered into the dining room and I hear a little chuckle, so hopefully he doesn't think I'm being too corny. I let the pizza cool while I grab some drinks from the fridge. Inspiration strikes and I dash upstairs and hurriedly dig through Sid's box of junk. _I hope these still work_.

Downstairs, I find Sidney sitting cross-legged on the blanket, looking impossibly handsome with a huge smile on his face. I plug in the speakers and set up my iPhone, music gently streaming through the room. "I'll be right back," I wink at him. I return moments later, pizza in one hand, drinks in the other and he looks ecstatic. "This is great," he tells me.

"Our first meal in the new house," I grin.

Sid pulls out his phone and moves to sit beside me instead of across and holds the gadget at arms length. "We should capture the moment," he tells me in a most stoic voice. He wraps his arm around me, and takes a series of pictures, kissing me firmly on the cheek for the last one. I think he's going to go back to his side, but he doesn't. Instead, he pulls me into his lap and our legs tangle together, his arms close around me, and we cuddle while we eat. "Okay, I know we're sleeping together, so I might be biased, but this is the best pizza I've ever had."

"Oh please," I laugh.

"Dead serious," he says.

"Well, I know we're sleeping together, so I might be biased, but I think you're full of it!" I tease him and he laughs. He does seem to enjoy it though, and he has a healthy appetite, I guess most athletes would. "Hey babe," I start brightly, not wanting to make a big deal of it just in case he doesn't respond the way I think he will. "I'm wondering about your away games."

"What about them?"

"Well, I'd like to go to the playoff games if I can," I say shyly, and his face lights up.

"Really? You won't be too busy with work?" he asks hesitantly. _Time to at least try to be a good hockey wife!_

"No, I don't think so. I don't want to get in your way though, so if..."

"Oh Kate, you won't. It's not like we'd be traveling or staying together, but I'd love it if you came to a game or two," he answers quickly. "My parents will be there, well my dad for sure..."

"Wait, we couldn't stay together?" I ask incredulously. That seems...odd.

"Uh, no babe. It's kind of a rule," he tells me.

"But in Toronto..."

"That was different hun, and it's the playoffs," he says. _It's his job, not a vacation. _Okay, I get it. Sort of.

"Well that doesn't matter," I assure him. "I just want to be there."

"Yeah?" he smiles. "I'll make sure there's a seat for you."

"And I'll make sure there's beds for your family to sleep in!"

"Yeah, we gotta get on that," he agrees. "Tomorrow. No excuses, we buy some furniture."

"What's your day like tomorrow?"

"Practice, then I'm watching tape for an hour or so, then some press stuff, then some drills, then home," he recites his schedule from memory. "You?"

"Umm, my Mondays are usually spent buried under paperwork at my desk," I mutter.

"Maybe when I get home we can run out to a few places?" he suggests.

"What time do you get home?"

"Four, four-thirty," he says.

"Oh Sid, that's late for Monday shopping. I can handle it."

"You sure?" he asks skeptically.

"I'm sure," I tell him seriously.

"Okay, well I'll leave you my credit card," he says and I burst out laughing. "What?"

"Babe, there's no way I'm taking your credit card. I have my own money," I tell him through giggles.

"You shouldn't have to pay for this kind of stuff."

"Yeah? What kind of stuff should I pay for then?" I challenge him. He considers my question for a long time, but nothing comes to him. For a split-second it looks like he's going to say something, but then Sid just closes his mouth and reconsiders. "Let me do this, okay?"

"It just feels wrong to ask you to pay for things when I..."

"I make a lot of money Sid," I tell him seriously. "I know we haven't really talked about finances yet, but you just have to trust me okay? I don't need you to pay my way all the time. Buying furniture will help me feel like this place is ours instead of just yours."

"Kate," he snaps. "This is our house. You're not some overnight guest," he rolls his eyes and I can't help but smile at his sincerity. "What?"

"Just you," I smile. "You're so cute sometimes."

"Cute?" he scoffs.

"Absolutely adorable," I tell him. I lean into him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I start by kissing him lightly on the cheek, moving across his jaw line until I capture his lips with mine. I run my hands through his hair and moan softly when I press my sex up against his leg. His sour mood lifts and he quickly returns my affections.

"Babe, we can't..." he warns.

"Yes we can," I assure him. "It's not my fertile period anyway, so..." but that's all Sid needs to hear. He silences me with a kiss, his fingers fumbling with my blouse, his body desperate to be linked with mine.

"Why didn't you say so," he giggles as I lift the hem of his shirt over his head. My playful Sid is back, so gentle, so caring. Today has been a roller-coaster of emotions, and I need this. We need this.


	21. Chapter 21

Mondays are always a little bit nuts at work, and today is no different. Sid was gone before I even woke up, and I get up early, so he wasn't exaggerating when he said his life is about to get crazy busy. I haven't been working as much outside the office, so I'm swamped with paperwork today. Carter is busy trying to secure some insurance certificates for one of our funding partners and he looks like he's about to tear his hair out. We haven't even debriefed about the disaster that was our trip to Philly. Instead of interrupting him, I send Carter a text asking if he wants to go for lunch.

_"Yes! And you're buying."_

I stupidly told Sid I'd handle furniture shopping too, and I don't know when I'll get a chance to do that. Maybe online? I'm hesitant to move too much of my furniture over, as my family arrives soon, and I'm less eager to have them staying with Sid and I. Two beds, a dining room set, a kitchen table, living room furniture, coffee tables, end tables, area rugs...I start to panic a little bit. This is ridiculous, it's too big a job for one person.

"Carter," I whisper conspiratorially. "Do you have the name of the interior decorator who did the actor condos?" _I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner_. Sid admittedly doesn't care about the furniture, and frankly I'm way too busy for this at the moment, and will be for the next few months. We don't need her to stage the whole place, but someone who can do the leg work and narrow down options would be more than helpful.

"Yep, her name is Francine Moffat," he types furiously on his computer and then an email pops up. "Got it?"

"Thank you!" I dial her immediately and I'm a little surprised when Francine gives me a song and dance about being terribly busy with high profile clients and tells me if I'd like her to fit me in on such short notice I'll have to pay extra. _High profile? In Pittsburgh?_ Seems unlikely, but whatever. Something about her smug tone nearly makes me hang up, but then I remember how desperate I am and I do the one thing I promised myself I'd avoid at all costs. I name drop.

What do you know? She can fit in Sidney Crosby and his "girlfriend". "Kate," I remind her of my name, but she's clearly not concerned. We make arrangements for her to come by the house this evening for a tour, and she promises to have great ideas to show him by Wednesday. I don't bother to tell her she'll be dealing with me exclusively, somehow I don't think she'd be as motivated.

The morning flies by, my task list slightly alleviated since calling Francine, and I'm in desperate need of a break. "Lunch?" I ask Carter hopefully.

"Oh my god is it already lunchtime?" he frets.

"It is," I tell him. "Where do you want to go?"

"Quiet Storm," he replies immediately. "I'll drive." Ah, Carter's favorite joke. _Who's driving? _He's not in the best mood, and I can't help but wonder if I'm not somewhat responsible.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" I ask tentatively while we drive to the restaurant.

"Shit, yours?" he says curtly.

"Interesting, but you go first," I encourage.

"Well, the crew saw the video of course, and it was sent around like wildfire. Jeff saw it and was _disappointed _that I didn't stick up for myself," he mimics.

"You didn't even have a chance to say anything," I cry.

"Exactly! Anyway, apparently I'm a self-loathing-gay now and he doesn't know if that's what he's looking for," Carter huffs. _Oh shit._ Me and my big mouth.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him sadly.

"Yeah, well..." he trails off and it only makes me feel worse. "What did Sid say?"

"Not much," I tell him honestly. "He was pretty angry when he thought I was too drunk to get on the flight, but the video coming out kind of smoothed things over."

"At least the video helped one of us," he mutters.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" I offer.

"No!" Carter blurts out. I'm taken aback, and even he seems surprised by his outburst. "I think that would make things worse." Probably. It might come off as the boss pressuring him to keep dating Carter. _Uncomfortable!_

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he sighs. "It's not a big deal. We weren't serious anyway." This is typical Carter. He doesn't like to problem-solve in his own relationships, he just moves on.

"I wouldn't give up on him just yet, it's only been a day," I try to be encouraging. We pull into the restaurant, and Carter doesn't reply, so I know the topic is closed for discussion.

"So, Sid's family is coming to town next week and he wants us all to stay at the new house together," I tell him nervously.

"Whoa, that has major awkward potential," Carter laughs.

"Yeah, I know. Am I totally immature? I just think it might get a little, I don't know, uncomfortable in the evening when Sid and I head off to bed together. You know? Seriously, I'm just being weird, right?" I ramble, desperate to hear something that will make me feel less anxious about the situation.

Carter seems to consider this carefully as grab a table. "You're pretty sensitive to awkward situations," he says evenly. This is true. If there's a hint of uncomfortable, I feel it. "That said, you're both adults and they can probably guess that you two have sex. I wouldn't worry about his parents, they likely assume as much. His sister though, she might not be used to seeing her brother skip off to bed with a woman in tow."

"She's a senior in high school though, it's not like she's a little kid," I say hopefully.

"Yeah, but sisters are pretty protective of their brothers. Trust me," he says with a frown. Carter is the youngest of five, and his three older sisters pretty much always have their noses in his and his brother's business. "And she might be even more possessive of him considering that everyone she meets probably wants to get their hooks in him somehow. Think about it."

"You're right," I frown. _Who would have thought I'd be afraid to meet his sister of all people_. Maybe I won't have to! Sid said she would _try_ to come out if she could figure out some stuff at school, that's not a definite at all. Actually, it seems pretty unlikely. _Right?_ "I have to make her room special," I blurt out.

"Don't try too hard, that's just as bad as not trying at all," Carter warns.

"Well fuck Carter, what the hell do I do?" I plead.

"Ask Sid," he laughs at my little outburst. "He knows her, he'll be able to give you some do's and don'ts."

"Ugh, I just want to be good at it right away, I don't want him to coach me into a good relationship with his family," I pout.

"Well, give it a try then. High school girls are always sweet and easygoing, right?" he teases.

"She won't be a nightmare, look at her family!"

"She goes to boarding school, right?" I nod and Carter continues. "In my experience, girls without a lot of supervision can turn out pretty far from nice."

"How far?"

"Pluto."

_Great_. Sid is going to be busy with playoffs, I'll be trying to balance work and entertaining his family, all while navigating the world of mean girls all over again. "Set visit?" I offer weakly, and Carter just laughs.

"Her brother is Sidney Crosby, I doubt she's easily impressed."

The afternoon drags, and I'm completely consumed with trying to formulate a plan to win over Taylor. _She did say I was awesome_. In a text. A text to her brother that he probably didn't even bother replying to, and she'll probably blame me for keeping him too busy to stay in touch with her. _Dammit Sid!_ I grab my phone and type a text, asking him if he's heard from his sister yet, but then I remember how crazy his life is getting and decide against sending it. _He has enough on his plate without adding my insecurities to the mix_.

I duck out of work a bit early, hoping to beat rush hour traffic and get home to prep for Francine. I'm not sure what there is to prepare, but I haven't spoken to Sid to give him the heads up, and it would be nice to talk about what he'd like to see before hand. I use the drive home to follow up on some emails, and knock a few things off my to-do list for tomorrow.

Sidney is already home, and to my surprise he's called in the cable company and they're busy figuring out the entertainment system in the living room. I start preparing supper, eager to get food made and the dishes cleared before the snooty designer comes over. "Babe, do you want a tv in your office?" Sid calls from upstairs.

"Yes please," I yell back.

"Bedroom?" he suggests.

"Up to you," I reply loudly.

"I'm saying yes, then."

I haven't even seen him yet, but I'm enjoying our little domestic exchange. "Have you eaten?" I call up to him.

"Yeah, but I can eat again," he shouts back. I had a big lunch, and by the sounds of it Sid has already eaten supper, so I opt for something on the lighter side. I make a simple fruit salad and toast some pita bread with cinnamon. Nothing fancy happening at the Crosby house tonight. _Crosby house_. I haven't really thought too much about that. Sid is obviously integrating me into his life, and we're moving forward at warp speed in some ways, but we haven't really talked about marriage since he called me his future wife. The memory still makes my stomach do back flips. Our baby's last name will be Crosby, and of course Sid is a Crosby, so that just leaves me - I'll be the odd man out. I frown at the thought, and try to perk up when I hear Sid and the cable guy approaching.

"Hey you," Sid ducks into the kitchen to give me a quick kiss. "Five minutes," he promises, and I wave him away, busying myself cleaning up the kitchen. I walk through the house, checking that everything is put away, and of course, we have so little stuff at the house, there's nothing to worry about. I absentmindedly wonder what Sid did with his magazines, but he was so embarrassed I don't dare bring it up again. The front door chime goes off and that either means we have company or the cable guy is leaving. "Love?" Sid calls from downstairs, and I know we're finally alone.

I pad into the kitchen and find him snacking away on the fruit salad. He pulls me toward him and I give him a tight squeeze. "I have good news and bad news," I tell him.

"Bad news," he frowns.

"A decorator is coming by in an hour," I tell him, anticipating a sour reaction, but he just shrugs.

"Good news?"

"She promises to get us furnished by the time your family is here," I say brightly and this catches his attention.

"That's really good news!" he beams. "And, did you notice I handled the cable all by myself," he adds proudly.

"I did! Someone is missing ESPN," I tease him, but when the tips of his ears redden, I know I've hit the nail on the head. I can't help but laugh. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome," he kisses me.

"I bet your sister will appreciate it too," I suggest, hoping to bring her up casually and see what I can get out of him without being too obvious.

"I don't think Taylor watches a lot of tv," he says neutrally.

"No? Well she might want to watch a movie."

"She'll be glued to her phone," he tells me with a grin. Great. _Zero help_. "So, what do you want for supper?"

"You're eating it babe," I giggle.

"Fruit?" he shakes his head.

"And pitas! No good?" I ask with a pout.

"It's just...not supper food," he says seriously.

"Well, eat the leftover pizza and then have it for dessert," I say annoyed. _What would he eat if I hadn't have come home to cook for him?_

"I already ate the pizza," he whines.

"Well Sid, figure it out!" I hiss, my frustration coming out a little more forceful than intended.

"Whoa," he takes a step back. "Easy Kate, let's keep it friendly."

"Sorry," I mutter.

"What's got you all worked up?" he asks seriously.

"Nothing," I tell him._ I don't want him worrying about something as stupid as whether or not I make a good impression on his sister._ "What can I make you?"

"I can cook for myself," he replies sweetly.

"Can you?" I ask seriously.

"I think so," he giggles. "Maybe." Sid digs through the fridge, but doesn't find what he's looking for.

"Did you buy any real food?" he asks.

"It's all real food," I laugh.

"Like chicken or eggs maybe?" he suggests.

"No babe, I didn't," I frown.

"So...I'm a little lost here," he admits. _Okay, cooking isn't his strong suit_. Got it.

"I'll make you something," I tell him, playfully shoving him out of the way. I grab an onion, some garlic and a potato from the fridge. "Can you pull out a pot?" Sid obliges and sets it on the burner while I make short work of chopping the veggies. I pull a tin of chickpeas from the pantry as well as some curry powder, cumin and turmeric. "Do you know how to make rice?" I ask seriously.

"Yes Kate, I'm not a complete idiot," he says sarcastically.

"Babe," I coax him.

"I just don't do a lot of cooking," he confesses.

"I know, you're on the road a lot and you've never really lived alone. I get it. We're doing it together," I say softly. Sid relaxes and hops up on the kitchen counter, asking about my day and telling me all about practice and their upcoming game. He's not nervous yet, but he's convinced the nerves will settle in eventually. He thinks it's healthy.

"This doesn't seem that hard to make," he says taking an inventory of the nearly finished chickpea curry.

"Nope, it's easy." I scoop some rice onto a plate and top it with the curry. I tear some pita bread and place it on the side for him, handing him the over-sized portion while making a smaller plate for myself.

"No fruit salad for supper?" he asks me.

"We'll eat that later," I grin. Sid stays sitting on the kitchen counter and I jump up on the island across from him and we balance our plates on our laps. I watch his reaction carefully as he tries the unfamiliar dish.

"Mmm," he moans. "I like it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he digs in heartily. I don't think there's much in the way of food that he doesn't like, so it's not exactly my crowning achievement. "I wish you'd tell me what's bothering you. I can tell you know." _Ugh_.

"I'm just a little nervous about meeting your sister," I confess, and as the words leave my mouth it's like a tremendous weight is lifted. "I really want her to like me."

"She'll love you," he insists. "Baby, don't worry about that."

"It's just that we'll all be staying here together, and I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable with us sharing a bed..." I blush, and Sid bursts out laughing. He places his plate on the counter and moves toward me. He takes my plate and sets it beside me, places his hands on my legs and presses his forehead to mine.

"Babe, I'm pretty sure they know I'm not a virgin," he says quietly.

"That's different than being in the same house as you when..."

"Katie, it's a big house, thick walls, and hun, it's playoffs. I won't really be able to get too busy in the bedroom for a bit," he reminds me.

"Okay," I sigh.

"Okay?" he questions.

"Yeah," I smile at him and he rewards me with a kiss.

"Don't worry so much," he scolds. Before I can defend myself the doorbell rings and I know Francine is waiting outside.

"Great, the kitchen is a disaster," I sigh. Sid rubs my shoulders and shakes his head.

"What did I just tell you?"

_Don't worry so much_. How can I not worry? Navigating the world as Sidney Crosby's girlfriend hasn't exactly been smooth sailing! He seems pretty confident that Taylor will like me, but it's not terribly reassuring. I guess it feels like she's the last hurdle before the finish line. His parents and I get along great, and I don't want that to change. I fret over this while making my way to the front door.

I swing it open and come face to face with Francine Moffat, and she's exactly what I expected. Tall, brunette, slim, a bit older, a little too much makeup, and all the goods pushed up and out and on display. "I'm here to meet with Sidney," she tells me, looking right past me into the house, her eyes darting around hoping to catch a glimpse of Sid.

_I'm sure you are_.


	22. Chapter 22

I try to catch Francine's eye, but she has absolutely no interest in me. Her gaze scans the room and when she catches a glimpse of Sid, she breezes right past me and strolls through the house, her ridiculously high heels announcing her presence before he even notices her.

"Sidney, right?" she feigns naivete, which is laughable considering how fast her schedule cleared when I mentioned his name. "I'm Fran," she struts into the kitchen, taking him by surprise, and thrusts her hand toward his.

"Nice to meet you," Sid replies, shaking her hand politely.

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get started. Why don't you give me the tour?" she gushes. "This is a great space you have here."

"Uh, thanks," Sid stammers. She's being a touch over-familiar, and I think it's put him on edge. I position myself at his side, but her eyes are absolutely glued to Sid.

"The tour, the tour!" she chimes, and it's a little over-the-top. She's supposed to be the best though, and if she can deliver on her promise, then I'll put up with almost anything. _Almost_. Sid laughs, but it's his uncomfortable chuckle, and I feel bad that he has to put up with this in his own home.

"Why don't I show you around?" I offer Francine, or _Fran_ as Sid has been invited to call her.

"Oh that's nice sweetie, but it helps to know what the owner has in mind for each room. You understand," she speaks to me like I'm five years-old. Sidney's eyes go wide and he's about to say something when I shoot him a look pleading for him to keep the peace. His family will be here in less than a week, patronizing or not, I need her.

"Sid and I live here together," I tell her, aiming for polite and friendly, but it comes out more desperate than anything. Ugh.

"So Sid, what do you say? Show me around?" she wraps her arm around his shoulder and turns him toward the doorway. _Okay, I guess I'll just follow them_. Sid whips his head around and rolls his eyes at me, and it lifts my spirits considerably. Francine drags him through the house, and I trail behind, almost snickering at the sight. _Poor Sid_.

Francine praises Sid for his "excellent taste" and every room is another opportunity to shower him with compliments. His ears are so red, it almost looks painful. He takes my hand in his and tugs me tight to his side every chance he has, but Francine seems to have a way of getting between us. I'm not sure of her intentions, but whatever they are, I'm pretty sure it's backfiring. Sid is paying extra attention to me, touching me every chance he gets, winking at me to keep me from feeling left out, deferring to me on most decisions, despite Francine's indifference to my opinion.

"The house could definitely use a woman's touch," Francine muses, and I'm pretty sure it's a slam at me.

"We're just in the process of moving in, but I'm sure Kate has some ideas," Sid tells her, flashing me a supportive grin.

"We're not all born decorators Sidney," she laughs, running her hand across his chest. His eyes widen and for a second I think he's going to pass out. Yes, fans are pretty ravenous, but I doubt many are as bold as Francine. I'm actually starting to get pretty ticked off.

"Sid and I don't want it to look like a catalog though," I warn her. "We just need some of the basics in place and then we'll add pieces as we go."

"I'll put together something nice," she tells me curtly and I feel like an errant child put in their place. "Trophy case Sid?" she suggests. "Maybe in your office?"

"That's Kate's office," he reminds her. "I don't know babe, what do you think?"

"I don't really display anything," I admit, and I can tell immediately that Francine thinks this means I have nothing to display. Sometimes it's better to let people discover things on their own, rather than tell them outright. "What about you?"

"Not really, most of it's back in Nova Scotia," he says.

"Either way, it's not urgent. We're mostly just concerned with the guest rooms, dining room and living rooms. We have family coming into town over the next few weeks," I remind her.

"Kate and I both have really demanding schedules and we just don't have time to handle this ourselves at the moment," Sid explains and it's music to her ears. Francine puts her arm through his and pulls him into the hallway, gushing about all the fantastic plans she has for his house. Sidney is too polite to withdraw, but he looks absolutely mortified.

Downstairs, Francine takes her time gathering her things, clearly squeezing out every last possible second she can with Sid. I can't wait to get her out of the house, and the way he's inching her toward the door, I can tell Sid is thinking the exact same thing. "I know you're a busy guy Sid, so I'll only pull you in for the absolutely crucial decisions. Everything thing else, I'll go through Kate," she assures him, and my blood boils.

"Uh, Kate's even busier than I am," he tells her.

"I'm sure," she laughs, thinking he's making a little joke. Francine composes herself and is taken aback when she realizes he's serious. "Oh, what do you do Kate?" For the first time this evening, Francine has addressed me directly. I decide to down play, I don't like this woman and the less she knows about us the better.

"I work in film and television," I say evenly. "That said, Sid has playoffs coming up, so my schedule is more flexible than his." Sid smiles gratefully, obviously not wanting to deal with Francine too much.

"I have a lot of connections in the industry," she boasts. "In fact, I decorated all the stars' condos for the new HBO series filming in town." Francine beams with pride, obviously feeling she's won this round.

"Kate..." Sid starts, barely holding back laughter.

"That's impressive," I interrupt, flashing Sid a grin that he returns immediately. "Thank you for coming over on such short notice Francine. We really appreciate it."

"It was my pleasure," she reaches past me an offers Sid his hand. He bids her a polite goodbye, and apparently I am only due a wave. _Fine with me_. "We'll talk soon," Francine says breathlessly, finally taking her leave. Sid closes the door firmly behind her, and once we're sure she's out of earshot we both burst out laughing.

"We'll talk soon," I mimic, running my hands up and down Sid's chest in an exaggerated fashion.

"I have no idea how you kept a straight face when she was bragging about working on _your_ show," he giggles.

"I just thought about the two of you walking through our house, arm in arm, and I didn't really feel like laughing," I tell him.

"Baby," he pouts. "That was all her."

"Oh, I'm well aware." Sid pulls me tight to his chest and kisses my forehead. "I guess I'll just have to get used to women throwing themselves at my husband." Sid freezes and a slow grin spreads across his face.

"Husband?" he asks sweetly.

"What?" I give him a puzzled look.

"You just called me your husband," he beams, unable to disguise his excitement.

"No I didn't," I object instantly. _Did I?_

"You did," he promises, and I feel my cheeks heat as I blush with embarrassment.

"I don't think so," I moan, trying to cover my face with my hands, but Sid holds them to my side and doesn't let me off the hook.

"Why are you hiding?" he laughs, and I struggle, trying to squirm out of his grip and avoid eye contact. "Katie," he coaxes playfully.

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Payback baby," he giggles, and suddenly I wish I'd let him off easier about his dirty magazines.

"You called me your future wife," I mutter defensively.

"You are my future wife," he says easily.

"So what's the big deal if I call you my husband?" I ask desperately.

"It's a big deal to me," he pinches my side, making me squeal and giggle. "So how do you want to spend the rest of the night with your husband?" he teases.

"I don't have a husband," I tell him frankly, but my smile gives me away.

"Yet," he corrects me.

"Yet?"

"Patience Kate," and that's all he says. I grab his face and kiss him forcefully, and he holds my waist, pulling me flush to him. My hands run through his hair and I pull away, grinning from ear to ear. "So, it's early, we have the whole night. Do you want to go out? Do you want to stay in? Should we go upstairs?" he winks at the last part.

"What's there to do around here on a Monday night?"

"Do you like baseball?" he grins.

Being Sidney Crosby certainly has it's perks and short notice tickets to anything seems to be one of them. We arrive at the stadium late, the game is already well into the fourth inning, but in some ways that's better. Most of the fans are focused on the game, comfortably settled into their seats, and we sneak in unnoticed for the most part.

"You know, you might be less recognizable if you took the cap off hun," I suggest.

"Nope, I've tried." It looks like the Reebok cap is staying on tonight. We take our seats, Sid quickly putting his arm around my shoulders and I lean into him. This feels almost normal. Like we're just two regular people taking in the Pirates game. "Hungry? Thirsty?" he asks.

"I'm good, you?"

"I'm gonna grab a bottle of water," he tells me. If he gets up he'll have to walk up the stairs, facing everyone in our section. He'll be mobbed for sure.

"I'll go," I offer, standing before he can object. "Anything else?" Sid shakes his head and I quickly step over him and dash up the concrete steps. There's not much of a line, and it feels like I'm back in a flash. When I find our section I'm surprised to find two young girls crouching beside Sid while he signs something for them. _So it begins_. I wait patiently a few rows back while they enjoy their time with Sid, giggling and fawning over him. It's actually pretty cute. Sid lets them take a picture with him, and I can see a few people take notice. If I'm going to get back to my seat, now is the time.

I start down the steps and am immediately cut off by a large man headed toward Sid. "Wait your turn puckbunny" he spits at me and I freeze on the spot, feeling like I've just been slapped across the face. _Puckbunny?_ That's new. I ignore him and continue down the steps, quickly darting past him. "Hey!" he cries out, as if I've just stolen his wallet. This captures Sid's attention, and he quickly stands to give me room to get to my seat.

"Is she your girlfriend?" one of the young girls giggles, and the other girl covers her face, very embarrassed by her bold friend.

"Sort of," Sid laughs. _Sort of?_

"Sort of?" the girl asks my unspoken question.

"More than girlfriend," is all Sid will tell her. The large man has made his way toward Sid and so have a number of other fans, creating enough of a crowd that security comes over to disperse everyone. The embarrassed young girl pulls her friend away, and a few people snap his picture before dashing back to their seats.

"One pic Sid?" the large man asks, but it's almost a demand.

"Sorry, I'm with my girlfriend," Sid tells him and before he can get another word out, security instructs him to return to his seat.

"More than girlfriend," I whisper and just as I expected the tips of his ears turn beet red and an face-splitting grin spreads across his face. The security guard sticks pretty close to us for the remainder of the game, and we end up having a really nice time. Sid takes it upon himself to explain the rules of the game to me, and it's so adorable I don't bother telling him that baseball is one sport I actually do know.

The ninth inning starts, and the game is pretty close, so the crowd is completely absorbed in what's happening on the field. "Ready?" Sid looks at me expectantly.

"We're leaving?" I ask puzzled.

"Yeah, we'll never get out of here if we stay 'til the end," he explains. One of the downsides of being Sidney Crosby, I guess. We exit quickly, Sid waving off a few fans, using his new favorite line_ - not when I'm with my girlfriend_. It kind of makes me feel guilty, because inevitably the disappointed stares fall on me, but this works for Sid and that's all I care about.

"I'm beat," I tell him, climbing into the truck.

"We'll be home in half an hour," he says easily.

"I hope I can last that long."

"If you can't, take a nap," he offers.

I don't even remember whether I agreed or not, but the next thing I know, we're parked in the driveway and Sid is lifting me from the car. "I fell asleep," I yawn as he sets me down.

"You did," he smiles.

"Thanks for the baseball game," I say sincerely.

"Anytime. Except for the next two month," he laughs.

"Playoffs," I groan and he laughs harder and kisses me gingerly on the cheek.

"You'll learn to love it," he promises.

_How can I learn to love something that keeps him away from me?_


	23. Chapter 23

Sid wasn't exaggerating when he said his life was about to get crazy, and I feel a bit foolish for not having better prepared myself. He's out the door and at the rink before I even wake up. I've asked him to wake me up so we can at least say goodbye to each other, but he tells me that I'm too much of a bear that early. All week I've missed him, but no matter how early I try to get up, he's already gone. Evenings aren't much better. He's home before I am, but busies himself watching hours of hockey preparing for the first series, or he's fitting in extra workouts. Tonight I've left work early hoping to get an hour or two with him, but I'm not holding my breath.

The house has started to come together over the past few days. Francine using her ample connections to have furniture orders rushed and delivered at lightning speed. Our bedroom has been transformed into a serene retreat, beautifully furnished and completed with fine linens. The walls are totally bare, and the room void of any personal touches, but I have to admit, it's a joy to wake up and fall asleep in this space. I take my time changing out of my work clothes, opting for jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt instead. Sidney's truck is here, but I haven't seen or heard him, so he's probably going over old film somewhere. It seems like everyday he comes home from practice with a different iPad loaded with videos he's supposed to watch. Combined with his physically demanding workout schedule, and practices, I have no idea how he isn't checking into rehab for exhaustion.

As I expected he's in the living room, glued to the screen, his brow furrowed in concentration. I decide against bugging him and instead set to making supper. I open he fridge and am surprised too see that he's gone shopping. There's a roasted chicken, some steaks, and a stockpile of deli slices. _Okay, he likes his meat_. "Hey you," he calls from the other room. I skip into the living room, excited to actually spend some face-to-face time with him. This has become a rare commodity these days.

"You're home!" I beam at him, and curl myself up at his side. He puts down his iPad and wraps himself around me, and for the first time all week I can see the pressure he's under written all over his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he smiles weakly.

"Sid, talk to me," I press.

"Just feeling a little anxious, it's all part of the process," he smiles.

"You must be completely exhausted," I run my hand through his hair and he closes his eyes, enjoying my touch.

"Pretty much," he confesses.

"Oh honey, why don't you go take a nap. You're totally wiped."

"I have too much to do," he sighs.

"Like what? Put some of it on my plate," I offer.

"No babe, you're so busy..."

"Come on Sid, let me help you."

"Could you drop off my dry-cleaning?" he asks shyly.

"Absolutely, what else?"

"I need to get my truck detailed," he starts.

"Okay, I can handle that. You need more sleep babe."

"Yeah," he agrees. "My parents will be here soon and they usually help me out." His words sting a little bit. _I'm offering to help!_

"Babe, you don't need to wait for your parents. I want to take some of the pressure off. Let me help you. What does your mom usually do?"

"Oh Kate, you're going to think I'm totally helpless..." he whines.

"Try me."

"She usually makes me a bunch of food so I can just grab and go," he says.

"I can do that."

"But babe, I can't eat your veggie stuff all the time, I need more calories than that," he says.

"Okay, write a list of what you like and I'll make it." He gives me a skeptical look. "I'm serious Sid. I want to do this for you. Make me a list and then go take a nap."

An hour later, I'm up to my elbows in the kitchen, feeling a bit like an overworked line cook when I hear Sid's phone buzz. I'm under strict orders to wake him up if anyone from the organization calls. It's a text from Taylor and my heart races.

_"Coming to town tomorrow! My flight gets in at 3:25pm." _

Tomorrow?! The house is a total disaster and I've completely destroyed the kitchen trying to be a good hockey wife. At least her room has a bed and furniture now. I have to pick up bedding though and towels for her bathroom. Okay, it's still early. Sid is sleeping. There's at least another hour and a half until stores close. I can do this.

I put away all the food I've pulled out and quickly dash to dry-cleaner, begging them to put a rush on Sid's suits, then I race over to the closest Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's about twenty minutes away and about ten minutes into the drive I realize that I've forgotten to be nervous about driving. I guess my desire to impress Taylor and help Sid feel more relaxed overshadows my anxiety about driving. It's a liberating realization.

The store is nearly empty, and I breeze through the bathroom section, picking out towels for both guest rooms and grabbing any necessary accessories. I find some adorable baskets and decide to fill them with toiletries for our guests. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, face cloths, floss, soaps, mini-mouthwash, lip balm, deodorant, razors, hand lotion, and q-tips. Bedding is a little trickier. The house is pretty neutral color-wise, so it doesn't really narrow down my choices. I feel kind of guilty, I ordered a really beautiful but expensive set for the master, and here I am grabbing bargain bedding at a department store for the other rooms. _She'll be here tomorrow - what choice do I have?_

I find a really cute grey and coral set that reminds me of something I saw at Anthropologie. _I should have gone to Anthropologie!_ Well it's too late now, I toss it in the cart and move on. It's not like she's moving in. She's just coming for a visit. They know he hasn't been living at the house, so I doubt they're expecting it to be completely pulled together. _Right?_ My stomach does a little flip and I run through my mental to-do list. I decide to throw Carter a text and see if there's any way I can clear my schedule tomorrow.

"_Not a chance. Network execs are coming for a set visit in the morning. Writer's room meeting at 4pm. Dinner with your agent and Josh Meyers at 7pm."_

_"FML." _

I have to get home and finish cooking. The checkout is empty so I'm back on the road in ten minutes and home in fifteen. I quietly creep upstairs, and Sid is still fast asleep, none the wiser of my little excursion. I check his phone, no missed calls, and I set back to work in the kitchen. I've made half-a-dozen sandwiches, following his specifications, and chopped and bagged veggies to go along with them. Next up, suppers. I start washing some baby potatoes for roasting and search the internet for instructions on how to roast a chicken. The last thing I want to do is give him salmonella poisoning! I find one by a trusted Food Network chef, and it doesn't seem too intimidating. Twenty minutes later, it's all in the oven and I check his list for the next item.

_Kate's pizza_.

Aww, well that I can do with my eyes closed. The familiar task gives me a chance to let my mind wander, and I run through my day tomorrow. I completely forgot about my agent coming to town, and to be honest, I'm not too keen on having dinner with Josh. Nice enough guy, but actors can be a little tenacious and I don't have any desire to take on another project at the moment. He was pretty insistent when we met in New York, and he's obviously not backing down if he's arranged a dinner through my agent. I'm not worried about the network execs coming, they've all given positive feedback on the first two episodes and signed off on the next four scripts. The writer's meeting could go either way.

I'm just cleaning up the enormous mess I've made when I hear Sidney padding down the stairs. "Something smells good," he yawns.

"Hungry?"

"Always," he takes a seat the kitchen island, and opens his arms for me to hug him. "Thank you."

"I didn't do much," I object.

"I really needed to sleep," he tells me. I pull away and prepare Sid a plate of food while he wakes up a little bit more.

"Your sister texted. She's coming tomorrow," I tell him, hoping to keep any trace of anxiety out of my voice.

"Tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yeah, her flight gets in at 3:25. Can you pick her up?" I ask hopefully. There's no way I can do it, and frankly, that's not how I'd like us to meet anyway.

"Yeah, tomorrow is a light day for me," he says. I can't imagine what his version of a light day is lately, but I'm pleased to hear he'll be able to pick up his sister. I'm sure she'll appreciate that. "I should make a reservation somewhere for supper," he considers out loud. "Where do you want to go?"

"Actually I have a dinner tomorrow that I can't get out of," I tell him regretfully. "My agent is in town and we're meeting with an actor about a project he's developing." Sid looks really disappointed, and maybe a touch jealous. "But, what if I met up with you two for dessert?" I suggest.

"If you're not too busy," he pouts, and I decide his sour mood must be a result of his lack of rest and I don't bite.

"Never too busy for you baby," I kiss him lightly and smile. Sid tucks into his food and I move to stand behind him, rubbing his shoulders and back, massaging away some of the tension he's carrying. He moans in approval, so I continue, enjoying the feeling of his muscles underneath my fingertips. "Early bedtime tonight?" I ask carefully. He's been early to bed and early to rise these days, and it's a schedule I haven't quite gotten used to.

"I'm going to get a run in after this," he sighs.

"Want some company?" I offer and the corners of his lips twitch up into a smile.

"If you think you can keep up," he smirks.

"Sid, I can run," I tell him seriously.

So running for fitness and going for a run with a professional athlete are two very different things. I've told Sidney not to wait on me, and I'm really pushing myself to keep up - well, sort of keep up. He does box jumps at every bench along the way, and it gives me a chance to make up some time and close the gap between us. It's late, and the sun has set, giving him the chance to move through the streets unnoticed for the most part. He's fast. Much faster than I anticipated, and I feel ridiculous chasing after him like this. Usually running makes me feel strong and athletic, but this is like a sad reality check.

Well moping isn't going to make me any faster, so instead I run through a list of things I have to get done tonight before Taylor arrives. Instead of laying awake for an hour when Sid goes to sleep, maybe I'll stay up and get her room set up. There's tons of food in the house, and she's arriving in the afternoon, so I don't have to worry about having a meal ready for her. "Hey you ready to head back?" Sidney calls from up ahead.

"Yes please!" I pant, and turn around immediately. He's by my side in a flash, and slows to jog beside me. "Don't let me hold you back," I huff, doing my best to appear in top physical condition and failing miserably.

"It's okay, this is my cool down," he assures me. I think it's supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn't.

"You're pretty fit babe, I'm impressed," he smiles.

"Please," I shake off his compliment. "I'm practically killing myself trying to keep up with you."

"Yeah, but I workout for a living," he laughs. About two blocks from our house, Sidney finally stops running and slows to a brisk walk. This I can handle. His arm wraps around my shoulder and he tugs me to his side. "Thank you."

"No thank you, I'm pretty sure that workout just stripped a few years off my life," I pant, and he erupts into a fit of giggles.

We walk home, hand in hand, neither of us saying much, and it's a comforting silence. I know he's preoccupied with hockey, and I don't need him to be anything more than present for me right now. When you have a demanding career, it can be stressful trying to manage it along with your partners expectations. I don't want him to feel that pressure. I can survive two months without being the center of his universe.

Sid heads straight for the kitchen and downs a giant glass of water. "Shower?" he says expectantly, and I am so eager to get my hands on this man, my only response is to nod furiously and dash upstairs. I start the water running and strip off my clothes, I hear Sid climbing the steps and decide to let him join me in the shower. I rinse under the warm water, the anticipation of his touch bubbling inside me. Every sound he makes gets me more and more excited. I hear him walk into the bedroom and toss his runners to the side. He groans, presumably as he pulls off his t-shirt, meaning his shorts can only be seconds from hitting the floor.

My body is buzzing impatiently, and I'm watching the bathroom entrance like a hawk. Nothing. "Sid?" I call out, but he doesn't answer or appear. I turn off the water, wrap myself in a towel and tiptoe into the bedroom. There, naked as the day he was born, is Sidney, passed out cold on the bed. _Poor thing_. I tuck the duvet around him and he snuggles in, totally exhausted and his body obviously craving sleep.

I leave him be and decide to tackle a few more tasks before bed. _Maybe that will work off my sexual frustration_.


	24. Chapter 24

It feels like I've only been sleeping for half and hour tops, but I glance at the clock and it says 4:37am. 4:37am and Sid is wide awake, in every sense of the word. "Too early for this?" he asks, nipping at my collar bone, both hands running up the sides of my body, his erection digging painfully into my thigh. He may be waking me up in the middle of the night, but there's no way I'm turning him down. It's been days since we've connected physically, and I'm not sure when we'll be able to do it again.

"I'm good," I croak, making him giggle. "Is this what time you usually get up?"

"Lately," he tells me, his lips never leaving my skin. _No wonder I never see him leave_. He moves down the length of my body, paying special attention to my breasts. Caressing, kissing and sucking at my most tender places, Sid parts my legs easily and buries his face between them. _Oh my god_. If I wasn't awake before, I am now. His tongue darts in and out of his mouth, flicking, teasing, torturing me into a frenzied state of arousal. His hands massage the back of my thighs, his fingers dragging across my skin. My body is on fire for this man. "Ready?" he grins up at me and I nod eagerly.

Sid stretches himself across me, resting his arms on either side of me, and in one swift motion, he's inside me. "Ahhh," I moan, gripping his shoulders tightly.

"You okay?" he looks down at me with concern.

"Great," I smile up at him. It takes me a few thrusts to get used to him, but soon it starts to feel really, really good. Sid moves slowly, easing himself in and out of me, propping himself up on his forearms, blinking down at me, a gorgeous smile spread across his face. I run my hand along his hairline, pushing his messy curls away from his face, tracing along his jaw, pulling his chin close to me and joining my lips to his. "I've missed you," I whisper.

"Me too," he whispers back.

"You can wake me up like this anytime," I pant, and Sid giggles.

"I'll do my best," he tells me. He lifts my leg and moves it across my body, pushing my knees together and turning me on my side. Sid moves again and the change in angle is absolutely delicious.

"Oh Sid," I gasp and he beams with pride, obviously very pleased with himself at this moment. "Don't stop. Ever." He moves faster now, sitting back on his knees and gripping my hips tightly. I run my hand down his arm, tangling our fingers together.

"I love when you do that," he tells me.

"Mmmmm..." is all I can get out. He squeezes my hand gently and picks up his pace.

"Babe, I have to hurry," he says regretfully.

"I know," I say softly. "However you want me Sid."

He moves on top of me, resting most of his weight on my body, and it's feels comforting and uncomfortable all at once. "Too much?" he asks, and I shake my head no. I stretch my fingers across his back, kneading his overworked muscles as his hips buck against me. Sid moans in appreciation, tucking his face into my neck and quickening his pace. His hands wrap around my arms, and he holds me tight to his chest as he finds his release. He bucks wildly, gripping me possessively, his instincts consuming his body. His lips press hard against my mouth as he slowly pulls himself out of me, lifting his body from mine.

"Come back," I beg him, pulling him down against me once more.

"Two minutes," he tells me, and I realize how rare our time together over the coming weeks will be. He rolls us onto our sides, and I cuddle in tight to him.

"Is this seriously how early you've been waking up everyday?" I ask incredulously.

"Pretty much," he smiles sweetly.

"No wonder you fell asleep on me last night," I frown, hugging him tighter.

"I thought I just made up for that," he giggles.

"More than," I lean up and kiss him. "Showering?"

"Hun..." he looks at me suspiciously.

"I was going to offer to make you breakfast while you shower, that's all!" I laugh. Sid sits up and kisses me.

"I'd love that," he tells me, and our two minutes are up.

Technically I could fall back asleep for another hour and a half, but my nerves about Taylor's arrival won't really allow for that. I dress quickly and head downstairs to the kitchen. I grab some eggs, cheese and veggies and start making Sid an omelet and whole wheat toast. There's some roasted potatoes in the fridge, and I slice them to make quick hashbrowns. While the eggs and potatoes cook I pull out the blender and whip together some fruit and almond milk, enough for both of us.

A few minutes later I've set him a place at the kitchen island, and am just about to plate his food when he saunters into the room. "That smells amazing," he says, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. He pours himself the almond milk smoothie, and apparently I've miscalculated the number of servings as Sid takes the whole thing. "You're not eating?" he asks between gulps. There's enough food here for three, but Sid's working out so hard and so often that he's eating insane amounts lately.

"I'll have a smoothie later," I tell him, nodding to the empty blender.

"Was this yours?" he lifts his half-drunk glass.

"Nope," I fib, guiding Sid to the chair and set his plate in front of him.

"This is amazing," he tucks in. "Thank you." I can't help but blush. _See, I can be useful!_ "What's your day look like?"

"Busy," I sigh.

"Yeah?"

"Network execs are coming to set this morning, then writer's room all afternoon, then dinner with my agent and Josh Meyers tonight," I rattle off my schedule.

"Josh Meyers again?" this has captured his attention.

"Yep," I say easily, hoping my casual attitude will alleviate any jealous feelings.

"Hmmm," he grumbles.

"And then I'm meeting my gorgeous boyfriend and his sister," I lean in to kiss him and I feel his cheeks perk up into a smile. "You think she'll like me?"

"Kate," he scolds.

"I just want her to like me!" I say defensively.

"She'll love you," he promises. Sid has nearly cleared his plate, and my heart sinks. _Our morning is almost over_. He pulls me onto his lap and holds me close. "You're distracting."

"Me?" I laugh.

"Yeah, normally I'd be on the road already, but I don't want to leave," he whines.

"I don't want you to leave," I whisper. _I don't want him to feel guilty either though_. "But, you have to!" I slink off him and he quickly stabs the last few morsels of food, cleaning his plate.

"Okay, okay. I'm outta here," he stands quickly, kissing me briskly and grabbing his things. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Absolutely," I promise.

"No flirting with Josh what's-his-face," he says playfully, but I sense some of his insecurities coming out.

"Not a chance," I shake my head and this seems to satisfy him.

"Love you," he tells me, walking out the door.

"Love you babe," I call after him, earning a grin and a wink before he disappears into the garage.

I make myself a quick breakfast and jump to work on my laptop. If there's any hope of me meeting up with Sidney and Taylor, I'm going to have to bust my butt today. As I answer emails and review my notes for the writer's room meeting, my mind wanders and I try to guess whether or not Sid made a reservation for tonight. He's spread so thin these days, and I doubt he'll remember. I set a reminder for myself to do this and a separate reminder to text him close to her flight arrival.

The network set visit goes really well, which sounds great, but all the commotion has put us behind. I can't really afford for the day to go any longer than scheduled. Timing is like a set of dominoes - once something goes over it pushes everything else. My lunch hour is spent with the director and two other producers trying to determine if there's anything we can cut from the shooting script to save time. There's a small scene that doesn't do much to advance the plot, so it's cut. The crew will get out of here on time, but it's my job to break it to the writers, which means my meeting with them this afternoon will probably involve lengthy debate and will likely go over. It's robbing Peter to pay Paul around here sometimes.

My first reminder goes off, and I'm really grateful I set them this morning. There's no way I would have thought to call for a reservation in time. As it is, the hotspot restaurant tells me they're packed, but the promise of Sidney Crosby opens up a table. It's a trendy restaurant and I hope Taylor will enjoy it.

_"Hey hun, I made a reservation for you and Taylor at Eleven for 6:30. Does that work for you?"_

_"THANK YOU! Totally slipped my mind." _

_"Anytime handsome."_

I was hoping for a little back and forth banter, but today is just too crazy for both of us. I run off to my next meeting, sending Carter a text to meet me in the writers room. I'm hoping to get him in there for the next two episodes, but he doesn't know that yet. As soon as I walk into the room, the chatter dies down a little and people are ready to get to work. Carter joins us fifteen minutes later and takes a seat next to mine. There's some heated arguments about the direction of one of the characters, the room divided about whether or not his injury should be fatal. It's a minor character, so it wouldn't impact the budget or marketing too much. We break off into teams, plotting out how him living or dying would shape the season. Carter works well with his group, offering interesting suggestions, earning a few compliments as he does. This is a good fit for him. He's wasted as my assistant.

An hour in, my second reminder goes off and I carefully craft a text to Sid, trying not to make it sound like I think he might forget about his sister.

_"Be safe driving to the airport!"_

_"I remembered babe, but thanks anyway." _Okay, so it was a little more transparent that I thought. My momentary distraction behind me, I focus on work, hoping to get some loose ends tied up today so I can take a short day tomorrow. I'm not sure what Taylor has planned, but I want to be able to spend time with her. _If she even wants to spend time with you_. I shake away my negative thoughts and get to work. The meeting ends with just enough time for me to freshen up in my office before I have to head to the restaurant. Carter follows close behind, obviously eager to debrief about his foray into the writers room. "Hey, what are you doing for supper?" I ask him.

"Probably McDonald's," he confesses.

"Want to join me?" I offer. He's met my agent a few times, and it's not unheard of to bring assistants to these sorts of things. Plus I know it would make Sid feel better knowing Carter was with me for my dinner with a hunky actor.

"Really?" he asks brightly.

"Yep, we gotta go soon though," I tell him, rushing around my office, packing up some work to finish from home tonight.

As expected, Josh is waiting patiently at a table and stands to wave me over. "Whoa," is all Carter says, and if I weren't completely preoccupied with thoughts of my own gorgeous man, I might agree with him. I offer Josh my hand before he can open his arms for a hug, keenly aware that his celebrity combined with Sidney's makes us a very interesting table to the other diners.

"It's great to see you again Kate," he says smoothly.

"Good to see you too," I say genially. "This is Carter." Carter offers a casual nod, and it's so unlike him I almost burst out laughing. "I guess Val hasn't made it yet?" I glance around, looking for my agent and spot her at the entrance.

"I'll go grab her," Carter offers and before I can object, he's darting toward her.

"So Carter is...?"

"My assistant," I laugh. "He's also a writer, so I thought he might get something out of our meeting," I explain.

"Oh, I thought he was your chaperone," Josh says stone-faced. I feel my cheeks heat, embarrassed that it's so obvious. "I'm just kidding Kate," he laughs and I laugh nervously with him.

"Katie!" Val squeals, and I stand to embrace her. She's a dramatic woman in her mid-forties. Scatterbrained in every part of her life but business, which is fortunate for me. Josh stands and introduces himself. "Of course, of course, we spoke on the phone," Val gushes, feeding his ego and taking the opportunity to drink him in. She winks at me and settles in right across from Josh. "So Josh, tell us about your project."

I've heard his spiel before, so I kind of tune out and think about Sid. He and Taylor will probably be tucking into supper right now, and hopefully I can sneak off within the hour to join them. "What do you think Kate?" the table looks at me expectantly, and I'm caught. I haven't been paying attention and everyone is going to know it.

"Kate was just saying that exact thing this morning," Carter chimes in. I wrack my brain trying to recall an interesting conversation we had this morning, but I come up empty.

"Yeah," I agree stupidly.

"I've always been a baseball fan myself, but you could persuade me to go to a game," Josh winks and I'm caught up. _Hockey_. Even in my own world I've become Sidney Crosby's girlfriend.

"I didn't know you were a hockey fan," Val says puzzled.

"She's pretty tight with one of the Penguins," Carter teases, and my annoyance evaporates immediately. _So they weren't talking about Sidney. _The whole thing is very confusing, and I'm not sure I can find an entry point into the conversation.

"Really?" Josh says brightly. "I thought I heard a rumor about you and...what's his name?" _Okay, so this is the game we're playing_.

"Sidney Crosby," I answer quickly. "Not a rumor, it's true." _Off the market Josh._ I guess he'll just have to persuade me to work with him with something other than his good looks. His face falls immediately, and I know it's not because he was interested in me romantically. He's used to flashing his smile, making women swoon, and getting his way. You can't fault the guy, he's only working with what he's got.

"The things I learn when we speak outside of email!" Val laughs, and the friendly nature of our meeting returns. Our meals arrive a short time later, and my appetite has vanished, my nerves about meeting Taylor running sky high. I'm so eager to get out of there that I surprise all of us by agreeing to write a treatment for the pilot episode and edit the series bible. _With what time Kate?!_ Stupid, stupid stupid. This news has pleased both Josh and Val though, while Carter shoots me a dangerous look.

"I really hate to cut this short, but I have another engagement this evening," I excuse myself before after-dinner drinks start. "How long are you in town Josh?"

"A few days," he replies.

"If you'd like to come by the set, maybe we can schedule a working lunch?" I offer. _I'll need to fit this in somewhere_.

"Absolutely," he beams.

"Great, Carter will set it up. Val, lovely as always," I pull her into a hug and moments later I'm running out the door.

_"You're insane! You have zero time for this Kate!"_ Carter sends me an angry text He's right as usual.

_"I know! I know!" _

The drive to Eleven is short and I dash inside, wishing I'd left half an hour ago. I tell the hostess that I'm meeting Sid, and she just rolls her eyes and glares at me. "For real," I snap.

"Name?" she scoffs.

"Kate Davidson," and with that tidbit of information she disappears into the restaurant. Moments later she returns, her face as red as a stoplight and an apology prepared.

"I'm sorry Miss Davidson, please follow me." She leads me through the crowded space to a secluded table in the back. Sid is facing me and stands immediately to greet me, and I frown when I see the empty chairs at the table.

"Where's Taylor?" I ask him anxiously.

"Restroom," he replies, pulling me into a quick hug and kissing me lightly on the cheek. "You look flustered."

"I accidentally agreed to take on a writing project that I wasn't really interested in," I explain.

"This is for the Josh Meyers guy?" Sid asks and I nod.

"You know Josh Meyers?" I look up and there she is. Fresh faced and beautiful, Sid's little sister.


	25. Chapter 25

"How do you know Josh Meyers?" Taylor asks excitedly.

"Taylor, this is Kate," Sidney ignores her question and introduces us, but she is firmly focused on one thing.

"We've met a few times, but I wouldn't say I know him," I tell her with a smile. _Okay, so far not bad_. "I'm so excited that you're here Taylor." I extend my hand to her, but she wraps her arms around me instead, and I feel a lot of my anxiety fade.

"Sid said you were nervous," she shoots him a skeptical look.

"He said that?" I play dumb, desperately trying not to blush ten shades of pink. Sid grins and shakes his head, obviously holding back when he could be teasing me mercilessly. "How was supper?"

"Great, did you eat?" Sid asks, pulling out my chair for me to sit.

"I did," I reply easily.

"So we're not getting dessert?" Taylor frowns with disappointment.

"Oh we're getting dessert," I chime in confidently, making her smile. We both pour over the dessert menu until the waiter arrives, neither of us great at making small talk I suppose. I order the sorbet, Taylor gets the chocolate-peanut-pretzel candy bar and Sidney decides to pass on sweets.

"Ugh, have fun for once in your life." Taylor rolls her eyes at him.

"Playoffs," he shrugs. It's a common theme these days. _So many things he can't do during playoffs_. "What's this project you're taking on?" Sid asks sweetly, but I can tell there's a touch of jealousy there. If I have to get used to him being around willing female fans for his job, he'll have to get used to me dealing with handsome actors for mine.

"It's a series he's flushing out. Still really early though, there's not even development money attached," I say evenly.

"What's he like?" Taylor asks interestedly, making Sidney roll his eyes.

"Hmm," I consider my words carefully. I want to indulge Taylor a little bit, but I don't want to annoy Sid too much in the process. "He's a nice guy, very confident, but not really arrogant. He's pretty interesting, and seems quite smart."

"Is he as good looking in person as he is on tv?" Taylor presses me, and I giggle.

"Yeah, he's very handsome," I tell her. I glance at Sid and his lips are pressed in a tight line.

"Okay, enough about that," he announces.

"Oh Sid, don't get so jealous," Taylor scolds him and immediately returns her attention to me. _What else can I tell her?_

"He was really interested in you," I tell Sidney, and this seems to perk him up a bit.

"You told him about me?" he asks seriously.

"He said he's heard a rumor and I confirmed it," I shrug easily, not wanting to make a bigger deal of this than necessary. "Anyway, Josh said he might check out a game if he's still in town. If you want to meet him I'm sure I could..."

"Oh my god," Taylor interrupts.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Sidney asks her with a laugh.

"You can meet him too Sid," I offer with a giggle.

"Well that changes everything," he laughs, wrapping his arm around me. Taylor has noticed this small PDA, and grins to herself. I suddenly feel a little self-conscious, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but Sidney either hasn't noticed or ignores it. Instead, he takes my spoon from my hand and helps himself to some of my sorbet.

"What do you think?" I ask him sweetly.

"Pretty good," he winks at me, and I steal my spoon back. "Hey!"

"Sorry babe, playoffs," I pat his belly and earn a hearty laugh from Taylor and a scowl from Sid.

I think teasing Sidney has won me some points with Taylor, and he doesn't mind the innocent ribbing. Sid excuses himself to take a call just before the cheque arrives and I jump at the chance to pay. _He never lets me pay for anything_. Of course, he's annoyed when he returns and finds out what I've done, but Taylor just teases him about bailing on the bill and his sense of humor returns. The drive home gives me the chance to see Sidney in a whole new light. _Sidney Crosby - big brother_. "So Taylor, how do you like boarding school?" I ask curiously.

"I love it," she confesses.

"What's the best part?" I press her for more details.

"I guess, being around my friends all the time."

"Does your boyfriend go to school with you?" I ask, and this question has drawn Sidney into our conversation.

"He does," she giggles sweetly. _Ah, young love!_

"I bet you get to see more of him at school than you would if you lived at home," I giggle.

"Definitely," she laughs.

"What does that mean?" Sid asks suspiciously.

"I just get to see him more," she answers defensively.

"Taylor..." Sid gives her an unspoken warning.

"What?" she hisses.

"Sid..." I coax him, but he's not in the mood.

"You're too young for a serious boyfriend," Sid tells her matter-of-factly. "Focus on school and hockey." _Wow, super serious Sid has arrived and is settling in for the evening_.

"Yes sir!" Taylor mocks him and I stifle a laugh.

"I'm serious Taylor," he says sternly.

"Sid, she's seventeen," I start.

"Eighteen," Taylor is quick to correct me.

"She's eighteen, it's normal to have a boyfriend at eighteen," I say gently, but he's stubborn and his thin-lipped stone face won't budge. Taylor and I both wait for him to concede, but he doesn't.

"Sid's never been normal," is all Taylor says and the topic is closed. _He would never have let a girl distract him from hockey_.

"So Taylor, what are your plans while you're in town?" I ask brightly, hoping to lift the mood.

"I don't know, I was kind of hoping to watch Sid's practice tomorrow," she says hopefully.

"Closed practice," he huffs. I glare at him and he rolls his eyes.

"Well, maybe you and I could grab lunch?" I offer.

"Sure," she agrees easily.

"Kate has to work," Sid interjects. I reach across and pinch him hard on the leg.

"Just in the morning," I tell Taylor. _I think I can sneak away...better text Carter_. I pull out my phone and type frantically.

"That's why you're texting Carter?" Sid hisses. _Man this guy is in a mood. _

"Anywhere you'd like to go?" I ask sweetly.

"It doesn't matter," Taylor says automatically.

"There's nowhere you'd like to try?" I press her.

"Meat and Potatoes?" she asks shyly.

"Sounds great!"

"Kate is a veg..."

"Maybe we can hit a few stores downtown after?" I interrupt Sidney. _Why is he being such a brat?_ He knows this is important to me, but he just can't let go of Taylor's earlier comment. Taylor and I chat back and forth while Sid pouts in the drivers' seat. By the time we get home, he's been ignoring us both for almost half an hour. "Have you seen the house before?" I ask Taylor.

"She was here this afternoon Kate," Sid snaps at me.

"Oh right," I mutter, feeling very much scolded and put in my place. Once inside, Taylor disappears into her room with her iPad, presumably to chat with her boyfriend. Sidney goes straight to our bedroom to change for his evening run, and I head into my office, careful not to burst into tears in front of him. _He was actually mean tonight_. That's so unlike him. I try to distract myself by unpacking some of my things into the spacious new office, but it's hard not to think about earlier. I think Taylor and I could be buddies, she's sweet and has a good sense of humor. At the same time it almost felt like Sid didn't want us to get along. I'm so caught up in my own thoughts that I don't hear him enter the room.

"Hey," he startles me back into the present. "I'm going for a run."

"Have fun," I say neutrally.

"You okay?" he asks, and as much as I'd love to unload on him right now, I don't.

"Great," I smile, and it seems to satisfy him. "Your sister is lovely," I tell him sincerely.

"She's something," he huffs.

"She loves you, anyone can see that."

"So it was just my imagination that she was being a huge brat tonight?" he asks seriously.

"Yes, Sid. It was. She's sweet," I reluctantly put my arms around his shoulders. As angry as I am with him, he needs me more right now. "It bothered you when she said you weren't normal," I say hesitantly, and I feel his muscles tense beneath me.

"I guess," he mutters.

"Well babe, you're not normal," I tell him. "And that's a good thing."

"Kate," he pouts.

"No, seriously. You're not, like, some super weird science experiment or anything, but you're also pretty far from average Sid. You know this. I love how driven you are, and I'm so proud of your successes. You work so hard, you deserve them. Why would you want to be normal? You're so much better than just normal." He pulls me close to his chest and I feel his body radiating tension.

"I was a dick tonight," he whispers.

"Yep," I agree easily.

"I'm sorry," he says guiltily.

"You're under a lot of pressure, don't worry about this too," I plead with him.

"Can we go to bed together tonight?" he begs. He's been going to sleep so early these days that I've been using the extra few hours to get some work done every night. If I'm going to take tomorrow afternoon off I really should work now, but Sid comes first. _That's new_. Work always came first, but I guess my priorities are shifting.

"Absolutely," I kiss him lightly on the cheek. He heads out the door to get in his final workout of the day. I use the precious minutes to frantically answer as many emails as possible and fire off some notes to department heads before I hear a timid knock at my door.

"Kate?" I look up and Taylor is waiting politely in the doorway.

"Hey, everything okay?" I ask eagerly.

"Yeah, yeah, everything is great with me, I just wanted to see if you were okay?"

"Me?" I say puzzled.

"I know how Sid can be this time of year and he was kind of..."

"A dick?" I blurt out, and a mortified look crosses my face. "His words, not mine." Taylor watches me closely and then an embarrassed smile spreads across her lips.

"Well, yeah," she admits.

"He's already apologized, and honestly, pressure is one thing I understand," as much as I would love to vent about Sid's mistreatment of me, there's no way I can do that with his sister.

"You kind of have a big job, huh?" she finally walks in and sits cross on the corner of my desk.

"Kind of, I don't know. Sometimes it feels too big, but most of the time I want to do it all myself. Make sense?" I ramble, and she nods.

"But you get to work with a lot of famous people," she grins.

"Sometimes," I laugh. "But that can kind of be shitty. You have an idea about what they're going to be like, and then they turn out to be real assholes...sorry for swearing," I grin embarrassed.

"I grew up around hockey, I've heard worse," she laughs loudly.

"So Sid's gone...tell me about your boyfriend!" something about Taylor has me feeling like a high school girl myself. Taylor blushes and covers her face with her hands, clearly embarrassed by my direct question. "Is it serious?" She nods slightly and can't conceal the huge smile on her lips. "L-word serious?"

"Ahhh," Taylor jumps up, her emotions too big to contain in a seated position.

"Ooh, it is serious," I grin, pulling her back to the desk.

"Yeah," she blushes.

Taylor settles in and for the first time in a long time, I enjoy a no-nonsense session of girl talk. Taylor tells me all about her steady, and he sounds pretty wonderful. It's no surprise that he plays hockey too, but Taylor admits he's probably not on the NHL-track. His interests are varied though, and his interest in her and not her brother gives her confidence.

"Yeah, that must make it tough to date when all the guys at your school adore your brother," I sympathize.

"Well, some guys do, others are from hockey families and it's no big deal, and some of the guys hate him," she sighs.

"They must be Flyers fans," I roll my eyes. Taylor laughs at my little joke, which endears her to me even more.

"I saw the video," she says quietly.

"That was brutal," I confess. "It was worse when they all thought I was too drunk to fly home."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I tell her easily.

"It's kind of personal," she says anxiously.

"Go for it."

"When you and a guy start...well, if a relationship gets...let's say things..." she struggles to get the words out.

"Sex?" and the red streak across her cheeks tells me I've hit the mark.

"Can you ever go back to, well, not doing it?" she asks embarrassed.

"Absolutely!" I blurt out, taking us both by surprise. "Sometimes we make decisions in the heat of the moment, or we think we're ready and it turns out we're not."

"I thought I was, but..."

"You're not," I finish for her and she nods.

"Not what?" Sidney pants as he steps into the office, covered in sweat, a bottle of gatorade in one hand and a towel in the other. Taylor turns beet red and I can see her frantically looking for something to cover with.

"She's not tired," I say quickly. "I was just telling her how early you've been going to bed lately."

"Taylor gets it," Sid winks at her, and just like that all is forgiven and forgotten between siblings. "I'm hitting the shower and then you promised," he looks at me seriously.

"Oh my god! Gross!" Taylor squeals.

"Sleep, Taylor! She promised we'd go to sleep!" Sidney tells her horrified.

"Okay, whatever you say. Night Kate," she beams at me and makes her way across the room. "Night pervert," she teases Sid and he swats her away.

"You two looked pretty buddy-buddy," Sid grins.

"Yeah, I think we kind of are," I admit with a shy smile. _And I didn't even need your help!_


	26. Chapter 26

"Hey stranger," Carter calls to me as I hustle into the production office. It's insanely early, and I'm surprised to see him here. I was expecting a quiet office for at least an hour.

"What the hell are you doing here? It's not even seven," I ask, quickly setting up my laptop and sorting through the stack of signature pages waiting for me, trying to ignore the wave of anxious nausea flooding over me.

"You emailed me your schedule, remember?" He sounds annoyed. _Ugh._

"Oh shit, sorry Carter. I didn't mean that you had to be here this early," I sigh and a malicious look spreads across his face. "I'm sorry!"

"Where were you yesterday?" he asks suspiciously.

"Taylor's in town, so I took the day to spend with her, and Sid's parents get in this afternoon, and of course, the big game tomorrow..." I rattle off.

"And of course, a little thing called a show to run," he adds cheekily.

"Don't start, I'm trying to make it work. What did I miss?" I ask, trying to get our conversation focused back to work.

"Nothing major, but you have a draft due tomorrow, remember?"

"Yes," I hiss, but the truth is, it completely slipped my mind. Geez, I have to get back on track here. "I'm going to finish this," I tap the stack of papers, "and then I need a few hours to write."

"No can do Kate, there's a read through at one," Carter says sternly.

"Fuck," I huff. "Can it be pushed?"

"We already pushed it, remember?" he frowns. Another thing I forgot.

"Dammit. Okay, well you know where to find me," I say dismissing him. I need to buckle down and knock some stuff off my to-do list. Somehow I'm able to get through the signature pages before the office opens, and by the grateful looks on the PA's face, I know this was holding them up yesterday. I'm able to get just over an hour of writing in before I'm called to set to put out a fire. Apparently the costumer didn't have a chance to vanity-size the tags on the lead's wardrobe and she's refusing to try on the "fat" clothes. When I arrive, the whole costume department is in a scramble, sewing in new tags and working to convince her it's a European sizing difference.

"Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?" she's practically in tears when I arrive. _Well, it would be less embarrassing if you didn't make such a big production of the whole thing_. "What if the crew thought I actually wore a size 6?"

"They would be very envious," I smile at her.

"It's not funny Kate, anything over a 2 is practically plus-size!" she shrieks. I refrain from rolling my eyes, and give her a sympathetic smile instead.

"You know most of these pieces are period clothes, right?" I tell her and she nods. "Sizing has changed. You're wearing a 6 dress from the forties, which is much smaller than an off-the-rack 6 today. Marilyn Monroe wore size 12. Did you know that?" I think I read that somewhere. I'm pretty sure she's not going to fact-check anything that makes her feel better.

"No she didn't," she pouts.

"She did," the costumer jumps in, and finally the actress cracks a smile.

"Really?" she's obviously satisfied and my work here is done. I head back to the office, desperate to get some more words on the page when Carter arrives with lunch.

"You're kidding, it's lunchtime already?" I say horrified.

"It is," he frowns. "The day getting away on you?"

"Well maybe if I didn't need to spend half my morning talking the star out of an eating disorder I could get some work done!" I mutter.

"Here, I brought you some soup and a sandwich," he places the tray on the edge of my desk and the smell of strong spices turns my stomach. I grab my wastebasket and proceed to toss-my-cookies in a most unladylike fashion. "Jesus Kate, are you okay?"

Cater hands me a tissue and I push the food away. "It's just nerves," I tell him.

"You sure?" he asks, his face pained with concern. "You look a little green."

"Yeah, I'm just stretched a little thin these days," I answer quickly. I rummage through my desk and pull out my toiletries bag. I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and head for the nearest washroom. Wow, I feel so nauseated and it came out of nowhere. I do this to myself. I work myself up into a fit and then I'm surprised when my body reacts badly. As I'm brushing my teeth another wave of nausea hits and I race into the closest stall and somehow lose more of my breakfast. _I can't be sick. I have no time to get sick!_ I splash some cold water on my face and brush my teeth again. I feel remarkably better in a short period of time, which is fortunate as the read through is set to begin in half an hour.

I head back to my desk and Carter is there, hovering over me like a concerned mother. "Kate, if you're sick..."

"I'm not sick," I interrupt quickly.

"All I'm saying is we don't want the whole office going down with the flu," he adds timidly.

"It's just nerves Carter, honest. I feel better already, I promise."

"Well just in case, here's some crackers and ginger ale," he hands me a sleeve of saltines and can of soda. "Sid phoned."

"Yeah?" I ask brightly.

"I told him you were yacking in the bathroom," Carter adds.

"You didn't!"

"He asked where you were," he says defensively.

"Oh Carter, he's under so much stress, he doesn't need to worry about me too," I huff, quickly dialing his cell. Carter shrugs and leaves the office, giving me some privacy. Sid picks up on the first ring.

"Hey, what's going on?" he sounds worried.

"Nothing, just a little bit of anxiety," I tell him sincerely.

"You sure?" he presses.

"Yeah, I feel better already. Honest. What's going on with you?" I'm quick to change the subject.

"I'm done for the day," he announces proudly.

"Jealous," I pout.

"I just need to rest up for tomorrow, so Taylor and I were going to grab some lunch. Can you join us?" he sounds so hopeful and I hate to disappoint him, but there's just no way I can swing it.

"Sorry babe, I have a meeting in twenty minutes," I say regretfully.

"I thought as much, but you can't blame me for trying."

"Are you going out tonight with your parents?" Not that I have time to join them, but a quiet house would sure help me get some work done.

"I don't think so, tomorrow's a big day, I need some quiet time, you know?" he tells me.

"Do you want me to order some food in for you guys?" I offer, looks like I have a late night at the office a head of me.

"We can handle that love, you have enough going on right now," he says sweetly.

"Fuck!" I snap.

"What?" he says worriedly.

"I forgot to get your truck detailed," I confess.

"No problem," he laughs. "It's low on the list of priorities."

"I feel bad," I sigh.

"Kate, you can't do it all. Trust me. I've tried. On a lighter note, I think you're a hit with Taylor," he says and my heart soars.

"Really?" I press for details.

"I overheard her on the phone bragging about my _wicked cool_ girlfriend," he laughs.

"Wicked cool?" I giggle.

"If she only knew the real you," he teases.

"I can be cool sometimes," I laugh, and it feels so good to hear his voice and joke around. Things have been a little tense lately and I need a little break from work to calm my nerves. "I miss you, I feel like we never see each other anymore."

"I know babe," he says softly. "It's only going to get worse though," he admits.

"Yeah, I kind of figured."

"You okay?" he asks gently.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just don't forget, the day after you win that cup, you're all mine," this makes Sid giggle and it's such a welcome sound.

"You got it," he promises.

The afternoon read through drags, and as hungry as I am, I'm also nervous to eat anything more than a few crackers at a time. My stomach still doesn't feel completely settled, but I'm feeling better than I was a few hours ago. I type furiously, simultaneously taking notes and trying to finish a scene I have open in another window. It's a terrible compromise and both my writing and note-taking suffer because of it. Sidney's words rattle around in my brain. _You can't do it all_. I don't want to do it all, not forever anyway, but this week, well, I don't have much choice.

The meeting breaks for half an hour when the refreshment cart arrives, and again the strong smell of coffee and sugary donuts sends me straight to the washroom to hurl. _Okay, maybe I'm sick_. When I step out of the washroom, Carter is waiting outside the door with my toiletries in hand. "Thank you," I pant.

"Go home Kate," he says sternly.

"After the meeting," I promise. "Could you run to the pharmacy for me?"

"On it," Carter tells me and is gone before I can even thank him. I pull out my cell phone and send Sid a text.

_"I'll be home early, not feeling great."_

_"Aww sweetie, what do you need?" _He's off today, so I don't feel so guilty about asking for a favor.

_"Ginger ale and crackers."_

_"You got it. Want me to pick you up?"_ He so sweet!

_"I would love that. I'm in a meeting for another hour or so."_

_"Okay, if you're not ready I'll just hang out in your office."_

_"I love you."_

_"Smooches!" _

An hour and a half later I find Sid waiting patiently in my office, flipping through the latest _Hollywood Reporter_. "There she is," he says with concern.

"Hey, thanks for coming to get me," I whimper. I'm so ready to get home.

"How are you feeling hun?"

"I don't know, I feel okay right now, but the smell of food or even coffee makes me pukey."

"Let's get you home," he says gently. I start packing up my laptop and some work files, and Sid dutifully carries everything to the truck, opening the door for me and guiding me inside.

"Sid?" I start nervously. "Should I be staying at my place?"

"What? Kate, my parents know we're living together, it's fine babe, stop worrying about..."

"No, not that," I interrupt. "I don't want to make you sick."

"Oh," he considers what I've said. "Uh...what if I stay in one of the guest rooms?"

"Babe, we only have beds for Taylor and your parents," I remind him.

"I'll stay on the couch," he says easily, and I can't help but laugh at the idea.

"No, if anyone is sleeping on the couch, it's me."

"Katie..."

"Don't even try. I'll sleep on the couch in my office. It's decided. If I get any worse though, I'm heading back to my old place. You can't afford to catch this right now." Sid seems to agree to this, and runs his hand along my knee, soothing me to sleep. The sun pours in through the window, warming my face, and the short drive home proves to be very relaxing.

When we arrive home, Sid dotes on me until I'm settled into my makeshift bed. I'm actually feeling fine at the moment, but he won't hear of me getting up and moving around. It was a struggle just to get him to agree to me having my laptop. Taylor has gone to visit an old classmate who lives in town, and Sidney has taken it upon himself to cook supper for his family. "Call if you need anything," I offer, but he's convinced he'll manage.

"I'm just running out to grab a few things, if you need anything phone me," he says seriously. I glance around and he has me well-stocked with gatorade, crackers, bottled water and some strange ginger chews from the Asian market he swears by. He kisses me softly on my cheek and heads out the door. I use this quiet time to get some writing done, determined not to blow my deadline tomorrow. Sid's first game is tomorrow evening and there is absolutely no way I can miss it.

I dig through the paper bag full of remedies Carter picked up at the pharmacy, looking for something that will help with nausea without knocking me out. He's picked up a half-dozen different over-the-counter medications and one solitary pink box. I pull it out and examine it closely. A pregnancy test. _Very funny_.

Unless...

The thought alone has me running to the bathroom to be sick. It's too soon, isn't it? I think back and it's been almost four weeks since Sid and I stopped using protection, but the chances are so slim. Too slim really to even take this seriously. _Still_. I read the instructions carefully, and it says the test is most accurate when using the first urine of the day. Well that ship has sailed, so I guess I have to wait until tomorrow.

I hear Sid burst through the front door, and I scramble to hide the test in the bathroom vanity. _He has way, way, way too much on his brain to even be thinking about this right now_. Besides, I'm sure it's nothing. I just have to wait until tomorrow to know for sure.


	27. Chapter 27

Sid comes bounding up the steps and I quickly dash back into my office, not wanting him on the trail of my hidden pregnancy test. Seconds after I settle back into my makeshift bed he comes creeping into the room. "Kate? You awake?" he whispers.

"Yeah," I reply with a giggle.

"Feeling any better?" he asks with concern.

"I feel pretty good right now. Do you want some help in the kitchen?" I offer.

"No, you rest up."

"Sid, you're supposed to be resting too," I remind him. He moves toward me and gently presses me down into the couch, tucking me in tightly and brushing my hair out of my face with his fingertips.

"I'm taking it easy," he assures me. "I don't like you sick though, I'm a little worried babe."

"Nothing to worry about, I'm feeling better all the time," I say convincingly. "I think it was just a nervous stomach this morning. I'm a little behind at work," I admit.

"That's not good," he says severely.

"Tell me about it. I was actually going to do a bit of writing," I move to grab my laptop, but Sid beats me to it.

"Don't overdo it," he warns me.

"I'll try not to type my fingers off," I smirk.

"Do you think you'll be up for supper with us?"

"I hope so," I say brightly, although my track record with food isn't great today. Sid leaves me to it and a few minutes later I hear him crashing around the kitchen. _Supper should be interesting_. I work quickly, every page completed feeling like a weight off of me. My work email is pretty bare, obviously Carter is handling most things, so it doesn't take as long as I anticipated before my draft is in decent shape.

The crackers have lost their appeal and I'm craving some real food. I check the time and Sid's parents will be here in an hour or so. I wander into the kitchen and it looks like a bomb went off. "Sid?" I call out, and he pops up from behind the island. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Sid, the kitchen! Did you use every pot and pan?" I laugh.

"Well, there were a few missteps, but I think it's on track now," he says confidently. I glance around and the place is a disaster. "You should be resting," he tells me.

"I feel fine," I tell him, and it's the truth. The smell of cooking isn't making me nauseous, so it looks like I'm on the mend. I run a sink of hot, soapy water and start washing some of the dirty dishes scattered around the kitchen. By the looks of things Sid has tried to make roasted chicken with vegetables, and mashed potatoes with gravy.

"Are you hungry?" he asks and it's like he's reading my mind.

"I would love some toast," I admit, and he stops what he's doing to put some bread in the toaster for me. He moves toward me and wraps his arm around my waist, his other hand moves to my chin, tilting my head up to meet his waiting lips. I quickly turn away, so he kisses my cheek instead. "I'm sick, remember?"

"Ugh," he pouts in an exaggerated fashion. "Well hurry up and get better so I can have my way with you." He brought it up, and it's something I've been wondering about.

"So, is our sex-life on hold until after playoffs?" I ask gently, not wanting him to feel any pressure.

"Not entirely, but it's definitely reduced," he says regretfully.

"How much of a reduction are we talking about?" I press playfully.

"Quite a bit," he says solemnly.

"Not on game day?" I suggest and he shakes his head. "What about the day before game day?" Sid's mouth twists as he considers my question, and I know it's an answer I'm not going to like.

"Probably not. Best case scenario, if I'm not totally dead after a game, and I have the next day off, then maybe. I mean, there's always things I can do for you..."

"Oh hun, I'm just curious how this works. No pressure. I promise." And before our conversation can go any further Taylor walks through the front door. Well Sid shut down her conversation with me yesterday, so I guess she kind of owes him one. "In here Taylor," I call out to her.

"Hey, I thought you were working today?" she asks brightly.

"Somebody got sick at work," Sid teases me.

"That sucks," Taylor frowns.

"I'm feeling a lot better," I tell her. "Here, earn your keep," I toss her a dishtowel and she happily starts drying the clean dishes I've stacked in the sink.

"You cook like Sid," she laughs. "Every dish in the house gets dirty!" I burst out laughing as the tips of Sid's ears redden. He grabs a plate from the cupboard and makes a big production of showing us the clean dish as he moves to slather peanut butter on the toast he's made me.

"Not every dish," he rebuts.

"Oh my god, Sid cooked supper?" Taylor says in disbelief.

"I can cook Taylor," he says defensively.

"We'll see," she mutters and I wink at her and grin at Sid. I love seeing him like this. Relaxed, at home, surrounded by people who love him. He seems so at ease, which is nice considering how tense he's been lately. Sid sets the plate at the kitchen table and moves to take over washing dishes from me.

"Thanks love," I grin at him and he smiles back warmly.

"What time are Mom and Dad coming?" Taylor asks.

"An hour? Sooner maybe?" Sid doesn't seem sure. Either way, that's not a lot of time.

"Okay, I'm outta here then," I grab my toast and start toward my office.

"Hey!" Taylor objects immediately.

"I have maybe half an hour of work left, and then I'm done for the night," I explain.

"Half an hour means an hour in Kate," Sid tells her and flashes me a grin.

"Thirty minutes, I promise."

I wouldn't say it's my best work, but it's definitely passable, and thankfully it's only an early draft, so there's lots of people who are going to be getting their fingerprints all over it anyway. My pace is bordering on frantic, but I actually think I'm going to make it. Three scenes to go, Sid is cooking supper, Taylor is doing the dishes, and his parents are due any second.

"Twenty minutes!" Sid calls up, and I look at the clock. _He's right_. Okay, I can bang this out in ten. I can't wait to get this sent off tonight. I just want to veg out with Sid and his family, remove all distractions so we can focus on tomorrow and preparing him for a win. This will be my first introduction to _Sidney Crosby_ during the playoffs, and as much as I've heard about his intensity, I don't think anything can prepare you for the real thing.

Then it hits me. There's one distraction I can't just type away or race to complete, and it's tucked away in the bathroom vanity. I could be pregnant. I mean, yes, it's very unlikely, but it's still a possibility. I think back to my last period, and I can't place it. Things have been so chaotic over the past few weeks. _Have I had it since we got back together?_ I don't think so. That was six weeks ago. Wow, a lot has happened in six weeks. It also wouldn't be the first time my period was irregular from stress. _Don't get your hopes up_.

I shake my head and settle into work, finishing quickly, and sending the draft off without even proofing it. Frankly, I just don't care tonight. I'll deal with a pile of notes over the weekend, but tonight is not the night for creative thinking. I head back downstairs and Taylor's eyes light up. "Thirty-eight!" she announces proudly and Sid forks over a crisp $50.

"You bet against me?" I ask him in mock horror.

"Not really," he defends himself.

"He said if you were down here in under forty minutes he'd give me fifty-bucks," Taylor chimes in, and Sid makes a grab for his money, but she's too quick for him.

"And you said you'd keep your mouth shut!" he laughs.

"Kids, kids," I tease and as if on cue, the doorbell rings and Trina and Troy make their way through the front entrance.

"Hello?" Trina calls out.

"Mom!" Taylor leaps off her chair and rushes to see her parents. _I guess it's been a while since she's seen them too_. There's hugs and kisses all around and I can tell Sid is just itching to show them around the house. He starts by showing them where they'll be staying, giving me a chance to tidy up my office before they make their way upstairs. Taylor follows close behind, and settles into the corner of the couch while I fold my blanket and stash the drinks and crackers.

"So...you're not going to tell my parents about..." she trails off and I know immediately what she's talking about.

"Of course not," I reassure her. "That's just between us." She radiates relief and I consider what I've just promised. She's eighteen, an adult, and it's not my place to say anything. "Do you think you'll tell your mom?"

"No," she shakes her head. "She would flip."

"She probably would," I agree. I think most mothers whose daughters go to private school wouldn't be crazy about the kind of access Taylor has to her boyfriend. Finding out they're sleeping together wouldn't exactly help the situation. "Are you being safe?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah," she says immediately.

"Every time?" I press.

"Yes," she rolls her eyes at me, but softens it with a smile.

"And you're on the pill?"

"No," she confesses.

"I know you said you thought you might go back to _not doing it_, but Taylor, it's a good idea to be prepared if that's something you two are considering," I say seriously. "You're eighteen, you can get a prescription without your parents."

"What do you use?" she asks and I feel my cheeks heat under. "I know he's my brother, but I kind of figured you two were..." So I'm faced with a dilemma here, do I lie or do I tell her we're trying for a baby? She's been so open with me, and I want her to feel like she can tell me anything. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Okay, in the spirit of keeping things from your parents," I joke, making her laugh loudly. "There's nothing to tell them yet," _probably, _"so, please keep this to yourself. Promise?" Taylor nods eagerly, and I can see how thrilled she is that I'm confiding in her. "Right now, I'm not on anything." I wait for Taylor to fill in the blanks but she doesn't quite get there. "Taylor..." I press, but she just looks confused.

"So, you just use..." she can't bring herself to say the word, and I don't blame her. We're talking about her brother's sex life.

"We're not using anything," I whisper and a horrified look crosses her face. "Taylor, we're not using anything on purpose," I chuckle and she finally gets it.

"You're going to have a baby?" she cries and I shake my head and shush her simultaneously.

"Not yet, I don't think, but we're trying," I smile and she beams back at me.

"Oh my god!"

"I know, but Taylor, it's totally top secret."

"Okay, I got it," she agrees seriously. "Wait! What do you mean, _you don't think_?" and she caught my little slip.

"Well, there's a very, very, very small possibility, and with how I was feeling today..."

"You have to find out!" she shrieks, and we both shush the other when we hear the sound of Sid and his parents walking upstairs toward us.

"I will," I tell her sincerely.

"When?" she presses me, and the delight on her face is contagious.

"I have a test, and I'll take it first thing tomorrow morning," I tell her.

"Sid must be a nervous wreck," Taylor marvels and to my relief Sid shows his parents our bedroom before coming in here.

"I haven't told him yet. He has enough on his mind, he doesn't need to start his morning waiting for this kind of news, especially when it's so unlikely," I explain and she's quick to agree with me.

"Then I'll wait with you," she offers cheerfully, and I launch myself at my surrogate sister, hugging her tight a wave of emotion over taking me. We both laugh at my little outburst and moments later the tour has arrived. Taylor is grinning from ear-to-ear, thrilled to be part of this little secret.

"Whatever you cooked for supper smells amazing," Troy compliments me, and Sid rolls his eyes behind him.

"Actually, Sid did the cooking tonight," I tell him and a surprised look sweeps across his face.

"Should we order in now or later?" Troy teases Sid and he takes it very well. _It is nice having them all here_. We make our way downstairs, Sid leading everyone into the dining room while I help him plate his food. It doesn't look half bad. Some of it has gone cold, but that's just a timing issue. I toss the potatoes into the warmer while Sid carves the chicken, and grab a few bottles of wine for the table.

"What are you drinking tonight?" I ask Sid, knowing very well what he's going to say, but feeling I should include him all the same.

"Just water for me," he says easily. _I guess I'm drinking water too_, I smile to myself. A girl can hope, right? "I made you something special," he tells me proudly and pulls a small pot of curried chickpeas from the burner. _Aww, he made it all by himself!_

"Thanks babe," I lean into kiss him, but then remember I might be coming down with something and opt for his cheek instead. "You're the sweetest."

Sid's meal impresses his family, and despite the slightly-burnt curry, lumpy mashed potatoes, and done-to-death veggies, he really has done a great job. Even Taylor compliments him, and it seems this is exactly the kind of thing he needs before the big day tomorrow. It doesn't take long for the conversation to roll around to the game, and Sid's mood changes from easygoing to hyper-focused in a split-second. This is one conversation I can't keep up with, but the whole family is invested in. Sid talks about timing, creating space, match-ups, and faceoff strategy. Everyone asks relevant questions, and I support Sid the only way I can - by holding his hand and shooting him encouraging smiles.

There's not too much left in the way of dishes, and Trina and I finish up fairly quickly while the other three watch some game tape loaded onto Sid's iPad. "Ready?" she asks me anxiously.

"I think so," I reply, a little uncertain.

"He's not going to be the easiest guy to be around," she warns me.

"I know," I tell her, and I promise myself I'll be as patient as I can be.

"You might feel a little neglected," she says seriously. "In every way," she adds with a knowing grin. _Embarrassing!_

"Hockey comes first right now," I agree.

"If you ever need to vent, I'm here," she offers, and even though I can't imagine ever taking her up on it, I appreciate the sentiment.

"Thanks Trina," I say warmly. "I'm so glad you're all here. It means so much to him."

"We'll help you with your first playoff season, and then you're on your own," she teases, giving me a quick squeeze and heading to the living room. I finish wiping down the surfaces, listening to Sid deep in conversation with his father. Minutes later he announces he's headed to bed, and just as I'm about to follow him upstairs, Taylor winks at me.

"See you in the morning Kate," she grins cheekily.

"What was that about?" Sid whispers as we walk upstairs.

"Girl stuff," I grin.


	28. Chapter 28

My alarm startles me awake, and I frantically search to shut it off. It takes me a minute to realize where I am, but then I remember my temporary bout with a stomach bug that's keeping me quarantined from Sid. I step out into the hallway and head for the bathroom when I notice a hot pink sticky-note on the door.

"**Wake me up!**" Obviously from Taylor and it warms me to see how important this is to her. I grab the paper bag from the bathroom vanity and sneak downstairs into Taylor's room. She's fast asleep, the blinds drawn to block out any morning light, and the room already looking like a teenager lives here. I creep over to her bed, and tap her gently on the shoulder. Nothing. A little more force and I get a low grumble. "Taylor?" I whisper, shaking her awake.

"What?" she hisses. _Okay, not a morning person_.

"It's time," I say stupidly, making a much bigger deal out of this than necessary. Either way, it works. Taylor bolts out of bed and throws on the light. "I'm just going to use your bathroom and then we wait." She nods excitedly, watching me disappear behind the bathroom door for a private moment. Okay, I've done this before, nothing to it. My stomach is in knots, and this time there's no doubt - it's nerves. I emerge a minute later, and join Taylor on the corner of her bed.

"How long do we wait?" she asks excitedly.

"Five minutes," I say anxiously.

"That's it?" she squeals.

"Yep," I laugh.

"They always make it seem like it takes an hour!" she giggles.

"Who makes it seem that way?" I chuckle.

"I don't know, movies and tv I guess," she shrugs.

"Oh, so people like me?" I tease her.

"You said it, not me," she laughs. A nervous silence spreads between us, and Taylor senses how tense I am. "Have you decided how you're going to tell Sid?"

"I haven't really thought about it," I admit in a whisper. "If it's negative, I guess I won't say anything. It's just a touch of the flu and he already knows that. If it's...well, I'll probably wait until the season is over."

"You could wait...but, I know Sid and he'd want to know. Don't you think?" Taylor asks.

"See, I don't really know how to navigate the whole playoff thing," I admit with embarrassment.

"Yeah, good point," she concedes. I stand and start pacing around the room, picking up some clothes that litter the floor, folding them into a neat pile. "You're nervous," Taylor chuckles.

"Terrified," I correct her.

"Only two more minutes," she tells me checking the clock.

"Distract me," I beg.

"Okay, okay," Taylor starts. "Ummm, so Sid kind of let it slip that you're divorced," she says seriously.

"Yeah, it's kind of the most interesting thing about me," I mutter.

"Why?"

"I was married to Benny, we got into a car accident, he lost his memory and forgot who I was, then didn't want to be married to a stranger so he divorced me, then I got together with Sid and Benny got his memory back and decided he did want to be married, but by that time I'd moved on and it was too late, so he came to try to win me back, but I'm not interested...at all...so Sid and I moved in together because we're trying to have a baby because the scar tissue from the accident will make it harder and harder for me to get pregnant as I get older, and at first he thought he wasn't ready so we broke up, but then he decided he wanted this, so here we are," I ramble at lightning speed, and quickly find myself out of breath. _Oh Kate, way to unload on Sid's poor sister! _

"Whoa," is all she can say.

"I have a lot of baggage," I frown.

"Uh, earth to Kate, so does Sid," she tells me.

"What do you mean?"

Taylor hesitates for a second, avoiding eye contact and glancing around the room. "It's been five minutes," she says quietly. Before I can consider her comment any further, all my thoughts are pulled back to the little plastic stick waiting for me in the bathroom. Taylor gives me an excited smile which I struggle to return, I take a few deep breaths and stand, stepping forward slowly.

It's either going to be a plus or a minus. I flip on the light switch and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm a nervous wreck. All the color has drained from my face and I feel my hands tremble slightly. Okay, one, two, three. I count slow, even beats, close my eyes, lift the test off the counter and say a little prayer.

_Please be plus, please be plus, please be plus._ I open my eyes._ Minus_.

It's like a swift kick to the stomach. I feel tears pool, threatening to spill, and I so badly want to give into it, but I remember Taylor is in the next room waiting for me. _This is the first of many disappointments, be patient_. It was too good to be true, and I find myself almost laughing at how hopeful I was. _Ridiculous_. Chances are I'll never get pregnant, so why did I think I'd be lucky enough to do it the first time out? I give my head a shake, slap on a phoney smile and head back into the bedroom.

"So?" Taylor is kneeling on the edge of the bed, practically vibrating from excitement. I frown slightly and shake my head. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, really," I tell her as cheerfully as I can muster. "It was such a slim chance, I just wanted to be sure, you know?"

"Yeah," she smiles, but it's not an easy-going grin, it's a sympathetic smile that tells me she realizes how much this means to me.

"I guess it really was just a stomach bug," I shrug.

"Just..." she doesn't know what to say, and truthfully, there's nothing that can be said, "...keep trying?" My boyfriend's little sister is telling me to keep trying to get pregnant and it's a little awkward. She knows it and I know it. The banality of the situation overwhelms any emotion and I burst out laughing, and Taylor gives me a puzzled look and then starts giggling herself. "What's so funny?" she chuckles.

"Just you..." I squeal, my laughter bordering on hysterics.

"Me?"

"You!" I pant. "Telling me to keep having sex with your brother!" Taylor's laughter becomes explosive and we're making quite a racket until we hear a knock at the door. We both freeze, our eyes widening, like two children in trouble. "Come in?" I say in my smallest, meekest voice.

"What the fuck Taylor?" Sid says while opening the door, his expression changing from pure annoyance to curious delight when he sees me. "What are you two up to?"

"Girl stuff," Taylor says immediately, and I realize I'm still holding the offending piece of plastic. Sid closes his eyes and shakes his head. I use the opportunity to throw the pregnancy test blindly behind me, letting it land somewhere among Taylor's things.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Sid smirks and changes his focus to me.

"One hundred percent," I tell him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I was trying," and something about his pissed-off expression triggers the giggles in both Taylor and I again. "Okay, I'm breaking this up," Sid strolls across the room, pulls me to my feet and drags me laughing out into the hallway. Somehow, outside of Taylor's room, life just doesn't feel so funny anymore. I recover my composure and follow Sid into our bedroom. He's going to be resting for most of the morning, and I really should get to the office and put in a few hours, but the temptation of a cuddle is just too great to resist. I lay down, settling into the comfort of my side of our bed and Sid wraps himself around me. "Take the day babe," he asks softly.

"The afternoon," I compromise, and the weight of him against me, the smell of his skin, the warmth of his body all work to push me over the edge. I can feel tears sliding down my cheek and am thankful Sid can't see my face. _I knew it was unlikely, but I really, really wanted it to be true. _Sid holds me tightly against his chest, his free hand cupping my breast, and I'm forced to steady my breathing. I don't want him to deal with a crying mess today, especially today.

"How long can you stay?" he asks, his voice heavy, on the edge of sleep.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep," I whisper, and this seems to satisfy him. I feel his breath on the back of my neck, warming my skin, his chest closing the tiny space between us every time he inhales. It's not long before little throaty snores let me know he's drifted off again. I carefully slip out of his grip and tiptoe into the bathroom, starting the shower and deciding to indulge my poor-me feelings. I step into the warm water and lean against the tiled surface, letting my tears circle the drain. It's silly really. How could I have been so stupid? Of course I'm not pregnant. Of course not. And now I've told Taylor and gotten her hopes up when the truth is I probably will never be pregnant.

I should have been patient, I should have kept my big mouth shut and waited. It's not even twenty-four hours later and I feel perfectly fine. I knew it was nerves, I knew better and I let myself get swept up in a stupid daydream. Life is so busy right now, I should be focused on work and playoffs. I finish showering and dress quickly, pulling my hair into a messy ponytail instead of running the hairdryer. A touch of makeup and I'm ready to head to the office.

Usually I arrive early, so things are already humming along by the time I get to the office. Some of the crew are decked out in their Penguins jerseys, and I get some pretty outrageous offers if I can score them tickets for the game tonight. There's not much I can do but smile and laugh. Once in the privacy of my office, I close the door and buckle down, desperate to forget the events of this morning and get some work done. Carter has the good sense to leave me be, and only interrupts me to ask if I'm feeling any better. I glance up, and his expression tells me he's asking so much more. I shake my head and offer him a weak smile.

"Sorry," he says softly, and I can't indulge this feeling. If I go there I don't know if I can come back.

"Nope, nothing to be sorry about," I say with false confidence and cheer.

"Let me know if you need anything," he squeezes my shoulder and I return my attention to my laptop. Twenty minutes later I'm startled by the sound of my phone vibrating against my desk. It's a text from Sid.

_"Headed to the arena, home late tonight."_

_"I love you I love you I love you!" _According to Taylor, Sid isn't crazy about hearing "good luck" around playoffs, so I'm doing my best to remember that.

_"Love you babe. You were pretty cute this morning, all giggles with T."_ I bet it looked pretty cheery to him, and I'm glad. He doesn't need to worry about me right now. He's got the weight of the world on his shoulders.

_"I hate sleeping apart." _

_"Me too. Never again." _It's a promise he can't keep, but I definitely appreciate the sentiment. It's nearly one and the office is breaking for lunch right away.

"Carter, I'm heading out. I'm on my cell if you need anything."

"Have fun tonight," he says brightly, and I feel a flutter of nerves in my stomach.

"Yeah," I sigh deeply.

I'm home shortly before two, and the house is a flurry of activity. Troy's phone is glued to his ear, and Trina is a basket case, busying herself tidying up the lunch dishes. Taylor is watching SportsCenter as they breakdown the first round match ups. I consider joining her, but we're going to be heading out in a few hours and frankly, I look like death-warmed-over and I'm going to need some time to get ready. Sid hasn't made the bed, and the room is in an unusual state of disarray, a few discarded suits piled up on the floor, his shorts and t-shirt balled up in the corner. I make the bed first, then tuck his pajamas under his pillow. His suits take only a few minutes to hang, and then I head into the bathroom, using the ample time to get ready for the big game. The big game. Everything he's been working for comes down to the next few games.

_Hopefully one of us gets what they want today._


	29. Chapter 29

The arena is absolutely electric tonight. The Pens sell out every home game, but tonight feels bigger somehow. It seems like every fan is decked out in a jersey, and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say nearly half say Crosby across the back. We're escorted through the tunnels of the arena, taking private routes to our box seats. Poor Trina looks like she's going to be sick, Troy has a stern game-face on, and Taylor assures me this is just the first of many playoff games.

"They have to win four," she reminds me. "This game will just be the teams feeling each other out."

"Sid said the home games are the most important," I mumble, my nerves frayed and my mood still not quite recovered from the blow this morning. _I'm not sure it ever will recover completely_.

"Definitely, but this is just the first round. They're ranked number one so they're playing the worst team tonight," she says excitedly. "It should be pretty one-sided."

Taylor was right. The game was completely one-sided. Unfortunately, it went the other way. I can admit this because I love him dearly - Sidney played terribly. He was just awful tonight. Giving away the puck, losing the edge of his skate more than once, missing chances on a nearly open net. By the third period they were double-shifting the other star center just to give Sid a chance to cool down and clear his head. Not that it made a difference. He was extremely frustrated, visibly so, and the other team used it to their advantage. Troy was cursing a blue-streak under his breath, and Trina could barely watch his shifts.

The fans stream out of the arena during the last two minutes, and it's disheartening to watch. At least they didn't start booing the team like New York fans do when the Rangers lose badly. I just know he'll be grilled after the game, and he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders right now. The ride home is painfully awkward. Taylor plays on her phone, and Trina and Troy both stare ahead, completely silent. It's uncomfortable. This is the first big loss I've been around for, and I don't know the protocol.

"He's going to be an asshole tonight," Taylor announces, not even looking up from her phone.

"Taylor!" Trina reprimands immediately, but it doesn't phase her.

"It's true," she shrugs and continues texting. Trina seems to accept this, and it's a little disconcerting. I've been there when he's come home from a loss before, but everyone keeps telling me _playoff hockey_ is a whole other monster. Tomorrow is Saturday, so at least we'll be able to spend a little bit of time together. _I hope_. I find myself having mental conversations, practicing how I would tell Sid about the pregnancy scare. Well, not really a scare as much as me getting my hopes up. Scares are for women who don't necessarily want to be pregnant. I am firmly not in that camp. These are the times when couples need to be able to rely on each other, and regardless of what the Crosby's believe, life doesn't stop for _playoff hockey_. I still have needs, feelings, there are still things I want to share with him.

Maybe if they'd won. Yeah. If they'd won I could have told him, but he won't be in a good place and this conversation is already so emotionally charged. I'll wait. Chances are I'll feel fine after a day or two anyway, so why pile on Sid when he's already carrying such a heavy load? Okay, it's decided. Even as I convince myself to drop it, somewhere in the back of my mind I know he'd want me to tell him.

The wait for Sid is excruciating. All four of us putz around the kitchen, Trina laying out a spread of food that goes untouched, then asking Taylor to put it all away. Troy is glued to his phone, checking texts, listening to voice mails, clearly hoping to see something from him, but nothing comes. Trina is first to throw in the towel. "It's just game one," she says forcefully, but despite her determination, her tone lacks confidence. Trina tells us all to sleep well, and disappears down the hallway. Taylor's phone rings, making Troy jump and reach for his. The look on her face gives her away - it's her boyfriend. She waves goodnight and skips off to her room, leaving me alone with Troy.

I'm not nervous around Troy exactly, but his anxiety is infectious and the room is tense. "If you're tired Kate, I'm happy to wait for him," he tells me. This is probably how it's always been done in the past. His parents come and he and Troy dissect the game afterward. It feels like I'm intruding on some sacred ritual, but I remind myself that things are different now. _We're together now, this is my job_. I consider my words carefully, not wanting Troy to feel like I'm overstepping.

"I'd like to wait for him," I say firmly, but with a friendly smile Troy is quick to return. Who's to say we can't both wait for him? Although if that's the case I really hope Sid hurries up. Troy checks the time, gives his phone one last glance and then makes his way beside me.

"He's all yours Kate," he laughs and squeezes my shoulder. "He'll either go quiet on you or want to blow off some steam. My advice is to just let him do his thing."

Troy heads down the hallway toward the guest rooms, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I decide not to waste any time, and busy myself making muffins for breakfast tomorrow. The task gives me purpose, and I find myself racing to get each step completed, telling myself the faster I finish the sooner he'll be home. While they bake in the oven, I cut up some fruit, congratulating myself on using this time wisely. Promising myself that Sid will be grateful that I'm being such a welcoming hostess to his family. Convincing myself that despite his disappointment, he'll see what an effort I'm making. _He will_.

I suddenly remember a breakfast casserole my mother used to make every year at Christmas. I always hated it, but I was never a big egg fan. Sid, on the other hand, would probably love it. It's loaded with all his favorites. I google the recipe and am busy pulling out all of the ingredients when the front door creeps open. I freeze on the spot, suddenly incredibly nervous and unsure of myself. I hear his quiet steps, and I immediately know he thinks we've all gone to sleep.

"I'm in here love," I call out to him, my heart beating out of my chest. I watch him stride through the doorway, and he looks...well, it's not good. "Hey you." He offers me a small smile, but it's forced.

"Hey," he whispers, opening his arms for me to hug him. I follow his lead, which seems to be the safest way to handle the situation. He holds me tight to his chest for a long while, breathing heavily, his body tense and battered. He says nothing, _I guess he's gone quiet_, I remind myself of Troy's advice. I run my hands slowly along his back, circling his shoulder blades, hoping to soothe the sting of the loss. We stay like this for a longtime, and the fact that Sid trusts me with his disappointments makes me feel closer to him. A small silver-lining in this unwelcome situation. It's the oven timer that pulls us back into the present, and I quickly move to silence the obnoxious chime. "You've been busy," he says softly.

"Well, I thought it might be a late night, and I wasn't sure I'd feel much like cooking tomorrow morning," I explain. "Are you hungry?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Thirsty?" I suggest.

"No," he replies.

"Tired?"

"Not really," he says with a frown. Well, I'm out of ideas. I decide to go for unexpected.

"Want to help me?" I ask brightly, and watch his reaction closely. His brows furrow, but not in an angry way, his lips press together, but not so tightly and then in finally he relaxes.

"Okay," is all he says. I'm surprised and relieved all at once. Sid takes a seat at the kitchen island and I set the recipe in front of him. He reads out the first set of instructions, and divides the task between us. "What baking dish are we using?" he asks, determined that if we're going to make this casserole, we're going to do a good job. I point to the dish I've set out on the counter, and Sid quickly grabs it and starts buttering the bottom and the sides. I cut slices of bread to fit and he lines the dish meticulously once I've finished.

"What's next?" I ask, although I remember the next few steps from preparing this with my mother. Sid scans the recipe and gives me my orders, while he takes it upon himself to grate cheese and chop bacon. It's painful to watch him work so slowly in the kitchen, but I remind myself that this is therapeutic for him and I'd stay here all night if it improves his mood.

"How was work today?" he asks me absentmindedly.

"It was good," I tell him gently. "Nothing too exciting."

"Are you caught up?" he asks seriously, remembering my confession from yesterday.

"Almost," I say brightly and he gives me a supportive smile. I decide to risk it. "How are you doing?"

He takes a deep breath and looks away. His gaze is fixed on the doorway, and I wonder if he's considering bolting, but he doesn't. "Tonight was a fucking mess," he says so quietly it's almost a whisper. I stop what I'm doing and walk to stand beside him, draping my arm around his neck and resting my chin on his shoulder. "Not how I wanted to start the playoffs," he huffs.

"I'm sorry," I say sincerely and his hand moves up my back.

"Let's not talk about it," he pleads and pushing him to do something he's not ready for is the last thing I want to do.

"You got it," I kiss his cheek quickly and pull away. "What's next?"

Sid smiles to himself and returns his focus to the recipe in front of him. We work in a comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional set of directions from Sid. Once the casserole is tightly wrapped in foil and sitting in the fridge to set overnight, we quickly load the dishwasher and head upstairs. "I'll be busy most of the day tomorrow," he tells me cautiously.

"I know babe," I smile at him. "You should get some sleep."

"I can't stop thinking long enough to get tired," he frowns.

"Maybe a hot shower?" I suggest.

"I showered at the rink," he says.

"I bet if you just lay down, sleep will come," I tell him confidently, but he shakes his head. "You're not thinking about going for a run, are you?" I ask incredulously, but he just laughs.

"You don't take hints very well do you?" he teases me, and running his hands along my backside.

"Oh, I just thought this was off the table for a while," I blush.

"It's what I need," he tells me simply.

"Then I'm happy to give it to you," I grin.

He slips out of his suit in a split-second and then moves to undress me. Today has been a roller-coaster of unexpected events. Negative pregnancy test, losing the first home game, and now sex with Sid. I can't understand how he isn't completely wrecked, but frankly, I'll take him anyway I can get him these days.

"You don't mind if I just blow off some steam?" he asks, suggesting that this won't exactly be a love-making session. I almost laugh as his words mirror Troy's, but quickly dismiss the thought.

"Whatever you need babe," I tell him, and in an instant he's between my legs.


	30. Chapter 30

He's rough. Not that I wasn't expecting it, but it's a little more than I anticipated. It's completely different than every other time we've been together. It's more intense than a 'quickie' but totally void of any emotion. There's no kissing tonight, no caressing, nothing the least bit romantic about tonight. There's barely even any eye contact. Sid holds my hips tightly, grinding hard against me. Every thrust is vocalized with a deep groan, the slap of his skin meeting mine the only other sound echoing through our room. Sid closes his eyes, losing himself in the moment. This is obviously for his pleasure, not for mine. Strangely, and much to my surprise, it doesn't bother me one bit. I want to do this for him. I want to be this for him.

Sid moves on instinct, following his senses, totally unconcerned about anything else in this world. Every stroke releases tension from his exhausted muscles, every press into me a means to erase the disappointment of the day. I close my eyes, my nails digging into his skin, but he doesn't react. He doesn't even feel it. "Babe," I moan quietly, my voice hoarse and unfamiliar. He silences me with a finger pressed hard against my lips and continues his ravenous assault of my body. He's hungry for this in a way I've never seen before, in a way I never expected. _Is this what it was like with the other women? The 'lucky' ones?_ I dismiss the thought as quickly as it enters my mind. That's not something I want to think about now. This is proof that I can be enough for him. A friend, a lover, and..._whatever this is_. I smile to myself, finding pride in the strangest place, and Sid looks down at me, mistaking my expression for enjoyment. It pushes him further, and that's fine with me.

He lifts my legs and sits up on his knees, a wicked and determined look creeping across his face. He holds my legs tight against his left shoulder and shifts my hips to change the angle slightly. Once he finds what feels good for himself, he really lets himself enjoy it. It's not painful exactly, more like uncomfortable. I try to relax as much as possible, wincing slightly as Sid moves quickly, not giving me even a moment to adjust to him, to this new position. "Sid," I pant, but before I can say another word he's shushing me, pleading with me to be quiet. I smile up at him, silently agreeing, and his lips twitch slightly, offering a glimpse of the romantic man who usually shares my bed. He slows himself for a moment, giving me a few seconds to get accustomed to him, then he raises his eyebrows slightly and I nod, giving him permission to lose himself in me once more.

He bucks hard against me, grunting loudly, sweat dripping down his neck and chest, his grip tightening around my ankle. "I'm close," he pants, and he starts moving faster. He squeezes my breasts, and it's almost painful, I look up at him, but his eyes are shut tight. His face twists, his mouth opens slightly and with three quick strokes he erupts. The guttural moan that leaves him is embarrassingly loud, and I'm pretty confident anyone awake wouldn't have a hard time guessing what we're up to.

"Sid!" I hush, but it's like he's in a trance, completely unaware of his surroundings.

"Fuuuuuuuck," he stretches the word out, holding himself deep inside me, still not looking into my eyes. We've connected physically, but that's it. This was purely a way for Sid to blow off steam, not an expression of his love for me. I certainly didn't have the opportunity to express my love for him, but that's not what he needs right now. _He told you what he needed_. I'm pinned beneath him, and I wince as he pulls out of me, my body raw from his aggressive overuse. "Stay," he orders firmly. I nod, and Sid moves to tuck a pillow beneath my hips. I guess even encounters like this hold certain potential. His hand traces he length of my body and he kisses my shoulder before rolling out of bed. "Two minutes," he tells me.

He saunters off into the bathroom and I hear him start the shower. A shower sounds heavenly right now, but I've been given my orders, so I stay put. Part of me just wants to ignore doctor's orders and join him under the warm water, but I guess I'm not completely ready to give up on that tiny possibility. _Not yet_. One false alarm shouldn't send me running from this dream. It's a process that's going to have it's ups and downs, and I guess today was a down. True to his word, Sid's out in a flash and 'blowing off steam' has done wonders for his disposition. He gives me a shy smile and stretches out beside me, his wet hair dripping on the pillow, his cheeks flushed from exertion. "You okay?" he asks me, and something about the way he looks up at me pushes all of my emotion to the surface. His fingers tangle in my hair and a look of concern sweeps across his face. "Oh baby, did I hurt you?" his lips are on my skin in an instant, and it's as if he's trying to kiss some imaginary pain away.

"No, you didn't hurt me Sid," I assure him, but speaking is difficult when you're trying to conceal raw feelings. This isn't fair to him. He has too much on his mind, too much pressure he's dealing with, too many of his own disappointments to come to grips with.

"What is it Katie?" he strokes my cheek and his eyes plead with me to tell him. _Let him be there for you_. Unexpected advice rings through my mind. I take a deep breath and slap on the brightest smile I can muster.

"It's really stupid actually," I try to laugh, but it's not sincere. "I thought maybe, you know me being sick yesterday? I thought maybe, well it wasn't just me who thought, Carter bought me...and..." I struggle to put even the simplest sentence together.

"What is it?" he coaxes softly.

"I took a pregnancy test this morning, but it wasn't what I'd hoped for," I say quietly, a single tear spilling down my cheek. "And I know it's stupid, I mean, what were the chances really?"

"It's not stupid," he says, pulling me close to him and holding me tight to his chest. His thumb draws small circles on my shoulder and I focus on that little motion, that small affection. I'm exhausted, and I imagine Sid is feeling it even more than me.

"Let's sleep now," I say evenly.

"Okay. You can always talk to me, you know that right?" He pauses to examine my reaction and I nod. "Hockey doesn't always come first, babe." That's news to me, and I'm sure he can read the surprise on my face. "I'm serious."

"Well, don't tell your parents that," I make a joke, but he's not in the mood for distraction.

"I'm telling you that," he scolds me.

"Okay," I finally agree. I lean down and press my lips to his forehead. "Goodnight Sid." The words barely leave my lips before he drifts off to sleep.

Morning comes too quickly, and I feel almost drunk from lack of sleep. Sid on the other hand, is bright eyed and ready to take on the day. It's early, and he doesn't need to be anywhere for a couple of hours, so as much as I'd love to sleep in, this is probably the only time we'll get to spend with each other today. "I hope your parents didn't hear you last night," I blush pink remembering his overly-loud bedroom antics.

"I'm sure they didn't," he says confidently, but I'm not convinced. I check the time and it's just before eight.

"What time do they usually get up?"

"I'd be surprised if they were still sleeping," he grins. Well that's that. I roll out of bed, wrap my housecoat around me and sneak off to the kitchen to start breakfast. Sid's right, they're awake. No one is in the kitchen, but I hear raised voiced coming from down the hallway. Taylor and Trina appear to be in the middle of an emotional argument and I don't think I want to know the details. I preheat the oven, and quickly put the finishing touches on the breakfast casserole before letting it cook for the next hour. As I'm setting out muffins, fruit, juice and coffee, Sid makes his way into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" he whispers, nodding toward the guest rooms.

"Your mom and Taylor are fighting about something," I shrug, feigning indifference, not wanting him to feel the need to burden himself with their problems too. Sid inches down the hallway to get a better vantage point, and I just laugh at him. I hear a door fly open and slam hard against the wall. _This can't be good_.

"I'll just ask Kate then!" Trina yells angrily.

"You should!" Taylor fires back and slams her door closed again. Sidney comes flying back into the kitchen, obviously not wanting to be seen by his mother or dragged into this explosive argument.

"What's that about?" Sid asks, and I'm just as puzzled as he is. _Is Taylor using me to cover something up?_ I really hope not. Her friendship is important to me, but so is my relationship with Sid's parents. I really don't want to be pulled into the middle of this.

"Kate!" Trina comes stalking down the hallway and the sound of an angry mother makes me feel like a small child again.

"In here," I manage weakly and in seconds she standing in front of me. "Is this yours?" she fires at me, waving a familiar piece of plastic.

"Oh my god," I think I'm going to expire from embarrassment. I quickly grab the pregnancy test from her hands, and then Sid snatches it from mine.

"Oh thank heavens," Trina practically melts in relief.

"I told you!" Taylor shouts from down the hallway, slamming her door closed in exaggerated emphasis.

"Taylor!" Troy's booming voice carries across the hallway. _Great, we're all awake now_. By the sounds of things, Taylor is getting quite the stern lecture from her father, and I realize this is all my fault.

I hide my face in my hands, silently praying that I'll disappear, when I feel Trina wrap herself around me. "A baby!" she whispers.

"No Trina, I'm not pregnant," I assure her. After an eternity, I gather enough courage to face the room. I look around and Troy and Taylor have now joined us, and my living nightmare just keeps getting more and more uncomfortable. Sid is staring down at the test, all the color drained from his face, replaced with a shocked expression. He holds the test close to his face, looking at the tiny window in disbelief.

"Katie, this is positive," he whispers.


	31. Chapter 31

"This says you're pregnant," Sid says in disbelief, and I'm completely stunned. _It's not possible_. Before I have a chance to compute what's happening, Sid wraps himself around me and I feel warm tears on my skin. _He's crying!_ Oh no! This is really going to sting.

"Babe, it's not a positive test," I whisper and he tenses instantly.

"What?"

"Sometimes the test shows positive the next day, but it's not really positive. It's just an evaporation line," I say as quietly as possible. _God I wish we were having this conversation in private!_ "Can we just have a minute?" I plead with his family and Trina seems to immediately recognize the misunderstanding.

"Let's give them some privacy," Trina pushes Troy and Taylor into the hallway and moments later Sid and I are standing alone in our kitchen.

"I'm sorry," I tell him sincerely, watching Sid process this information, seeing the excitement fade from his face.

"But..."

"No Sid," I reiterate.

"Maybe you didn't wait long enough the first time," he suggests.

"I'm disappointed too," I tell him, but there's nothing I can say to convince him.

"Take another one," he says insistently.

"I don't have another test love," I tell him gently.

"I'll go get one!" Taylor shouts from down the hallway, giving herself away and I realize the whole family is probably eavesdropping.

"You will do no such thing," Trina scolds, basically confirming my suspicions.

Sid sighs deeply and rolls his eyes. This is hard enough without going through it in front of an audience. "We'll go together," he says quietly. Neither of us are dressed, and Sid leads me upstairs into our room. As soon as he closes the door, his face falls, disappointment becoming heartbreak. It's the first time I've realized how much his means to him too.

"Sid, we don't have to figure this out today," I suggest, but he looks at me like I'm crazy.

"You don't want to know?" he asks incredulously.

"I already know babe, I saw the test," I explain.

"Well I didn't," he hisses, and I realize that my attempt to protect him has backfired and I've hurt him instead. I'm at his side in a second and wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry Sid," I start. "I know this is the last thing you want to deal with right now." As soon as the words leave my mouth, Sid pushes me away and holds me at arms length.

"I _just_ told you hockey isn't the most important thing," he says angrily. "When are you going to start believing me?" He stalks off into the closet, leaving me alone in our room to think about what he's said.

"Sid," I call after him, but I don't know what to say. We keep coming back to this. Me misinterpreting the situation, or trying to make things easy for him, or shutting him out of my life. I follow him into the walk-in closet, and he's standing with his back to me, wearing only his shorts. "Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad Kate, I just don't know how to make you understand how important you are to me," he says exasperatedly while pulling on his clothes. "I'm not the one putting hockey first, you are."

"It's just that I know it's playoffs..."

"Kate. Stop."

"I don't..." I start hesitantly, but he cuts me off instantly.

"I mean it. If you don't want me to be mad at you, stop talking," he says firmly. He holds my face in his hands and his thumb traces my lips. "I didn't know how much I wanted this until I thought it happened. I need to know."

We dress in silence, a strange tension building between us. It's not anxiety, but it's not enthusiasm either. It's anticipation. Both of us have very different ideas of how this will go. Sid convinced I read the test wrong, but I know better. I pull my hair back into a sleek ponytail while Sid brushes his teeth. "Do you need some privacy?" he asks before putting on a light jacket.

"Uh, no honey. The test, remember?" I explain and an embarrassed smile tugs at his lips.

We slip out of the house with little fanfare, his family courteously giving us a space this morning. It's hard to believe we haven't even been up for half an hour. "Shit!" I startle us both. Sid slams on the brakes and looks around for anything he might have hit.

"Jesus Kate!" he pants in annoyance.

"Sorry, I forgot the casserole in the oven," I mutter sheepishly. Sid picks up his phone and sends a text, presumably to his mother.

"There," he flashes me a relieved grin and I can't help but laugh at how jumpy we are. "Any more emergencies?" I shake my head and he returns his focus to the road. There's a small family owned grocery store a few minutes away, and Sid is pretty confident the older man won't recognize me. I'm confident no one would recognize me, but he's not willing to take that chance. He parks down the block and I quickly dash into the store. It's practically deserted. I grab a basket and head down the first aisle. Doubt it's going to be with canned soup and beans. I snake over to the second aisle, and the boxes of dried pasta send me quickly to the third. Bingo. Baby food, diapers, sanitary napkins and a selection of pregnancy tests.

_I'm not going to want to make this trip often_. I fill the basket with dozens of kits, taking a few of each brand. _Nothing conspicuous about this!_ I hustle over to the cashier and I'm relieved to see the older man flipping through the Saturday paper. Sid's face is spread across the front page with the word 'choke' printed above him in bold black letters. _Oh Sid!_ I dump the contents of the basket, alerting the man to my urgency to pay and leave. He doesn't flinch at the items, which is a relief, instead he rings them through at double speed and packs them neatly in a large paper bag.

"How many tests does it take?!" Sid eyes the over-sized bag suspiciously.

"I thought I should stock up," I shrug making him laugh. It's so good to hear him giggle. He sounds relaxed, and it's been days since I've seen him like this. "What time do you skate today?"

"Two," he says. "Well, the team skate is at two so I was going to go for eleven." He looks at me, almost as if he's asking permission, which is ridiculous.

"Okay, then you're having a team dinner tonight?"

"Right."

"Sounds good babe, let's go get this done and you fed," I say easily, running my hand through his hair. He leans into my touch and before I can reconsider, I launch myself into his lap and hug him tightly.

"Driving here!" he laughs, but even still, he slings his free hand around my back.

"Love you Sid," I whisper.

"Oh my girl," he smiles and hugs me tight.

"Please don't be disappointed," I beg him quietly.

"I'll be excited either way," he promises. I look up and he grins at the puzzled expression on my face. "If it's positive, we're going to be parents, if it's not, we get to keep trying." I burst out laughing and settle back into my seat.

"We don't have to stop if I'm pregnant," I remind him.

"Oh I know," he smirks.

The house is quiet when we return, and Sid and I don't bother to announce our arrival. Instead we head upstairs, and I dump the contents of the bag onto our unmade bed. "Pick your poison," I tell him. He carefully picks up one box, treating the unfamiliar item like a foreign contaminant. The sight of this man trying to choose a pregnancy test is just too funny. His brows furrow in concentration as he tries to decipher the differences between brands.

"This one, I guess," he hands me a kit and I waste no time opening it up.

"Okay, pee on the stick, wait five to seven minutes, results are inaccurate after ten. If I'm pregnant two hearts will appear, if I'm not only one heart will show up," I give him the cheat-sheet rundown. Sid points me to the bathroom and stands to follow. "Uh, this part I do alone sweetheart," I blush.

"Oh, of course," he stammers, his ears burning red.

I disappear into our bathroom for a minute and follow the instructions to the letter and set a timer on my phone. When I return to the bedroom, Sid has packed up the rest of the kits and is busy making the bed. I walk over to my side and pull the sheets tight, silently helping him pass the next few minutes. Waiting is the hardest part, but I'm not nearly as anxious as I was the first time. It's a relief that he's decided not to be disappointed regardless of the results. I hang his discarded suit from last night, absentmindedly wondering if it shouldn't go to the dry-cleaners instead. "Three minutes to go," Sid sighs.

"You know what could be fun for three minutes?" I ask with a wicked grin.

"Kate," he smiles, running his hand down the length of my body. "I really shouldn't."

"Uh, I didn't mean sex babe," I laugh. "Thumb war?"

Sid is a sore loser. In fact, the mini-competition is a perfect distraction and he gets completely engrossed in our game. "If I wasn't worried about injuring myself..." he starts and I erupt in giggles.

"Injuring yourself how?!" I cackle. "It's a thumb war babe!"

"Hey, my hands are my livelihood," he says defensively.

"Yeah, I thought you had good hands. That's what all the analysts say. I guess we know better, eh?" I tease him while he twists his arm trying desperately to get his thumb out from under my grip.

"You're cheating!" he accuses, but he's laughing and giggling and it's adorable.

"I'm like the Ovechkin of thumb wars," I suggest and his eyes widen.

"What does that mean?" he cries.

"It means I'm the best," I tease him and that's all he needs to hear. He picks me up and tosses me on the bed.

"He's not better than me," Sid shakes his head.

"No?" I feign naivety.

"No," he laughs, crawling up to stretch out beside me. "But he plays dirty like you so maybe it's not such a bad nickname for you after all, eh Ovi?" He tickles my ribcage, sending me into a fit of laughter when the sound of my phone alerts us that five minutes has passed. Sid is up in a second and dashes into the bathroom. I sit up and wait for him, a ball of nerves building in my stomach.

He walks back slowly, holding the test in his hand. I look at him expectantly and he shakes his head. "I haven't looked," he tells me.

"Go ahead babe," I encourage him, but he stays frozen.

"I'm too nervous," he says with a sigh. I stand and walk toward him. He holds his arm open for me to hug his side, and I can feel the tension radiating from his body.

"Ready?" I ask him anxiously. He lifts the stick and turns the little window to face us.

_One heart_.

Sid lets out a deep sigh, and his body sinks into mine. "We'll get there," I promise him.

"Yeah," he offers me an encouraging smile, but I know he needs it more than me.

"In the meantime, you have a game to win tomorrow," I remind him and he perks up a little bit. "We have plenty of time figure this out."

"I hope so," he sighs.

"Me too," I hug him tight and he holds me close. "We just started trying," I remind him.

"You're right," he agrees easily.

"And soon it will be summer and then we can just go at it all the time," I say with a laugh.

"I'm going to hold you to that," he giggles.

"I hope you do," I smirk.

"Now what?" he asks.

"Now you get to have an awkward talk with your parents and then breakfast," I tell him and his expression changes, embarrassment streaking across his face.

"Lucky me," he frowns, but at that moment I really do feel lucky. Lucky to have someone who cares enough about my dream to make it his dream too. Lucky that he's the kind of guy who waits during the most excruciating five minutes to see if our lives are about to change forever. Lucky that he's picked me. Somehow, this guy wants me, and I feel so lucky.


	32. Chapter 32

"Hey," a nervous voice flutters into my home office and I glance up at the door to see Taylor, fidgeting anxiously and twisting her fingers impatiently. "Are you talking to me?"

"Taylor!" I laugh. "Of course, get in here," I wave her inside and she skips onto the edge of my desk. "Why wouldn't I be talking to you?"

"It's kind of my fault that everyone found out about..."

"It's not your fault," I assure her quickly.

"If I weren't such a slob..."

"Oh Taylor, it wasn't a bad thing, just embarrassing, and it was so not your fault. I'm the one who let the pee stick fly. There's no way I would have let you take the heat for a pregnancy test!" I say seriously.

"What are you working on?" she asks curiously.

"Honestly?" I feel my cheeks heat. "I'm just torturing myself." I turn the screen to show Taylor my laptop screen and she rolls her eyes immediately.

"Oh god Kate, what are you doing?" she shakes her head.

"I can't help it!" I shriek defensively.

"So what are they saying on the boards today?" she frowns.

"Well, they're picking apart what I wore to the last game," I start, and Taylor leans over to examine the photos. "Some are _Team Kate_, but there's a lot who think I've had too good a time with Sid's credit card." Taylor laughs loudly, and it eases some of the hurt feelings I've been carrying around. "They love you though!"

"Yeah, that's what I hear," she giggles.

"There's a picture of you and I both scowling, so of course, we hate each other," I tell her.

"Of course," she agrees sarcastically. "Don't read this stuff Kate," she tells me seriously. "I've made myself crazy trying to defend Sidney, or protect Sid, or worrying about what they'll say about me, how I look, what I do. The truth is, they don't know us, and we'll never know them so who cares if they like what you're wearing?" I know all of this, but I can't help myself. _I care_.

"I just don't want Sid thinking that I should..."

"He is the last person on the planet who pays attention to this site," she laughs.

"Oh Taylor!" _If she only knew! _

"What?" she presses.

"He posts on the board sometimes," I giggle and she howls with delight.

"He does not!"

"He does, just to mess with them," I tell her and we're both in hysterics.

"Every time you two get together things get out of hand," Sid shakes his head from the doorway, but he has a smile on his face, and I know he's happy Taylor and I have clicked.

"How was practice?" I ask cheerfully, hoping to distract him enough not to pry into our conversation.

"Fine. What's got you both laughing so hard?" he steps closer and I know we're busted. He glaces at the screen and I see the tips of his ears redden when he recognizes the page. "Oh Jesus," he mutters.

"I didn't know you posted there!" Taylor teases him and Sid immediately turns to me.

"Kate!" he scolds.

"I'm sorry, it's just too funny," I laugh.

"Just to..." he starts defensively.

"Mess with them?" Taylor finishes cheekily. "Kate told me."

"You two can't be trusted," he decides, leaving the room in a bit of a huff. Somehow I don't think he minds the teasing though. I think he actually really likes it.

"I'd better smooth things over," I fib, hoping Sid has a few minutes for me. I head into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind me and search him out. He's hanging up some dry-cleaning in the closet and I sneak up behind him. "Hey you."

"Jesus Kate," he grabs at his chest. "You scared the hell out of me," he pants. I smile wickedly and slide my hands around his neck. He immediately knows what I'm up to and shakes me away. "Not a chance."

"What about a cuddle?" I pout.

"A cuddle with you never just stays a cuddle," he says seriously. I hold my hands up defensively.

"I can be good!"

"No, you can't," he says sternly, and it appears the discussion is closed.

"Fine," I grumble. "You're not mad about Taylor and me..."

"No babe," he chuckles, kissing me quickly on the cheek. "It's cute." He strips out of his clothes, tossing them into the hamper before slipping on a fresh pair of shorts and heading into the bathroom.

"You're trying to make me crazy, aren't you?" I ask him suggestively, but he just smiles.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asks.

"I thought I'd see if Taylor wanted to go for supper then hit a movie or something," I say neutrally.

"She'll like that," Sid approves.

"Where's the team dinner happening?"

"Some Italian place downtown, it shouldn't go too late." Sid starts brushing his teeth, and I use the time to lay out some clean clothes for him. He notices the small gesture and runs his hand appreciatively across my back.

"You're leaving right after the game tomorrow night?" I double check his schedule and he nods quickly. "Are you packed?" I ask and he shakes his head no. "Do you want me to start for you?" he keeps brushing and nods enthusiastically. I pull down a suitcase and a garment bag and lay them both on our bed. I'm not sure what suits he wants to pack, but I have a pretty good handle on everything else. He likes to travel light, he uses the same suitcase each time, and he's a little too particular about where things go. That said, I've paid attention and I get him off to a good start. A few minutes later he wanders back into the room, looking fresh and oh-so-handsome.

"Thanks sweetie," he kisses my shoulder as he walks past me and straight out the door. _That's it?_ Just as I'm about to yell at him to get back here and give me a proper goodbye I hear him talking to Taylor in the other room. "...she doesn't like to drive, so just this once I'm giving you permission to take my truck," he tells his sister seriously. Taylor practically squeals, obviously this is a big deal to her. "Be careful. Don't drive like an idiot. No cellphones. No texting. Understood?" Sid runs through a safety-list sternly, concerned about us getting home in one piece. It's sweet - and a little nerve racking. "Here's some cash, she'll try to pay for everything, but tonight is on me. Got it?" Sid sounds more like a father than a big brother right now. _  
_

"I'll bring you receipts and change," Taylor mocks him and I can practically hear her rolling her eyes from the next room.

"Tay," he gives her a warning.

"Okay, okay. Thank you," she finally concedes and seconds later Sid is back in our room and flops down on the bed. I go about my business, smiling to myself at how adorable he is sometimes. He examines the suitcase carefully then looks up at me.

"I'll finish this later," he tells me, and I know that means I've not passed his inspection.

"What did I get wrong?" I ask seriously.

"Nothing! I can do it myself is all," he says.

"Sid," I coax.

"It's just that I have a system..." he says shyly. Much to his surprise, I dump the bag on the bed and give him a bright smile.

"Teach me the system," I ask enthusiastically, making him laugh. Sid sits up an squares himself with the bag.

"Okay..." he starts, and proceeds to show me exactly how meticulous he really is when it comes to packing.

Taylor drives...well, she's kind of a menace on wheels. I'm not sure if Sid is aware of the speed-demon his sister becomes when she is behind the wheel, but part of me wonders if that's not why he was so hesitant to lend her his truck. The Range Rover is big, and I find myself gripping the door handle every time she wanders too far to one side of the driving lane. She chats away animatedly about the current drama between her friends, but I'm only half-listening, as my attention is firmly on the road, ready to cry out at any second. "You okay?" she asks, turning away from the road to face me.

"Great!" I smile enthusiastically and nod toward the windshield, hoping her attention will follow. Luckily for me, it does and she continues gossiping and giggling.

"So I was thinking about Il Pizzaiolo," Taylor suggests hopefully.

"Where is it?" I ask, hoping we don't have to venture too far.

"Downtown, but I know the way," she says quickly.

"Oh Tay, the team dinner is at some Italian place downtown. I'm not sure which, but..."

"Yeah, we would look crazy if we ran into them," she laughs and I'm relieved she understands my hesitation. "Have you been to Shiloh Grill?" I shake my head, and she smiles. "Can we try it?"

"Sounds good!" I say brightly. Taylor looks down at the GPS and starts typing away, which means her eyes are off the road, which means the massive truck is barreling through the streets without a navigator. "I'll do that," I say sweetly, gently brushing her hand away and taking over GPS duties.

The restaurant is busy, and without the golden ticket that is Sidney Crosby, we find ourselves waiting for a table. "That's one good thing about going out with Sid," Taylor sighs. "But, at least this way we can eat without being interrupted." I have to agree. Sure, being seen with Sid pretty much guarantees great service, but it also guarantees interruptions. Almost constantly. Our waiter arrives, and for the first time since arriving in Pittsburgh, I'm treated like joe-schmoe, and it's a great change of pace. We order sodas and peruse the menu, Taylor opting for the lobster mac and cheese and I play it safe with a sandwich.

"Will you be coming back to Pittsburgh for the next round?" I ask her. Taylor shrugs, and I can tell she's not in the mood to talk hockey.

"Maybe. Depends on school. So, are you and Sid getting married?" her question takes me by surprise and I can see she's thrilled to have pulled the rug from underneath me.

"No immediate plans," I laugh nervously.

"But you would? I mean, if he asked you tomorrow, you'd say yes, right?" she presses, and her energy is infectious.

"I would," I answer honestly. "But, we're not in a rush. At least, I don't think we're in a rush. I don't know. To be honest, we haven't talked too much about that," I ramble.

"I think you should," she announces.

"Talk about it?" I stammer.

"No! You should marry him!" she laughs.

"Why is that?" I giggle, desperate to hear his sister's assessment of things.

"Because you're good to him, and he deserves that," she says simply. _A good a reason as any I suppose_. "My mom thinks you'll marry him, you know."

"Yeah?" I have butterflies in my stomach, giddy and delighted at our topic of conversation.

"Well, she hopes you will anyway," Taylor smiles. I'm reminded by something she said the other day, something I didn't have a chance to ask her about at the time.

"Taylor, what did you mean when you said Sid had a lot of baggage?" I ask her and her face falls. "Sorry, we don't have to talk about it," I regret asking immediately. Morbid curiosity shouldn't ruin our night out.

"Sid probably told you..." she hesitates. I nod and try to brush it off, but I'm almost positive he hasn't told me.

"Yeah, I'm sure he has," I agree easily.

"I don't even really know the whole story, just bits and pieces," she continues, and her cryptic words torture me. Taylor shrugs and smiles, as if we're both in on this little secret. _Big secret?_

"It's really not important," I mumble, faking a smile_, _pleading for it to be true, for it to really not be important. _What is 'it' though?_

"He doesn't even talk about her anymore, so I guess it's not really baggage anyway," Taylor finishes with a grin. "Old news."

"Hmm," I smile weakly, taking a sip of my soft-drink, wishing I'd ordered something stronger. _Her?_ Who is the _her_ Sid doesn't talk about?


	33. Chapter 33

_Her_. Obviously Taylor's referring to an ex of Sid's. I can handle an ex. I mean, Sid's forgiven me my past, I can do the same for him. Taylor has tucked into her meal, and I'm relieved not to have to keep the conversation going at the moment. I let my mind wander, and remember his words to me when we were holding each other on my front porch, thinking we were saying goodbye. Sid called me his first love. _I'll never forget that_. He was so sincere, so emotional, he wouldn't have just said it for my benefit. _Right?_ I glance up and find Taylor trying to decipher my expression.

"Are you looking forward to starting college next year?" I ask cheerfully, hoping to find something she can talk about at length. It works and Taylor gushes about the beautiful campus, the classes she's looking forward to, and it's a nice topic change. She's in the middle of telling me about the school's hockey program when my phone vibrates.

"He's checking up on us," Taylor guesses correctly.

_"Having fun?" _I laugh and nod to his sister. Taylor rolls her eyes and motions for me to reply.

_"We're having a great time. Taylor's telling me all about school."_ I hesitate for a split second and decide to risk it. _"And your exes."_

_"You must be bored to death babe."_ As expected, Sid's reply is diplomatic.

_"I wouldn't say that." _I type quickly and tuck my phone away. "Okay, so tell me about the dorm situation," I refocus my energy and attention toward Taylor. I'm doing my best to listen, but I'm distracted by errant thoughts of women. Women touching Sid. My Sid. Touching _my_ future husband. It's infuriating, and admittedly, I'm doing it to myself.

"What's up?" Taylor asks suspiciously.

"Nothing!" I shriek brightly, and it's pathetically forced and phony.

"Kate..."

"I can't stop thinking about her," I admit with a sigh. It's embarrassing, confessing my insecurities to someone. I trust Taylor, and maybe that's foolish considering she's a teenager, and Sid's little sister, but I do. I trust her.

"Her?"

"Sid's ex," I huff.

"Whoa, Sid has an ex? I mean, a serious ex?" she asks incredulously. _What?_ "I didn't think he made time for girls," she giggles. "Well, not until you anyway."

"Wait a minute," I shake my head, trying to wrap my mind around what we're talking about. "So, when you said Sid doesn't really talk about _her_ anymore, who did you mean?"

"Vanessa," Taylor blurts out.

"Vanessa?" I press, but I can see regret all over her face. _Oh Taylor, don't go quiet on me now!_

"I think Sid should probably..."

"Sid's a busy guy these days," I laugh nervously. I feel sick, knowing I'm treading into forbidden territory and taking Taylor with me.

"I don't even know the whole story," she says quietly, and in that moment I realize just how uncomfortable I'm making her.

"Stop," I tell her firmly. "You're right. This should come from Sid," I say quickly. "Just tell me...is it bad?" I watch her reaction closely, and it confirms my worst suspicions. "Really bad?"

"Uh..." she's in agony, but I can't seem to put her out of her misery.

"Am I still going to want to marry him?" I whisper, my heart racing. Taylor shrugs and my stomach drops.

"I hope so," she says sadly. _Well done Kate, you've ruined the evening_. Hearing Sid tell his sister 'tonight is on me' was the absolute cutest thing, and now I've gone and wrecked everything with my overactive imagination and crippling curiosity. This is the time when I have to trust him. I have to love what I know about him and trust what I don't.

"Enough," I say with a small smile. "Let's get off the topic of Sid for a little while. I know he had a life before me, and I doubt there's anything that he could tell me that would change how I feel, so let's not get all worst-case-scenario!" Taylor radiates relief, and I grin. "Now I know you're a dessert-girl."

I nearly lose my dinner on the way to the theater, but it's not from nerves, or anxiety, or worries - it's because of Taylor's insane driving. She cruises through the parking lot, no regard or concern for any possible cars backing out, potential pedestrians, not to mention the fact that it's evening and dark outside. _Maybe she has excellent reflexes?_ "You're worse than my mom!" Taylor laughs.

"I'm a bit of a nervous passenger," I concede.

"And driver?"

"And driver. And human being, generally speaking," I admit with a chuckle. She slides easily into a spot, and throws the truck into park. I cringe thinking of what Sid would say if he saw her driving. "I have to ask, who taught you to drive?"

Taylor flashes me a defensive look, "My dad!" _Note to self, don't drive with Troy_.

The movie is kind of funny, but I find myself considering all the ways I'd re-write it, all the missed opportunities to connect scenes, all ways to fix the jokes that fall flat. I'm so obnoxious, I actually pull out my phone and consider typing a note to myself. If I were with Carter, he'd be doing the same thing, but watching a movie with someone who doesn't work in the industry is refreshing. She's not thinking about box office numbers, marketing plans, economic projections, international sales. She's just laughing along in all the right places.

It occurs to me that Taylor is a lot like Jill. She has a sibling who's in the spotlight, but she doesn't let it shake her confidence. It's even more impressive considering her ambitions are firmly rooted in hockey as well. She's so unlike Sid though, and it's not a bad thing. She's carefree, while he's so guarded, she's hot-tempered, and off the ice, Sid is usually very even-keeled, with a few exceptions.

"You didn't laugh once!" Taylor teases me, driving like a bat-out-of-hell back to the house.

"It doesn't mean I didn't think it was funny, it just takes a lot to make me laugh out loud," I say defensively.

"You're not still thinking about..."

"Well, I wasn't!" I laugh.

"I feel really bad about even mentioning it," Taylor whispers.

"Don't worry one little bit," I try to reassure her. "I mean, how important can this chick be if he's never even mentioned her?" I try to make a joke, but now it's Taylor's turn not to laugh out loud. "Oh, important..." I stammer.

"He thought..." she starts and stops.

"You're killing me," I sigh.

"It's not who she _is, _it's who he thought she _might_ be," Taylor tells me, and the puzzle continues.

"You're actually trying to make me crazy, aren't you?" I challenge playfully, but I'm not entirely joking. I'm thrilled to see Sid and Troy talking on the front step when we pull up.

"Kate, you can't tell him I told you," Taylor pleads, and grabs my hands desperately.

"Taylor!"

"Please! He'll be so pissed I told you!"

"Well, you haven't told me anything, remember?" I remind her, but she's panicked now. "Okay, calm down. I won't say anything. Besides, he's got a big day tomorrow, I don't want to distract him," I say resolutely.

"I'm sure he'll tell you, but it just can't come from me, okay?" she begs me once more and her frantic plea has me even more curious.

"Okay Taylor, not a word," I promise. Our conversation ends just in time for Sidney to open the passenger door.

"How was her driving?" Sid asks seriously, inspecting his vehicle before even greeting us.

"Fine," I roll my eyes and hop out of the truck.

"She can be a little heavy on the accelerator," Troy offers and I grin, reluctantly giving Taylor away. "You're gonna get yourself a ticket young lady and then what?" he starts scolding Taylor, but she's skipping off to the house, trying to avoid the conversation.

"So, how was your dinner?" I ask him nervously, suddenly there's this distance between us, and I know it won't go away until I know the whole story. _Who is Vanessa?_

"Fine," he laughs at my awkwardness and pulls me tight for a kiss. _What do I know about this guy?_ I mean really, he's so incredibly busy and never once have I even entertained the idea that he might be lying to me. He might actually _not_ be where he says he is every time he leaves the house. Athletes cheat right? That's what they do. Even Taylor knows it. His sister even knows this woman's name and I've been too blind to even consider the possibility that I'm really not the only one. "What's wrong babe?" Sid pulls away and gives me a quizzical look.

"Just spiraling out of control," I admit. He laughs, but when I don't join him, he realizes I'm serious.

"Uh oh. What happened?" he asks, and his tone sends me over the deep end.

"You tell me Crosby!" I hiss, taking him by surprise.

"Don't call me Crosby," he says immediately. "You're my..."

"Your what?" I spit.

"You're my lover not my teammate," he tells me, and if I weren't so furious with him it would actually be sweet.

"One of many?" I ask, tears threatening to spill.

"What?"

"Who is she?" I whisper, my hands balling into fists, all promises made to Taylor out the window. I watch him try to understand what I'm asking, and his innocent-act is infuriating.

"I'm not sure," he treads carefully.

"Who is she?" I ask again, but there's no recognition in his face. "Who is she?!" I scream, and Sidney quickly puts his arms around me and looks around to see if we're being watched.

"Katie," he coaxes. "Calm down baby. There's no one, I swear."

"Vanessa?" I croak, and the look on his face tells me everything I need to know. I push away from him and stalk into the house. I march past the living room, and head straight for the bedroom. I decide against slamming the door, even though that would feel really good right now. Instead I lock it behind me and pull a suitcase from the closet. There's no way I'm spending the night with this man. He lied to me! _He's been cheating on me_.

"Taylor!" I hear Sidney's voice boom through the house, and angry footsteps echo through the hallway. I didn't intend for Taylor to get pulled into this, but it doesn't really matter now anyway. The Crosby family heads to Raleigh tomorrow and I'll use the time apart to move back into my house. Sidney can focus on hockey, _and all the perks that come with it_, and I'll put my head down and focus on work.

There's yelling, there's door slamming, Troy and Trina get pulled into it, and soon I hear Sid trying the locked door.

"Babe?" he says timidly. "Talk to me" His voice is muffled behind the door, but it still cuts deep.

"Go away Sid," I hiss.

"It's not what you think," he says evenly. "Open the door hun."

"You lied to me," I cry.

"No love, I didn't." I zip my bag closed and hesitate for a second, but decide to face it. I unlock the door and it swings open immediately. Before I can say a word, Sid gathers me in his arms and squeezes me tightly.

"I hate you right now," I tell him.

"You're going to regret saying that," he smiles, and it only infuriates me further. "Vanessa isn't my girlfriend, she's a two-year-old." It takes me a minute to register what he's just said, but then it all makes sense. _Baggage_.

"You have a baby?!"


	34. Chapter 34

Sid rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Yes Kate, I have a baby and I've been waiting all these months to tell you," he says mockingly and I narrow my eyes, letting him know I mean business. "You think that little of me?"

"You know what I think?" I start, my blood boiling and emotion taking over. "I think you keep me in the dark about your past because there's things you'd rather I didn't know."

"Of course there's things I'd rather you didn't know. There's things I wish had never happened!" he retorts angrily. Well now we're getting somewhere.

"Like Vanessa?" I challenge furiously.

"Sort of," he says exasperatedly.

"Who is she?" I scream in frustration. Sid runs his hands through his hair and turns away from me. "Don't turn away from me Crosby," I spit.

"I told you," he seethes, "don't call me Crosby."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Sidney, baby, love of my life, please don't turn away from me," I say sweetly, my voice dripping with sarcasm. His face drops, and I can see instantly that he's not impressed.

"Jesus, you can be a real bitch when you want to be," he bites back and his words sting immediately. Sure we've had our share of arguments, but that word cuts deep. He's never been so...unkind to me before.

"Sid..."

"You wonder why I don't tell you things? Look at how you're reacting!" he shouts, his anger bubbling to the surface. "You've packed a bag Kate? Really? Without even talking to me you were going to leave?"

"Taylor said..."

"Taylor is a seventeen year-old girl, you're a grown woman," he interrupts.

"Eighteen," I correct him for no other reason than to be right about something. He frowns, disappointed by my actions, and truthfully, I'm disappointed in myself too. It doesn't seem to matter what he says or does, I'm convinced he's going to be unfaithful or give me reasons not to trust him. Always preparing for the worst instead of expecting the best.

"Do you really think I'm hiding some deep dark secret from you?" he asks seriously.

"Sometimes," I confess.

"I'm not. Yeah, there's things I don't want you to know about, stupid things that I'm embarrassed about. Ways I treated people or relationships I had with women. Things I'm not proud of," he struggles to explain himself and it drives my insecurity.

"Like what?" I implore him to tell me. Sid takes a deep breath and his demeanor changes. He's not angry anymore, he's not frustrated...he's ashamed.

"Like sleeping around, and having a few close calls," he sighs.

"Close calls?" I whisper.

"A woman I used to..."

"Fuck?" I suggest angrily.

"Sleep with," he says, closing his eyes, his face expressing the discomfort he's feeling. "She called me and told me she was pregnant. The timing worked out and so instead of her making a lot of noise about the whole thing, I offered to support her."

"You paid her," I correct him. This Sid, the one telling me about _supporting_ a pregnant woman, feels like a stranger to me. This is the man I'm afraid to commit to, afraid to surrender myself to. This man who can hide women away, making sure they don't _make a lot of noise_, keeping them quiet with money. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.

"Well, I paid for things like her rent, and her car, and other stuff. Kate, I thought she was having my baby. When I told my parents, they were pissed off and really disappointed in me. My agent was worried it would get out, and she didn't have the best reputation," he says evenly.

"So she was good enough to fuck, but..."

"Kate!" he hisses. "You don't get it. You don't know what it's like, okay? Do you have any idea how many offers I get?"

"Yeah, I do! I think about it every second of every day that you're on the road," I yell back at him.

"Babe," he shakes his head in disappointment.

"I can't help it," I whisper. "Anyone can see how attractive you are, and I've seen how women act around you."

"That's not what I'm looking for," he tells me.

"It must have been...once," I can't even look him in the eye. He feels like foreign territory right now.

"Kate, imagine me before we got together. A lonely guy. Never had a serious girlfriend. Never even had time for a steady girlfriend. Women coming onto me everywhere I go and me turning them down, left and right, all the time. One night I decided to be a regular guy. A pretty girl I'd just met wanted to go to bed with me, and I said yes."

"And she got pregnant," I press him to continue, despite how difficult it is to listen to the details.

"She did. And she had the baby. And it wasn't mine," he finishes. _He doesn't have a baby out there. _Relief sweeps over me followed quickly by skepticism.

"How do you know?" I ask and as soon as the words leave his mouth, his face twists into an angry scowl.

"See Kate, there's this thing called a paternity test..."

"Okay, cool it with the sarcasm," I snap.

"Or what? You'll walk out on me?" he holds up my bag and rolls his eyes.

"Maybe I can be a bitch when I want to be, but you can be a real dick sometimes," I say through clenched teeth, my voice betraying me and quivering on the last word. "This isn't easy to hear."

"This isn't something I wanted to tell you," he says defensively.

"Sid, I need to know these things. Don't you get that? You don't just get to wipe the slate clean and pretend that you don't have a past because you have a serious girlfriend now. I didn't get to do that. Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear this from you sister?" I cry.

"Taylor doesn't know when to shut up," he huffs.

"Well I'd rather hear it from you, but at least she thought I deserved to know!"

"Kind of like the pregnancy test, eh?" Okay, he has a point.

"I would have told you," I feel myself blush nervously.

"No, you wouldn't have. Taylor told me. If it was negative you weren't going to bother letting me know. Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear that from my sister?" he retorts.

"Well Taylor doesn't know when to shut up," I throw his earlier words back and him and he smiles, reluctantly.

"You're not allowed to take off whenever something doesn't go your way babe," he nods toward the packed bags sitting on the bed.

"Well you're not allowed to have a bunch of maybe-babies that I don't know about," I snap defensively.

"Maybe-babies?" he giggles, and even though I'm still angry, I can't help but thaw a bit when I hear him laugh.

"You know what I mean," I roll my eyes. Sid is done fighting. He moves toward me and wraps himself around me, squeezing me tight. His breath warms my skin and I close my eyes and sink into him.

"We okay?" he whispers.

"Well, I feel even worse about you going on the road all the time now," I admit.

"Who do I call as soon as I land?" he coaxes.

"Me," I pout.

"And who do I FaceTime every single night?" he says with a grin.

"Me," I sigh.

"Tell me what more you need love, I'll do it."

"Don't call me names," I beg, tears streaming down my face.

"Oh hun, I would never," he answers immediately.

"You called me a bitch," I remind him.

"I said you were acting like a bitch," he corrects me sheepishly.

"Same thing," I pout.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for calling you a dick," I hug him close to me. "I'm sorry I'm so insecure. I'm sorry I let my imagination run wild. I'm sorry..."

"That's enough for one night," he laughs.

"Your sister is going to hate me now," I feel tears pooling in my eyes again.

"Are you kidding? She was screaming at me for not telling you earlier," he chuckles.

"Do you think your family heard everything?" I ask blushing with embarrassment.

"Maybe bits and pieces," he shrugs. "Don't worry about that." The pink on his cheeks tells me he's a little mortified as well. At least we're in this together. It's late, and he has a game tomorrow.

"You need to sleep Sid," I run my hands across his back, memorizing each muscle.

"Let's not fight babe, it's so exhausting," he pleads quietly. I nod and cling to him tightly. "We really need to get better at this."

"At what?" I ask nervously.

"This, trusting each other, talking things out..." he trails off.

"We're learning. We'll get there," I say easily, trying to convince myself as much as I'm trying to convince him. Having a relationship with him isn't like having one with a regular guy. He comes with a lot of attention, a lot of expectations, and a past that is full of unknowns to me. I've been kind of like an open book with Sid, but he hasn't been as forthcoming when it comes to previous relationships. "Is there anything else I should know about? Any other close calls?" My stomach drops when I add the last bit, but now is the time to get everything out into the open.

"There's been a few women who've claimed I'm the father of their kid, but I never met any of them and as soon as the lawyers requested a paternity test, they backed off. It's people looking for money. Nothing more," he frowns. I guess that's how a lot of women would see him - a paycheck.

"Do your teammates go through this too?"

"Sometimes, not as much, but it definitely happens," he says with a shrug.

"Is it ever true?" I ask hesitantly.

"Sometimes," he admits reluctantly. "This organization really encourages a family atmosphere, so it's not as bad as some other teams," he adds quickly.

"Oh," is all I can muster. It's not like this is news exactly, it's just uncomfortable to think about hockey as a culture of unfaithful men, and my future husband is at the center of it all. This isn't something I've ever had to deal with before, and Sid being wildly talented, insanely good-looking, and obscenely rich probably means it won't be a gradual transition. I'm being thrown into the deep end and it's sink or swim time. "If I'm ever not enough for you..."

"Stop," he begs, but I need him to hear this, so I wave him away and continue.

"If I'm ever not enough for you, just tell me. Don't go behind my back. Just, let me know," I feel tears pool in my eyes at the thought.

"If I'm ever not enough for you," he starts, and I scoff at the idea, but he shakes his head and continues. "Tell me, and I'll let you go."

"Sid..."

"I'll kill the other guy, but I'll let you go," he adds with a crooked grin.

"You're more than enough," I squeeze him tight. "Can we stop talking about breaking up?"

"Absolutely," he laughs. "Do you think you can stop anticipating us breaking up?" His question isn't playful, it's serious. He watches me closely, his mouth set in a warm smile, encouraging me to put this anxiety behind me, to ignore my insecurities, to give into him. "You do it all the time Kate, it kind of hurts my feelings," he admits.

"Oh hun!"

"Well, a guy can only do so much to make you feel secure, but it's like nothing I do matters. You're always looking for trouble between us. I thought we were doing pretty good there, and then I come home and you're packing a bag. It's not a good feeling."

"I'm going to try harder," I promise instantly.

"Katie," he frowns. "I need you to stop trying so hard. Stop analyzing everything to death. Just...enjoy it. Stop worrying so much and have fun," he smiles encouragingly. I sigh deeply and nod. "Good girl," he kisses the top of my head. "You know, I bet all this worrying and stressing isn't helping us conceive."

"Yeah, you're right," I concede.

"And I really want you to get you pregnant," he whispers.

"I really want that too," I whisper back.

"Then let's focus on that," he grins, pulling off his t-shirt and pressing me down against the bed. And just as I'm about to ask him about the game tomorrow and whether or not this is a good idea, his words ring through my ears and I stop myself. No worrying tonight, just fun. _Fun in bed with my Sid_.


	35. Chapter 35

"He's half asleep out there," Troy grumbles, and a wave of guilt crashes over me. It's early in the second period, and still no score, but the Penguins should be winning. They're the better team, even if the scoreboard doesn't show it. Sid has taken two really stupid penalties, and is dragging himself up and down the ice. What he usually makes look so easy, now seems labored and pained. Unfortunately, Troy is right. He's half asleep on the ice.

My cheeks heat, and I'm certain the Crosby family is at least partially blaming me for his poor performance. Our spirited argument aside, we weren't exactly quiet when making up last night. I feel an embarrassed blush creep across my face, and despite the pitiful site on the ice, my lips curl into a small grin when I remember Sid's display of sexual prowess in our bedroom before crashing to sleep.

_"This is so against the rules," Sid giggles against my skin, his hands dancing up the inside of my shirt._

_"I don't want to get you in trouble," I grin, making him laugh as he leans down to kiss the tops of my breasts. His fingers work on the clasp, and as expected, the small metal contraption proves quite a challenge for Sid. He fumbles, growing more and more frustrated, but determined. Determined to get me naked, the thought makes me laugh._

_"What's so funny?" Sid asks defensively, his playful smirk never leaving his lips. _

_"You," I sit up, brushing his hands away and removing the lace garment myself. His hand runs from my hip to my ribs and he presses me back down onto the mattress. _

_"You think I'm funny?" he whispers as he trails kisses along my neck up to my earlobe, biting gently, blowing his soft, warm breath against my skin. _

_"Not at the moment," I pant._

_"No?"_

_"No, at the moment you're irresistible," I tell him. "Even though we both know better." The last part makes him laugh loudly, and I join him. _

_"I won't tell anyone if you don't," he suggests wickedly, and I nod quickly. "Good, our little secret."_

Right now, I don't think it's much of a secret. The whole arena can see that he's struggling. I guess some rules really aren't made to be broken. My resolve to help Sid stick to his routine strengthens - I refuse to be the reason his game suffers. So far, I haven't been doing a good job. We've been fighting, which he said was exhausting, and then we've been making up, which has been fantastic, but not exactly restful. I glance up nervously to see his parents. Trina shakes her head and turns to her husband, who looks thoroughly disappointed in their son. My heart sinks at the sight.

"He's looks like shit," Taylor huffs under her breath.

"He'll figure it out," I say confidently, and give her an encouraging smile. Taylor shrugs her shoulders and picks up her water bottle, peeling the label nervously, as she watches her brother skate to the bench. The lines change quickly, and the other center, the bigger one who frequently loses his temper, moves quickly up the ice. Seconds later he scores and the arena goes wild. Trina radiates relief, giving us all celebratory hugs, and any feeling of being in her "bad books" disappears.

"Now they just need a few more," Troy says evenly, dampening our spirits, but he's right. A one-goal lead is nothing, especially when there's still more than a period of play to go. "Sid needs to start taking advantage of scoring opportunities." Troy's words mirror Sid's from the previous night.

_"Babe, we can just cuddle..." I suggest, but there's a part of him pressing painfully into my hip that tells me he's looking for more than a cuddle._

_"Are you kidding?" he smirks. "When you give me a scoring opportunity, I'm taking advantage of it!" I can't help but giggle at his eagerness. There's something about being blanketed by this gorgeous man that makes me feel so sexy and desirable. His fingers slide under my panties and he grips the fabric tightly, pulling them off in an instant. "You won't be needing these," he says and sends them flying across the room with a flourish._

_"You've got me naked, now what are you going to do with me?" I giggle uncontrollably, completely giddy at the prospect of having sex with this beautifully sculpted man._

_"If you'd stop laughing at me, I might consider making love to you," he smirks, and I put on my most serious expression._

_"Better?" I press my lips firmly together and furrow my brow._

_"Too serious," he grins. I soften my expression until a wide grin spreads across his face. "There's my girl," he says sweetly. I trace his features, running my fingers across his jaw, up to his cheeks, my thumb resting on the bridge of his nose while my fingertips push the dangling curls away from his face._

_"My guy," I whisper with a smile, and it only takes a moment before he is fully sheathed inside me. My hands rest on his upper arms, holding tightly to Sid's rippling muscles. "Slow babe, let me get a feel for you." Sid pauses and presses his hips gently to mine._

_"Yeah?" he asks, a trace of concern in his eyes._

_"Yeah," I run my hands down to his hips and pull him tight toward me. "Mmm," I moan into his ear, and I feel Sid's cheeks on mine, silently alerting me to the smile on his face. "You feel so good babe."_

"Maybe he doesn't feel good," Taylor offers and I'm pulled once again from my daydream.

"He's distracted," Troy snaps, and I feel a sideways glance burn through me. _Dammit Sid, pull it together or your father will never forgive me!_ Sid is getting an earful from one of the coaches, and his face twists in annoyance. The crowd grows restless, desperate for their team to score before the end of the period. There's just over a minute left, but everyone knows that this game changes in seconds. The fourth lines are out, and the play gets physical, sloppy, even a little desperate. A few players change and Sid is on the ice for the final seconds. He's slammed hard into the boards, but he doesn't lose his footing. He skates like a man possessed.

His team knows who to get the puck to, and in a flash Sid is streaking down the ice, battling through the two defensemen, quickly getting a shot on goal. It's blocked. Sid doesn't stop though. He's persistent. The goalie tries to coverup, but Sid's stick is battling for the puck, and before any of his teammates even get near the net, the red light goes off. _He scored_. Thank god for that.

Sid celebrates, his team celebrates, the fans celebrate, and of course, his family celebrates. Troy is stoic, but no one can deny his sour mood has lifted...slightly. "It's a start," Troy grumbles, and Taylor laughs.

"Is he like this at your games too?" I ask her quietly.

"Worse," she smirks. "Former goalie, remember?" The replay flashes across the jumbotron, and Sid's questionable language post-goal has our box erupting in laughter.

_"Fuck yeah," he groans, grinding his hips hard into me._

_"Shh, babe!" I cover his mouth with my hands. He grunts, and moans, and quivers slightly. "Oh, I love you," I pull his face to mine and kiss his lips softly.  
_

_"I love you so fucking much," he pants. He's always got such a potty mouth when he's overtired or in this case, oversexed. _

_"Sleep honey," I tell him as he rolls off of me. I move to stand, but he pulls me back down. _

_"Babe," he scolds, reminding me of our post-coital routine. He lifts my legs and tucks a pillow underneath me. "Stay still." I turn toward him and a huge grin spreads across his face. "You're gorgeous." I love that word. It reminds me of the time I was stranded in a furniture store, texting back and forth with Sid while waiting for Carter. Gorgeous. I love it even more when he says it.  
_

_"Stop," I blush._

_"Nope," he shakes his head. "You're just going to have to get used to hearing it."_

_"You're super cute," I tell him, and I guess my choice of words is funny to him. "What?"_

_"Super cute?"_

_"Super cute," I confirm. _

The buzzer sounds signaling the end of the second period, and we're up two goals to none. It's a relief, but then again, it's playoffs and the stakes are high. "Let's walk around," Taylor says with a sly grin, and I know exactly what she's thinking._ She's hoping we'll run into Josh._ They flashed his face on the big screen before the game started, and Taylor's been buzzing ever since.

"Sure," I agree easily, feeling kind of like I owe her at least that much considering everything I've put this family through over the past few days. Trina's not thrilled with our decision, and truthfully, I'm sure she has a point. We're not going to move through the arena unnoticed here, that much I know, but hopefully we're not going to run into trouble.

Taylor seems to know exactly what section Josh is sitting in, and I guess she's probably more than a little familiar with the arena. We're stopped only once on our way over, a small crowd gathering around us, taking photos and asking questions before a security guard quickly acknowledges the VIP badges strung around our necks and steps in to disperse the group. We continue on our way, finding the section easily, but there's no Josh in sight. "Hey you," I feel his arm slink around me before I see him.

"Josh!" I practically shriek, the physical contact taking me by surprise. Taylor clears her throat loudly, and I can't help but roll my eyes. _As if I'd forget to introduce her!_ "Josh this my boyfriend's sister, Taylor. Taylor this is Josh, we're potentially working on a project together," I aim to provide some details that will spark some conversation.

"Your brother's the big draw tonight," Josh smiles brightly at Taylor.

"Too bad he's playing so crappy," Taylor laughs nervously.

"Crappy?" Josh smirks. "He scored, didn't he?" and they're off, the two of them chatting animatedly about Sidney. It becomes very clear that Josh isn't a hockey fan, and I have to wonder what he's doing here tonight. I smile, very aware that people are taking our photo, recording video of us, and just outright staring. I let Taylor have her moment with Josh, enjoying watching her blush and flirt. Who can blame her? He's a handsome movie star.

"We should all meet up after the game," Josh suggests, speaking to Taylor, but looking directly at me.

"Definitely," Taylor agrees a little too eagerly.

"Kate?" Josh asks me for confirmation. Sid leaves for Carolina right after the game, so it's not like we have to rush home, but I'm not sure how Troy and Trina would feel about their high school daughter grabbing a drink with a hunky actor seven years her senior.

"Maybe," I shrug. "I'll text you." Taylor looks disappointed and Josh looks...hopeful? We say our goodbyes and Taylor and I head back.

"Can we go? Please?!" she whines.

"We have to clear it with the boss first," I laugh. Taylor sulks immediately.

"Sid'll never say yes," she pouts and I burst out laughing.

"I meant your mom!"

"Oh," her mood lifts. "Let me handle her." Seeing a glimpse of sneaky Taylor has me wondering if this isn't a bad idea altogether. And why does she think Sid is the boss?


	36. Chapter 36

Taylor cozies up to her mother during the third period, leaving me to fend for myself with Troy. _Awkward_. Part of me thinks he knows _exactly_ what we were up to last night, and his inability to maintain eye contact basically confirms my suspicions. Thankfully, Sid is playing like his usual self, aggressive and determined, so I don't think I'll be taking any heat tonight...if they win. There's still ten minutes to go and we're up by one. _Please score babe!_ I will him from the luxury box, but truthfully, he doesn't seem to need it. His abilities are like a spectacle and we're all mesmerized.

"Kate _will_ be there Mom," I hear Taylor whining softly.

"Your flight is first thing tomorrow morning," Trina says sternly. "You don't need to be out partying tonight."

"It's not a party, it's hanging out with Josh Harper. Do you even know who that is?" she cries.

"No, and I don't care. You're here to watch your brother's game," Trina ends the conversation and Taylor huffs and puffs her way back over to us. I'm actually pretty relieved, I don't really feel like going out tonight. Sid will head straight to the airport after the game, so it's not like I have to race home, but there's something about Josh that I just don't trust. Actors can be professional flirts, and even though I know better, people can sometimes read into things, seeing things that just aren't there.

My attention drifts back to the game as Sid takes the ice and I lean forward slightly, all my focus on him. He skates up the ice, easily protecting the puck and moving quickly past the defenseman. For a second it looks like he's going to shoot, but he drops the puck back to his waiting teammate. My eyes stay glued to Sid, and when he throws his arms up, I know he's done a good thing.

The line stays on the ice, and less than twenty seconds later, Sidney flashes down the ice, and slaps the puck past the goalie. The horn sounds, lights flash throughout the arena, and everyone goes wild. Two goals and an assist, and there's still half a period to go. Maybe our bedroom activities have actually helped his game! Troy finally relaxes, and the tension in the box lifts, giving Taylor hope that maybe her mother will lighten up and change her mind. "If he gets a hat trick, she'll be high on life. I'll ask her then," she whispers conspiratorially. I smile supportively, but I catch myself silently hoping Sid doesn't score.

He does. Twice more, in fact. Troy can't keep a straight face and Trina is practically having kittens. "His best game of the season!" she squeals, hugging me tightly. Her grip is unforgiving, and I can barely breathe, slowly suffocating from her enthusiasm. "We should celebrate!" Trina suggests loudly, giving Taylor the opening she's been waiting for.

"Kate asked if I wanted to go out with her and a friend," Taylor says slyly. _Not exactly the truth_.

"That sounds like fun!" Trina shrieks, and I see exactly what Taylor meant. Not a drop of alcohol or sniff of elicit drugs running through her, but Trina Crosby is soaring high, riding her son's achievements, thoroughly enjoying herself. She wanders off to throw her arms around an unsuspecting relative of another player, a player who didn't score four goals tonight, sharing her enthusiasm with them whether they welcome it or not. Taylor hurries beside me, beaming at the thought of spending the rest of the evening with the handsome actor, and when I catch the look on her face, I just can disappoint her.

"I'll text Josh," I roll my eyes, and Taylor throws her arms around me. The Crosby women are in a hugging mood tonight. There's only seconds left in the game, the Penguins have tied the series, but Sid sits stone faced on the bench, unwilling to start celebrating before the buzzer sounds.

_Hey, still up for a quick drink?_ Hopefully Josh can read between the lines and figure out I'm not interested in a marathon bar crawl across Pittsburgh.

_Want to check out Diesel? _He can't be serious.

_How about someplace more all-ages? Taylor's coming with me._ Killed two birds with one stone. Now he knows we're not going to be alone, and that Taylor is underage.

_You love a chaperone, don't you?_ Hmm, not sure how to reply to that one. I guess I've always thought it was a little inappropriate to spend time alone with another man when I'm in a relationship. Friends are different, but Josh and I aren't exactly friends. Definitely not good enough friends to be going clubbing.

_You got me. _I send Josh the address of a nearby restaurant that has a nice wine bar. The team skates off the ice and the crowd floods out of the arena. Only once before have I waited for Sid outside the locker room after a game, and that when he texted me asking if he could drive me home. His family however, seem to have a standing invitation and head confidently past security to an area that appears to be for family and friends. Troy continues down the hallway, apparently Sid's agent is in the building and there's something they need to discuss. "Sid doesn't like to plan for the off-season during playoffs, so Troy handles a lot of it for him," Trina explains, and I see another glimpse of superstitious-Sid.

"Your job tonight is to get some good pics of me and Josh," Taylor tells me matter-of-factly, her face glued to her iPhone. "My friends are going to freak when they see my Facebook tonight."

"Taylor," Trina says her name in a tone only a mother can use. "You told me you were off Facebook."

"Don't worry, it's all locked down," Taylor tells her easily, obviously hoping to downplay the situation.

"You think it's locked down, but..."

"Mom, I promise. It's locked down. There's no family stuff on there, it's all school friends," Taylor explains and Trina purses her lips, but decides not to push any further. Okay, it's official, I'm ready to have my life back. Treading carefully around Sid's family, trying to navigate through all the drama, and working to please everyone is exhausting. Taylor is like any typical teenager I guess. Pushing the boundaries her parents have set, and I can't help but feel like I'm her accomplice. _It's not like she's lying to them_, I remind myself. Yeah. She told Trina what we were doing, and Troy is busy worrying about Sid, and I probably should have a drink with Josh anyway, just to be polite. It's working, slowly I'm convincing myself that it's a good idea to take Taylor out with me. Sid's heading to the airport, so there's nothing but a cold bed waiting for me at home anyway.

I slink down into an overstuffed armchair and realize that in all my internal debating, the room has filled quite substantially. To my immediate right is a woman wrangling three young children, and she looks completely fried. Across from her sits her complete opposite. She's a petite blonde who fidgets anxiously, checking her makeup on her camera-phone, frequently applying lip gloss and smoothing out her designer threads. She catches me looking at her and instead of returning my smile, she gives me a sour look. _Okay, steer clear of that one_. "She's dating James," Taylor whispers, clearly noticing the small exchange between us. _James! I know him...kind of_.

"You're dating James?" I venture anxiously, and she nods curtly. "I've met him a few times," I continue. "I'm Kate, I..."

"I know who you are," she says bluntly, then stands and chooses a different seat.

"What the hell was that?" I mutter under my breath.

"She'll pour it on when James gets here," Taylor assures me. "Some of them are just like that," she shrugs.

She's right though. It's not long before some of the players peek their heads in to say goodbye to their loved ones before heading to the bus, and the room starts to thin out. James takes his time, and she waits impatiently, but when he finally does walk through the door, her snotty demeanor becomes noticeably sunnier. "Hey Kate," James gives me a small wave that I return with a smile. We really don't know each other, so that's about the best we can manage, but it's enough to earn me a response from her. "Nice meeting you," she says with false cheer, and I resist the temptation to roll my eyes.

"You too," I grin, not wanting to start any trouble, and hoping that maybe she'll be a little bit warmer the next time we see each other. Just after they leave, Sid walks in, and is smiling from ear to ear. Trina is the first to greet him, and her overzealous bear hug embarrasses him. We lock eyes and I smile and shake my head as he tries to unhook himself from his mother's grip. "Thanks Mom," he replies to whatever compliments she's rattling off into his ear. "I'm just going to say bye to Tay," he explains and Trina finally releases her son. "Taylor," Sid closes the space between them and hugs his sister tight. "Thanks for coming," he tells her sincerely and she says something I can't make out, but it has Sid giggling so I assume it's sweet.

"Do you think you'll make it?" she asks hopefully.

"If I can, I will," he tells her evenly, not wanting to commit and disappoint his little sister. "Do you need anything?" he whispers, obviously trying to keep his voice out of Trina's earshot. Taylor nods immediately, but Sid raises his eyebrows, silently posing the question again.

"I'm good," she insists, but I see Sid's hand tuck some money into her pocket anyway. It's a gesture that reminds me of something my father would do, and my heart warms at the sight.

"Okay you," he smiles at me and wraps me in his arms. "I'll call you as soon as we land," he whispers.

"You were fantastic tonight," I tell him.

"Slow start, but..."

"No Sid, you were great," I interrupt.

"My dad would probably have killed us both if I didn't play well, considering how much noise you made last night," he teases.

"Me?!" I gasp loudly, making Sid giggle.

"Be safe, okay?" he asks, but it's not really a request as much as an order.

"You too babe."

"I love you," he kisses my forehead forcefully, and I feel my cheeks heat. We're not alone, but it's the most privacy we're going to get before he leaves.

"I love you Sid," I whisper, and just then I feel my phone vibrate from inside my jacket. Sid feels it too and fishes it out quickly.

"You're going out?" he asks, reading the text filling my screen.

"Yep, Taylor practically begged me, so we're meeting Josh Harper for a drink," I explain easily, hoping Sid will notice the lack of enthusiasm in my voice.

"Oh," is all he says.

"We're not going to be out late, so if you want to FaceTime goodnight, I'd love that," I ask sweetly and his easy going smile returns.

"Me too," he gives me another tight squeeze and then holds me at arms length. "I'll see you soon."

"I'll be there," I wink and a swift kiss on the lips and he's out the door. I can practically feel Taylor buzzing behind me.

"Okay, let's get out of here already!" she grabs my arm tightly and steers me toward the door.

"We'll see you at home," I call back to Trina who is busy chatting with someone.

"Do you think Josh has a girlfriend?" Taylor asks excitedly. _Oh lord, what have I gotten myself into?_


	37. Chapter 37

_Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!_ At what point do I call Sid? He's really going to love this. Trina is going to murder me, and then Troy will probably resuscitate my dead body just so he can murder me all over again. I frantically dial Taylor's cell for the fourth time, but she's clever this one. Instead of letting it ring and ring and ring, now my calls just go straight to voice mail.

"You are in a world of trouble Taylor Crosby. CALL ME!" I scream into the phone, not caring how crazy I look to the other pedestrians on the street. _How the hell did this happen? _Oh right, a handsome actor, a poorly timed trip to the restroom, and boom - I'm ditched in the restaurant only to be left with the bill and a view of their cab speeding away. When I think back to how ridiculous they were both acting...

_"You know, I'm not that much older than you," Josh coos at Taylor. _

_"I'm eighteen," she tells him proudly. _

_"Old enough to vote," he chimes in, making her giggle. I roll my eyes and wish I were drinking something stronger than ginger ale. "This wine is delicious, you sure you won't join me?" I look up and I'm horrified to see he's not talking to me._

_"She's eighteen," I remind him sternly. _

_"I've always thought twenty-one seemed a little old," Josh swirls his drink. Apparently he likes them younger than twenty-one. My stomach turns just thinking about it. Yes, he's in his early twenties, but still...she's in high school! I consider what his endgame might be, and I just can't figure it out. An hour ago I would have said that he was using Taylor's enthusiasm as a way to spend time with me, but that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore.  
_

_"I know, back home I can drink and it's so not a big deal," Taylor says nonchalantly. _

_"Isn't the drinking age nineteen?" I ask, but it's not really a question. I know she's not old enough to drink. It doesn't really matter what I say at this point, they've both decided to ignore me anyway. _

_"We totally should have gone to a club," Taylor tells him, offering a look of how-lame-is-it-we're-here-instead-of-Diesel that has them both laughing...at my expense, obviously. _

_"The night is young," he winks and that just crosses the line with me. _

_"Well, as young as the night is, Taylor has a flight early tomorrow morning, so..."_

_"We should make the most of the few hours you have left in the city," Josh cuts me off and Taylor agrees immediately. "Should we order something sweet?"_

_"Definitely," Taylor beams. _

_"I'm just going to use the ladies, if anyone cares," I announce and disappear into the bathroom._

That would be the last I'd see of those two for the better part of two hours. Finally I manage to wave down a cab and I climb in, completely flustered and unsure of where to start looking. "Diesel, the nightclub, do you know it?" I blurt out. The driver nods and speeds away from the restaurant. Dammit Taylor! I fire off an angry text, hoping she won't call my bluff.

_"Your mom and I are headed to Diesel to pick you up. You had better be waiting OUTSIDE where we can see you!"_

_"Nice try, she just texted goodnight."_ Fuck. Well, at least I've got her attention.

_"Please Taylor! Sid is going to kill me, where are you?" _I wait, and wait, and wait. Nothing. Fine, she wants to act like a child, I'll text the adult in the situation! _"WTF Josh? She's in high school. Where the hell are you two?"_

_"Relax, she's fine. I'll have her home soon."_ His words infuriate me, and just as I'm about to fire back something I might regret later, my phone rings.

"Hello?" I sound as panicked as I feel. "Where are you?!"

"Hey, relax. I'm fine. We just landed," Sid unknowingly repeats Josh's words to me, but instead of being a comfort, his voice only makes me more anxious. _I've lost his sister_. And she's with a sleazy, flirty actor no less.

"Sorry babe," I try to cover, not wanting to give myself up just yet. "Can I call you back in a few?"

"Everything okay?" he asks with concern.

"Yep, I'm just in a cab, and I can't really tell you what I want to tell you at the moment," I whisper, knowing full well Sid will hear a different meaning to my words.

"I'll be in my room in half an hour," he suggests cheekily, and I laugh nervously, trying to buy myself some time. _Dammit Taylor! _Inspiration strikes, and I decide to ask Sid for a playful favor. Well, not really playful at all.

"Hey, can you do something for me?" I ask sweetly.

"Anything."

"I'll explain later, but can you text Taylor for me. Tell her you know everything and she's in trouble?" I say as evenly as I can muster.

"What did she do?" he asks immediately.

"Nothing. Well, it's no big deal, but she thinks you're going to be mad at her," I lie, covering my eyes and shaking my head. _Now I'm lying to cover for her!_ What the hell is going on tonight?

"Did she drive my truck?" he asks angrily.

"Sid," I decide to come clean, but he's pissed. I take a deep breath, choosing my words carefully, and before I can speak, Sid starts ranting.

"I fucking knew she would. I let her drive it once and now she thinks it's hers whenever I'm not around," he huffs angrily. Okay, if he's this mad about her _driving_ his truck, I don't think he needs to know she's run off with Josh for the night.

"She feels guilty, but I kind of want to twist the knife a bit. Just to tease her, you know?" I tell him, but my own anger is bubbling to the surface.

"Okay, call me when you get home. I'm sorry Taylor's such a brat," he hisses. "I think she just wants to impress you." Well, she's doing a fine job.

"Love you," I tell him and tuck my phone away. We're only minutes away from the club, and honestly, if Sid texting her doesn't do it, then I'm cooked. I'll have to call Trina, and that will be the end of Kate in the Crosby good-books.

_"YOU CALLED SIDNEY?!" _

_"I did." _ She's worried and I need to take advantage of that.

_"Did he call my parents?"_

_"No idea. He probably will though. Where are you?"_

_"The Fairmont."_ Oh my god, he took her back to his hotel.

_"The Fairmont lobby - right?" _I text furiously. She doesn't reply, but I hope I've caught her in time before she did anything stupid. _"You are a fucking sleaze. If there was ever a chance we'd work together, you've blown it_." I text Josh and copy his agent. I realize we're still heading toward the club and ask the driver to change destinations. My phone is silent, which I take as a good sign.

The cab pulls up to the hotel and a crying Taylor is waiting for us just inside the hotel doors. My heart sinks, and it takes all my willpower not to tell her that I'm the only one who knows about her stupid stunt. She needs to live with this feeling for a few minutes at least. I climb out of the cab and hold the door open for her. "Get inside and stay there," I snap. I march toward the lobby to find a guilty looking Josh fumbling nervously trying to explain himself.

"She's eighteen you creep!" I yell. "Tell me you didn't do anything."

"We didn't," he says defensively.

"Your hotel? Really? You decided to bring my eighteen year-old sister-in-law back to your hotel?"

"She's an adult," he mutters.

"YOU are the adult. She is a girl in high school. Pretty sure I made that crystal clear before we went out, and again at the restaurant," I hiss. "Get this through your fucking head, if you see me, and you will, stay the hell away from me. If you see me with Sid, run the other way because I'm pretty sure he's going to tear you limb from limb." Josh gulps nervously. That's one thing about pretty boys, they don't like the threat of someone messing with their face. It's the moneymaker after all.

"Listen, my agent already phoned and is pissed that I fucked this up..."

"You think I care about your agent dropping you?" I interrupt. "I don't. I just thought she should know what a dirtbag client she has. And make no mistake, she's going to find out." I turn on my heel and walk away, ignoring his protests behind me. Back in the cab, Taylor has slid into far window seat and made herself as small as possible. I give the cab driver the address, and finally we're on our way home.

"What did Sid say?" Taylor asks meekly.

"He wasn't happy," I tell her honestly.

"What did you tell him?" her voice cracks and tears stream down her face.

"Why did you take off like that Taylor? Do you have any idea how stupid that was?" I lecture.

"It's not like I was alone," she tries to explain herself.

"Tay, you took off with a stranger!" I shriek.

"He wasn't a stranger," she mutters.

"Knowing someone's name and resume doesn't mean you know them well enough to go back to their hotel room!"

"It wasn't like that, he just wanted to change before..." and then it occurs to her how lame his reason for heading to his room really was.

"Did he ask you to wait in his room?"

"Yeah," she whispers.

"And did he suggest you have a drink or two before heading out?"

"Yeah," her voice is barely audible.

"And did you?" Taylor shakes her head, a silent confession to her sins of the evening. "Did you do more than that?" Taylor drops her head and my heart sinks. "Oh my god Taylor, tell me you used protection!"

"It didn't go that far," she tells me quietly. _Thank god for that!_ I decide Taylor has had enough of my lecturing for one evening. I slide into the middle seat and put my arm around her, letting her cry her eyes out into my shoulder. The poor girl has probably never done anything worse than break curfew, but tonight she could have ended up in serious danger. My blood boils when I think about Josh taking advantage of her. Not that it's surprising. I've met more than a few actors who use their celebrity and good looks to bed anything that shows interest.

"My mom is going to kill me," she sobs. _Time to put her out of her misery_.

"Your parents don't know," I tell her and her head shoots up in surprise. I nod to assure her it's the truth. "Sid didn't tell them." The mention of her brother pushes her over the edge again, and I can't tell if it's relief or not.

"Sid is going to be so disappointed in me," she chokes out through heaving sobs. I squeeze her tightly, and push her hair away from her face.

"Sid doesn't know either," I confess.

"He texted me," she cries.

"He thinks you were driving his truck," I tell her, barely disguising the smile on my face. I can't help it, I'm relieved for her. Taylor stares at me in disbelief for a minute, and then her face splits into a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I hug her again. "You're okay Taylor. No one knows, and no one needs to know. Just don't ever do anything that stupid again, okay?"

"Okay," she promises instantly.

"Just think, if he was that mad about you driving his truck..." I look at her and we both smile.

"He loves that stupid thing," she laughs, releasing some nervous energy.

"Almost too much," I agree.

When we pull up to the house, I give the driver a healthy tip and Taylor follows me into the house. Her parents have long since gone to bed, and I have a call from Sid that I'm dying to return. Taylor looks worse for wear, the emotion of the night hitting her hard.

"I'm sorry," she says sincerely, tears threatening to escape.

"I know. Never again. You promised!" We share a tight hug. "If anything happened to you..."

"It didn't," she reminds me.

"I'd never get over it Taylor. Don't scare me like that!" and I realize that I sound just like someone I know. I sound like my own big sister Jill.

"I won't, I promise." And in that moment, Taylor sounds just like me. After everything we've been through over the past few days, I can definitely say that we feel like sisters.


	38. Chapter 38

As much as I've enjoyed our frenzied week with Sid's family, and it has been frenzied, the quiet, empty house is exactly what I need to get some work done. Except that I can't seem to get any work done. Every time I sit down at my desk, I remember something little task that needs doing. Which reminds me, I need to wash the linens in the guest rooms. I skip off to Taylor's room and quickly strip the bed, and grab the towels from her bathroom. She's left the room in pretty decent shape, and just as I'm about to head to the laundry room I catch a glimpse of a silver envelope sitting on the nightstand. _Kate_ is written across the face of the envelope and I have a hunch I know what this is all about. I carefully open the delicate paper, and pull out a small note card.

_Kate,_

_Thank you for taking such good care of me. I know I was kind of a handful (or brat, as Sid would probably say) and I'm sorry. Really. I hope you can forgive me. I'm really happy Sid found you and I can see why he loves you so much. Please try to come to my graduation. Sid's going to try to make it, but he gets busy. Even if he can't come, I hope you do. Keep me posted on the baby project, not too many details, but just enough to know if I'm going to be an auntie.  
_

_Love,_

_Taylor_

She's so cute. I feel a pang of guilt over how badly Taylor feels, and the quiet disappointment she expresses about the impending truth that Sid won't make it to her graduation. _He gets busy_. Too busy. Too busy to be there for the people in his life? I suppose that's true sometimes. I suppose that's true for everyone, isn't it? Taylor asks so little of Sid, so for her to ask this of him, for her to put herself out there to her brother and then to me, it must be important. I leave the unwashed sheets and hunt down my cellphone. I don't want to get Taylor's hopes up, so I text Trina instead.

_When is Taylor's graduation?_

She texts the dates back quickly, adding that I should come even if Sid can't make it. Again, his family protecting themselves against the disappointment of Sid's busy schedule. Of course, it won't always be like this, but it will be for the foreseeable future. This isn't something I can control, fix, or even influence. His time isn't his own, and if I think about it too much, it will only make me crazy. I check the dates against Sid's schedule, and of course, the end of the school year falls during playoffs. My heart sinks. If he can make it to her graduation it will mean the season has ended too soon, and if he can't make it, then it will mean he's letting her down. A no-win situation.

My ringing phone startles me out of my thoughts, and I'm elated to see his name and number flash across the screen. "Babe!" I practically squeal. It's only been one night, but the house feels empty and cold when he's not here.

"Hey you," I hear the smile in his voice.

"How's the hotel?"

"Fine, a little lonely," he says.

"I'm missing you," I admit. "The house is too quiet."

"When do you get here?"

"Tomorrow, but I'm only staying the one night. My family gets here in two days later, remember?"

"I remember," he laughs. "Geez Kate, I hope you don't think I'm that self-absorbed." My earlier thoughts are creeping into our conversation, and I don't want him to feel any pressure from my end. He kind of has to be a little self-absorbed, at least right now, when the pressure of winning is placed squarely on his shoulders. Sometimes I'm amazed at how he handles himself. I haven't seen him crack under pressure, or complain about unrealistic expectations, or even moan about his teammates who aren't pulling their weight. He takes it all in stride, and usually with a smile on his face.

"Well, you were the one asking!" I say with a giggle, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I meant, what time do you get here?"

"Oh, early afternoon. I've booked a room at your hotel, is that weird?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah," he laughs. "I mean, it's kind of stupid but it's the rules, you know?"

"But, is it going to be weird if I'm in the same hotel?"

"No babe, I want you here," his voice is even and firm. _He needs me_. A shy smile spreads across my face.

"I'm coming," I tell him. "My love, can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure," he laughs at my formality. "Ask away."

"What are you going to do about Taylor's graduation? I mean, if everything goes the way it should, you're not going to be able to go, so how can you make it up to her?"

"Babe, I don't like to make plans..." he starts, and I've heard him go down this road before. His panic about looking past the obstacle in front of him.

"Hun, this is important," I insist. He takes a deep breath, and the line goes quiet. This isn't easy for him. Sid and his superstitions don't make this task a simple one. "What if we just talk about gifts?"

"Gifts?"

"Well, she's graduating, so we'll need to get her a present."

"I suppose you're right," he concedes with a sigh.

"You're still mad at her?" I ask with a grin. _If he only knew!_

"Well, yeah! You know, I do a lot for her and all she has to do is ask..."

"Sid, she hardly asks for anything," I defend her. "And she's not asking for this either. This is a gift from us to let her know we're proud of her."

"I don't know what to get her. A watch?" he says hopelessly. _ A watch? _ Seriously Sid? He's the only man I know who still wears a watch, the rest of the world has their cell phones.

"Maybe I'll talk to your mom about it," I suggest brightly, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but it's clear gift-giving isn't his strong suit.

"What about a car of her own," he huffs under his breath.

"Get over it babe," I giggle.

"Seriously though."

"A car? That's a little over the top, don't you think?" I laugh.

"Well, if she needs it..."

"Do you think she'll need it at school?" I ask him.

"I know my she's been bugging my parents for one."

"Okay, let's talk to them about it tomorrow after the game. This is making you grumpy, let's change the subject," I laugh.

"I'm not grumpy," he says immediately, but his voice betrays him.

"No?" I press playfully. "Could have fooled me. What can we do to cheer you up?"

"Kate..." he moans.

"Want to hear a joke?" I offer.

"A joke?" he tests the word as if I'm speaking a foreign language.

"It's terrible, but you might like it. I'm sure you've heard it..." I reconsider my offer, but my hesitation has captured Sid's interest.

"Well now you have to tell me," he giggles.

"Oh, it's so stupid..." I wish I'd never offered in the first place.

"Katie!"

"Okay, okay. A guy walks into a bar and orders an Ovechkin," I start.

"What's an Ovechkin?" Sid chimes in, obviously familiar with this little jab. Suddenly, I feel very self-conscious about my silly attempt to get a laugh out of him. I can hear Sid smiling through the phone, and it's making me shy. "Come on babe," he encourages me to keep going.

"It's like a White Russian but without a cup," I finish lamely. "Har, har..."

"Yeah, I've heard that one a few times," he giggles. "Let's hear another one."

"Hmmm..." I think back to the radio segment I listened to, trying to recall all the bad jokes people were calling in with. "What's the difference between the Buffalo Sabres and a bra?"

"A bra has two cups," he giggles. Well, he might know the punchlines, but at least his mood is improving. "Speaking of bras..." he starts suggestively.

"Nice try Sid, you have a game tomorrow night!"

"Hey, it paid off last time," he reminds me. _That's true_. "FaceTime!" he practically sings, and I can't help it. His enthusiasm is infectious. Truthfully, I'm exhausted and a little anxious about my family coming. I haven't told them I'm living with Sid, and not that it matters, I'm a grown woman, but I haven't quite worked out what the arrangements will be during their visit. "FaceTime!" he chimes a second time, and I give in.

"Okay babe," I smirk and hang up my phone. A few seconds later, I'm staring at a shirtless Sid peering back at me from my iPad. "You just lay around your room half naked?" I tease him.

"Sometimes, " he shrugs. An errant thought crosses my mind, and I blurt out my next question without thinking.

"Hey, weird question, do you get a lot of knocks at your door?"

"What do you mean?" he laughs.

"Like, how often do people figure out what room you're in?" I press him.

"Honey, you have nothing to worry about?" he assures me.

"I'm not worried, just curious." _I think_.

"It happens, not that much, but it happens," he admits. "Okay, enough of that. Let's get you naked..."

"You really think I'm that easy?" I tease him. Okay, he _knows_ I'm easy, at least where he's concerned, but there's no reason I shouldn't make him work a little for this.

"Katie," he moans and his face twists into an adorable pout.

"Every question you get right, I'll take something off. Every question you get wrong, I'll put something back on...sound fun?" My game appeals to his competitive nature, and he sits up a little straighter, a smile spread across his lips, and determination burning in his eyes.

"Bring it on," he challenges.

"Okay, here's an easy one. When's my birthday?" I smile cheekily, my fingers tracing the hem of my shirt, ready to lift it off until I see his mouth drop. _Seriously?_

"Kate, we haven't really talked about...it's just, oh man..." he takes a deep breath, and I see his eyebrows furrow in concentration, searching his brain for an answer that isn't there. "It's not today, is it?" he asks desperately.

"No babe," I can't help the nervous giggle that escapes. Not exactly a great start. "It's June 9th," I tell him easily, but it kind of stings that he didn't know, or think to find out.

"I bet you know mine," he mutters sheepishly.

"August 7th," I beam at him and motion for him to lose some clothes. This takes him by surprise. |Yes, you have to play by the rules too!" He reluctantly stands and pulls off his belt. _His belt_. "Big wow Sid," I frown.

"Hey, I'm already halfway there," he says defensively.

"Okay, okay," I concede. "Next question, my middle name?" I ask hesitantly. Sid's hand slaps his forehead and he buries his gaze in his fingertips. _Oh no!_ "Favorite food?" I change directions immediately.

"Dim sum?" he croaks. _I would have said cherries, but he's right_. Dim sum has become a recent favorite. I quickly lift my shirt above my head and he radiates relief.

It doesn't take long before the playful game has turned, well, uncomfortable. I'm dressed, completely. I actually had to make a trip to my closet, upon Sid's insistence, and grab a cardigan, a scarf, and a pair of socks. Sid is naked as the day he was born, _August 7th_, but there's nothing remotely cute or sexy going on here anymore. "Babe, let's stop. This is silly," I plead with him.

"You don't think I know anything about you," he huffs. "Well, I might not know stupid little facts I can ramble off, but I know you Kate," he says angrily.

"I know that, Sid."

"If you were trying to make me feel like a terrible boyfriend, you win!"

"Oh hun, I would never..."

"Come on, ask me something else. Winner takes all!" He's panicked now, and his voice has an edge to it. I'm afraid to comply and afraid not to. He notices my hesitation and it fuels his frustration. "You have blue eyes that sometimes look green, but you hate to admit that. You sleep on your right side, even though you try to sleep on your back because you think it's better for your skin. You lay out your clothes the night before, but usually change your mind in the morning. You forget your packed lunch every Wednesday because that's the morning that chef you like is on that morning talk show, so I make sure to put it in your bag for you." Sid is rambling off inane facts at top speed, growing more and more desperate as he does. "Did you know that when we order Chinese food, you always order spring rolls for two, but you don't eat them and I don't like them, but I eat them because you think I do?" He pauses, waiting for me to answer, and I'm afraid to open my mouth because I'm sure the moment I move my mouth I'll break out into a smile so permanent I'll never look angry again. I feel my lips twitch, and Sid mistakes this as a challenge to continue. "You snore. I know you think you don't, but you do. You paint your nails too close to bedtime and then ruin the polish in your sleep. Why do you do that?" He doesn't wait for me to answer this time. "You procrastinate by looking online at dogs for adoption at the humane society. Do you know how many times I've thought about surprising you with a dog? You spend an insane amount of time at the grocery store, but usually you come back with the same damn things. What takes you so long?"

"Sid," I feel tears warm my skin. "You don't have to..."

"Ask me anything. Anything important - I've been paying attention!" he cries.

"Do you love me?" my voice trembles with adrenaline.

"You know I do," he sighs, finally settling down for a moment.

"Okay then," I smile, wipe my eyes, and quickly start removing the offending garments, the ones that would have us think we didn't know each other, that we weren't well matched.

"Your game kind of sucks Kate," Sid giggles in relief.

"Really? I kind of like the way you play," I smile at him, tortured by the distance, but warmed by his lovely outburst. "I won't order spring rolls anymore." Sid laughs loudly at the lesson I've taken away from his spontaneous confessions.

"No, keep doing it," he pleads.

"Someday," I start, my emotions getting away from me and forcing me to stop. "Someday, I'm going to shout a lovely list of Sid-isms at you, and you'll see how much I love you."

"Sid-isms?"

"Yep. You'll see." His giggling and smiling and teasing makes the time pass quickly, but the reality is that all of our fun online has been completely eclipsed by Sid's outburst and the effect it's had on me. I can't shake this giddiness, and frankly, I don't want to.


	39. Chapter 39

I turn the little gold globe over in my fingers as I make my way up the drive to my old house. _Old house_. Seems a little ridiculous, calling a house that I've only owned for a year _old_, but it feels old. Familiar, comfortable, but just not quite home anymore. "They're staying here, but you're going to stay at Sid's?" Carter asks, his tone suggesting my plan isn't as bulletproof as I think it is.

"There's just more room..."

"Sid's house is huge," he laughs.

"Technically, it is bigger, yeah. The thing is, they'll feel more comfortable..."

"They're coming to see you, Kate. Don't you think it's going to be a let down if you're not around?" Carter scolds me with questions. He's right, of course, but the selfish part of me that doesn't want to share my space, or my time with Sid, or my private life, hesitates to admit it. There's still that unwillingness to let my mom in completely, and I feel like exposing her to my relationship is just asking for trouble. As good as things are between us at the moment, I don't trust her, not with the most precious thing in my life anyway. Not with Sid.

"It's just that with playoffs happening, the last thing Sid needs is a house full of strangers. He's busy. Like, you don't understand how insanely, crazy, totally nuts busy he is. If we get ten minutes together, I'm lucky. My parents aren't going to get that, they'll just think he's being a dick," I say defensively.

"So explain it to them," Carter says easily. Inside, the house is exactly as I left it. Pretty clean, missing a few key items, including some furniture and everything that makes up a functioning kitchen. I move through each room, writing a mental checklist of all the to-do's that need to be done to make this a comfortable space again. Unfortunately, it's not a short list. "Jesus Kate, clean out the fridge before you abandon a house." The horrid smell overpowers me and I make a dash for the front porch. "I'm not cleaning this!" Carter yells after me.

I take this as a sign and begrudgingly pull out my cell phone. "_So, what are the chances you'd still love me if I filled your house with crazy people?_" I hit send and hold my breath.

_"Who is this?"_

_"Very funny. I'm serious."_

_"Hun. They can and should stay with us in OUR new home."_ Sometimes I hate how nice he is.

_"But Sid, it's playoffs!" _I use my only weapon early, but hopefully it's strong enough to get him on side.

_"I promise to make sure you get all the rest you need to play your best Katie."_ I can just picture him laughing his ass off at his little joke.

"Dammit!" I stamp my foot and hear a snicker from a few feet away.

"He agrees with me, right?" Carter says smugly. Something about the combination of his perfectly-pressed slacks, and the smirk on his face pushes me from annoyed to angry.

"For your information, he doesn't agree with you, he just has the same opinion. It's not like you persuaded him and now you're on the same side. You just happened to already be on the same side. There's a difference," I hiss, making Carter laugh which just ticks me off even more.

_"Come on, that was funny."_ Sid's timing is infuriating.

"Someone is cleaning out that fridge, and it's not me!" I shriek and dive back into the house to retrieve my purse.

It's late, and the production office has cleared out, leaving me and Carter and a few stragglers. I'm exhausted, completely wiped out from an afternoon of writing, and cleaning out a revolting fridge on my lunch break didn't help. Sid's out of town, my family arrives tomorrow, so there's no rush to get home and a lot I want to get done at work before the chaos begins...again. Honestly, between Sid's crazy life, the family visits, overnight trips to away games, red-eye flights back to Pittsburgh and my work schedule, I am burnt out. Burnt right out.

"Carter, I gotta go. I need sleep," I yawn and look up from my computer screen to see a sleeping Carter drooling on his desk. "Carter!" His head snaps up and he does his best to look productive. _How often does this happen?_ "Let's get out of here, I'm fading fast."

"Thank you!" he groans and slowly starts packing up his computer.

The late night car service is a lifesaver. I consider taking a little nap in the backseat, but it's not my regular driver and I can't seem to relax enough to drift off. "Mario Lemieux lives here," the driver tells me enthusiastically as we pass Sid's old place.

"Yeah," I stifle a giggle.

"I think Crosby still lives there, too. Can you imagine? A millionaire bunking with the boss?" he laughs and my mood sours immediately. I consider raising the glass between us, but that's too bitchy, even though it's exactly what I feel like doing.

"Sounds like he's just a regular guy," I say defensively.

"Maybe," he considers this for a moment. "Kind of weird though." I decide to just go quiet. Sid won't appreciate me sticking up for him, I'd have to divulge some personal information to do that, and frankly, one man's opinion just isn't worth it. It's a short ride to our house, and in less than ten minutes I'm out cold, dead to the world, comatose in my bed, too tired to even miss Sid.

I wake early, too early, to the feeling of my phone buzzing against my face. "Hello?" I croak, too tired to open my eyes and check who's calling, but fairly confident it's Sid. No one else would dare call at this ungodly hour.

"Hey you, I missed you last night. I thought you were going to call me to say goodnight?" his voice is soft and measured, meaning he's awake and has put off calling me as long as he could. I consider sitting up, but that doesn't seem physically possible at the moment.

"Oh love, I was going to but I was too tired. I'm sorry," I apologize, realizing that hadn't come out exactly as I'd intended it. "It was so late, I thought you'd be asleep and I didn't want to wake you." I try to soften the blow with a little white lie.

"Working late?" he presses suspiciously. _Oh geez. _

"Yeah, my parents get in this afternoon and there's some hockey game on tonight that everyone is going on and on about. I thought I'd check it out, so I might skip out of work a bit early," I tease him gently. A little ribbing is good for him, keeps his ego in check. _Not that he has much of an ego_.

"Some hockey game?" I can hear the smile on his lips.

"Yeah, a local team. You've never heard of them I'm sure."

"Big game?" he asks cheekily.

"Pretty big, I think they can handle it though."

"Oh, you do, do you?" he laughs. The sound of Sid giggling puts a smile on my lips and I turn to face his side of the bed. Empty, waiting for him to get home, but somehow, it makes me feel close to him.

"Well, if their star player focuses and stays out of the box, I think they've got a shot."

"Hey, I don't take a lot of penalties," he cries defensively.

"I know, I was talking about Malkin," I say innocently.

"Kate!" he admonishes me sharply, but I hear the laughter threatening to spill in his voice.

"Seriously, how are you feeling? Ready? Focused?" I ask him sincerely.

"I think so. I'm getting some physio this morning on my shoulder, and I'll probably take a nap after breakfast," he admits.

"Your shoulder bugging you?"

"Not really, a little bit. This late in the season, everything starts to go," he says seriously. It's not surprising, but it's also not the easiest thing to hear.

"Take care of yourself babe," I plead.

"That's the plan," he assures me. "You too hun. I wish you would just take a day off. You're going to burn yourself out."

"No way, I thrive on pressure," I say automatically. My go-to response when someone tells me I have too much on my plate. It's not true, and Sid knows it. Pressure, lack of sleep, stress, anxiety, all of these things drag me down.

"Kate, you know what I mean. You're spreading yourself too thin," he changes directions, obviously not wanting to start a fight.

"Sidney..." I start, but he doesn't let me get a word in.

"You work like crazy to get a few hours away to fly here for my game, which I appreciated, so much, but babe, you don't have to kill yourself to make it all fit," he tells me.

"You think I should have stayed home?" I challenge.

"No, I loved that you made time to come here, but baby, even my parents noticed how exhausted you were. I'm surprised you stayed awake through the game, and you didn't even budge when I came to your room after," he tells me. _I thought he was too tired to come see me_. I didn't realize that I slept through his visit. "You have to take care of yourself. It's not good for you and it's not going to help us get preg..."

"Okay," I cut him off, not wanting to hear another word.

"And I get the irony of me waking you up to scold you about not getting enough sleep, I just don't know when I'll get to talk to you next," he says quickly, as if the truth will sting less the faster it's spoken aloud.

"I forgot to ask your mom about getting a car for Taylor," I groan, realizing my missed opportunity and mentally kicking myself for being so absent-minded.

"I talked to my dad, he said it's fine as long as it's practical."

"Practical?"

"Nothing too fast," Sid laughs, and I remember what a little speed-demon Taylor is when she's driving.

"Gotcha," I yawn.

"Okay love, that's it, back to bed for you. You have a big day, and I want you well rested for me tonight."

"Tonight?" I'm confused.

"We fly home right after the game, remember?" he sounds a little hurt, and my heart sinks. _How could I forget_?

"I can't wait. This bed is too big without you," I admit.

"Get some sleep, you still have a few hours before you need to be up. I love you," he's all business now. Game day Sid has entered the building.

"Be safe, babe. Score one for me?"

"You got it," he promises.

My head swims with everything I need to get done today, but sleep calls my name and I give into it. Whenever I fall asleep, I try to think of Sid, hoping he'll fill my dreams with trips to a grassy field to feed tame deer, or bedroom picnics full of Chinese takeout, movie-watching, and post-Pilates massages, or date-night at the drive-in. None of those warm thoughts come though. Instead, I dream of my mother, shaking her head in disgust while I give her a tour of my new life. I guide her through our new house, each room filled with hockey trophies and gold-medals, but it fails to impress. She pushes her way past me into a room I hadn't noticed before. An unfinished nursery, and I wake with a start.

My heart races and I check the calendar on my phone. _Fucking great_. Only my family would time their visit with my fertile period. Add that to my list of to-dos.


	40. Chapter 40

"Who needs a house this big?" my mother's voice fills the dead space as we pull up to the house. _Ugh_.

"Mom," Jill scolds her quietly, but my mother is quick to shake her off.

"I guess we know what to expect, don't we?" she laughs at her own comment, but I just groan. "Oh Kate, I'm just saying he must be flashy is all. Look at this place." I put the car in park and glance in the rear view mirror to catch Jill's apologetic frown. _As if any of this is her fault_. "Think Pete and your father will find the place?" Just as I'm about to point out they're already here, she hits us with the punchline. "As if they could miss it, am I right?" I practically dive out of the driver's seat to get away from her, but then I remember that she's staying. Overnight. In my house. With me. And Sid. _Crap._

"Quite the place Katie," my dad looks around, taking it all in. A sleeping Olivia is carried by Pete up to the front door and I dash to let them inside. "When does that guy of yours get here?"

"Sid's playing in Carolina tonight, so you won't get to meet him until tomorrow," I smile as I unlock the door and help Pete with his precious cargo. We step inside, and it occurs to me that I'm going to have to go listen to my mom rant about the interior now. Yeah, the house might give the impression that Sid is flashy, but anyone who knows him would laugh at the thought. Poor Sid, he doesn't even get a chance to make a first impression with my mom, his house is going to do it for him. "Did you want to put her down?"

"Nah, she'll wake up soon," Pete's easygoing nature puts me at ease, and I remind myself that I have reinforcements. Jill and Pete are here, and they'll love Sid. I'm curious to see him with Olivia, kids her age don't really know how to fake politeness, and she won't care that he's the captain of the Penguins. He'll have to win her over all on his own, and I can't wait to see him try.

"Wow Kate, it's gorgeous," Jill calls from the front hallway. I'm about to reply when I hear my mother muttering under her breath.

"Over-the-top if you ask me," she whispers, but the house she's criticizing betrays her and sends her words echoing through the room.

"What's that Mom?" I call out, earning a chuckle from Pete and a frown from my dad.

After a tour, which I work to keep as brief as possible, everyone takes a few minutes to settle into their rooms giving me a much needed moment to myself. I rush into my room and consider diving under the covers, but the nervous energy coursing through me won't be tamed by rest. I freshen my makeup, change my top, and play with my hair a little bit. Since being seen in public with Sid, I've become acutely aware of how critical fans can of my appearance. Especially female fans. It's one area I try not to dwell on, if I did I would make myself crazy. It's a no-win situation. If you're too pretty, then you're an idiot. If you're not pretty enough, they rip you apart. If you wear makeup, then you're fake. If they catch you without makeup, you're letting yourself go. Of course, they only publish the most flattering shots of Sid, and the most awkward moments they can capture of me. It's out of my hands, so give my head a shake and pull myself out of this funk. I've got enough to worry about at the moment without adding impressing strangers to the list.

_"They're here. We're heading for dinner soon to watch the game. I love you. Be safe. Good luck!"_

There's no way he'll reply, so I tuck my phone away and head downstairs. I freeze as I step into the kitchen, realizing that I've trapped myself alone with my mom. "Hey, can I get you anything?" I offer brightly, quickly busying myself with the single-shot espresso maker. Neither of us drink coffee, so I'm not sure why we even have this, but it was the closest gadget and it gives me something to focus on.

"No thanks," she says easily and her non-judgmental tone does more to put me on edge than a snarky comment would. _What is she up to?_ "When were you planning to tell us you were living with him?" _And there it is_.

"Who, Sid?" I answer stupidly. _Who else could she possibly mean_. "Well, to be honest, it's only been a few weeks. I didn't think it was worth making a big announcement, especially when you guys were all coming to visit anyway."

"So he's not worth making a big announcement over, but he's worth living with?" she grabs onto every little slip and throws it in my face.

"He's worth it Mom, I just meant that with everything else going on in our lives, moving in together seems pretty tame. He can't wait to meet all of you, so please, be nice. Okay?" I can't believe I found the nerve to say those words, but I hear them as they leave my mouth and I'm grateful they've been said aloud.

"Gee Kate, I didn't realize you had to manage the situation so carefully," my mother hisses.

"Okay, I don't want to fight. I'm glad you're here, I'm excited for you to meet Sid tomorrow, and I really hope you guys have a nice trip. That's all I want, okay?" I plead with her, and she takes mercy on me. In half a second I find myself wrapped in her arms in an awkward hug which I hesitantly return.

"Okay Katie," she sighs, releasing me and offering me a smile. Olivia comes tearing into the room, sending my mother diving toward her and I'm officially off the hook. The chime on the espresso machine sounds, telling me that my coffee is ready.

"Hey, aren't we going for supper right away?" Jill asks, following her daughter into the room and eying my coffee suspiciously.

"Absolutely," I tell her and head into the living room to grab my things. I pour half the cup into the heartiest potted plant in the room, hoping for the best, and then wander back into the kitchen. "Look at us, the ladies are ready before the men," I announce proudly.

"Daaaaaaa!" Olivia cries for her father loudly, seemingly aware that he is the reason we're standing around and not _doing something_. She's at that age where she always needs to be doing something. Anything. The house is pretty baby-proof, and not for any reason other than we've left most of it unfurnished. The main areas are comfortable, and have the basics, but luckily Olivia prefers the wide-open areas that haven't been attended to yet, and likely won't for the next few months.

"How's the show going, kiddo?" my Dad joins us, taking a seat at the kitchen island beside Jill. "You still burning the midnight oil?"

"Oh yeah," I grin. "It's going really well though. We wrap shooting in a few weeks, and then it's just post, so I can start getting some sleep again." My dad frowns at my confession, always worried that I'm pushing myself too hard. He's never been a night owl, usually falling asleep on the couch before nine, so when he hears that sometimes I'm at the office well into the morning hours, it's cause for concern in his mind.

"You don't want to burn yourself out," he tells me firmly, sounding very much like another man in my life. I resist the temptation to huff and roll my eyes, and nod my head instead.

"I know, the finish line is in sight," I remind him. Geez, is it pick-on-Kate-day or something? An early-morning lecture from Sid, followed by constant criticism from my mother, and now even my dad has joined the cause. I distract myself by flipping through the stack of envelopes on the corner of the kitchen counter. Dozens of multi-colored letters, nearly all of them addressed to Mr. Sidney Crosby or some variation. One bright white envelope captures my attention though. It's addressed to me and I can see the return address is from a law firm in Canada. _Jesus_. I don't think I can take any bad news right now. My life is at maximum-stress, and I consider just ignoring it until things calm down a little bit, but I know myself and I'd never be able to ignore something of this magnitude. This is it, time to find out if Benny kept his promise or not. "Two minutes," I mumble, stashing the letter and darting downstairs.

I pass the guest rooms and head toward what will eventually be a games room. The unfamiliar space reminds me of how little time I've spent down here, not that there's any reason to, and I glance around the room. It's like a blank canvas, the only evidence of either of us being a few piles of Sid's stuff. _His treasures_. This is where all the sentimental gear, hat-trick pucks, beat up sticks, and tattered hockey bags have been stored. I take a seat on the floor next to a box marked _Trophies__ 2001 - 2004_ and if I weren't so nervous I'd laugh at how meticulous he is with his stuff. I turn the envelope over a few times, take a deep breath and tear into it.

_Dear Miss Davidson..._

The words run together, but a few key phrases pop out.

_...petition for spousal support has been withdrawn..._

_...petition for monetary compensation has been withdrawn..._

He really did it, he set me free. My hands start shaking and I feel tears pool in my eyes. There were times when I couldn't bear the thought of losing the house to Benny, the house where Sid and I fell in love, but then Sid gave me a fresh start, a new place to call home. There were times when I thought I'd go broke supporting Benny and the demands of his family, but Sid promised we'd face it together, and now it looks like we're not going to have to. It's really over.

"Hey, you okay?" I'm startled by Pete, who has wandered down the hall to find me huddled in a corner.

"Me? I'm fucking fantastic!" I beam up at him and let the letter fall to the ground. "Let's celebrate."

"Pretty confident they're going to win, eh?" Pete laughs, reminding me of Sid's game tonight.

"Yep!"

The restaurant is crowded, and filled with the obligatory black and gold sweaters residents wear in support of their team. I feel ten pounds lighter, or like I could just float away. It's frustrating that I can't share this with Sidney, but truthfully, it doesn't really matter. I'm free to be his, the divorce might have been finalized over a year ago, but until the dispute over money and property was settled, Benny was never really out of my life. My heart soars at the thought. It's just us now, nothing and no one holding us back. The threat of losing the house, or my bank account being cleared out is over. Suddenly, I feel compelled to spend money. A lot of money. Just because I can.

We're immediately shown to a private table at the back of the restaurant. It's not the fanciest place in town, but with Olivia in tow and a game tonight, it seemed like the best choice. The game starts in a less than half an hour, so we'll probably be able to eat and watch the first period before Olivia will need to get home. I'd prefer to watch at home, but it was actually Sid who thought Pete and my dad might have a good time watching the game surrounded by locals. The sea of Crosby jerseys probably isn't hurting either, and I'm sure Sid had that in mind. "So who's who?" my mother asks, squinting at the screen between glances at her menu.

The pregame has started and they're showing highlights from game three. "Sid is the one with the 'C' on his chest," I tell her patiently. "They'll show him the most." I explain to her how lines work, and what position everyone plays. I walk her through match ups, face offs, basic rules and penalties.

"Look at you," Jill teases me. "Since when do you know so much about hockey?"

"Osmosis," I grin.

Our food arrives and when the waitress stares just a little too long, I know she recognizes me. The question is, does she recognize me as a local or as Sid's girlfriend? The game starts and I barely touch my food. My family has enough sense not to talk to me during the play, kindly waiting to discuss things between whistles, or even better, during commercial breaks. The euphoria from the end of my legal drama hasn't died down, and combined with the nerves I'm feeling for Sid, I'm practically buzzing.

"Hey! If your man scores will you buy us a round?" a fan who's probably already indulged in a few rounds shouts over to me. I see our server dash away from their table, answering my earlier question.

"Absolutely," I call back, earning a loud cheer and smiles all around.

"Us too?" the table next to them yells out in jest, and I decide to just go for it.

"Everyone," I cheer, and the small crowd erupts with appreciation. My dad is delighted, Jill and Pete laugh at my spontaneous promise, and my mother quietly shakes her head, her lips doing their best to contain the grin threatening to break through.

"You'd better hope he doesn't score," she tells me seriously.

"He will," I reply confidently.

He does. Twice in the first period. I'm the most popular woman in the restaurant. Even the fangirls can't hate me, not tonight when I'm footing the bill. I guess I got my wish, I'll be spending a lot of money tonight. Just because I can. "You're on twitter!" Jill shrieks, showing me her phone and the restaurant's feed fills the screen.

_Crosby's gf buying rounds every time #87 scores!  
_

The period ends, and as fun as it's been, I'm over it and can't wait to get home. My family heads out to the car except for Pete who's convinced I need "backup" as he puts it. The owner comes out to shake my hand and thank me for my business. "We usually comp celebrities, but..." he's apologizing for not covering the tab! Well, two rounds of drinks for the place, no wonder he's panicked.

"I'm not a celebrity," I wink at him and relief floods his face.

"So just the two rounds of drinks...we'd like to pay for your meal tonight..." he starts adding up the bill.

"Just put the open bills on here," I pass him the credit card, and he looks up in surprise.

"Everything?"

"Yep," I reply easily. It's a good day for me and I feel like spreading it around. I notice he takes special care to grab my name off the card and as expected it's a wave of "Thank you Miss Davidson, hope to see you again Miss Davidson," as we leave the restaurant.

Back at home, my nerves settle as we watch Sid and his teammates win game four easily. One more win and they're moving on. The toll of the day sets in and I struggle to stay awake long enough to say goodnight to everyone. My father has long since fallen asleep, he and Olivia practically sharing a bedtime. My mother has retreated to their room, likely reading to pass the late night hours. It's Jill and Pete, on vacation for the first time in far too long, who just won't get the hint and go to bed.

"It's too cold for a swim, but there's a hot tub outside if you two feel like going for a dip?" I suggest, and thank the lord, they jump at the offer.

"Are you coming too?" Jill asks, but it's not quite an invitation as much as an intel-gathering mission.

"No, I'm heading to bed. I'll catch you two in the morning," I yawn and pad off to my bedroom. Upstairs I can hear the faint giggles of Jill and Pete splashing around. When they go quiet, I decide it's best not to imagine what they're getting up to. It doesn't take long before my body gives into rest, and I'm fast asleep.

"Hey you," I hear his warm voice whisper to me as his body sinks into bed next to mine. Has it really been a few hours?

"Babe," I barely manage to get the word out.

"You're the talk of the town," he laughs, and I grin sleepily.

"I had a good day," I tell him. "You were fantastic."

"I was dying to get that hat trick," he groans, annoyed that his goal streak ended in the first period.

"You didn't need it love," I tell him and move into his waiting arms. He pulls me close and kisses my forehead, both of us exhausted and eager for sleep. "Everything worked out," I explain, the words not doing the situation justice. There will be time to tell him everything tomorrow, but for now, we don't need to say anything more.

"It always does," he kisses me once again, and with that little blessing, I drift off, finding sweet dreams of him waiting for me.


	41. Chapter 41

Warm kisses cover my shoulder as I'm woken up in the best way possible. "You awake?" he whispers, pressing himself against me. I keep my eyes closed and shake my head. "You sure?" he giggles, running his hands down the length of my body. I shake my head again, but the smile on my lips gives me away. "Oh," he tries to pull the covers away from me, but I tighten my grip. "I think she's waking up," he teases. I pull the blanket over my head, making him laugh out loud. I can feel his hands wandering, looking for a weak spot in my fabric armor. It doesn't take long before he finds it and he quickly yanks the covers away, startling me wide awake. "There she is," he beams, and his enthusiasm is infectious.

"Hi," I grin shyly.

"So, how much did my two goals set you back last night?" he asks playfully.

"Oh god," I moan with embarrassment. I try to pull the covers over my head again, but he doesn't let me.

"So you had a good night?" he asks sweetly.

"I did, a really good night," I consider diving into the details, but it looks like Sid has other plans.

"How about we make it a good morning?" he suggests coyly, slipping his fingers under the strap of my tank top.

"We have a house full of people," I remind him, but it's early, and if he's willing, I'm more than happy to oblige. It's kind of the perfect time for me right now, and I don't want to waste an opportunity.

"Then we'll have to be quiet," he nuzzles into my neck as his hands pull mine toward his waist. I take his lead and tug at the top of his shorts, helping him slip out of them. I slide under the covers and move between his legs, resting my hands on his hip bones, and kissing from his knees up to his thighs. "Mmm, that's nice babe," he purrs. While I'm busy kissing and nibbling his legs, Sid takes himself in hand and starts stroking slowly.

"Hey, that's my job," I push his hand away and take over. I hear him giggle, and watch his muscles tighten as he laughs. "Shhh, quietly baby," I remind him and I feel his hands on my shoulders, massaging and caressing as I wrap my lips around him. His hands work through my hair, selfishly ensuring I have enough room to work, but admittedly, his fingers feel really good. I move up and down slowly, dragging my tongue along the length of him, paying close attention to his most sensitive part. I glance up, and he's closed his eyes, an almost dopey grin on his face, his lips parted just enough to give a glimpse of his teeth. I could watch him all day, but instead I turn my focus back to pleasuring, torturing, loving him. His hands lay heavy between my shoulders, Sid completely surrendering to sensation.

"Okay you, get up here," he pants, pulling my face away from him, taking me completely by surprise. I give him a puzzled look, _doesn't he like this?_ "I'll last about two minutes if you keep that up," he explains sheepishly. _Oh, he likes it too much! _I gently lift myself up his body and guide his hands to my hips where he lowers me to meet him.

"Oh god you feel good," I moan quietly.

"Is this how you want to do it?" Sid asks, a look of genuine concern on his face.

"This doesn't work for you?" I ask feverishly. "It feels so good for me."

"No, it feels good," he smiles. "I just thought, well I know there's no one way, but aren't our chances better if..."

"Let's start like this, and finish like that," I suggest, putting him at ease and earning a wide grin. I start grinding against him, my body raising and lowering, building a comfortable rhythm. His fingers dig into my hips, his mouth closing into a firm line usually reserved for the ice, and it occurs to me that he's concentrating a little too hard to actually be enjoying this. "What's going on over there?" I smile down and him, stopping for a second to rest my forehead against his.

"It's been forever, and I haven't been...well, you know, and I don't know how long..."

"Don't worry about it babe," I kiss him gently on the tip of his nose. "Let's just have fun."

"Even though..."

"Yep," I interrupt him, not exactly sure where he was going, but it doesn't matter. We're together, enjoying the brief time we have alone, the house still quiet, and I have him all to myself. Sid flips me onto my back and covers me with his body in an instant.

"I promise to get you next time babe," he says soberly, but I just laugh and trace his features with my fingertips. He presses into me, holding himself deep inside for a second, then dragging himself slowly to start all over again. _Oh that's good_. His lips attack my skin as I move my hips to join his. My hands travel across his back, feeling the muscles on his perfectly sculpted frame tense as he makes love to me. I feel an anticipation building between us, and I want to beg him to keep going, to never stop, but I don't trust myself to be quiet enough in this moment. "Tell me you're close," he pleads as I pull his hips close to mine.

"I am," I pant. This is unexpected, one minute he's promising to make our next session all about me, and now he's begging me to join him as he tumbles over the edge. "Moments away," I tell him. With the finish line in sight, Sid steps up his game, showing no mercy as he uses my body for his pleasure. The fringe benefits have quite the effect on me, and I can barely hold back from screaming when he decides to flick my nipples with his tongue, sending me flying.

"Ahhhhh," the sound of Sid losing himself in me has got to be the best sound in the world. I pull him tight to my chest, holding his full weight against my body. "Were we quiet enough?" he whispers into my ear, the warmth of his breath sending shivers across my skin.

"Oh, I think so," I grin. We stay still for a moment, and the reality of the day sets in. "Are you ready for this?"

"Oh, I think so," he mocks me playfully, and I push him off me to show my disapproval.

"I'm serious, you haven't met my mom, she can be a handful."

"It's your dad I'm worried about," Sid sighs anxiously. _My dad?_

"Sid, he's a walk in the park compared to her, I promise," I laugh. "What time is it?" I yawn and stretch, feeling wide awake, but it also feels really early. Too early even. Sid picks up his watch from the nightstand as I roll out of bed and head toward the bathroom.

"Just before seven, and where do you think you're going?" his tone changes from sweet to stern in an instant.

"Oh my god, I almost forgot," I dart back into bed, and dive back under the covers.

"You did forget," he says evenly. "Come on, lift up," he tucks a pillow underneath my hips and rolls onto his side to keep me company. "Twenty minutes, nowhere to go, tell me what you've been up to." For once, I actually have something kind of exciting to tell him. It's maybe even more exciting than making it through the first round of the playoffs. I tell Sid about how anxious I was feeling with my family staying here, and how nervous I was about my mom and her criticisms when I came across the letter from the lawyers. "Oh god Kate, what the hell does he want now?" he rolls his eyes, tensing at the mere mention of my ex-husband.

"Nothing. Not a thing. It's finally resolved. He withdrew the petitions and the division of assets dispute is over."

"You're kidding?" Sid can't believe what I'm telling him, but after a second a wide grin spreads across his lips. "So, he's finally out of the picture?"

"Exactly," I pull his face close to mine, and we share a soft, sweet kiss. "I'm all yours." _He hasn't asked you to be his_. The thought flits through my brain before I can shake it away. I guess that's true. In all our talks about babies and houses, he hasn't brought up marriage, not seriously anyway. And now my words sit heavily between us, and it starts to feel awkward. I wait for him to let me off the hook, to tell me that, yes! he wants me to be his, but he doesn't. Instead he seems a million miles away. "Sid?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay?" I can't tell if what I've said has made him feel uncomfortable, but something has changed, I can tell that much.

"Of course," he replies quickly, giving me a bright smile and running his hand along my arm. "We're great." He rolls out of bed, leaving me to wonder if he meant what he said, and honestly, I can't tell. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, you okay here? You still have a few minutes to go, okay?" He doesn't wait for me to answer, but disappears into the bathroom instead. He never makes me wait by myself.

I work through our conversation, and it definitely got uncomfortable after I told him I was all his, but is that_ why_ it got uncomfortable? He's a literal guy, and I should take him at his word when he says that things are good, that we're great, but with all this time apart, and the pressure of meeting families and making babies and winning hockey games and producing tv shows, it's hard to get a clear read on the situation. Sid saves me from myself, a lifetime of quick showers meaning he's back in the room before I can drive myself crazy. "Sweetie?" he pulls me into the present. "What do you say you shower and we make breakfast?" His offer is as close to assurance as I'm going to get, and it goes a long way to calm my nerves.

"Yeah," I smile and pad into the bathroom. It doesn't take too long before I'm showered and dressed, and I'm surprised to find Sid downstairs getting things started in the kitchen. "Well look at you! You've got quite the little set up going," I glance around at the mess he's made. Chopped veggies, ham, grated cheese, a bowl full of eggs that he's beating with a wire whisk. "What can I do?"

"Flip the potatoes?" he nods toward the oven.

"How long was I in the shower?" I tease him, but the truth is, breakfast is kind of his specialty.

"What do you want for breakfast, love?" he asks sweetly. "Don't say oatmeal." We work together, preparing as much food as we can before our guest wake up. I mix some batter for pancakes, my own recipe that can be pretty hit or miss to be honest. Sid has his egg station all ready to go, the hashbrowns are doing their thing in the oven, and we're cutting up fruit and cleaning up a bit when Pete and Olivia find us. _Thank god!_ Olivia is full of hugs and kisses for her auntie, and Pete and Sid seem to hit it off right away, making easy conversation about the game last night and my shameless attempt to win over the locals.

"It wasn't that desperate," I say defensively, but neither of them will let a chance to tease me pass them by, so I turn to my only ally in the room. "What do you say Olivia, want to come get the paper with me?" She nods eagerly and I swiftly pick her up and head to the front door. "We'll be back," I call out. It's a warm day, the spring sun shining brightly, waking up the sleepy little suburb. Olivia wants to walk, so hand in hand we make our way down the driveway to the mailbox, where as expected, Sid's smiling face is looking up at us from the front of the paper. "That's Sidney," I tell her proudly, but it doesn't really mean much to her. Olivia wants to carry the paper inside, and who am I to object, so I follow her back to the house, picking up coupons and inserts as they fall away from the paper.

I spot Jill waiting on the stairs leading toward the kitchen. "Hey," I intend to greet her warmly, but startle her instead. "What are you doing?"

"I just wasn't sure...I didn't hear you and I didn't know if you were awake..." she stammers. _Oh my god. _She's nervous to meet Sid.

"We're up! Come on, I want you to meet Sid," I pull her toward me, not giving her the chance to back out. She gathers Olivia in her arms, almost like a human shield, and follows me into the kitchen. "Hun?" Sid turns to face us, "this is Jill. Jill this is Sidney." Olivia chooses that moment to make the connection and holds up the paper proudly.

"Swid," she says, and it's pretty close. She holds up the paper, giving everyone a chance to see what a clever girl she is.

"Nice to finally meet you," Sid takes over and leans in to give Jill a quick hug. Her cheeks turn pink immediately, and I can help but smirk. Pete's noticed too and rolls his eyes dramatically for only me to see. "Come here you," he takes Olivia, who is more than happy to comply, and asks her to be his helper. Sid carefully ties a kitchen towel around her neck, providing her with a makeshift apron. Olivia is delighted. He holds the eggs while she splashes the metal whisk back and forth, glancing up at him every once in a while to make sure he approves.

"No sign of Mom and Dad?" I ask nervously.

"They're up," Jill tells me with a supportive smile. "I'm sure they'll be here any second."

"Great," I groan and decide to keep myself busy. "What can I get you guys? Coffee, tea, juice?"

"Coffee," they say in unison, and I suddenly remember the late night they had outside in the hot tub. I guess when you have kids you pay the price the next day. I laugh and move to the espresso machine, trying to remember how to switch the settings to multi-cup, when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Morning," my dad says brightly, and the warm tone of his voice overwhelms me. I guess with all my nerves about my mother, I forgot how important it is for me that Sid meet my dad. His opinion I actually value.

"Hey!" I grin broadly, pulling him into the kitchen. "Dad, this is Sidney," I don't even recognize the sound of my own voice. It's high-pitched, a little too quick, and sickeningly cheerful. The two shake hands, and for the first time, maybe ever, I can see Sid is a little nervous.

"Nice to meet you," Sid says evenly, but it doesn't quite sound like him.

"Yeah, face to face," Dad replies, and they both laugh, like they're sharing a private joke. I turn back to making coffee and am startled to see that my mother has joined us.

"Mom," I practically expire. "Um, Mom this is Sidney Crosby," _oh geez Kate!_ "I mean, Sid. This is Sid. Sid, this is my mom." And where I've stumbled and made for the most uncomfortable introduction possible, Sidney steps in and takes over. He takes confident steps toward her and gives her a polite peck on the cheek before they half-hug. He makes it seem so easy, when I know for a fact this woman doesn't make anything easy.

"So glad you're here, Kate's told me so much about you," he says sweetly, but it comes off as sincere. Only those who know him best would be able to tell he's putting years of training to good use.

"Well we're looking forward to getting to know a bit more about you," she replies, not completely charmed, but pretty close.

"How about breakfast first?" Sid suggests playfully, and I guess hell has frozen over because she actually laughs at his little joke. I turn to Jill who looks just as surprised as I am. "Where's my helper?" Sid pretends to search for Olivia who comes racing toward him. The ice has been broken, and the awkward introductions are behind us. Sid and Olivia start making omelets, while the rest of us make conversation about our plans for the day. When I decide it's time to start making pouring pancakes, Jill sneaks over and gives me a supportive smile.

"That went pretty good," she whispers conspiratorially.

"Better than good," I say in disbelief.

"There, the hard part is over!" she pinches my side and goes back to sit at the table. _God, I hope she's right!_


	42. Chapter 42

I hold Olivia's small, sticky hand as tightly as possible, desperately trying to keep her close as we walk down the main drag of the busy suburb. Pete and my dad opted to watch Sid's impromptu practice, leaving me to entertain my mother and sister, so I've taken them shopping. The sweet shoppe was calling Olivia's name, and now she's wearing evidence of our stop on her face and hands. Jill is desperately digging through her purse for a handi-wipe, but I love Olivia's look. I pull out my phone and snap a quick close up of her face. "Kate," Jill moans exasperatedly.

"She looks adorable!" I smile sweetly, feigning innocence. I crouch down beside Olivia and turn her to face Jill, but when I look up at my sister my heart drops. Two women are standing behind her recording us on their phones. "Come on, let's get out of here," I say quietly, not wanting to make a scene, but feeling very protective of my niece.

"What's wrong?" my mother whispers as we hurry down the street.

"Nothing, just a few fans taking pictures. I don't think Olivia should have to be around that," I say firmly.

"Fans?" my mother sounds more surprised than necessary.

"Hockey fans Mom," Jill answers for me, sweeping her daughter into her arms, wiping as much of Olivia's face as she's able to access.

"Oh, well that's just rude," she huffs, and I'm just about to agree with her when Jill interrupts.

"It's fine, they kept their distance, no harm done," she smiles broadly, and her attitude takes me by surprise. "Come on, let's pop in here," Jill guides us into the next store. It's an upscale dress shop, and although I've passed it dozens of times, I've never stopped in. "Oh my god, guess how much this is," Jill whispers to me, holding out a simple navy skirt. My eye catches the price tag and go wide in surprise. "Not an Olivia-friendly shop," she explains and heads for the door.

"Let Mom take her for a bit," I cut her off at the pass. "We should at least try on some overpriced stuff!" My mother recognizes her opportunity to snag some one-on-one time with her granddaughter and swoops in to grab Olivia. "There's a cute toy store just a few blocks down, we can meet you there?" It's a plan. Jill still doesn't look thrilled to be surrounded by such expensive garments, but I'm really happy to have some time alone, just the two of us. "Okay, what do you think?" I ask her eagerly.

"I think I could get this at The Gap for a tenth of the price," she sounds disgusted.

"No, what do you think of Sid?" I whisper, my eyes going wide, pressing her to tell me.

"Oh," she laughs easily. "Well, it's hard to say. We don't know him yet."

"Come on Jill," I roll my eyes and pinch her elbow.

"Okay, be honest. That scene on the street with his fans, how often does that happen?" she asks seriously.

"Often," I admit.

"Doesn't it bother you?" she sounds so concerned, which surprises me because she didn't seem rattled by it at the time.

"Sometimes, but you get used to it. For the most part, people don't really know me. It's when I'm out with Sid that it can get a little crazy, but he handles it really well."

"You haven't been together too long, I mean, in a few years they'll know you and he won't always be around to handle it," Jill's words sting, mostly because she's right.

"I know," I say defensively. "It's not like he craves that attention, Sid's actually a really private person."

"Oh Kate, I'm sorry," she turns to face me immediately. "I didn't mean it like that at all. I just meant that if you're going to marry this guy, then a lot of that...extra stuff...is going to come with it, and I want you to be safe. That's all, I think Sid seems great and you're obviously so happy, and anyone can see he takes good care of you. I didn't mean to insult you," she rambles, but I've stopped listening after she said _marry this guy_. I'm thinking back and I don't remember ever talking to Jill about wanting to marry Sid. I mean we live together, but a lot of people live together without being married.

"You know something I don't," I blurt out loudly, accidentally drawing the attention of a nearby customer. "Come on," I grab Jill's elbow and drag her out to the street. I pull her toward a quiet spot, free of prying eyes and curious ears.

"What is wrong with you?" Jill laughs, but I can tell she's hiding something.

"Spill it," I demand.

"Jill..."

"Kate..."

"What are you hiding? What do you know that I don't?" I ask anxiously.

"Nothing!" she shrieks, but I've known this woman my whole life. I can tell when she's lying. I frown and stamp my foot for emphasis, but Jill doesn't budge. "Seriously Kate, don't worry about it."

"So there is something!"

"I didn't say that!" she replies immediately.

"You said, don't worry about _it_. If there's an _it_ that means there's something. What do you know?" I push her up against the wall, then immediately recognize that I'm moving into a crazy place and drop my hands to my side. "Sorry."

"Kate, I don't know anything," Jill rolls her eyes, but the smile on her lips gives her away. "We should go find Mom."

"Oh please! Rushing off to hang out with Mom? You're totally hiding something!"

"You're going to get me in trouble," Jill moans. She's cracking, I just have to keep her going for a few minutes longer and she'll spill the beans.

"Trouble? With who?" I laugh.

"You know with who," she purses her lips, and my heart practically jumps out of my chest.

"Is he planning something?" I whisper, a slight panic setting in.

"Can't you just be surprised?" she muscles her way past me, leaving me to chase her down the street. I grab her shoulder and pull her to a stop.

"Just tell me, is he proposing?"

"Proposing?" she tests the word nervously, her cheeks reddening instantly. She quickly shakes her head and stiffens her resolve. "Oh Kate, how would I know?" she rushes down the street, walking at top speed trying to escape my interrogation.

"You do know!" He is. He must be. If he wasn't proposing there would be nothing to hide. _But when? How?_ Oh god I hope he doesn't do it in front of anyone, that's my worst nightmare. What if he plans this big romantic thing and I show up in sweats, overtired from work, without showering in days. Sometimes that happens. "Jill!" I practically shout, startling us both.

"Katie," she looks around embarrassed.

"Just tell me!" I beg her, my voice trembling in panic, fear setting in. Jill closes the space between us and gives me a once over, her face softening when she sees how scared I am.

"There's nothing to worry about Kate, I promise," she hugs me tight. "Just, go with it."

"But what is _it_? What do you know?" I'm begging, not even disguising my desperation to uncover this secret that I'm not a part of. Jill laughs and zips her lips, tosses the key and heads down the street.

"Jill!" I stomp after her, but unfortunately for me we've arrived at the toy store and she disappears inside. Olivia is in full-on melt-down mode, and my mother is quick to unload the screaming child to Jill. "What's that about?" I ask quietly.

"Her finger was pinched in the door of that little yellow car," she points to the offending toy a few feet away.

"Poor thing," I frown.

"Oh she'll live, and in two minutes this will all be forgotten. That's the beauty of little babies, they don't hold on to anything," she sighs, and I can't help but feel like that last part is a small dig at me. I consider letting her comment slide, but my big mouth beats me to it.

"Yep, you just say you're sorry, and they move on," and I know my words have stung her a little bit. There's an awkward silence building between us, and I can't stand how uncomfortable this is becoming. "What do you think of Pittsburgh so far?" It's a lame attempt to change directions, but it's all I've got.

"We haven't seen too much of it, just the inside of a millionaire's mansion," she says abruptly.

"Maybe when Dad and Pete get back we can drive into the city and see some of the sights?" I suggest brightly.

"I can't imagine that would be easy with Sidney," she frowns.

"Oh Sid won't be able to join us," I reply immediately. "He has a game tomorrow, so he'll be napping and watching game tape after practice."

"And here we thought he had the day off," she rolls her eyes, and I feel obligated to say something.

"He did, but they called a practice, and he's the captain..." I explain as if my words will mean anything to her, but I'm sure they don't.

"And what do you do while Sidney naps and watches hockey games?" Something about the way she says _games_ makes me realize that she doesn't take what he does seriously. My first instinct is to defend him, but he doesn't really need defending. He hasn't done anything wrong.

"Depends," I sigh. "Normally, I'm at work, but if it's a weekend sometimes I write, or workout, or sometimes I nap with him and he'll explain the game to me."

"And that makes you happy?" she asks incredulously.

"It does," I tell her simply.

"And what does he do for you?" Her words take me by surprise, because I've never really thought our relationship in those terms - who does what for whom.

"What do you mean?" I furrow my brows and try not to sound too angry.

"You go to his games, you learn all about _hockey_," she says it like it's a dirty word. "How does he support you?"

"Mom, he's good to me. He visits me on set all the time, did you see the office he set up for me at the house? And I don't really need him to take a huge interest in my job, he takes an interest in me, and that's what I need," all my anger and frustrations start to boil over. When I think about how overjoyed and excited I was feeling just minutes ago at the thought of him proposing, and now this woman wants question his commitment to me? "He's putting me first, in a way I could never hope to explain, just trust me."

The look on her face isn't what I expected. She actually seems...satisfied. "Good," is all she says. "Well if Miss Olivia has recovered, I think we should move on." She stresses the last two words. _Move on_. It feels like this is her way of asking me to do that, but I'm not really sure what we're moving on from? Her criticisms and my hurt feelings? Letting go of hurts from the past? Move on from what? This is all we've ever known.

"Olivia, show Auntie Kate what Dad and Papa just sent us," Jill presents me with a tear-stained Olivia holding her mom's phone.

"Swidy," she says his name again, or her version of it, and it just melts my heart. On the phone is a video of Sid at practice, working on his face off. There's a pretty large crowd at the rink, meaning he'll probably be late getting home. No matter how much he'd love to just get out of there, Sid always stays and signs for fans. My dad looks like he's enjoying himself, until he notices Pete filming him, then it's all hands diving toward the camera and the video ends quickly.

"You're going to get to see him play tomorrow night," I tell Olivia brightly. She doesn't look impressed. I guess playoffs don't mean much to a two-year old, and a year ago I couldn't have imagined they'd ever mean so much to me, but they do.


	43. Chapter 43

My little outburst at the toy store seems to have calmed the storm that is my relationship with my mother. We've shopped the morning away, and now we're heading into the city to meet Dad and Pete for lunch. Olivia has fallen asleep in her car seat, and given the chance, I'd join her. Being "on" is tiring, and it feels like forever since I've had time to just relax. I point out a few landmarks as we make our way to the restaurant, mostly they've been pointed out to me, the show keeping me too busy to really take in too much. "Do you think Olivia would be up for the zoo after lunch?" I ask Jill.

"Definitely," she sounds exhausted at the thought.

"We don't have to," I laugh, but she waves me away. "Late night?" I tease her, and her cheeks flush pink.

"Don't start," she gives me a warning look, but we're sparring back and forth right now. Me trying to get something out of her, Jill trying to keep quiet.

"Hey Mom, did you and Dad have any trouble falling asleep last night? I think our neighbors must have been having a party of something, there was a lot of noise coming from the backyard," I explain. Jill pinches my leg as hard as she can, but teasing her is so much fun.

"No, your father fell right to sleep and can sleep through anything," she says easily. _Dammit_. This only works if there's a possibility my mom heard Jill and Pete christening the hot tub.

"Yeah, that house of yours is more like a fortress, I'm sure they couldn't hear a thing," Jill sounds relieved.

"Oh no, we can hear just fine," she interrupts.

"And you couldn't hear the neighbors?" I ask hopefully.

"No, just Jill and Peter in the hot tub," she says. "If anything, your neighbors should be complaining about those two." _Success!_ Jill looks mortified, and I just burst out laughing.

"I hate you," Jill mutters to me, but really it's so worth it. We pull up to the restaurant moments later, and it's such a shame to pull Olivia out of her car seat where she looked snug as a bug, but Dad and Pete are inside waiting. Dad stands and waves us over and I'm surprised to see Sid with them.

"Hey," I stare at him in disbelief. "What are you doing here?" He gives me a puzzled look, and chuckles.

"We're having lunch with your family," he whispers as he stands to hug me. "What? Am I not invited?"

"Stop it," I scold him playfully. "I just wasn't expecting to see you. I thought you'd be trapped at practice signing autographs, or home napping, or watching tape," I ramble and he tugs my hand to sit next to him.

"Nope, I'm here with you," he smiles warmly. I glance around the room, and we're in a pretty private spot, which is a relief. Sometimes it's hard not to feel on display with Sid, but this feels fairly inconspicuous. The restaurant is family style, with rustic benches instead of chairs, and handcrafted furnishings throughout the space. I grab a menu, hoping there's something that will work for me, but Sid quickly pulls it out of my hands. "I ordered for you," he says matter-of-factly. "I hope you don't mind."

"What am I getting?" I grin, and a warm smile spreads across his face.

"It's a surprise," he kisses me lightly on the cheek and a wave of panic overwhelms me. _He's not going to do it now, is he?_ "Hey, you okay?"

"Fine," I say a little too cheerfully, attracting Jill's attention. I raise my eyebrows and look around, casually motioning to my ring finger. Jill isn't dense, thank the good lord, and just shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"You sure?" Sid presses. "You kind of seem like you don't want me here," he says just loud enough for me to hear.

"Are you kidding? I love that you're here!" I tell him, sliding over to press against him. He drapes his arm around me, and in this moment everything just feels right. "How was practice?"

"Good, how was...shopping?" he guesses correctly.

"We didn't buy anything," I admit.

"No? What's on for the afternoon?"

"Taking Olivia to the zoo," I reply, raising my voice to include the rest of the family in on our conversation. Pete looks, well, less than thrilled. "No?" I ask hesitantly.

"How much do you love me?" Pete asks Jill, begging some unspoken question.

"Uh uh, no way!" Jill replies quickly.

"No way what?" my mother interjects, and for once I'm actually grateful for her nosiness.

"Pete wants to skip the zoo," Jill shakes her head.

"I'm so tired," he whines, sounding like a petulant child. "Let me nap today, and I'll take her all day tomorrow."

"A nap? In the middle of the day?" my dad can't believe what he's hearing.

"It must be a Pittsburgh thing," my mother mutters under her breath, and I stifle a laugh.

"We had a late night," Pete admits sheepishly, being deliberately vague with details.

"How late?" I press, earning a swift kick from Jill. "Ouch!"

"They were in the backyard when I got home," Sid chimes in. "Hey!" I guess Jill isn't afraid to kick the captain.

"We already said we'd take her, are you going to tell Olivia she's not going to the zoo?" Jill whispers angrily to her husband, but the damage is done. Olivia has overheard and her little lips start to tremble with worry.

"No Olivia, it's okay," I dive in, hoping to prevent another meltdown. "Auntie Kate will take you to the zoo." She looks to her mother, who looks to Pete, who looks at me like I've lost my mind. "Is that okay?" I ask hopefully.

"Fine by me," Jill answers easily, and Pete's not going to miss this chance.

"Great, it's settled," I announce brightly. Then it occurs to me that I haven't checked with someone. Someone who might have other plans. Someone who could be planning something very big and I might have just stepped in it and ruined those plans. "Does that work for you, babe?" I ask Sid softly.

"Sounds good," he answers easily, and a pang of disappointment runs through me. I guess today isn't the day. "I have to be home around six though." Oh, this is news. He's planning to come with us.

"We can swing that," I grin.

The zoo is...chaotic. Thankfully Olivia slept from the restaurant to the parking lot, so she's got a good half hour nap in her. She insists on walking, which adds another layer of stress to an already stressful situation. We've gone to a public place, filled with children, in the middle of playoffs, with Sidney Crosby. The sheer volume of people approaching us is overwhelming, add their enthusiasm to the mix and we've barely gotten twenty feet past the entrance. Sid tried to turn fans away with the, "not when I'm with my girlfriend" line, but it just doesn't work on little kids, and truth be told, Sid has a soft-spot for them.

"Babe," I tug his arm and he's quick to give me an apologetic smile.

"Five minutes," he tells me through clenched teeth. Okay, I can handle that.

"We're going to hit the carousel," I motion to the spot where Olivia and I will wait out the mob and Sid radiates relief. Lucky for us we have the ride to ourselves, Sid proving to be the bigger attraction at the moment. It's funny how small your world gets when you're with a child. We're in a park filled with animals from all over the world, but right now we're tracking a ladybug crawling up the railing to the ride. We bought the tickets, we got in line, and now we're watching bugs. Olivia keeps reaching out to touch it, knocking the poor thing to the ground, where it has to start it's journey all over again. I guess whatever makes her happy.

The line begins to fill out, and when I glance up I'm not the least bit surprised to see Sid walking toward us. If he were still making himself available, there would still be a crowd, of that I have no doubt. "Sorry babe," he says immediately. "You mad?"

"Nope, we're having a great time," I say cheerfully.

"Waiting in line?" he looks puzzled.

"We're actually watching a ladybug," I correct him and he nods as if that makes so much more sense.

"Well then I guess Olivia doesn't want to ride the horses with me," Sid does his best to sound so disappointed, and Olivia gets sucked right in. She raises her hands for him to hold her and he quickly scoops her up. "Come on hun."

I guess the site of Sidney Crosby with a baby riding a carousel would be interesting, and yeah, he looks incredibly adorable, like, my ovaries are aching kind of adorable, but still. People are so shameless about taking his picture. There's literally a rabid mob watching him. It's...creepy. The kids in Pens hats and t-shirts, yeah, I get it. Your hero is at the zoo. The teenage girls, doing their best to catch his eye, I can understand that too. I don't agree with it, but I understand it. What I don't get are the middle-aged mothers, literally ignoring their children while they take video of Sidney, waving at him whenever he passes by. You'd think a grown woman would have some perspective of the situation, but they don't. They're as bad as the teenage girls.

We squeeze our way through the crowd and show Olivia the elephants, a favorite of hers, as well as giraffes and lions, but she's unmoved. We take our cues from her and head back toward the elephants, where she watches quietly, grinning from ear to ear. "So honestly, how was your morning?" Sid asks quietly.

"It was...interesting," I can barely keep a smile off my face.

"Interesting good? Or..."

"Oh, definitely good," I interrupt.

"Yeah, what made it _interesting good_?" his tone imitates mine.

"Hmm," I choose my words carefully, and the wait is driving him crazy. Sid starts giggling, curious as to what's taking me so long.

"Come on babe, tell me about your morning," he outright laughs.

"Did you know that Jill can't keep a secret?" I ask him, cocking my eyebrows and suggesting I know more than I actually do. Sid gives nothing away, instead he just presses his lips together and shakes his head.

"Good to know," he says evenly. "I'll try not to unload all my secrets to Jill." Olivia holds out her hand and Sid beats me to it. He picks her up and turns her to face the exhibit. "What do you think kid?" She nods, and that's good enough for him.

"And she and Pete tell each other everything," I add, but again, Sid doesn't seem bothered by this. _Maybe I got it wrong_.

"Yeah? Maybe she can tell Pete they should drain the hot tub for us before they leave. You should have seen them going at it the other night," he laughs.

"Okay, okay, enough of that. I do not need that visual," I wave him away.

"Just saying, good thing we have a privacy fence," he laughs at me. "So Jill and Pete tell each other everything, eh?" I nod quickly. "Do you tell me everything?"

"Mostly. All the important stuff anyway. What about you?" I press excitedly.

"Same. Do you think your parents are like that?" he asks nonchalantly.

"No, I don't think so. Not that they keep secrets, but I think my dad is a pretty quiet guy," I explain, and this seems to make sense to Sid. "He and Jill talk a lot though," I add.

Sid freezes for a split-second, and the tips of his ears burn red. _That explains it_. "Yeah? That's nice," is all he can manage. He hides his face from me, feigning interest in the animals we've been watching for the past twenty minutes. "Should we keep going?" he asks Olivia who agrees with anything Sid says.

I move beside him and wrap my arm around his waist, and he takes his free arm and squeezes me to his side. Yeah, it's not perfect. It kind of sucks not to be able to do anything without a crowd watching our every move, but he makes it okay, Sid makes it worth it. A few minutes later and we find ourselves at the beloved penguin exhibit, which the staff have kindly closed for the next half hour, just for us. We enjoy the privacy, and it gives Olivia a chance to run around a little bit while we laugh at the playful birds, some of whom are named after Sid's teammates.

"Did you know penguins mate for life?" Sid takes me by surprise, and I can see in his face that he knows he's done just that.

"Do you mean penguins or _Penguins_?" I wink, and he laughs loudly.

"This one does," he pulls me tight for a kiss, and I can't resist him, not when he's being so sweet. "Someday we'll come back here with our baby."

"I hope so," I smile up at him.

"Who knows? We might already have one on the way," he whispers, sending tingles down my spine.

"I hope so," I repeat myself and break out in a face-splitting grin. Without any warning, Sid drops to his knee and takes my hand in his. I feel all the blood rush out of my face.

"Kate..."

"Yeah," I say weakly, aware that we're alone.

"Babe..."

"Yeah," I stammer, trying not to burst into tears of joy.

"Come sit with me," he moves from proposal-pose, to sitting on the ground, taping the space next to him. "It's like a whole new thing from down here." He's watching me closely, and I realize he knows exactly what he's doing. He knows that I know, and now he's going to tease me until I crack. Well, it's not going to happen. Instead, I play along and sit on the cool concrete beside him, watching the flightless birds cut through the water. Eventually we're joined by Olivia, who looks completely tuckered-out.

"Hey, thanks for a great afternoon," I tell him sincerely.

"Are you kidding? Thank you two," he gives us each a quick peck on the top of our heads. "Ready to go?"

"Sure, what's happening at six?" I remember him saying he had to be home at a specific time.

"I have a radio interview, and I'd prefer to be home than out somewhere," he tells me. "And there's something I wanted to ask your dad," he adds easily. _Oh my god_.

"Oh yeah?" I play dumb.

"Yeah, he said he knows a thing or two about electrical, and I'm wondering if we need special wiring for the games room, you know if we decide to actually put games in it," he finishes.

"Electrical stuff, eh? Sounds important," I go along with it.

"Oh, it's important," he assures me.


	44. Chapter 44

Sid's phone is blowing up on the drive home, the ringtone echoing through the truck speakers and the phone number blinking across the dash. "That's the third time he's called," I remind Sid hesitantly.

"And for the third time, I'll call him when we get home," he glares at me, and I shrink into my seat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I just wanted, like an hour to myself today."

"Oh," is all I can manage. After a moment, I brave a followup. "You know, you didn't have to come to the zoo. I understand you're busy Sid."

"I didn't mean an hour to myself without you, I just mean..." he trails off and sighs.

"Time away from the club?" I suggest.

"Yeah," he admits, and he sounds so disappointed in himself.

"Hey, that's normal," I try to lighten the mood. "Hockey takes up a lot of your time, and sometimes we all need a little break." I reach across and take his hand in mine, and he's quick to squeeze mine back. "Go easy on yourself." Before he can say anything, his phone starts ringing again.

"How can she sleep through that?" Sid smiles at Olivia, dozing in the backseat. "Hello?" he says evenly, all-business as he answers the call.

"Jesus, you're a hard guy to get a hold of," his agent's voice rings through the truck.

"I'm driving," Sid explains.

"Listen Sid, I don't want you to worry about this, but it's all over Twitter..."

"So it must be true," Sid rolls his eyes.

"There's video too," he adds immediately.

"Let me call you back," Sid quickly disconnects the call. _What the hell was that about? _

"You okay?" I ask him nervously.

"I'm fine. I'll call him when we get home," he smiles at me, but I can tell he's nervous.

"Sid? What's all over Twitter?" I ask seriously. If it were hockey-related, surely he wouldn't care if I heard.

"I'm sure it's nothing," he rubs my leg and shifts his focus back to the road.

"If it's nothing why is your agent calling non-stop?"

"Kate, it's nothing," he assures me, but it's not exactly comforting.

"It's something," I whisper, unsure of how to navigate these waters. Part of me wants to blurt out a string of wild accusations and see which ones stick, but we're trying to move past my insecurities, and that won't help either of us. Another part of me wants to just dig out my phone and see first hand what he's hiding. _There's video_. The words ring in my ears. "What are you doing in the video Sid?" I practically choke on the words, unsure if I really want to know the answer. He doesn't answer. "Sid?"

"I'm begging you, just let me explain before you freak out," his hushed words come slowly.

"Okay," I agree, but the pounding in my chest tells me that I'm not going to like what he's about to say. My racing heart is telling me to get far, far away from him, to go someplace where his words can't hurt me, where I can't feel the disappointment of his mistakes. I do my best to wait patiently for him to say the right thing, to calm my fears, but he doesn't. We sit in silence for as long as I can take it. "So explain," I tell him.

"I will," he says impatiently.

"When?"

"When I don't have fifty-million things on my plate," he snaps. _Oh_. So it looks like I'm in for quite the wait. He _always_ has fifty-million things on his plate. Since I've known him, his schedule hasn't slowed down, it's only gotten busier. Does he really expect me to be able to wait past playoffs? When the whole world is talking about some indiscretion of his, he expects me to put my head in the sand and wait?

"Fine," I snap back, beyond irritated at his selfishness.

"And now you're mad," Sid announces.

"Yep."

"Great," he huffs.

"Great!" I hiss back.

"How long are you going to be pissed at me?" he asks exasperatedly.

"Until you give me a reason not to be," I snap.

"How about spending my only afternoon off taking you and your niece to the zoo? Or opening my home to your family? Do you have _any_ idea how hard it is to make time for you right now? Don't you see how hard I'm working to balance everything? That's not reason enough for you?" he's furious now, and his words are more like daggers.

"It's not even about that! Do you know how embarrassing it is to be the last one to know what's going on with you? What's all over Twitter, Crosby? Just tell me!"

"I fucking hate when you call me Crosby," he turns to me and practically growls, completely ignoring the sleeping baby in the car. I freeze and watch her closely. Her eyes spring open and it could go either way. Unfortunately for us, a steady stream of screams flows from the backseat, where the little lady has been startled awake and is desperately searching for her mom.

"It's okay Liv, Auntie Kate is here," I unbuckle my seat belt and crawl into the backseat.

"Jesus Kate, be careful!" Sid disapproves immediately, and his words fuel Olivia's meltdown.

"Just drive, Crosby," I mutter, knowing exactly how irritated he'll be, and not really caring at the moment. I slide over to sit next to Olivia's car seat and risk a glance at Sid in the rear view mirror. _He's pissed_. Well I am too. I turn my attention to Olivia, kissing away her tears and whispering sweet words to hopefully get her to settle down.

"Your seatbelt," he scolds.

"It's okay baby," I stroke her face gently, and kiss the tip of her nose. "We're almost home."

"Kate, your seatbelt," Sid says a fraction louder and much sterner. I decide to ignore him, and let him see what being shut-out feels like. "Kate."

"Do you remember all the animals we saw at the zoo today?" I smile widely and I'm rewarded with a sweet smile. "What were your favorites?" I ask her, not really expecting an answer, but knowing every second that I ignore him, I'm pissing Sidney off more and more, and right now that's exactly what I want to do.

"Elees," Olivia says softly.

"Kate..." Sidney glares at me, his annoyance and frustration now becoming full on rage. "I'm serious."

"I loved the elephants too," I purr to Olivia, completely freezing Sid out of our conversation. Well, my conversation. I hardly think a two-syllable reply constitutes chit-chat.

"Put. On. Your. Seat. Belt." Sid emphasizes every word through clenched teeth, careful not to explode and upset Olivia again.

"I will," I tell him in an overly-sweet and sarcastic tone. "Maybe when I don't have fifty-million things on my plate." I spit his words back at him, and before I know it he's pulling off the parkway pulls over in front of a small green space that has been neglected. Not the best area, but he doesn't seem to care. Without warning Sid jumps out of the drivers' seat and quickly opens the backdoor where I'm crouching beside my niece.

"Out," is all he says and right now I'm too afraid not to comply. I crawl out of the backseat and he quickly brushes past me and leans in over Olivia's seat. "We're right outside, okay hun?" he kisses her forehead and carefully closes the door. _I'm in trouble_. He turns toward me, and he looks infuriated. "You," it's really the lack of words that scares me most.

"Sid..."

"You can't do that. You can't act so fucking stupid," he whispers furiously. "Your niece is in the car, what if something happened?"

"Nothing happened..."

"What if it did Kate? What if someone cut in front of me and I had to stop short, you'd go through the windshield! What the hell were you thinking?" he's so angry, but he's not yelling. Not with little ears just inside the truck.

"I was mad," I say exasperatedly.

"You were mad. Okay, so you decide to risk your life because you were mad at me. And if you were killed in the process, well then you'd really show me, wouldn't you?" he grips my hands tightly, and shakes his head angrily.

"Can you cool it with the dramatics? Nothing happened!"

"You of all people know accidents happen," he looks so disappointed in me, and I shrink in front of him. "You can't do that, Kate. You can't act so reckless just to get back at me."

"I don't even know what I'm getting back at you for!" I cry, reminding him that he's not perfect either.

"Jesus Christ! Can't you just trust that not everything I do is a fucking mistake?" he yells, and his tone takes me by surprise. I look inside the truck nervously, anticipating that he's set Olivia off once more, but she's fine. She's not even watching us, that's how immune to the situation she is.

"Then why can't you just tell me so I don't feel like the fucking idiot who's one step behind all the time?"

"You're never one step behind," Sid shakes his head in exasperation. "Trust me."

"Trust me! Trust me! Trust me with your life a little bit! Instead of hanging up on Pat because you're afraid of what I might hear, trust me!" I plead with him.

"I do trust you," he looks at me with such sincerity that I have no choice but to believe him.

"Then why do I feel like I'm being made a fool of?" I ask evenly.

"Oh for fuck sakes," Sid huffs and moves past me. I watch him as he lifts the trunk open and starts digging through an equipment bag. "Hey Livy," he calls sweetly to Olivia as she strains to see him. "Two minutes," he tells her, as if that means anything to her, but even in my current state of rage, it's hard not to admit how cute they are together. Sid shuts the trunk and marches back toward me. "This is for you," he slams a small blue box into my hands. _Oh fuck_. "Well, go ahead."

It takes me a split second to realize the magnitude of what's happening. But I don't want it to happen like this, both of us annoyed and frustrated with the other one. I shake my head, tears spilling involuntarily.

"Go on," he presses. "You had to know, so open it." I watch him, my heart breaking. "You already knew it was coming, so it's not like I can surprise you anyway. Open it."

"Not like this," I plead with him, my eyes filling with tears of remorse and regret. He softens immediately and wraps his arms around me. "I'm sorry."

"Oh Kate," he sighs. "I'm sorry."

"No, you were being sweet and I was so impatient..."

"Hun," he laughs. "There's no way I would've let you off the hook either."

"What do you mean?" I smile weakly.

"I knew what he was going to say, and I didn't want you to hear it. I panicked. I should've just told him you were with me," he laughs. "Go on, open it."

"Sid, you probably had a whole thing planned..."

"So what?" he shrugs easily. He takes the box from my hand and quickly slips his fingers through mine, drawing my hand to his chest. His smile disarms me, and I feel any tension between us melt away. We're just Sid and Kate now, no hurt feelings or misunderstandings. "I like you so much," he grins, and I can't help but laugh.

"You like me so much?" I giggle, and he joins me, both of us laughing at his choice of words.

"I like you so much let's call it love," he corrects himself.

"Okay babe," I smile up at him, pressing my hand against his beating heart, feeling the nervous pounding in his chest. "You're scared," I whisper.

"A little bit," he admits. "Are you?"

"A little bit," I tell him.

"I don't want to live without you," he says seriously. "I've waited a long time for you, and now that you're here, I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours," he talks so softly, and the words come so easily.

"I'm yours love."

"Be my wife. Let me be your husband," he asks, watching me closely, his smile replaced by a look of nervous anticipation. A flood of memories rush through me. Strangers walking in step down a quiet street, unknowingly having recently become neighbors. Improvised lunches on a sun-filled porch. Watching clouds and feeding deer in a quiet cemetery. Unexpected massages and bedroom picnics. Holding hands under blankets while watching movies and hockey games. Covert makeout sessions in the backseat of his truck at the drive-in. Dim Sum Sundays. Careful cuddles after on-ice injuries. Saying the words for the first time. Little golden planets with brass keys...

"Kate?" Sid interrupts my thoughts. He lifts open the box and inside is a second box, this time the trademark blue is replaced by black velvet. "You're killing me here," he smiles at me. He struggles to lift the smaller box out gracefully, finally giving up and just turning it over in his hand and letting it fall away.

"I feel bad," I admit.

"Why?" he laughs loudly and freely, his easiness calming my worries.

"I ruined your plans," I frown.

"Babe," he smiles widely and shakes his head. "Marry me?" He opens the velvet ring box and inside is a platinum band with the most beautiful diamond sparkling up at me. I look up at Sid, at _my_ Sid, proposing to me on the side of the road, in front of a dust-bowl of a playground, the sound of traffic zooming down the parkway in the distance, and it's all just..._perfect_.

I throw my arms around him and he's ready for me, not moving an inch, but instead clutching me to his chest. We hold each other for days, weeks, months, years and finally the world slips back into focus when I hear his voice. "So that's a yes?"

"That's a yes," I nod, tears streaming down my cheeks and I'm not a bit surprised to see him grinning at me like a fool in love. _A fool in love with me!_


	45. Chapter 45

"Wait here," Sid squeezes my hand as he slides the car into park.

"Okay," I reply suspiciously. I watch him pull Olivia out of her car seat, completely conked out from her day out with Sid and me. She immediately snuggles tight to his chest, and honestly, it's torture watching him with this precious little thing. He walks around to my door and opens it, while balancing Olivia with his free hand. "Future wife," he winks at me.

"Ooh, I like that," I blush. "Want me to take her?" I offer, but I know there's no prying them apart.

"I got her," he replies immediately. "How do you think your parents will take the news?" he motions to my ring. _My ring_. It's classic, sophisticated, but not exactly subtle.

"I guess we'll find out," I laugh. "We should call Taylor."

"Yeah, she's been on my ass about this," he giggles, holding the front door open for me.

"Really?" we're both so giddy, everything making us laugh and giggle and blush and smile.

"Oh yeah," he grins.

"And your parents, we'll have to call them too," I run through a checklist.

"Tomorrow," he says quickly.

"Tomorrow?" I ask puzzled. "But Sid..."

"There you are!" Jill comes breezing into the entryway and doesn't even acknowledge Sid and I while she strips him of her child. "You guys, if she sleeps now she'll never go down tonight," she scolds us, quickly disappearing down the hallway.

"Sorry," Sid mutters.

"Oh, by the way, I'm engaged!" I whisper sarcastically and Sid and I collapse into each other, giggling and kissing, not able to get close enough to one another.

"She seems really excited for us," Sid teases me, and I pinch his side. We're barely inside the house, but already I miss my alone time with Sid. Especially now, I'd really love some one-on-one time. "Someone's cooking," he notices, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, I can smell it too.

"Now or never," I grin nervously, and Sid's hand guides me into the kitchen. Not surprisingly, my mother has taken on cooking a huge meal. There's a roast in the oven, and she fussing with some vegetables when Sid and I walk in. "Hey Mom," I beam at her, wrapping my arms around Sid's torso, hugging him tight.

"Where's my baby?" she looks around for Olivia. "How did she like the zoo?" she returns her attention to the food in front of her.

"She loved it," Sid tells her brightly.

"That's sweet of you two to take her," she doesn't even look up. It's painfully humorous at this point. We're dying to share our news, and so far, no one will even acknowledge our existence. "Supper in an hour, okay?"

"Uh Mom..." I start nervously, but Sid shakes his head.

"Sounds good," he cuts me off and pulls me toward the stairs. "An hour Kate. Do you know the things I can do to you in an hour?" he whispers wickedly and the sprint to the bedroom begins.

I close the door quietly, careful to lock it behind me. "Alone!" I announce, and just as I'm about to lift my shirt over my head, I feel his hands on mine.

"Go slow," he pants, taking a few steps back and sitting on the edge of the bed. He watches me intently, his expression serious and determined, but I can't stop smiling. "You're giddy," he says with a small grin.

"Yep!" I dive toward him, pushing him back onto the bed and quickly straddling his chest. I have Sid pinned down, not that he's fighting it, and I lean down to press my lips to his. "Fuck it."

"What?" Sid bursts into a fit of giggles. "Fuck what?"

"Let's just keep it to ourselves," I kiss along his neck, his hands caressing my back.

"Babe," he objects quietly.

"Not forever, just for tonight," I smile down at him.

"I have a game tomorrow," he reminds me, and I feel my mouth set into a pout.

"Ugh," I moan, rolling off him and dragging him to lay on top of me. "But I want you to myself."

"I'm all yours," he reminds me, and I flash him a bright smile.

"My fiancee," I pull his face to mine, and he captures my lips with his, my tongue darting into his mouth, and I'm rewarded with a low moan. I feel his hands move up the inside of my shirt, finding the top of my bra with his fingertip. "Can I ask something?"

"You can ask anything," he says simply.

"When were you planning to ask me?" I venture carefully.

"You want to know the details?" he laughs.

"No, no. I don't want to know what you planned, I'm just curious when you were going to do it."

"You don't want to know my plan?" he cocks his eyebrows suggestively, trying to bait me into asking.

"Nope," I kiss his lips quickly. "I love how you did it. I don't want to know how you thought it would happen, I love how you asked me."

"Mad as hell?"

"Yep," I laugh.

"Shoving the ring in your hand?" he hides behind his hands in embarrassment. "Ugh! I can't believe I did that!" he groans, sounding absolutely mortified. I try to pry his fingers away from his face, but he's too strong.

"Sidney," I giggle, grunting and groaning as I use all my strength against him. "Don't make me hurt you!" This has the opposite effect. Sid decides to show me just how strong he is, and his formerly flexible fingers become steel, fused to his face, and I have no chance.

"Come on babe, you can do better than that," he challenges playfully.

"You asked for it," I warn him, releasing my grip and moving my hands to his armpits.

"NO!" his voice is unrecognizable as the high pitched squeal pierces my ears. Sid bucks wildly, thrashing on the bed, trying to escape my tickling touch. He's all giggles, barely breathing, huffing and panting, silently begging for mercy. "Katie..." he pleads, but I'm enjoying this too much. I dig my fingers into his sensitive skin, finding just the right spot to torture him some more. He's not especially ticklish, but everyone has their places, and lucky for me, I know Sid's weak spot. "Okay, okay..." he's breathless, tears streaming down his face, his cheeks pink and his eyes squeezed shut. He almost looks pained, but the huge smile spread across his lips gives him away.

"Tell me," I demand, letting up and giving him a chance to catch his breath.

"What do you want to know?"

"When were you planning to ask me?" I say emphatically, practically clawing at him to get an answer.

"I wanted to ask you at home over the summer," he sets his lips into a straight line, and his demeanor shifts from playful to serious in a split-second.

"But I ruined that!" I poke his ribs, and he breaks out into a smile again.

"You didn't ruin anything," he lays back and pulls me with him. "I've wanted to ask you for a long time, shit just kept getting in the way," he kisses the top of my head and hugs me tight.

"Like hockey," I sigh.

"And tv series," he groans.

"Exes," I wince and I feel his chest stiffen.

"Yeah, that was a big one," he confesses. "I know you've been divorced for a while, but it always felt like he was in the picture."

"But, not anymore," I kiss his neck, dragging him back into the present. Sid's mood lifts and he's quick to return my kisses while I run my hands through his hair and pull him close to me.

"Now you're all mine," he whispers sweetly. His hands slide up the side of my shirt and I respond immediately, pulling his tee-shirt out of his jeans and unbuckling his belt.

"For the next..." I strain my neck to check the time, "forty-three minutes anyway."

"I'll take it," he sits up and strips off his shirt, motioning for me to do the same. I don't hesitate, and before I can even toss my shirt to the side I feel Sid's fingers digging at the waist of my jeans, tugging them down my legs.

"I thought you wanted to take it slow," I remind him gently.

"Forty-three minutes, babe."

"I swear to god Sid, you'd better be quiet. I will absolutely die of embarrassment if anyone in this house hears us," I plead with him.

"I'll do my best baby," he tries to silence me with kisses, but I need a little more reassurance.

"Love," my eyes search his and he nods twice. "Good enough," I give into him and his body covers mine seconds later. We move together, both respecting my quiet rule, but it doesn't dampen the experience. Actually, it enhances it. The only sound is muffled breathing, giving us the opportunity to focus on touching, and I can feel every one of Sid's back muscles flex as he grinds inside me.

"You feel amazing," he whispers gently. My hands move across his beautifully pale skin, from his ribs down to his hips, and I pull him closer to me. Sid presses hard against me then holds himself deep inside, and I gasp in surprise. "You okay baby?" his soft breath warms my skin.

"So good," I pant, frantically clawing at his back, trying to recover some sense of equilibrium while he continues to push me closer and closer to the edge. The weight of his body presses down on my chest, nearly suffocating me with his love. "Babe," I struggle. "I can't breathe." In an instant, he rolls us onto our sides. I brush a sweaty curl off his forehead, and his toothy grin pulls my lips to his. "You're so handsome."

These words never seem to sink in, and today is no different. He doesn't roll his eyes completely, but even as we're making love, he finds it impossible to take this compliment. "You're gorgeous," he replies, his eyes glued to mine, his hand hooking around my shoulder and holding me in place. The way he looks at me, it's as if he's seeing me for the first time, and I'm surprised how this man can find ways to completely overwhelm me. I feel warm tears escape and his expression changes from one of amazement to instant concern. "Did I hurt you?" he freezes.

"No," I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging myself tight to him. "I just feel so...happy." The word isn't big enough, but it's all I can manage. It's funny, I've imagined this day for a long time, but I didn't realize how completely at ease I would feel, how that promise to each other would release me from a world of insecurities and doubt. It's as if all the questions have been answered, and now I'm finally ready to admit to myself and the world that I do deserve this man.

"Come back," he snaps me back into the present, and he picks up where he left off, his body continuing its delicious assault on mine until we both find our release.

I leave Sid laying in bed, watching me move across the room stark naked. "I know what you're doing," I glance over at him while collecting my clothes from the floor. He doesn't even flinch, instead he tucks his hands behind his head and props himself up for a better view. "And to think I was going to suggest we take a quick shower..." I trail off, stepping into the bathroom. Just as I'm tying my hair back, Sid comes padding into the room, ducking into the shower first. "Hey!"

"Get in here then," he pulls me toward him and the cool water takes us both by surprise. "How many minutes do we have left?"

"Six," I tell him with a frown. "So don't get my hair wet!"

"We'll just rinse the sex off our bodies," he teases me. "How do you want to tell them?"

"Should we just wait for them to notice the ring?" I suggest, taking the coward's way out.

"Let me do it," he says, lathering and rinsing faster than I can keep up with.

"You want to do it?" I ask incredulously.

"I do," is all he says. Well, it's settled. Dinner is in a few minutes, and Sid is making the big announcement. My stomach flips with nervous anticipation, but one look at him and it just melts away.


	46. Chapter 46

The butterflies have returned, and I have a permanent smile on my face. Sid and I are setting the more formal dining table, as my mother puts the finishing touches on supper. I glance up at Sid, and he's smiling away, setting plates down at each setting as I work my way around with the cutlery. "Just keep playing it cool Kate," he winks at me and my cheeks burn red.

"I can't help it," I smile sweetly.

"They're gonna figure it out before I have a chance to tell them," he giggles. I attempt to disguise my enthusiasm and look up at Sidney with my best serious-expression. "Um, a little harsh babe," he frowns. I soften it slightly and he looks pleased. "There you go."

I return to my task and feel the corners of my mouth twitch. How in the world can anyone expect me to pretend to be nonchalant about this? I carefully place each fork, knife and spoon in their place, admittedly taking my time, and maybe staring at my ring a little longer than necessary. Eventually, Sid and I meet at the head of the table, and both of us can barely take our eyes off the other. "Did you know that's my favorite shirt on you?" I ask him, running my hands across his shoulders while his lips curl into a sheepish smile.

"This?" he looks surprised.

"Yep," I lean in and kiss him quickly. "You look so handsome in dark colors."

"If you say so," he shakes his head and takes my hand in his. I feel his fingers trace over the ring adorning my finger, and he turns it over a few times, grinning at me, both of us bursting to share our news. Just as he's leaning in toward me, little feet come running into the room, and Sid instantly moves to grab Olivia. "Hey you, want to know a secret?" he whispers conspiratorially. Olivia doesn't really seem to care either way, but Sid isn't bothered. "Your auntie Kate and I are getting married!" he tells her so quietly that Olivia now understands she's heard something special. She looks up at me and smiles, and for some reason I flash her my ring, which makes Sid laugh loudly.

"Are you being funny?" Pete looks down at his daughter, and that's all it takes for Sid and I to be good as mud. She lifts her hands out to him, and poor Sid is forced to hand her over. Seconds later my parents enter, bringing armloads of food with them.

"'ll grab some wine," I explain quietly and dash out of the room. I just need a minute to gather my thoughts before we do this. Just a few seconds to collect myself. Catch my breath. Calm down. Just a second and then I'll head back in.

"What's up with you?" Jill looks at me like I'm from another planet.

"Just a bit of anxiety," I confess.

"Take a breath," she tells me softly, moving to hold my hands. After the accident I would have horrible panic attacks, and Jill would always hold my hands and count to ten while I tried to steady my breathing. "Oh my god!" she whispers holding up my hand weighed down by a massive diamond.

"I know, I'm kind of freaking out," I admit between breaths.

"Did I just miss it?" she looks disappointed, but I quickly shake my head.

"No, no. He asked me this afternoon. Sid's just about to tell Mom and Dad," I explain. Jill pulls me into a tight hug, and kisses my cheek over and over again.

"That's so awesome," she whispers, and the combination of her enthusiasm and the comforting squeeze settles me.

"Okay, let's do this." I grab a bottle of wine and we head into the dining room. Jill isn't exactly subtle and throws her arms around Sidney on her way to her seat. He's taken by surprise, but thankfully my mother hasn't noticed, she's too busy fussing over Olivia. Unfortunately though, Pete has noticed.

"What's that about?" he asks his wife.

"Nothing," she practically sings, giving herself away completely.

"What?" Pete laughs. "What's going on?" he just can't keep quiet about this, despite Sid and I both trying to catch his attention. Sid is shaking his head, and I'm trying to kick his leg from under the table, but I can't quite reach. "No seriously, what's going on?" he laughs again.

"What?" my dad looks at Pete for an explanation.

"I don't know, these two are hiding something," Pete looks between Sid and Jill for some kind of explanation, but he doesn't find one. I watch my dad carefully and he looks at me and winks. _He knows_.

"How's the little lady doing?" Dad tries to change the subject, turning everyone's attention to Olivia, but it's too late. My mother has heard just enough to peak her interest.

"Jill?" she asks suspiciously.

"It's nothing," she answers immediately, then looks at me instantly with regret. "I mean, it's not nothing, but it's just not _my _thing," she tries to explain. Instead of elaborating, Jill stops there, having done more harm than good. My mother's gaze turns to Sidney and he can't hide his excitement.

"I've asked Kate to marry me," he tells her. Jill squeals in delight and my dad and Pete practically mob Sidney, shaking his hand and patting him on the back. Jill hugs me close once more, and then I feel my mother reach for me.

"And you accepted," she smiles up at me.

"I have," I tell her, and before I can gauge her reaction, she gathers me in her arms and presses her lips to my cheek.

"That's wonderful news Kate," she says sweetly. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect this. Sid and I move around the room, showing off the ring, and hugging everyone before taking our seat at the table. The conversation flows easily as we share the meal prepared by my mother. Everyone wants to know how Sid proposed, and I leave out our little argument, much to his relief, and tell them the most basic details. Mom and Jill consider the best time for a wedding, and I remind them that Sid and I both have pretty demanding schedules, so regardless of what the bridal magazines say, we're going to have to choose based on what's practical, not what flowers are in season.

Just as I start clearing dishes, I overhear seven little words that make my blood run cold. "Sidney, can I speak to you privately?" My mother stands, not waiting for his response, and he is forced to follow her downstairs for a little one-on-one. _Oh my god!_ What does she need to say to him in private? Pete raises his eyebrows, giving me little hope that Sid will come out of this alive.

I creep carefully into the kitchen under the guise of clearing plates, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm trying to overhear the conversation between Sid and my mother. _He has no idea who he's dealing with_. Poor thing. Now she's cornered him and heaven only knows what she's saying. I sneak over the sink and set down the dishes as quietly as I possibly can. Without making a sound, I move to sit on the top step where I can hopefully hear without being seen. My heart is racing, and I take a few deep breaths. I can't quite make out what Sid is saying, but his tone seems friendly enough.

"I don't doubt you have good intentions, but marriage is more than that," she sounds so...intense.

"I understand that," Sid raises his voice, and I can hear a hint of frustration.

"She's been through more than her share of hurt, and if you're only in this for you, then..."

"I'm not," he interrupts loudly.

"Then we won't have a problem," she finishes.

"Okay then," Sid agrees.

"And you might be some big shot hockey player, but if you hurt Kate I will hunt you down and make you wish..."

"I'm not going to hurt her," he insists.

"She deserves the best. After everything that happened, she deserves someone great. Can you be that guy, Sidney?" Her words take me by surprise. I didn't think she had any kind of appreciation for the turmoil I'd gone through after the accident. She's never been super warm and fuzzy, so it wasn't a surprise when she was her usual stoic self while I completely fell apart, but I guess I'd always assumed she just didn't understand what I was going through. I guess I was wrong.

"I can try," he says evenly. My heart soars listening to this man, this beautiful, talented, funny, kind man stand up for himself, and for us, to the most difficult person I know. "And I will try, everyday. I know she deserves the best, and I want to give her the best."

"Don't you dare stray," she warns him.

"I won't," he promises instantly.

"And marriage isn't easy, when it gets hard, work at it, don't just run away," she instructs with such authority that I almost find myself agreeing out loud.

"I won't," he replies.

"And don't let her work herself to death, because she'll do that you know. She doesn't come with an off-switch," it's the first moment of levity between them and a sense of relief floods over me.

"What are you doing?" Jill's voice nearly sends me screaming, but I catch myself and dart back up the stairs.

"Nothing," I try to hide the guilt in my voice, but she knows me too well.

"Mom's giving him the third degree?" she asks with a frown.

"Oh yeah," I sigh.

"Good," she winks at me and I grin back. Jill starts loading the dishwasher, and I quickly move to stop her.

"I'll do that later," I tell her.

"Oh come on," she shakes her head. "I'll wash if you dry." The sink hasn't even filled with water before my mother walks through the kitchen, pleased as punch, and heads straight back to the dining room to hang out with Olivia. I turn around and see a stone-faced Sidney walk toward me. He's been put to the test, and it looks like he passed, but not without a few battle scars. Jill laughs and tosses and kitchen towel at his chest, motioning for him to help her at the sink. "Let's hear it Sid."

"She's..." he stutters, but doesn't find words to continue.

"Crazy?" Jill offers.

"Outrageous? Ridiculous? Boorish?" I suggest, making Jill laugh, but Sid doesn't even flinch. It's like he's paralyzed, frozen in place from his conversation with my mother. Jill and I look at each other, and all the humor fades from our faces. "Geez Sid, are you okay?" I ask him seriously.

"She's...intense," he starts, slowly regaining his composure. "She completely intimidated me. She's just so..._terrifying_!"

"Definitely," Jill agrees and she guides Sid to one of the chairs at the kitchen island. "Take a break, you've earned it."

"Oh Sid," I move toward him and give him a supportive hug and a kiss on the top of his head. "I'm sure you did great."

"It was..." his vocabulary fails him, and I've been there. There's nothing quite like a good grilling from Mom.

"It's over, you survived!" I tell him brightly.

"And she'll love you all the more for it," Jill chimes in. "Just ask Pete." I look at her in disbelief, and she nods. Hmm, I'd always thought she just loved Pete from day one.

"Yeah?" Sid sounds hopeful, and it's adorable. I've never seen him off-balance like this. His usual collected demeanor completely shaken.

"Absolutely," Jill assures him. He stares straight forward, not really focusing on anything and suddenly my mother's voice snaps him back into the present moment and he looks horrified.

"Sidney! Come join us!" she calls from the next room.

"Oh god Kate!" he whispers in a panic, clutching my arm, his eyes pleading with me not to send him in alone.

"It's okay babe, I'll go with you," I tell him gently, and his wide eyes soften a bit, and I see his shoulders relax slightly.

"Go, I've got this," Jill pushes him to his feet and I lead him into the living room while she takes over dish duty. He walks slowly, obviously a little hesitant, but I doubt anyone would notice. He takes a seat, the furthest from my mother, on the sofa and I sit on the floor at his feet so I can play with Olivia. She's dragged out a bunch of toys and they're scattered all around, making it impossible to keep her attention for more than a few seconds.

"Sidney," my mother starts and I feel him stiffen behind me. "Kate says you're from Nova Scotia?" she's taking it easy on him and he relaxes immediately, easily answering her questions about his home province, eventually leading him to tell us about his family.

"We're planning to spend a chunk of the summer at his lake house," I tell them.

"You're not going to LA?" Pete asks instantly.

"Not right away," I say easily.

"And you'll come to Saskatoon, won't you?" my dad sounds disappointed.

"Definitely," Sid replies before I have a chance to tell them we hadn't planned on it. _Well this is news to me_. I look up at him and he just smiles and shrugs. So it's settled. He's part of the family now, and I can feel the relief radiating from him. He relaxes into his seat, his fingertips drawing circles on my shoulder and I lean back against his legs.

"And soon we'll need to figure out Christmas," my mother chimes in absentmindedly, her attention squarely on Olivia. Sid pinches my shoulder lightly and I stifle a laugh. I turn to look at him, expecting him to have the same stunned expression he was sporting earlier, but he doesn't. He's grinning and trying not to laugh too. He raises his eyebrows and looks around, and I immediately shake my head. The playful look on his face is dangerous right now and I can tell he's riding high from all the excitement, not really considering the magnitude of what he's about to say.

"You're welcome to join us here for Christmas," he tells her, his eyes never leaving mine. I feel my face fall in horror, just imagining the insanity of hosting Christmas, and Sid smirks knowing exactly what he's done. I shake my head, but all he does is mouth _I love you_. It's pretty hard to be mad about that.


	47. Chapter 47

"So, can I ask a dumb question?" I tread carefully. Game days are always filled with ritual and routine, and I don't want to disrupt that.

"Better than anyone I know," he teases and I flash him a dirty look. Sid is fussing with his tie, nervously inspecting his reflection in the mirror.

"Okay smart ass, let me do that," I grin and pull the tie from his fingertips, taking over the primping process. "Are you and the guys going to party tonight if..." his face drops and I quickly correct myself, "_when_ you win tonight?"

"No hun," he smiles easily. "Some guys might go out, but if they're smart, they'll turn the page pretty quick and focus on the next round."

"Turn the page pretty quick, eh?" I tease him, but he doesn't get it. His brow furrows and he looks at me quizzically as I put the finishing touches on his tie. "One of the more famous Sid-isms."

"What?!" he sounds shocked, but his mood is light.

"Yep," I smile cheekily.

"No," he says disbelieving. I nod my head, but he shakes his in return and the urge to prove him wrong becomes almost overwhelming.

"Wait here," I hold him in place and he lets out a small chuckle. I dash into my office and grab my laptop.

"Oh fuck no!" he squirms when he sees me carrying the machine containing incriminating evidence.

"We're doing this," I laugh and flop on the bed, opening the computer and watching his reaction.

"I have to go," he says seriously, but I know for a fact he doesn't have to leave for at least half an hour, and that would still give him plenty of time to be one of the first guys at the arena.

"Sit," I pat the space next to me and he reluctantly obeys. I work quickly, pulling up interviews from PensTV, TSN, Root Sports, and Fox Sports in different windows.

"Kate," he groans, laying back and covering his face in embarrassment. I start the first video, tracking to the middle and his sweaty face fills the screen.

_"...you gotta turn the page pretty quick and move on..."_ Maybe I've given myself away, clearly I've watched this video more than a few times, but I don't care. Sid's reaction is priceless. Groaning and rolling away from the screen.

"Okay, enough of that," he goes to snap the computer closed, but I push his hands away.

"There's more," I remind him sweetly, and he rolls his eyes. I start the next video, one of my absolute favorites, and his gorgeous, giggling face stares to face the off-screen reporters.

"_...I'm not too focused on it. It's a great memory, but you have to turn the page pretty quick and focus on the next game..." _

"I get it babe," he blushes slightly, his eyes scanning the screen. "What do we have here?" he notices something of interest on the screen and quickly pulls the computer from my hands.

"Hey!" I object.

"Do you have these bookmarked?" he laughs, and now it's my turn to blush. I make a grab for my computer, but my reflexes are no match for his. "Jesus Kate!" he pulls down the list of links and it's a embarrassingly long. "You must have every clip of me here," he stares at the screen incredulously.

"No!" I snap. "Just my favorites." I add defensively, but it doesn't really help my cause.

"You like me," he says playfully, and I love when he teases me like this.

"Kind of," I admit.

"You _like_ me, like me," he continues, setting the computer over and covering my body with his.

"I might," I try my best to look innocent.

"No, you do," he tells me. "You're like the president of the Sidney Crosby fan club," he giggles.

"Is there a fan club?!" I ask in surprise.

"No," he giggles.

"Well maybe I'll start one," I giggle. "And each month I'll spill some personal detail to your fans."

"Then we should really make Jill the President," he jokes and I erupt in laughter. "That girl cannot keep a secret."

"No, she can't," I agree quickly. "She's sworn up and down that she won't breathe a word of us being engaged."

"We'll see," he sighs nervously.

"I think you have bigger worries than my sister's big mouth," I remind him and his focus sharpens instantly.

"Yep, I really should get going," he stands quickly and smooths his suit, giving himself a once over before turning back to face me.

"Be safe," I smile up at him. "I love you."

"Love you babe," he kisses me sweetly and holds my face in his hands for a moment. "Tickets are waiting for you."

"I'll be there," I rest my forehead against his and close my eyes, breathing him in for a minute. "Seriously babe, be safe."

"I'll do my best," he promises, but the familiar sense of worry sets in. This team has been gunning for him all series, and now they're facing elimination. He's obviously got a target on his back. "Hey, you okay?" his voice is soft, but his face is full of concern.

"I just worry," I admit with a shrug.

"I've done this a few times before," Sid smiles at me and rubs my shoulders reassuringly.

"You should have warned me," I pout teasingly. "No woman would date a hockey player if she knew about the stress!"

"Exactly why I didn't tell you," he kisses me quickly and flashes me a bright smile. He gives me a small wave and heads out the door, only to pop back in the room an instant later. "And we're not dating anymore," he reminds me and I feel my lips curl into a huge smile. I look down at the dazzling ring on my finger and when I look up to share my enthusiasm with him, Sid's already gone.

The hours before we head to the arena drag slowly, and I can't seem to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. Carter is joining us tonight, and I've asked him to come a bit early so we can run through my schedule for the next few weeks. My mother is, as expected, thrilled at the thought of seeing him, and it's given her an almost nervous energy. She flits around the kitchen, debating whether or not we have enough food in the house.

"Kate used to have such a sweet tooth!" she sighs. "There's not a square or cookie in sight!" she huffs, rifling through the fridge and pantry.

"Sid has kind of a self-control issue," I explain lamely. "Check the freezer, he stashes chocolate bars in there sometimes." My mother just rolls her eyes at me and returns to searching for some unknown item to satisfy her.

"We can't very well offer Carter a frozen chocolate bar," she tells me sternly.

"This is all for Carter?" I laugh. "Mom, he won't care. I promise you."

"I care Kate, and you should too," she tells me, her face plunged into a cupboard. I turn to Jill for support and she stifles a laugh.

"I bet Olivia would be up for baking," Jill suggests, and I'm grateful when my mother takes her suggestion. Keeping those two busy will actually let me get a bit of work done. I head upstairs and fire up my desktop, mentally preparing myself to face the mountain of work waiting for me. Easing into emails is usually a pretty safe bet, and most are just questions that require a quick yes or no. A few notes take a bit more time to answer, and then I tackle the more difficult emails. There's one from the broadcaster, suggesting a less than appropriate product placement. It takes all my energy to restrain myself, and I choose my words carefully, negotiating the fine line between being frank and being terse. There's a bit of a commotion downstairs and I glance at the clock only to surprise myself with how little I've managed to get done in the past hour. Carter must be here, so I quickly head into the kitchen to rescue him from my mother.

He's made himself quite comfortable, sitting on the kitchen island, enjoying one of the cookies cooling on the wrack nearby. "Hey stranger," he says with a warm smile and I quickly close the space between us and wrap my hands around him.

"I miss you!" I tell him sincerely. "How long has it been? Years?"

"Feels like it," he squeezes me tight. "As much as I'd love to visit, we have a few fires to put out," Carter tells my mom and sister. He moves toward the fridge and grabs himself a can of something and then opens the freezer, digging into the back to grab one of Sid's hidden peanut butter cups. "No telling," he presses a finger to his lips and heads upstairs. The look on my mother's face is priceless and I follow closely behind, snickering the whole way.

We're barely settled into the office when Carter starts rambling about the on-set gossip. I can justify this as work, because really, I should be aware of what's going on. "...and then she looks up at me, like I had anything to do with it, and you'll never believe..._holy shit! What's on your hand?!_" I flail my hand around wildly, trying desperately to fling off the invisible bug or other offending creature until Carter reaches across and grabs my hand firmly, inspecting the rock adorning my finger. "What. The. Fuck?" Carter beams up at me, a wide smile stretching across his face.

"We're engaged!" I whisper excitedly, Carter is practically drooling over the ring.

"Again. What. The. Fuck? When did this happen?" He stares at me in wild disbelief. Rarely is Carter speechless, but this has taken him by surprise.

"Yesterday!" I gush quietly.

"Yesterday?! And I'm _just_ hearing about it now?" he sounds a little disappointed, but his excitement hasn't faded.

"We haven't even told his parents yet," I say matter-of-factly.

"Oh my god. I have _the_ best wedding planned for the two of you," Carter tells me while digging through his bag for his iPad.

"What?" I giggle, but I have a feeling he isn't kidding. Carter quickly opens up Pinterest and scrolls down to a private board filled with wedding dresses, flowers, venues, cakes, decorations, and anything else bridal. "Okay, what is this?" I hear the confusion in my voice, but my heart starts racing. The thought of a big, fancy, ornate wedding is just too much. "Carter, this isn't me," I look up at him, expecting to see him absolutely crushed, but he just rolls his eyes and keeps scrolling.

"No kidding...those aren't for you sweetie," he says flatly. He's deep in concentration and a moment later turns the tablet for me to see. "That's for you," he beams.

It's a beautiful garden setting, simple decor, trees filled with twinkle lights, lanterns lighting each table. "Where did you find this?" I take in every detail, trying to memorize it for future recall.

"You like?" he asks hopefully.

"It's gorgeous," I tell him. "This is exactly what every woman wants."

"You're so adorably naive," he says snatching the tablet back. "Have you set a date?"

"Nope," I shrug.

"Obviously it's in the off-season," he says instantly and I nod. "Okay, I'll figure it out with Sid."

"I might want to help a little bit..."

"We'll have lots for you to help with," Carter assures me, and grabs his iPad and disappears downstairs. It takes me a minute to realize what's happening, and I bolt into the hallway to try and stop him.

"Carter!" I whisper hurriedly after him. He doesn't even turn around. "Do NOT start talking wedding stuff with my..."

"I have SO many ideas!" I hear my mother's voice float from the kitchen. _Too late_.


	48. Chapter 48

The arena is loud, crowded, and rowdy but luckily we have amazing seats in a private box. Sid's obviously gone to a lot of trouble to impress my family, and when I look around at their faces, I can tell it's working. "Why is this the first time I've been invited to the private box?" Carter whispers in annoyance.

"Same boat baby," I toss back with a laugh.

"We need to talk your fiancee," Carter says cheekily before walking away to help himself to the lavish buffet laid out for us. "He's been holding out on us!"

"It'll be hard to slum it in the stands after this," I joke following close behind.

"Seriously," Carter agrees, obviously not taking this upgrade as graciously as everyone else.

The teams take the ice and the already deafening rink gets amazingly louder. I stand near the front of the box, scanning the ice for Sid, and spot him almost immediately. He performs the familiar set of pregame rituals with precision, completely focused as if he's the only one on the ice. "Lots of Crosby jerseys," my dad notes with mild amusement.

"Yeah, he's a pretty big deal here," I explain.

"Kate," he puts his arm around me and shakes his head with a grin. "He's a pretty big deal everywhere." I blush at the thought and my dad makes a small amendment. "Well, everywhere they play hockey."

"Hey, there's James," Carter walks up to join us and points toward the only other player he recognizes as they flash his face on the big screen.

"You always sound so surprised," I laugh, earning a dirty look from Carter. "Hey, we should get a sweater for Olivia," I suggest and Carter nods in agreement. I motion toward the door and he sets his plate down, ready to follow me out into the mob of people.

"You might want to hide that away," he subtly points to the ring on my finger.

"Shit!" I hiss. "I meant to leave this at home." I quickly pull it off and tuck it into my pocket. This is going to make me crazy all night long, I just know it. I'll be constantly checking to see that it's still safely tucked away, and not rolling around the Consol somewhere. Just as we're about to head out, a security guard stops us.

"Everything okay ma'am?" he asks very seriously.

"We're just going to buy my niece a jersey," I feel like I'm asking permission.

"I'll send for one ma'am," he tells me simply, and I guess that's that.

"Umm...she's about this big," I try to gesture what size she wears. Carter looks at me like I'm insane, and the security guard, bless him, doesn't reveal how silly he finds me, although I'm sure he must.

"Yes ma'am," he says, his voice still very official, not giving anything away. I stand dumbly, not sure what I should do, until Carter pulls me away, back toward our seats.

"That was weird," I look at him, expecting him to agree with me, but he just laughs.

"She's about this big," he mocks me, earning a reluctant giggle.

"Shut up," I nudge him.

The game starts moments later, Sid taking the face off, and setting the pace early. Pete and Dad are completely engrossed in the game, while my mom and Jill struggle with Olivia, trying desperately to get her to try on the adorably small jersey that was delivered to her almost instantly. As soon as they get it over her head, she quickly pushes it off. It's probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.

"Olivia!" Jill sighs, totally defeated by her daughter. Olivia looks up at her and pushes the tiny hockey jersey to the floor. "Sorry," Jill frowns at me in embarrassment.

"You don't want to wear Sid's sweater?" I ask Olivia sweetly, picking up the sweater and pointing out to the ice. "Do you see Sidney?" I point him out, but she is unmoved. "Well, we tried," I shrug it off and shift focus back to the game. It's physical, and Sid's line takes the brunt of it. I watch him skate to the bench mid-shift, signaling for a change, and the trainer swarms him as soon as he hits the bench. Sid pulls his hand from his glove, and lets the trainer examine it while he returns to watching the play on the ice. I feel my phone buzz and I pull it out to see a text from Taylor.

_"Is his hand bugging him again?"_ Again? This is news to me.

_"Hard to say, he's back on the ice now."_ I text back quickly. What does she mean by _again_? He didn't mention anything about his hand bugging him earlier. Yes, I'm a worrier, but I should know about this kind of stuff. The thought of him leaving me in the dark about this has me fuming a little bit. His line takes off flying down the ice, and tic-tac-toe, they score. His beautiful, smiling face fills the big screen for a moment before the replay takes over. My mood lifts instantly and I find myself swarmed by Carter and my father, everyone hugging and cheering, a little over-excited by Sid's smart play. It takes a little longer for the arena to settle down, fans are hungry for their team to win the first round at home today. Sid's line stays on, and he skates to center ice to take the face-off.

"Is it always this...loud?" my mother asks with a smile. She's impressed.

"It's a playoff game," Carter answers for me, positioning himself to be quite the hockey expert.

"So they win this and then they're in the final?" she asks, and I shake my head.

"No, then they move to the second round, then hopefully the third, and if they win that they go to the final."

"And it's just one game?" she presses.

"They're all best of seven series," I tell her, my gaze never leaving the ice.

"It must take months to decide a winner!" she gasps and I can't help but laugh.

"My reaction exactly," I admit. The first period comes to a close, with our team up by two. Usually Carter and I would go for a walk around the arena, but I'm not quite ready to face the security guard again, so we just stretch, eat and visit.

"I can see why you go to all the games," my dad teases me, taking in our VIP surroundings.

"Usually Sid gives this box away to charities, this is the first I've been here," I tell him. "It's actually pretty fun to sit with the fans."

"Yeah, we saw the video," Pete teases Carter and I before heading back to his seat.

"For your information, that was in Philly," Carter corrects him, and turns his attention back to the buffet. "Aww, he made sure you'd have hummus," Carter teases me, glopping a spoon-full onto a plate.

"Our signature dish," I look of wistfully, playing into his silly joke.

The second period is just as physical and intense as the first, but as the minutes tick down, Carolina becomes more desperate and start taking stupid penalties. Sid is, as expected, a target, and when the Pens find themselves up 3 - 0, Sid's ice time is nearly cut in half. I watch him on the bench, and it's clear he's itching to be out there. As the lines change, he has words for different players, motioning to various parts of the ice, sharing his observations.

When he finally does hit the ice again, he ices the puck and play is stopped. He skates down the ice, turning his head to talk to his linemate, when the oversized enforcer clips him as he skates past. Sid crumbles to the ice and another player trips over him as he spins from the force of the blow. Blood sprays from Sid, and his hands fly up to cover the wound. The crowd cries out in anger, and the players swarm the large defenseman, a fight breaking out only a few feet from where Sidney struggles to get to his feet.

"Get up," I whisper, somehow on my feet, but not remembering exactly how I got there. The trainers are next to him now, and one holds him firm to the ice, discouraging him from moving. The towel they're holding to his neck quickly soaks with blood. _That's not good_. I feel everyone's eyes on me, but I can't look away. If he'd just stand, then I would know he's going to be okay, but he's barely moving. When the trainer signals for the stretcher, I feel myself take off toward the door.

I'm running through the arena, not quite sure where I'm going, but confident I'll find my way to him. It's crowded, but most people are standing facing the ice, and aren't too concerned with the panicked woman running past them. I flash my pass as I approach two security guards blocking an entrance, one of them I'm sure I've met before, and he quickly opens the door for me to run through. This is familiar, I've been here before. I follow the sounds of people scrambling nearby, and arrive just in time to see a flock of people rush into a backroom.

A firm hand grips my shoulder, and I turn to face a man wearing a fine tailored suit, and no security badge. Clearly he doesn't need one. "You can't go in there," he tells me.

"I'm Kate," I pant. "I'm..."

"They're taking him to the hospital, you can ride with us," he tells me, and clearly I don't need an introduction either.

"Is it bad?" I ask, my voice trembling with fear. Tears pool in my eyes and I expect this man to recognize that I just need to hear that everything is going to be okay, but that's not what happens.

"It's not good," is all he says. My face twists in confusion.

"But he's gonna be okay..." I trail off, trying to understand what he's telling me. He says nothing, instead we walk quickly to the parkade where a car is waiting for us. I sit in stunned silence while the car speeds through the city.

The man in the suit gets on his phone immediately, taking call after call, telling them the same thing. "We don't know anything yet," and usually that's as far as the conversation goes. The fourth call follows a different script though. His voice is less official, and for a moment he lets his guard down and sounds concerned. It's not exactly comforting. "We don't know anything yet, Kate and I are on our way to the hospital. You and Trina should get on a plane."

_Troy_. He's talking to Sid's dad. _Okay, it's bad_. Taylor must be beside herself. She's obviously watching the game and won't like being left in the dark. I pull out my phone and see she's already sent me half a dozen panicked texts.

_"I'm on my way to the hospital. I promise to call you as soon as I know anything."_ There's nothing comforting about those words, but it's the best I can do. Warm tears stream down my face, and I can feel the stranger watching me carefully. It's weird, he obviously knows Sidney, and knows him quite well, but we've never met and there's nothing to say. I'm terrified, and when I glance up to meet his gaze, I can see that he is as well.

_"There was a lot of blood."_ Taylor's text says it all.

_"Try to stay positive. We don't know anything yet. He's in good hands."_ These aren't just suggestions for her. I close my eyes and start imagining the best case scenario. A few stitches, no concussion, he's home tonight, in our bed, in my arms. I imagine it over and over again, willing it to be true, and when I feel the car slow, I realize we've arrived at the hospital.


	49. Chapter 49

***_Sorry for the inconsistent posts. I'm having some real-life drama at the moment, and it's taken my attention away from what's really important (fanfiction). But seriously, I hope things settle down and I can get back to regular weekday posts, and if not, I appreciate how patient you've been (and the impatient pushes - I love them too). Thanks for all the feedback, as always it's so motivating and appreciated.***_

There's something nauseating about the sterile smell of hospitals. Like if you weren't sick before you walked in, you're going to feel sick before you leave. People move with a sense of urgency, which is comforting until you realize _why_ they're moving so quickly. Lives hang in the balance. I've been on this side of things before, waiting, wondering, praying, wishing, and it's torture.

_"Any news?"_ Poor Taylor, she must feel like she's a world away right now.

_"Nothing yet." _He's in surgery, and has been for almost an hour. The longest hour of my life. An hour filled with worried phone calls and texts. An hour of sitting in a secluded waiting room, where prying eyes wait just outside like rabid dogs for any glimpse inside this private hell.

"He's in good hands," the man in the suit tells me confidently, but it's the same line I used on Taylor and I know it doesn't mean anything. I offer him a weak smile, which he barely returns. This is hard for him too. Someone I don't recognize has the bright idea to turn on the television. Programming has been suspended to show the breaking news of Sid's accident. It looks a lot worse up close than it did from inside the box. The announcer pleads with the cameras to cut away as blood gushes from Sid's neck, staining the pristine ice red. I can't bear to watch and the man beside me quickly stands to turn it off.

"I don't think watching that will help anything," he says curtly. He moves back to his seat next to me, and for the first time I actually find his presence comforting and not intimidating.

"Thank you," I practically whisper, but when his hand covers my knee with a gentle squeeze, I know he's understood how much I appreciate the gesture. My phone buzzes and I look down to see another text from Taylor.

_"Anything?"_

_"Nothing yet."_ I hate that I can't comfort her, but there's really no words.

"Taylor?" he asks me with a knowing look. I nod once and he quickly pulls his phone from his breast pocket. "She should be here," is all he says, and he stands taking two long strides out the door.

_"I think you're being sent for, but it's not because anything has changed. I promise."_ I text her quickly, knowing how I would feel if suddenly arrangements were being made for me to get to the hospital.

_"Oh my god."_ She's panicked.

_"Nothing has changed. He's still in surgery. Pack a bag. He'll be awake before you get here._" I consider deleting the last bit, but I need to believe it too. The room swells with members of the Penguins staff, some of whom I've been introduced to, but most I've never met before. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and most people just give me a sympathetic smile before moving on to talk to their colleagues. I sit near the door, willing a doctor to walk through or at least a familiar face. I close my eyes and bury my head in my hands, letting my mind go blank as I catch little bits of the conversations around me.

"...the guys shouldn't come to the hospital, that will send the media into a frenzy..." one woman says sternly.

"His parents are on their way, they need to be prepped for the reporters camped out at the airport," an older sounding man adds emphatically.

"Why are there reporters at the airport?" she fires back angrily.

"When the star player practically bleeds out on the ice, it's safe to assume his family is going to come to town," he says with a chuckle. I glance up to look at him, and I notice a half-dozen people watching me carefully. He's put his foot in it, and he knows it. I can't think of anything to say, but I'm pretty confident he's going to get an earful about tact anyway. This isn't helping, I stand and move quickly through the door before anyone objects, and start walking down a winding hallway through the ward. I just need a few minutes to myself. No curious stares, no insensitive comments, just a moment to collect my thoughts.

There's a bank of payphones, and as expected they're completely abandoned. I guess no one has much use for them anymore when everyone has a cell phone. I duck into the small cubicle on the end and curl into the stiff chair. My phone has been buzzing for the past few minutes, but I haven't noticed until just now. A flood of texts expressing concern have come in, but I only pay attention to Taylor's.

_"On my way."_

_"See you soon."_ That was fast. I guess when money is no object, things happen a little quicker. I flip through the pictures on my phone, some taken just a few hours ago. I can't help but smile when I see the picture Pete took of Sid and I together, just moments after we were engaged. _Were engaged?_ The warm feeling quickly turns to panic. What if that's the last picture of us? We didn't even get the chance to tell his family. Tears flow freely and I don't even try to hold back. It's the first time I've been alone since we got here, and I need to get it out. I need to just properly meltdown before going back.

My fingers wrap around each other tightly, and I notice my ring is gone. I was expecting to feel a sharp pain from it digging into my skin, maybe almost hoping to feel it, but it's not there. _Of course it's not there_. We decided to keep it to ourselves, and now that seems like such a ridiculous and foolish mistake. Why wouldn't I sing it from the rooftops? Why wouldn't I let the whole world know how proud I am to be with Sid? Now it might be too late. I pull the ring from my pocket and slip it easily onto my finger. _Never take this off again_. It's a vow, and one I take seriously.

Feeling less fragile, I decide to venture back toward the room full of strangers, some of whom obviously share a love for Sid, others who see him more as a meal ticket. There's little chance they'll have heard anything by now, but the last thing I want is to miss any news. The hallways are crowded, staff from other floors crowding to hear any tidbit about the famous hockey player in their care. I move anonymously past a group of younger nurses, crowded together speaking in hushed voices. I strain to hear what they're talking about, although I soon regret it.

"What are you going to do with them?" a fresh-faced nurse asks worriedly.

"Nothing, it's not like I'd ever sell them or anything," the reply comes quickly and defensively. _Pictures_. They're huddled around her phone. She's taken Sid's picture while he's at his most vulnerable.

"Is it really worth losing your job over?" the words leave my mouth angrily, and the stunned group of women turn to face me.

"Excuse me?" the guilty party asks for clarification, but it's more of a stalling tactic.

"Please delete the pictures," I say as neutrally as possible. This woman is not to be trusted. Not with my feelings and certainly not with Sidney.

"I didn't..." she stammers, but she can't bring herself to outright lie.

"Just, delete them," I watch her expectantly, and she quickly fumbles with her phone, and I get a glimpse of Sid laying on the operating table. Her friends are quick to desert her, although I don't blame them.

"I...it's not like I'm..." she tries desperately to explain herself, but I really don't have the time or energy for this. I snatch her phone out of her hand and delete the half-dozen offending pictures. She looks angry for a second, but the look on my face must be ferocious as she recoils immediately.

"There," I slam the phone back in her hand and march down the hallway. In some weird way, that confrontation is exactly what I needed to get my confidence back. I should have told off that jerk in the waiting room. What is he doing there anyway? Chuckling at Sid's misfortune! I stride back into the room, ready to let him have it, preparing myself to spit angry words at him, but he's nowhere in sight. The crowd has shrunk to just the man in the suit, two other men, the woman handling media, and a doctor. My heart sinks and I scold myself for being gone so long.

"Kate," I'm guided to a seat across from the doctor and my eyes fill with tears, worry and anxiety completely overwhelming me. "This is Dr. Domtar."

"I performed the surgery to repair the partially severed carotid artery," he explains quickly. _What?_

"Sid has a severed artery?" my voice trembles, and I barely recognize it as my own.

"It is a very serious injury," the doctor continues. As if we didn't know that already. "Sidney came to us having lost a tremendous amount of blood..."

_He's gone._ He's gone and his family are on their way here, and I'm going to have to tell them he didn't make it. Every ounce of air leaves my lungs and my hands start shaking uncontrollably. I glance around and no one else seems to have even flinched. Their eyes are still glued to the doctor, and his mouth is still moving, but the buzzing in my ears is too loud. I don't hear a word. _He's not gone_. Okay, focus. Breathe and focus.

"Where is he?" it's only a whisper, but it's caught everyone's attention.

"You'll be able to see him shortly," the doctor assures me. "One visitor at a time. He's in critical condition, and we will be monitoring him closely for the next seventy-two hours."

"Seventy-two hours?!" the man in the suit is horrified. He's horrified, and I'm relieved. _I must be missing something_.

"If Sidney's artery opens by then, and his blood flow returns to normal, we'll upgrade his condition to stable. Until then, we have to wait and see how he responds to the surgery," the doctor explains seriously.

"But he's going to be okay?" I ask hesitantly. The doctor doesn't respond right away, instead his face twists in concern and concentration and I narrow my eyes trying to decipher every gesture. A hand grips my shoulder, but I quickly shrug it off. I'm not interested in being comforted by a stranger right now. "He's going to be okay, right?"

"I don't have an answer for you," he says simply.

"Well get one," I snap. The doctor is taken by surprise, and I'm instantly embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Stress can bring out the worst in us," he says with a smile. Suddenly, I love this man. I love him for being kind even after I've treated him poorly, and I love him for saving my guy. He really is in good hands, and a calm sweeps over me. "Perhaps you'd like to see him?" he offers gently, and I could kiss him.

"Please," I reply instantly. Everyone else in the room is forgotten as I'm lead down a quiet hallway. I make a game of timing my footsteps with his, trying to focus on anything but my racing heart. He moves quickly, but I match his pace. His authority parts any human congestion we run into, and my status as "Sidney Crosby's girlfriend" earns me my share of curious looks. Before I know it, we're standing outside his private room, already outfitted with security.

I'm handed a laminated ID card, no personal information is on there of course, but it gives me access to this room, and that's what's really important. The doctor pours a healthy amount of sanitizer in my hands and as I work it through he digs up a face mask. "Patients are most prone to infection after surgery," he explains and I not quickly. "He's fragile," he says sternly.

The security guard opens the door and I step inside slowly, afraid to make too much noise, although the room is filled with various machines, beeping away. I take a few more steps, unsure if I'm ready to see the injury, but positive I can't be without him for one more second. The thin cotton curtain pulls back easily, and I prepare myself for the worst. He's as white as snow, his skin completely void of any color, his lips a faded purple, as if he's been out in the cold too long. Machines are helping him breathe, are helping his heart beat, are monitoring his blood pressure, his heart rate, the amount of oxygen in his blood. There's a large bandage taped across his neck, covering the stitches, but doing a poor job of hiding the damage. I take his hand in mine, and it's like touching ice.

_Cold feet_. He hates having cold feet. The irony of his profession. I move to the bottom of the bed and take his left foot in my hands and briskly rub his skin to warm him. "There you go babe," I half-expect him to respond, but of course, he's perfectly still and quiet. When the cold leaves his skin, I wrap the blanket loosely around him and move onto his right foot. "You scared me," I tell him softly, running my fingers gently across his ankle. "I told you, I can't take the stress," I tease him in whispers. "I thought you were going to be careful." His skin heats easily, and I take that as a good sign. "Just get better love. Just do whatever you can to get better. I need you," I tuck his foot inside the blanket and move up to his face.

I stroke his hair, careful not to tangle in the mess of tubes coming out of him. "Taylor is on her way to see you, and so are your parents." The door opens and a middle-aged nurse walks in taking short, confident strides. She smiles, but I can tell she's all business, and that's fine with me. "Am I in your way?" I ask her softly.

"You're just fine," she says.

"Can he hear me?" I ask her shyly.

"Probably not," she says simply.

"Oh," my voice is heavy with disappointment.

"But, what do I know?" she adds with a smile.

"He'll be okay, right?" I'm desperate for someone, _anyone_, to just say the words. _Tell me he'll be fine_.

"He's young, healthy, he's got a decent chance," my heart sinks. _Decent_. Not the odds I'm looking for. She knows I'm disappointed and points to a chair against the far wall. "I know if I were in his shoes, I'd be happy if my husband just sat with me and held my hand."

"I can do that," I reply with determination. She might not have given me the answer I'm looking for, but she's given me something to do, she's given me purpose. His hand lays limply in mine, and it feels foreign and familiar at the same time. When we're alone, I speak softly, unsure if my words are falling on deaf ears. "Did I ever tell you about the first time I called you? We'd texted back and forth, but you asked me to call you on your day off and I was so worked up I could barely sleep. I woke up before the sun was up and had to keep myself busy so I wouldn't cave and show you how crazy excited I was," the memory makes me smile. We stay like this for hours, occasionally interrupted by a doctor, or nurse, or both, but for the most part, it's just me and Sid. The more time we spend together, the more my worries begin to fade. I'm here, and as long as I'm here, I feel like nothing can touch him.

I press the chair tight to his bedside and curl up, gripping his hand tightly, intending to remind him of all the special moments we've shared, but I can't keep my eyes open.

"Kate," the hard whisper startles me awake and I'm surprised to see Troy standing in front of me, his eyes filled with tears, and a look of shock on his face.

"Troy!" I wrap my arms around him in an instant. "Where's Trina?" I look around, but there's no sight of her.

"One guest at a time," he tells me, his voice shaking.

"Oh, of course. I'll leave you two," I can't keep the disappointment out of my voice, but he's safe with his dad. Troy squeezes my hand tightly, and it says more than words ever could. I step outside, expecting to see Trina, but instead I find her _and_ Taylor, and both are blubbering messes. Taylor spots me first, and it sets her off into a whole new round of tears. "Taylor," I frown. "He's doing great, really," I tell her sincerely.

"Oh Kate, if you weren't here..." Trina hugs me close and lets herself fall apart.

"He's going to be okay, I just know it," I say confidently.

"Mario said you haven't left his side," Trina whispers and suddenly the man in the suit makes a lot more sense. Of course the man in the suit is Mario. If I'd have taken half a second to even consider who he is, I'm sure I would have come up with it.

"I probably should have let him in to see Sid," I blush.

"Nonsense," Trina shakes her head, taking my hand in hers. She looks up at me, her eyes searching for an answer, but I'm not sure what the question is. "When did this happen?" she holds our hands up for me to inspect, and I see Sid's accident isn't the only shock in her day.

"Last night," I tell her with a sheepish grin. "We were going to tell you after..." I start to explain, but the force of her hug pushes all the air from my lungs.

"Shh," she hushes me softly. "It's a good thing," she smiles, but it's slightly forced, any happiness dampened by the circumstances. "Wait with Taylor, I'm going to go see my son."

Trina steps into the room, I guess the one-at-a-time rule doesn't apply to parents, nor should it. "Taylor? Do you want to get a coffee while we wait?" I suggest, and she nods mutely. "We'll give your parents some time with him, and then he's all yours," I add with a smile. This seems to cheer her slightly.

"Everyone knows he's yours now," she rolls her eyes, and I feel myself blush.

"Well, we made it official," I beam at her, and when Taylor sees the ring on my finger, she bursts into tears all over again. "Oh Taylor, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry," I gather her in my arms and try to soothe her.

"It's just so happy and sad, all at once," she explains, perfectly summing up the past twenty-four hours.


End file.
